Spring time

The company's projects are still going on, and the number of times I go back and forth between Anxin and my company is increasing.Because I gradually got to know each other, I like An Xin even more, and I like the interaction between the two of us at work.She is always patient and gentle, and has a meticulous attitude towards work. When listening, she can look into your eyes seriously, but she doesn't speak. She just expresses her views and evaluations carefully and carefully at the end. Her soft words can make you happy. Convinced.

Being with An Xin always makes one feel at ease.Every time I enjoy working with An Xin, it just feels like the time flies by too fast.But I'm laughing at the idea that this is just work and the two of us are just routine.

I have met An Xin's boyfriend several times, they are all gentle and considerate, they drove to An Xin's company tirelessly during the noon time, and then took An Xin to have a sweet lunch.Indeed, she is tall and handsome, with some scholar-like gentleness, she is really a talented woman, but every time I see her, I always feel a little stuffy in my heart.

In addition, every time the two companies have a dinner together, I mostly decline, I don't like the atmosphere of the dinner, and I don't want to hear anything about An Xin's boyfriend, although these are gossips that can be heard more or less in the company, But I just hate this kind of dinner, I think my behavior is stupid, maybe I don’t want to admit that I don’t want to see An Xin in places other than work, even though this way, I can watch her secretly every move.

It's ridiculous that I am so contradictory.

It's just that the communication between the two of us, limited to working time and scope, quickly broke down.

That day, after work was over and I was about to go home, you came over and asked me if I could have a cup of coffee in a nearby coffee shop and chat.This is the first time you have invited me, and I really want to decline, because I have an inexplicable fear and resistance to An Xin in my heart, but seeing the soft and sincere eyes you looked at me, I couldn't bear to refuse, so I had to agree .

Later, you told me how afraid you were of being rejected at that time, because I always had an expression of asceticism and avoiding strangers; because I always liked rejection, just like a company dinner; He also turned her down twice.

We just sat in the coffee shop near the company like this. Because it was working hours, there were very few people in the store. It seemed that it was just the two of us, and the clerk chatted in twos and threes at the front desk.The sun was not too strong, but it shone warmly into the transparent glass, and fixed on An Xin's cheeks, looking extraordinarily fair. I ordered a cup of brown sugar macchiato, and An Xin ordered a glass of Blue Mountain.I was a little embarrassed, so I had to pretend to be careless clumsily, stirring the coffee in front of me one after another.

Suddenly you spoke up and asked me.

Jian Ran, can I call you Ran in the future?

I froze for a moment, then smiled.

Of course you can, but I still want to call you, An Xin, because you are always so reassuring.

This time, you smiled and told me I looked like a child.In this way, the chat box was opened, and we chatted for a long time. From afternoon to night, the number of customers in the store gradually increased, and then gradually decreased until it closed in the early morning.I never realized I could chat so well, or that I could make people laugh now and then.I always thought that I was the kind of person who was always silent, and asking me to speak would surely turn the lively atmosphere into a cold one.

It's just that in the process of talking, I found that we really have many similarities.

We also dislike economic jobs; we also hate mathematics;They also have the same attitude towards people and things, even the same emotions; they have been to the same bar at the same time on the same day; they also don't like crowded places.Have similar hobbies; similar types of work.

Later, An Xin said that she wanted to know me and knew me very early, but I always have such a calm and flat attitude, which made her think that I was a difficult person to get along with, but it was not.

I was very surprised at the time, and I said, did you know me a long time ago? I am just an unknown little editor. How could you know that I exist.

An Xin smiled, looked at me with loving and warm eyes, and her voice was gentle and magnetic.

Do you still remember the bar you used to go to? Two years ago, I saw you for the first time. At that time, you were sitting on the second floor by the window. I saw you, with black waist-length hair, messy and natural, with the hairline parted in the middle extending along your cheeks to your chin. The dim yellow light shone on your face, making you look so thin and pale.You just curled up on the sofa and smoked, wearing a loose white shirt and dark blue cropped slacks.There are also Japanese-style round-toed shoes.The whole feeling is like an unworldly child, but you are smoking a cigarette with an indifferent face, which makes me feel very disharmonious.

An Xin grinned grinningly as she spoke, but even she didn't know how pampering and gentle her expression was at that time, my heart stopped suddenly, it was the first time I indulged myself so closely and so clearly to be greedy Look at her face, her nose, her eyebrows, her curved eyes, her upturned lips, and that fascinating expression.

Later, I told An Xin, do you know that you look really beautiful when you smile, your eyes are curved like thin crescent moons.After hearing this, An Xin hugged me with a giggle and said, okay, I will only laugh for you from now on.

After An Xin finished laughing, she continued, later on, I found out that you always come on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, and I just sit by the window and watch you. You don't know that watching you like this is also kind of funny.Watching you drinking and smoking, or holding a novel, regardless of the dim light will hurt your eyes, just watch the night fall until you leave.You know how much I wanted to come forward and tell you that reading like this hurts your eyes.From time to time, you will do nothing, just look at the blurred scenery outside the window in a daze, or play with your mobile phone all night, and the blue light on the screen flickers on your face, and I realize that your eyelashes are so real. It's very long.I have always thought that perhaps something happened to you that made you so rebellious and indifferent.I really want to know you, chat with you, get to know your heart.But since that bar became lively, you don't come here often, and I haven't met you for a long time, so that I think that maybe we will never meet again in this life, but I am still lucky to meet you again. But I never thought that you are the editor of a travel magazine, and we met in the name of a partner. You don't know how happy I was at that time, but you are still so taciturn and repulsive. Except for work, you are stingy. You didn't even say a word to me. I thought you were a difficult person to get along with. It was only later that I gradually discovered that you care about people, and you are always considerate and caring so that no one will notice. You are silent and never use words. action.When I forget the time at work, you will quietly go out to buy food alone, and then tell me that I am hungry, and buy me an extra one by the way; you know that I don’t like green peppers, and you are busy in the studio You will also remind the master who buys the meal to order another one; you will block the drink for the girl who cannot drink at the meal; I did it without anyone noticing it, but I saw everything in my eyes and kept it in my heart.You know, I thought you were a rather awkward person at the time, but when I was by your side, I felt an inexplicable sense of security, which made me muster up the courage to approach you. When the opportunity finally came, I just At that dinner, I really wanted to take the opportunity to talk to you, but even at the dinner, you were still so indifferent, burying your head in drinking as if it had nothing to do with you, I have never seen such a good drink Women, even if those men are booing and trying to pour you down in a mischievous way, you just take it one cup at a time and finish drinking it.I'm wondering what your stomach is made of, but even such a booze can't knock you down.In the end, you finally showed an uncomfortable expression. I was so distressed that I wanted to help you, but you refused me twice. I watched you staggering out of the hotel door like this, and thought to myself, this idiot can care about others without anything in return. But don't accept even a little bit of concern from others.

I just listened to An Xin's words in a daze. I never knew that I could be analyzed so thoroughly, and I never knew that I had been observed so carefully, let alone this person was An Xin.

In the end, I just gently held her hand and said to her, I'm sorry.

Because of my ignorance, I didn't know that there was such a person who was silently paying attention; because of my stupidity, I refused such considerate care; and because of my insignificant self-esteem, I let An Xin pay for such a senseless and meaningless person like me. painstakingly.As for me, how can I meet someone like An Xin?

Our conversation wasn't over until closing time in the early hours of the morning.I will send you to the car and tell you that it is late at night, go home and have a good rest, and you have to work tomorrow.

Your eyes are still so bright at night, looking at me gently.

You too, be careful on the road.

That night, the whole city was so brisk, I didn't want to leave until I saw your car completely disappear from my sight.

When I got home, I lay in bed, unable to fall asleep for a long time, and my mind was full of those heart-pounding conversations.I know that no matter how I convince myself, how I suppress myself, how I restrain myself, I can't lie to my heart. I know that I like An Xin, since the first time I saw her.

That conversation became an important turning point in our future relationship with An Xin.So far, I no longer evade, but indulge myself in a world with peace of mind. Her every frown, smile, and every word are like drops of nourishing rain and dew, splashing on my throbbing heart. Heart, refreshing, but never feel satisfied.I'm like a mouse squatting in a dark corner, timid and cowardly, peeping at things that don't belong to me.And An Xin is like a beautiful poppy, knowing that once it touches it, I can only get stuck in it and cannot escape, but even so, I still can't help but get closer, wanting to get more and more.I know it well, An Xin is only because of her curiosity and discovery, because she thinks that people like me are the most suitable friends, and she just needs such friends to accompany her.

For the first time, I feel so sad. I am approaching the age of thirty, and I finally met a person who can be moved by myself, but I can neither tell her out loud that I like her, nor can I tell her to others. Can silently hide in my heart, dejected.In my opinion, this is destined to be a love that cannot be exposed to the sun, and such a secret love will never be known to the other party.

For the first time, I am glad that I am naturally indifferent and don't care about things, because in this way, I can hide the burning eyes every time I look at you without any flaws. Talk to you in very light words, force yourself to put away the throbbing heart, smile with you, and pretend to be calm.

Just like this, I still can't help caring about you, caring about you, your sadness, your happiness, your every move, I am moved by it, but it can only be, a little bit, just a little bit.

And you, because of my inadvertent care and pampering from time to time, made you feel that you have made the best girlfriend in your life, but even so, I still can't be unique to you, maybe I'm too greedy.I know that if we maintain this relationship silently, we will not cause any harm to the people around us.

You still think that I am the original me, but in fact, you will never know or see the softer and more sinking eyes when you turn around.

I am like this, standing in the place closest to you, being your best friend.

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