[Zhongyingmei] The clown is actually me

Jack fell asleep drowsily,? He seemed to be on a rickety boat, bumping up and down in the wind and rain.

The boat capsized at last, and the great centrifugal force threw him into the rough sea.He spit out a string of tiny air bubbles, and the darkness and water embraced him again, as if returning to his mother's belly, a heavy, hard and cold feeling like a black stone pressed on Jack's heart, everything was calm.There is no more biting ocean current that can break bones,? He sank down, and the abyss seemed endless, until a pair of men's hands caught him, and lifted him up again.The sea water turned into a gentle tide,? Surging and beating the cochlea,? Jack opened his eyes, and what came into view was a golden wheat field.

The white clouds are scattered in the sky, like the velvet of young swans.The yellow rolling mountains are black like ink. The sun hides behind the mountains and sinks gradually, like molten iron all the way.Before setting, the huge crimson sun wheel sprinkled the last light and heat of the day to the earth, and the golden ears of wheat gradually rose and fell in the thick setting sun, and layers of soft wheat waves spread like water waves.The sunlight gradually dimmed until it disappeared completely, and finally the sky completely darkened, like a heavy curtain fell on the stage, and the warm yellow and black blue night colors remaining at dusk overlapped, turning into a soft and gentle color like beeswax.A round of bright moon rises slowly, bright stars are scattered around, like porcelain white snow flakes, the wheat field under the moonlight rolls silver waves, only the larks' cry and distant wind chimes are in the wind.

The scenery is so gentle that people can't take their eyes off.Jack looked at it for a while, then turned his head slightly: "Why did I dream of you again?"

"Don't talk like you don't want to see me." The clown sat on another chair and poured him a cup of steaming scented tea, "If you really try your best to reject me, I can't use violence to break the barrier Meet you. I'm sitting here because you want me to sit here."

"What new theory have you come up with to sell me?"

The clown let out a series of high-pitched laughter, and then replied after laughing: "It's nothing, we don't chat today, I just want you to see the scenery."

"Look at the scenery?"

"Yeah, your mental condition is too bad. There are problems with your liver and kidneys and the like. I can't force you anymore. I have nothing to give you. I will give you a quiet night. You don't have to wait four weeks tonight. Get up and take medicine every hour, and sleep peacefully until dawn."

Jack froze for a moment. Sleeping until dawn seemed like a previous life—as if it was a previous life. Since he came to this world, he had to take medicine every four hours, and it was common for him to be woken up by an alarm clock during sleep, even though Arkham Asylum didn't make demands on his schedule, but after two years he was still suffering from a nervous breakdown from fragmented sleep problems.It was probably because the moonlight was too bright and clear, which made people susceptible. His heart moved slightly, and he lowered his head: "I didn't expect you to have a good heart."

"Don't make me sound like I'm an enemy who only persecutes you, I will indeed use some means to instill in you some of my unique funny thoughts, and tell you jokes about heroes, but I definitely don't want you to die. As you said, I can't live without you." The clown stretched out his finger and drew a cross in the air, "I told you before, the last person in this world who doesn't want you to disappear is me. One day, Harley Will betray you, Jason will betray you, Batman will betray you, everyone may leave you. But I am different, I will never betray you."

"clown."

"Ok?"

"I have been thinking about how the psychotropic drugs I take keep my personality alive for a long time. There are two drugs, one speeds up thinking, and the other interrupts the pons. In theory, I only take the latter. But the result of my experiments with Batman is that if I only take the latter, the psychotropic drugs will not work and I will not appear. Why? I do have a lot of skills, but my mind is not accelerated, even with' Bullet time', it still doesn't quite make sense..."

The clown didn't bother to listen anymore, he tapped Jack's lips with one hand, and kept shaking his head: "It's such a beautiful night, you still have to say boring things to spoil the atmosphere. Why can't you look up and look around? These are all things I framed for you." of."

Jack choked for a moment, seeing that the clown had no intention of answering, he knew he couldn't speak now.He had no choice but to say, "You did this?"

"Not exactly, but I can make you see something and calm your emotions. Your consciousness tells me that you like places close to nature, attics, wheat fields, rainforests, or lonely churches."

Jack was silent, he looked up at the bright moon.The moonlight was reflected in his eyes, coating his golden pupils with a silvery glow, and the undulating sound of the wheat waves fell into his ears, and he suddenly felt a sense of silence from another world.The clown didn't bother him, and let him stare at the beautiful scenery in front of him. After a long time, Jack said, "The moonlight is so beautiful."

"Your sweet clown butler reminds you that this phrase means 'I love you' in Japanese."

Jack turned to look at him: "I know. So it's your turn."

The clown looked into his golden eyes like two coals burning at the bottom of a well.He held Jack's hand, and his fingertips ran across the rose-gold belladonna ring. After a long time, he sighed: "I will die without regret."

"Okay, I gave you sweets, now you answer my question!"

The clown laughed angrily at him: "Just one sentence counts as candy? What if I don't answer?"

"Then I have no choice but to beg you."

The clown showed a "beaten by you" look: "Well, Jack, I will never be able to do anything about you."

The clown stood on the chair with his arms outstretched, with a solemn and holy expression like the Son of God, and under the pale moonlight, he stood himself like a cross-shaped Jesus in the light.He always has a strange and evil charm. One second he was a madman, and the next he became a philosopher. With his distorted voice, he loudly praised the knowledge of the devil and trampled on all human relations and laws.This evil light once fascinated Jack, and perhaps this is why Jack fell in love with him.

He heard the clown say, "I'll give you an analogy, my—our brain is like a computer, with two of our software running in the background. Accelerated thinking makes us think faster, and you can't feel it." Your mind speeds up because you were very slow, speeding up your mind just brings your speed back to normal speed, just like putting thrusters on a tortoise, and in the end he can only run as fast as a rabbit. That's why If you only use one medicine, it won’t work, and your own thinking speed is too slow, and you can’t even turn it on.”

Jack froze, hearing the theory for the first time: "Why is this happening?"

"I still want to ask you, why are you so confident and think that your brain is deformed like that, and you can still think like a normal person?" The clown paused, "But this is really not the main reason, your thinking speed is slow , because this computer is running other software, that big guy occupies almost all the memory, squeezing you so that you can only run on the little remaining resources."

"Big guy, you?" Jack looked him up and down, as if trying to squeeze "big" out of his emaciated frame.

"Don't look at me, it's not me. I'm really big, but not in this kind of place."

"I was going to give you a kiss, but you just smashed it with your rubbish dirty joke." Jack deadpanned.

"Damn it!—Okay." The clown scolded a vulgar American slang, "Jack, even if you don't want to admit it. Our personalities are almost the same. We see the world with the same eyes and think about problems with the same way. Our The personalities are completely overlapping, just like the people at the two ends of the mirror, you are another me. Have you found any problems? We are too similar, sometimes, we will influence each other and influence each other. I can see part of your memory, And you can interfere with me in turn, even this wheat field was created by the fusion of your sea of ​​consciousness and mine."

"What do you want to say?"

"That's the deadliest thing, listen up. Pontoses don't put up a wall between us, let's live one on the left and one on the right, and our communication isn't like neighbors shouting at the wall , we can see each other, touch each other. We are too similar, more like thinking with one brain, so the funniest part is here, Jack, we may live under the same roof, drugs are never separated Us, not 'Joker' and 'Jack', but 'both of us' and something else."

Jack was shocked by his theory. It was the first time for him to look at the problem from a new perspective. Everything that he had been thinking about before suddenly became clear. Why the clown could still communicate with him after cutting off the pons, why there was no obvious improvement in thinking after taking accelerated drugs, Why is there always a wonderful gravitational force between him and the clown that cannot be broken.If, as the clown said, they are lovers living in the same hemisphere, and the drug separates them from the other hemisphere, then the gravitational force between them has been resolved. In the final analysis, the drug has never separated the clown and the other Jack has been separated.No wonder they have been disconnected, the clown came to harass him in his dream whenever he had nothing to do.

He was speechless for a long time, unable to recover his senses, and asked after a long time: "Then...what's on the other side?"

The clown turned his head and smiled dreamily at Jack. He once saw the same smile as the clown on the face of the priest who avenged his sister.That smile was so weird that it made people chill, and it seemed to have the love of a holy son. Devils and angels seemed to flash alternately in his eyes, and finally turned into a sense of schizophrenia.The evening wind lifted their black and green curly hair, and the clown smiled and said to him, "Sea."