[Zhongyingmei] The clown is actually me

*The two do not share the body but exist independently of the IF line. The character design and timeline have changed a bit.

At the end of midsummer, heavy rain washed Gotham over and over again.

The white marble was washed into lead gray by years and drifting coal ash, and the dark old residential buildings stood silently like tombstones. Bean-sized raindrops hit the eaves and window frames, stirring up a misty mist.The brass wind chime swayed in the wind, echoing with crisp and ethereal sounds.In the dark safe house, only one desk lamp was on, and a circle of warm yellow illuminated the small space beside the bed, like a lonely boat in the wind and rain.Jack was lying in the depths where the lights couldn't reach, his nostrils were filled with the smell of sea salt perfume, he took a deep breath, knowing that he was in a dream again.

Just like the black shadow standing by the window at this moment, Batman sitting on the attic like a crow, is also a dream.

"Jack." Batman was like a mourner, bringing the most ominous news to relatives and friends.He called out to him in a low voice, spit out a mouthful of cold white air every time he said a word, and then, he handed a palm-sized playing card to Jack, the corner of which was stained with uncoagulated blood, "The clown is dead,? You are free."

dream.

four hours ago.

"I'm going to die." The clown leaned against the container, dark red blood soaked the bright purple suit, he spit out a bloody tooth, a sticky blood clot slid out of his nasal cavity, and hung under his lips and nose two lines.But he was still smiling, blood flowed through a mouthful of white teeth, and dripped down his chin, "Don't waste your efforts, the injury is too serious, I can't live."

Batman squatted in front of him, raised his blood-stained hand, he was using a pressure bandage to stop the bleeding of the clown, but he could tell that the clown was right, the huge kinetic energy of the bullet directly dug a hole in the clown's abdomen, With this level of bleeding and damage to internal organs, he couldn't get an ambulance at all.The torrential rain poured on the clown, and the water accumulated on the ground was mixed with thin red, he was still laughing, his thin ribs kept shaking and twitching: "I said, Batman, if I entrust Jack to you now, Is there a feeling of being entrusted with shares at the end of life?"

Batman just asks, "Who's the murderer?"

"Give me a cigarette."

Batman was silent for a while, but finally he took out a pack of cigarettes from the corpse next to him, took out one, stuffed it into the clown's mouth, and lit it for him. The clown took a deep breath. The heavy rain poured everything out.He smiled and said: "Your second Robin. He is really good with a gun. At that time, he rushed directly in front of me and hit me twice, and my stomach exploded. If I knew it would be so hot, I would Should wear short sleeves - that's hilarious, you look like you know for the first time that I'm not invulnerable! Why don't you ever try to shoot me? One small bullet and I'll be out of my brother Tan completely disappeared...ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...bat, I love your Robin, I love him to death, he is Gotham's favorite hero!...Because I broke all the bones in his body , because he shot me."

Batman didn't answer him. He took a few breaths, as if he was having difficulty breathing, then lowered his head and said softly, "Oh... I really don't want to die."

"I didn't expect you to be afraid of death."

"Of course I will be afraid, afraid of death... Love is the brother of fear. Ha, ha, ha ha... Bruce, I have been attached to you, because I must be attached, you are the only signpost on the intertwined Mobius ring , I thought I was going to die with you because we were old enemies, two sides of the same coin. Didn't expect to die here like a little guy, Bruce, a famous big guy down in the alley, the killer was just a no Famous hooligans... Do you think this ending looks like your parents?"

Batman ignored his vicious sarcasm: "Any last words for me to bring to Jack?"

The clown took a puff of cigarette, laughed and coughed, with pink foam overflowing from the corner of his mouth, he was already at the end of his strength, and he didn't know what strength supported him to speak: "No."

"No? Why? Aren't you—"

"—Aren't you a lover?" The clown paused, "Because I'm a lover, I won't say a word. After I die, he won't avenge me, let alone miss me, not even for a second. .That's how we fell in love."

The clown lowered his head, his thin, black and green hair dripped onto his forehead, and the bright red blood gushed out, forming a small puddle under his feet, and his whole body was soaked.The clown didn't realize that there was so much blood in his body before he was alive, it just kept gushing out like a faucet that was unscrewed.Finally, he laughed a few more times, and then completely lost all his strength, and his body slumped as if all the bones had been taken away. Not long ago, he was still alive and kicking with shotguns/bullets/guns, smashing his graffiti-covered hands /Ray was stuffed into the mouth of the unsatisfactory subordinate, and now only the chest heaved and heaved in death, as weak as a dry and yellow reed.

Batman stands up, and the rain gets heavier.The clown leaned against the container, seemingly asleep. He didn’t move for a long time, but his chest was still rising and falling, but the speed of the rising and falling became slower. He looked like a live fish thrown on the shore. He was motionless, let the bat Xia had the illusion that he was dead, but he wasn't. After another few minutes passed, the dying clown suddenly smiled into the depths of the heavy rain. In the flash of light, he squeezed out the only bit of strength in his bones and muttered something.After this smile, he stretched out his hand, but eventually lost his strength, and his arm hung down without making a sound.

he died.

Batman read the last sentence through his lips. This was the Joker's last words, but he didn't know who it was for.What he said was, "Good work."

four hours later.

"Aren't you sad?" Batman stood on the window sill, looking at Jack who was only wearing pajamas.

Jack was smoking a cigarette, rolling the blanket and quilt, without shedding a single tear: "It's not sad, it's troublesome. It's really troublesome to deal with the legacy and name he left behind. And what's your expression? I'm not a clown. the widow of your lord or the widow of a master criminal."

Batman was silent for a moment.He has never understood the relationship between the clown and Jack. In his opinion, they are a pair of lovers who cannot even love each other.Jack would betray the clown without hesitation in order to stay in Arkham for two days less. The clown would also kick Jack from a ten-storey building in order to escape. When you are tired, you hug each other in the blood all over the floor. There is no normal process of forgiving each other. One second, you are still beating life and death like an enemy, and the next second you are hugging tightly like you can’t live without each other for the rest of your life. The sudden and rapid change shocked everyone in the know.

But Batman has more subtle sympathy for Jack than the Joker.He didn't know the origin of Jack, maybe it was a clone made by the clown on a whim, or maybe it was the unlucky guy who was thrown into the chemical pool by the clown because of his similar appearance. A person, but he didn't kill anyone, but the clown did more damage.Some of the worst things he's ever done are robbing a convenience store, painting a police car, and getting into a fight with a clown that leaves them both badly wounded.

Batman looked around. The safe room was full of traces of two people living together. He saw two pairs of men's leather shoes in the shoe cabinet, one pair of high heels and one pair of flat heels.Jack followed his gaze and smiled softly: "The high heels belong to the clown. He always plays tricks to look taller than me."

Batman pursed his lips: "I thought you were in love."

"Yes, we love each other, we love each other deeply. But in this world, there are many more important things than us being in love, and then... we actually hate each other. Don't be too surprised, for us, love , hatred and malice can be as real. We hate each other because we are too similar, not just in appearance, we think with almost the same thinking, see things from the same angle, too much similarity will only make us feel sick .Maybe I should thank you, you let him die when he loved me the most. But today is also a bad day, the person I love the most died."

"Why...why do you love him?" Batman looked at him, he was now a whole circle thinner than the Joker, and there was still a circle of scars on his pale wrist, "You disappeared for a month, we thought you were dead Yes, but you're locked up by the Joker. Why do you still love him under the circumstances?"

Jack took a deep breath: "Yeah, that was the most horrible experience, being locked up, not free, living like a beast. But, he finally chose to let me out because he found that he had Objectified, so he can't objectify me."

"Materialization?"

"The clown is objectified. Do you think he has his own personality? I mean, does he have his own life? His real name, his friends and family, his feelings, his purpose, his own secrets and more. Anything... In fact, if you think about it, you will know that the clown's life depends on you. Bats..." Jack paused, then closed his eyes and said, "The clown was created for you."

"I know you think I missed him..."

"No, it's not like that, it wasn't you who created him, but fate, or God, or God. He was created and materialized, all in order to send him to you, just like traditional hero stories In the same way, a hero is called a hero because he fights against evil and defeats the most terrible devils. He and his enemies will become legends, frozen in history, and sung by bards for eternity. However, no one will Ask the devil what he thinks, I really think he has always been so evil, he should be defeated, be portrayed as a clown, and be spurned by the world forever." Jack closed his eyes tightly, he didn't know if Batman was still listening, he just went down Said: "Bat, if there is a choice, will the devil choose to be a devil, or choose to be an ordinary person?"

"Does the clown want to be a normal person?"

Jack didn't answer immediately, but looked into the depths of the rainstorm with a cigarette in his mouth, as if he saw the man with black and green hair once. His heart and life were as hard as a rock, and it always made people feel that he would dead.Jack felt that he was still walking in the gloomy Gotham, like a blessing or a curse haunting the city, or a plague that had been prevalent since the first city was established, but he also felt that the clown had become an ordinary person, sitting in the Beside him, the smell of sea salt perfume enveloped him, leaned on him, and made his eyes warm.Too bad the Joker hadn't been six hours dead and he was missing him.Jack took a deep breath of the cigarette, shook his head, his face was numb: "He thinks he was never created."

two months ago.An abandoned factory on the southwest outskirts of Gotham City.

"Everyone in Gotham thinks I'm mentally ill, but in fact I'm not—I don't think I'm, I'm just a little paranoid." The clown sat on Jack, turning a sharp dagger, which glared dazzlingly in the sun , "I feel like I'm on a gigantic stage, playing a play that never ends, with a lot of people, noble heroes, tragic knights, brave princesses... I'm just a buffoon and I want to be funny but no one laughs when i tell jokes, that's when i figured out, i'm a funny jester yes, but my job is not to make people laugh, but to be beaten by heroes. i'm always the worst People who read lines that make people frown upon listening to it, rush at the noble heroes, and then the heroes will overturn me, beat me, and beat me to the ground, only then will people laugh .”

Jack didn't make a sound, his hand was tightly held by the clown, the bone on his wrist was raised, and it was full of dried blood from the knife.

"Now I know, it's not paranoia, it's real. Me and Batman, we're a story someone else made up, he's the main character, the only signpost in the maze, and I'm the enemy for him, they're trying to make Batman is greater, created me, and I was objectified from the beginning. Everything about me was born with him, and I must cling to him, and spend my whole life thinking about how to defeat him. I can't have my own origin, I must be afraid of my real name, I can't love anyone, because it will make the story unpopular, I can't be an independent person, I can only be a concept." The clown narrated calmly, with a cold tone people tremble.

Jack swallowed the blood in his mouth and whispered, "You're upset about this?"

"Sad, no? Do you think I'm going to suffer because Batman didn't catch me at the chemical plant?" The Joker burst out laughing, "I'm just happy, I'm really happy...I'm right, this It is a stinky and long farce. All the actions of the heroes are meaningless. The world is a Mobius ring, and the stones pushed up the mountain will always roll down. If you have to say it, eight-year-olds have dreams. It was wrong for a hero to fall from the sky to save his family, he should cry in front of his parents dead body and then go home, eat, sleep and grow up. I want to slam the truth in Batman's face right now and see if he knows about it It's hilarious, it always makes me laugh... Seriously, Jack."

He leaned down and kissed Jack's brow bone, and with the smell of sea salt perfume and hoarse laughter, he said: "I love you who brought this news, you affirmed the meaning of my existence, I was right, The Joker will always be alive, as long as Gotham is around, as long as Batman is around... there will always be a Joker."

Jack snorted and shook his weak wrist, the fragments of the broken handcuffs were inserted into the flesh, pus and dark red blood came out when he moved: "You know you are right, what are you going to do next? Woolen cloth?"

"It's not what I want to do, but what they want me to do, and what I do will make the story more exciting." The clown smiled and kissed his lips, "The main thread of the story that supports my immortality is to see me And Batman whose idea can win, it won't let me die easily until we decide the winner. But since I have already won, there is no point in all of this. And, I'm in love with you,' Joker' is a concept that represents absolute chaos and disorder, should not have any normal human feelings, but I still love you, which means I am no longer suitable for this job - Jack, they will kill me .”

"You... you know this will happen, but you still love me?" Jack asked in surprise.

"Yeah, I still love you. Loving you makes me afraid of death." An ordinary smile appeared on the clown's face, "I'm dead, and you will be next."

just now.

On the TV screen of the safe house, the host in a dark red suit announced the latest and most explosive news in a tone of unconcealed joy: "... At 7:14 p.m. The body of a man was found in the depths of the bay. According to the traces left at the scene and the physiological characteristics of the body, GCPD determined that the body was the notorious criminal 'Joker'. He was hit by a stray bullet in the gang fire at the dock. He died from excessive blood loss. Although the murderer who killed him is still unknown, we can be sure that the clown's ten-year criminal career has finally come to an end, and Gotham City is about to usher in the dawn of order..."

Batman was gone, and he should have taken Jack back to Arkham, but he moved out of compassion and wanted to give Jack time to mourn.But Jack didn't need to mourn, he didn't suffer for the Joker, from beginning to end, not a sliver.Jack closed the window, sat alone on the edge of the bed, smoked a cigarette silently, and when the torrential rain was pouring on the glass, he had hallucinations again, thinking that the clown was sitting next to him, using his iconic out of tune The voice said, "Jack, forgive me for hurting you."

"I didn't forgive you. You don't even have the heart to repent. You will still take a knife to me next time." Jack flicked the cigarette ash in his hand, and he saw his own reflection on the glass.

"You're right, it's impossible for me not to hurt you. If I have to do this, then only we share one body." The clown said with a smile, "My love is as sincere as my malice. It's hurt, it's war, it's each other. Fighting is violent plundering—and so are you."

Jack replied softly, "Yeah... me too."

The phantom of the clown dissipated, leaving only a faint smell of chemicals, as if he had never existed.Jack extinguished his cigarette in the ashtray and stood up. He had never realized that the attic was so big.But in a blink of an eye, he seemed to have completely forgotten about the death of the clown. He stood up from the bed, opened the closet with great interest, and took out a dark purple coat, a green vest, and a golden shirt, all of which were left by the clown. It was also stained with the familiar smell of perfume and thin blood.Less than a day after the clown died, he stood happily in front of the full-length mirror, put on his usual clothes, and looked like a boy who stole his father's suit when he was eleven or twelve years old.

Jack brushed his algae-like black and green curly hair, hummed a little tune triumphantly, walked into the bathroom with his leather shoes kicked on, opened the wooden cabinet on the sink, and the messy bottles and jars rolled down. Will put his lipstick away.Suddenly, his eyes fixed on the depths of the cabinet, where there was a folded piece of paper.

He picked up the paper, only to realize it was a letter.

What can I do to keep you?

I give you thin streets, desperate sunsets, and wild moons.

I offer you the sorrow of a man who looks long and long at the lonely moon.

I offer you the loyalty of a man who has never had faith.

I give you the core of myself that I have tried to preserve—the core that does not make sentences with words, that does not trade with dreams, that is untouched by time, joy, and adversity.

I offer you the memory of a yellow rose I saw one evening many years before you were born.

I give you interpretations of your life, theories about yourself, your true and amazing existence.

I give you my loneliness, my darkness, my heart's hunger/thirst;

I try to impress you with confusion, danger, failure. *

(*Borges "What can I use to keep you")

The letter paper was folded into a neat square. Jack unfolded it and found a sharp utility knife blade wrapped in it.And what fixed the letter was a stick of lipstick standing up.

"Ha..." Jack laughed, and the laughter became louder and louder. He supported the sink, his shoulder blades protruded a lot in the wild laughter. After he finished laughing, he looked up at himself in the mirror. He had a picture With the same face as the clown, "So, you already knew what I did."

He looked down at the blood-stained playing card, Batman gave him a relic of the clown, and the man wearing the clown hat on the playing card sneered at him.Like the inheritance of the torch, or a relay that has lasted for a thousand years, now the baton is in his hands. As long as the story of Batman is not over, the Joker must exist as a concept forever.Maybe Jack will be materialized, deified, and become a chaotic concept. He will forget where he came from, forget his name, and lose himself completely. On the pier, the clown looked over from a distance through the rain curtain. It was the last look, and the last words echoed in Jack's mind, like a blessing and a curse.He said: Work hard.

"Today is a bad day," Jack murmured.

There has to be a clown.

Jack picked up the blade and cut the corner of his mouth, forming an upturned smiling face.When the blood gushed out, Jack remembered that not long ago, he stood in the phone booth and called Jason to inform him in the afternoon. It was also pouring rain at that time. After he hung up the phone, he lit a cigarette. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone waving and smiling at him at the street corner, but when he looked over for a moment, he found that there was nothing there, only a straight-boned black umbrella.And he didn't bring an umbrella, he was only wearing a black overcoat. It turned out that he was just here to deliver an umbrella.

The clown is a weird person, he will lock Jack in a cell for a month, ignore his injuries, let the wound on his wrist fester and fester, and almost become disabled, but he will also be afraid that Jack will get caught in the rain, so he will not hesitate to walk the long distance himself. Street to give him an umbrella.

Why is love and malice both sincere and inexcusable?

Clown, I love you.

But when I stood high in the sky and stared at you, guess what I saw.This city of tombstones, every bullet hole carved into the walls is your legacy, I saw a man beyond cure, a cancer that's spreading across Gotham, you siphoned away The rug under the city, I can feel the world sliding.You live yourself into a mass of pure evil, no one else objectified you, it was you who hollowed out yourself, you pretended to be miserable, but actually enjoyed it.You don't want the game to end, you don't want your independent personality, you don't want your own life, you don't care if you are still an ordinary person, let alone know the answer to Sisyphus' riddle, you don't even want to win, does the clown live forever you Not to mention...you have no purpose, you just want chaos, disorder, crime, and you want to see the world burn.

You will not die, as long as the heart is not dead.As long as this city is around, and Gotham is around, and Batman is around, there will always be a Joker.I don't miss you either, never, because no one misses evil, even if you always come back from hell, because after you die, I am you.

There is always a clown.

…There will always be a Batman.