You are my sin uncrowned poem

22

The knights took away the boy's body, and the bishop specially promised Sam to go back to the monastery first.After the noise was gone, the young deacon looked a little dazed.He looked at the bishop with some anxiety, and the bishop smiled gently at him as if he could see through his mind, and said, "You should believe what your brother said, he is right, you expelled the demons and protected you. More people." He said, restraining his comforting smile and lowering his head to make the cross on his chest, "I hope this kind of thing doesn't happen again."

Sam also lowered his head and made the sign of the cross on his chest.

Although killing and expelling demons are completely different in nature, the touch of a sharp blade piercing human flesh and blood is exactly the same. What Sam couldn't let go of was this - his robe was still stained with the boy's blood, and there was also a dark red blood stain on the ground of the square.

They all remind Sam.

"Go back and rest first, child, you are very important to us." The bishop is loving like a father, and Sam is like a nervous teenager, standing in front of the bishop, but a little at a loss for his comfort.But he finally nodded. In any case, he shouldn't have stayed in the church in his dirty robes.

On the way back to the monastery, although Sam put on a cloak, there were bloodstains that could not be concealed, attracting the eyes of every passerby who passed by him.Although this city is huge, the news spread quickly. Many of them have heard about what happened in the central square. When the blood was stained, many people still unconsciously showed strange expressions that seemed to be shocked.

Even the students in the monastery will show this expression.

Some knights have brought back news that the monks are still in their rooms, and only students come in and out of the courtyard.

The act of "killing" can only be hailed as a heroic feat when it is associated with "enemy". Sam wiped out the demons, and should be regarded as a hero, but unlike the knights, the association of "deacons" with "killing" seems out of place.

Soldiers who kill the enemy are heroes.

But the deacon kills the demon, but it gives people a distorted sense of terror.

That deacon was still Sam.

Almost all the students in the monastery liked Sam. The boys admired his strength as an Alpha and respected his devotion and kindness as a deacon.But they never thought that such an Alpha would be associated with "killing".

The killing of people who are not used to killing is more terrifying than the killing of soldiers who are used to killing enemies on the battlefield.

No one can understand this weird logic.

But no one would think so unconsciously.

The students greeted Sam uncomfortably, and Sam nodded slightly in return, striding up the stairs clutching his cloak.

The red on the white clothes is more dazzling than anything else.

Sam was a little depressed by the eyes of the students who wanted to hide.Like, originally he was also a member of the "crowd", but after today, he no longer belongs to the "crowd".This feeling of being subtly isolated reminded him of when he first came here, at that time he felt lonely because he didn't want to blend in here, but now he was judged with strange eyes by others because he had done a right thing .

Maybe the Bishop was right: Dean was right.

Sam was thankful Dean was on his side.

He's even grateful that Dean told the bereaved father that they don't need to be viewed with narrow kindness.

Sam let out a breath, took off the dirty robes on his body, opened the cabinet and took out clean clothes to change into.The clothes smelled of Dean, and Sam's chest was suddenly hit by a rapid heartbeat, and it took a while to remember that it was the one he lent Dean to wear.

Inevitably, there is also a hint of Omega.

Maybe Dean would be glad he wasn't the only one with this weird obsession at last.

The fabric of the cuff buttons and neckline of the clothes was close to the skin, and the intermittent Omega smell lingered in Sam's nose, stimulating the senses.But it wasn't that that made him feel hot, it was Dean's smell.It's like Dean gave him another hug, and he stands there helplessly, letting his brother's arms wrap around him and hold him tightly.

The twisted love quietly growing in the darkness protruded long branches like vines, and the vitality tenaciously invaded the blood vessels of Sam's whole body.They were in his body, in his blood, in his heart, in his brain, in his dreams.

Nowhere to be found and everywhere.

Taking a deep breath, the scent of Dean rushing up his nostrils, Sam exhaled hot air before stooping to pick up his filthy robes and walking out of the room.

When I met different students, they looked at him almost the same way.

Sam smiled and nodded at them as usual, and the students responded in embarrassment, stopping hurriedly and bowing to him.

They just...don't understand it yet.

He justified the students in his heart-but such an excuse seemed more like a comfort to himself.It was as if as long as others understood, they would no longer show such weird eyes to him, no longer fear him more than respect him, but return to the way they were before.

He can still blend in with the crowd.

Blood stains are very difficult to wash, they seem to have life, tenaciously adhere to the fabric and refuse to leave.At this moment, Sam could barely remember what the boy he stabbed in the neck looked like, nor could he remember the young lady whose soul was almost torn apart.

And a grieving and angry father.

Startled guards.

He didn't know why he recalled them at this time.Some of them were people he met every day, and some he met for the first time.But everyone's appearance is like a reflection in the water, blurred by circles of ripples, making it difficult to distinguish.

Only when he inserted the dagger into the young man's throat was the feeling extremely clear.

Just like the last time in the woods, he had already forgotten the man's appearance, but the feeling of cutting his throat was still clearly recognizable.

Sam began to think that it was because of fear, the excessive panic made his most feared experience firmly remembered by the body.However, today's experience made him suddenly understand that what he was afraid of was not the "killing" itself, but the killing of the living body by himself, but he was numb to it in his heart.

He can perceive all the emotions of others, happy, sad, joyful, angry... and can put his own emotions into it, understand others, and share any emotion with others.He will rejoice in seeing the birth of a new life, and regret the loss of life.

So he used to think he was a compassionate guy, and now—

Sam looked down the well.Sam's face was reflected in the water when a monk came from the monastery and put a bucket into the well.

The reflected face crumbles into pieces.

The former Sam was an illusion, he could only live in the untouchable reflection.

That's where the real fear comes from, the fear that he's still an alien.

The stubborn blood stains were finally washed away, and Sam returned to the monastery with his tremors, Dean, who had just finished dealing with the skin, hurried back, as if he was very worried about Sam.

"I'm fine." Sam looked at his brother, lying nonchalantly.

Just like when he fell at home when he was a child, even if he broke his knee, he would tell Dean "I'm fine" while holding back his sobs.

Dean didn't know what Sam was really afraid of, he just worried about Sam.Seeing the calm expression on Sam's face, Dean suddenly felt worried. He walked over, put his hand on Sam's shoulder, and suddenly gave him a firm hug.

"How are you?"

"Well, I'm fine."

Sam bent down slightly so that Dean could hug him more easily, and he reached out and hugged Dean's back tightly.

TBC