You are my sin uncrowned poem

40

The slaughter continues until no more demons appear on the battlefield. Dean was covered in blood all over his body, and his hair was clotted with dried blood.He was still holding the first blade, standing precariously before the mountain of corpses piled up with skins.

No one could bring him back, including Bobby.

The elder called Dean's name loudly, but the young Grand Master paid no heed.He just stared blankly at the corpses, panting hard, but the hand holding the knife handle became tighter and tighter.

Bobby was almost angrily trying to take the knife away from Dean's hand, but Dean scratched his arm with his backhand. Chuck was helpless in a hurry, he looked up and finally saw Dean's brother walking this way.

Chuck went to meet him, but Sam ignored him, just walked over and snatched the first blade from Dean's hand.The hot knife handle burned Sam's palm in an instant. Enduring the pain, he glanced at Dean whose eyes were gradually clear, and looked down for something to wrap the blade.

A knight offered Dean's sheepskin bag.

Dean stepped forward to take it from Sam's hand, which was already in a sheepskin bag, his eyes gliding over his burned palm.But he didn't say anything, he just dragged his body that was so painful that he could barely walk and said hoarsely to Bobby: "Send someone to clean up the battlefield and burn Abaddon's body."

Bobby arranged for the wounded first, let Chuck and Dean go back first, and then began to arrange the cleaning of the battlefield.He noticed that there was something wrong between the brothers Dean and Sam. They seemed to have had a fight, and they both didn't want to talk to each other.

Sam returned to the monastery alone, and the blood and other stains on his body scared many monks and students.But at this moment, he had no time to take care of these things, and he no longer felt anxious and lonely about it. He just went upstairs indifferently, walked into the room and took off his clothes.

Both the sleeve and the back were scratched by the devil. He was slightly injured, but it was not serious. There was a little bleeding, but it stopped by itself, and the pain was not considered painful.He stood by the bed with his upper body shirtless, opened his palms, and looked at the burn marks on them.

Perhaps this is the most serious injury suffered today.

Sam sighed.

After Dean left Nuoxi, he looked forward to Dean's early return every day.But within a few days of Dean's return, they quarreled twice in a row. Sam could understand Dean's concern, but he couldn't understand why Dean just wouldn't believe him. Dean wasn't him, he didn't feel anything abnormal, the will of the devil was firmly suppressed by his own will, he just took advantage of that useful ability a little bit.

He guessed Dean couldn't understand his reluctance either.He is no longer a child who needs protection, he has the ability to protect himself, he can protect others, even Dean, so he doesn't need Dean's overprotection, nor Dean's deception called "protection".

It's a disgrace to the Alpha to keep kneeling under the protection of others -- and even, it's an injustice to Sam himself.He felt that he was strong enough, he had the ability to not lose to Dean, and he didn't need Dean to protect him like a child like before.

Dean never understood this.Even if Sam pointed it out, Dean would refute sharply, would ask Sam to give up, demand that Sam just obediently hide under his protection.

Understanding does not mean agreeing.

On this matter, Sam won't budge.He's finally found a new way out, and since he can use his demon blood for something better, why not? He's already admitted that he's an anomaly, why does Dean have to pretend he's not?

He is a monster.

A normal person would not fall in love with his elder brother, nor would he try every means to induce his elder brother to fall in love with him.

He admitted it, no need for hypocritical whitewashing.

No need for Dean's self-deception, either.

After scribbling at the wound on his arm, Sam pulled on his clothes.He packed his soiled clothes and was about to go down to fetch water when he heard the voices of Dean and Chuck outside the door.

"I'm already here, so you should shut up and go back!"

"Be careful I kick you downstairs!"

"A priest would not do such a thing."

Sam walked over to open the door, and the two people outside the door who were still arguing between you and me stopped their voices in an instant. Dean put away the lively expression on his face, and Chuck rubbed his nose sheepishly, hoping Sam didn't hear what he just said about kicking his brother down the stairs.

"What's up?"

"Uh, Dean said he was going to..." Chuck was about to explain, but was scared into silence by Dean's cold eyes.He murmured a few words and gave Dean a dissatisfied look, but still carefully helped him into the room.Taking an awkward look at Sam, he sneered, "I still have a lot of things to do. Dean's entourage is downstairs. If he wants to go back, you let them come up and carry him down."

Receiving Dean's warning stare again, Chuck touched his nose and left angrily.

Dean was still in a mess, the blood on his face was wiped clean, but his hair was still tangled together in strands of dried blood.He seemed to be going back, and before he had time to clean and treat the wound, he wanted to come to the monastery again on a whim. Sam had already guessed almost everything, and then Chuck was worried, so he followed me troublesomely.Although Dean is often not very polite to Chuck, others can still see that they have a good relationship.

Sam took a deep breath.

He doesn't think it's normal for him to be possessive of Dean either. Dean was sternly refusing to talk to him now, but just now he was back and forth with Chuck. Sam bites the side of his mouth, he doesn't want to admit that he's even jealous of Chuck.

An awkward silence.

Sam knew why Dean had come, but he didn't want to bring that up.He walked over silently and wanted to help Dean onto the chair, but Dean resisted and gently pushed him away with his arms, then walked to the chair with unsteady steps and sat down with some difficulty on his knees.

Sam noticed Dean's right hand, which had been hanging by Dean's side, as if dead.This reminded him of the last time, in the heavy rain, a strange knight sent back the unconscious Dean, the heavy armor on his body was torn off, and there were obvious and miserable strangle marks on his neck.That time he couldn't move his right hand because someone stepped on his wrist.

At this time, Sam suddenly understood the words that the strange knight comforted him, "The captain is not seriously injured".Probably in their view, such an injury is not considered an injury at all, as long as it is not injured to the point of immobility, it is not considered a serious injury.

His heart clenched in an instant, and Sam let out a painful breath.He looked around his room anxiously, trying to find something else to hold Dean's wrist in place.It might not help anything, but at least he'll feel better inside.

He found some more cloth strips, half knelt in front of Dean's slightly surprised eyes, and wrapped them tightly around his wrists to fix them.

"Sammy..."

Sam looked up. Dean was looking down at him, which made Sam suddenly feel a thirst in his throat, and he put his hand on Dean's neck, and leaned up slightly.

Dean shook his head.

Sam insisted on getting close to him, his fingers wrapped around the back of Dean's neck, he knew it would turn Dean off, but Dean didn't refuse. Sam pressed his forehead against Dean's, his lips chasing Dean's lips in Dean's turbid breath, but he still dared not kiss.

"Sammy, give up your methods."

Sam froze for a moment.But he didn't let go of Dean, just took deep breaths greedily, inhaling Dean's scent repeatedly, feeling the warning sting on the back of his neck.He touched Dean's cold cheek, closed his eyes, and murmured a sentence of rejection.

"Trust me, Dean."

Sam doesn't ask for much, and when he realizes they can't have each other fully, then the next best thing is to ask for Dean to be by his side forever.He hoped that Dean could trust him and rely on him with confidence, he hoped that Dean could let go of those responsibilities as a big brother.

"I can manage it, I'm doing fine. Let me help you, you're going to need it."

Sam's breath and smell pinned Dean to the chair.Sam's breath was blown on his lips, and he opened his lips slightly hungrily, but he didn't dare to move again.He just leaned back in his chair and firmly rejected Sam, telling him to stay away from anything demonic.

He couldn't let Sam go further down this wrong path.He couldn't accept Sam being demonized in front of his eyes. Famine Knight's words were like a prophecy. He refused to believe it, but he never forgot it.They haunted him, echoed in his mind day and night, mocking him, satirizing him, forcing him to recognize the truth he least wanted to recognize.

He couldn't save Sam.

"Dean!" Sam put a little distance between him and Dean, staring at him with a little surprise.He still doesn't understand why Dean has to say no to this.He opened his mouth to explain a lot, but Dean kept shaking his head.

Dean's tough and somewhat indifferent attitude stabbed Sam again, he let go of Dean completely, frowned and asked sharply: "Why will you never trust me? Because I am your responsibility? Because you have to take care of and protect me But I don't need it now, I'm fine, Dean. Don't put what's on you on me!"

Dean looked up at Sam, tongue gaping.He never knew that for Sam, his protection was actually a burden and a slight.He used to think that Sam should be the same as him, even if they had a dispute today, when he calmed down, he would rather believe that he was just talking out loud in anger.

It seems not.

"I don't distrust you." Dean frowned, and he glanced down at the cloth strip on his wrist, "What's wrong is wrong, you can't go on!"

"But I can save more people!" Sam closed his eyes suddenly, hoping to calm down.

But no.

This Dean reminded Sam of his father.

That was almost what he hated the most.

He felt his Dean was taken from him.

"You remind me of my father," Sam murmured, shaking his head before turning to leave the room.As he was about to walk out the door, Dean called him after him.He turned around, and Dean had struggled to get up from his chair.

"Hey, don't say that," Dean tried to pull a smile, "I just... I guess I'm doing it for your own good. We're brothers, aren't we?"

Sam looked at Dean and nodded.

"I do not know."

Dean was no wayward tyrant.

Sam left the room.

TBC