You are my sin uncrowned poem

Dean has always had the illusion that Sam doesn't really care about his father at all. Of course he didn't know that Sam couldn't help crying in front of people, but this time, even if he knew, he would definitely not laugh at his Sammy for being like a girl .

Because when his father died, he cried for a long time.

His father's body was heavy. Before that, he had never felt that anything could be so heavy.

It is not that he has never carried his injured father. At that time, his father was seriously injured and could not ride a horse, so he carried his father to the doctor.He and his father were still wearing armor then, but he didn't feel the weight at all, and his father was still talking to him, about the war, and about Sam.

Father used to care very little about Sam, or rather, he cared very little about his two sons at all. Dean had seen his father cry too, at his mother's funeral.But it seemed that that one time used up all his father's emotions, and since then his father has become a cold stranger.

But it wasn't until Sam went to the convent and Dean joined the Paladins that Dean realized his father's unexpressed love for their brother - at least, for Sam.Father would often talk about Sam, he was always worried, and every time he was injured, he would pull Dean to repeat the words he had said countless times, telling Dean to protect his brother.

Dean also feels lost occasionally, as if his father can only think of Sam now, as if only Sam is his father's son.The one who is not reassuring can always get more attention, but the one who is obedient makes people have no time to remember because of obedience.

It is the same now, the injured father lay on the elder son's back, panting in pain, but still repeatedly told him in a hoarse voice to protect his younger brother.

"It's my responsibility. If I die, it's yours."

This sentence speaks heavily. Dean just carefully turned his back on his father, saying "I'll protect Sammy" and "You're not going to die daddy" at the same time.

It's happened many times, and each time it's been Dean's story, and each time his father has saved his life.

Except for that last time.

That was the most important battle in the "Battle of the Seal", which decided who would win.This is not the so-called bloodless battle between the nobles. Every soldier knows that there will be many sacrifices this time. If they don't fight to the death, the comrades around them may die, or even their family and friends who are thousands of miles behind them. Friends are their respected teachers and favorite painters.

What they want to seal is not paganism or alien race, but evil.

They wage war in accordance with God's will, in order to completely seal the evil under the earth.

The battle was brutal, and the air was filled with the smell of smoke, sulfur, and blood. Dean's horse had its front hooves cut off by the enemy, and he rolled off the fallen horse, chanting the Bible and slashing at the enemy with a huge two-handed epee.The greatsword sliced ​​open the enemy's chest, black blood splashed on his visor, and the thick sulfurous smell was nauseating.

The tragic fight continued until the sun fell and the moon rose, the earth was soaked in bright red and thick black blood, and when he looked up, all he could see were the corpses of people and horses.The Paladins won, and the surviving warriors dragged their wounded bodies to search for the remains of their comrades among the corpses.The head of the regiment commanded his servants to draw a huge sealing formation on the land overnight, and the priests accompanying the regiment performed the sealing ceremony.

When Dean rushed to his father, under the bleak moonlight, the older man fell on his back on the ground, the sharp crossbow bolt pierced through the hard armor and pierced into his chest, and a huge gash was split across his neck. Flesh turned over, still bleeding, like a distorted grin.

he died.

Dean had seen dozens of corpses, both enemies he had personally killed and comrades he hadn't been able to save in time.He was cruel to his enemies, but he felt heartbroken standing next to the dead bodies of his comrades.And now, in front of him is his father's body.

Has anyone witnessed death? The warm body temperature is instantly cooled, the blood fades from the cheeks, and the lips are blue.But these are not the scariest thing. The scariest thing is that the dead people still maintain the expressions they had at the last moment before they died. They will stare round and open their mouths slightly, as if trying to suck in air. Now, they His body was already stiff, his expression was frozen on his face, and his limbs were as stiff as tree trunks.

They die when they are trying hardest to live.

Dean was able to carry his father on his back with the help of others. Before that, he couldn't pull his father up at all.Father's whole body was already stiff, and his arm was so brittle that it seemed... that it would break if it was moved. Dean didn't dare to touch his father's body easily, so his comrades came over and lifted him up silently.

Dean walked over and told them to put his father on his back.

At this moment, my father's body was so heavy.

He could hardly bear it, his knees were bent and he staggered and almost fell.

I didn't feel very sad at first, but accepted this fact dully and timidly.The young soldier carried his father's body on his back, but his expression was like a child's with confusion.He raised his eyes to the dark front, frowned, and called "Dad" out of habit, but the man on his back didn't respond to him.

From this moment on, the confusion and numbness gradually turned into fear, which materialized into the expression of his father before his death, and into his father's stiff body at this moment, entangled with Dean like a snake.The snake crawled along the young warrior's body from his ankles to his throat, its cold scales grinding against the warm skin of the human, and Dean's Adam's apple rolled up and down, suddenly unbearably sad.

He gritted his teeth hard, but tears still rolled down his cheeks under the visor.

Before burning his father's body, Dean removed the crucifix he wore around his neck.It was given to him by his father, who stuffed it into his palm on the first day he joined the Paladins, telling him that God would bless him.He said--

God is by your side from now on.

People are always dismissive of what they get easily.

When Dean thought about it, he finally couldn't help crying.Why didn't he think that before his mother passed away, the love and care he received from his father was more than what Sam had received from his father in all these years combined, and why he still complained about his father's partiality, why he still acted like a Self-pitying like a little girl? On the battlefield, his father was like a shadow protecting him behind him, why did he never look back?

Regret after loss always seems hypocritical, but Dean can't take it into account, just let the tears run across his muddy and bloody face, let them wash out bright red gullies in his heart.

He carefully placed the cross on his father's chest and set fire to his father's body.

And he will never forget the last words his father said many times.

Now, it was his duty to protect Sam.

Dean had already finished talking about his father's death when Sam brought him hot tea.He was sitting on the chair at the moment, his eyes were still slightly red, and when he said that he set his father's body on fire, his voice was so hoarse that he seemed unable to speak anymore.But he concealed the words that his father had told him, it was a secret between him and his father, and no third person would know it.

Now, apart from himself, no one else will know.

Including Sam.

He will not disappoint his father.

Dean raised his hand to catch the teacup in Sam's hand, but Sam walked around Dean's hand with the tea and put the cup on the side table.

Dean glanced up at Sam, and although his brother didn't speak, the corners of his eyes were red.

Maybe Sam wasn't as cold and cold to his father as he thought, just as his father wasn't as harsh and cruel to his brothers as they thought.

Dean suddenly felt a small sense of relief that his family, maybe not as broken as he thought - although it seemed, it was, he had only two people left in this family, his mother died, his father died in battle, and now It's just him and Sam, but in him and Sam's heart, parents are still very important people, and they still occupy a very important position in the hearts of brothers.

"So... why didn't you tell me this when you came back that time?" Sam accidentally touched the hot tea cup, lowered his head and squeezed his red fingertips, asking uncomfortably.

Dean froze for a moment.He shook his head and smiled wryly, stretched out his hand and scratched his head: "You never asked me, and you also acted like you didn't want to talk to me when you saw me."

Sam looked at Dean in astonishment when he heard this, and then frowned with regret.

Dean's wry smile suddenly became a little happier seeing his brother showing this expression.