Shocked in late autumn

Ji Songlin packed up the medicine boxes, sorted them meticulously, put them back in the drawer, and turned to go into the kitchen.

"Don't be too busy, how dare you let you cook noodles and wash dishes at the same time," Xu Chenyu stood up and stopped him, saying, "Just leave it whatever you want, I can wash it."

"I'll clean up this time, next time I'll treat you to dinner, and you'll be in charge of washing the dishes." Ji Songlin raised his hands, put Xu Chenyu's shoulders on his shoulders, and sat him down on the chair: "I'll put the film on the table, take a look." Do you want to prepare something in advance?"

Xu Chenyu still wanted to stop him, but Ji Songlin had already stepped into the kitchen, and the white afterimage brushed against the corner, leaving only a sliver of moonlight.

Ji Songlin put down the soup bowl and chopsticks, unbuttoned a shirt button, and turned on the faucet. Warm water was gushing, and within a short while, the dishes were washed, the knives and shovels returned to their original positions, and wiped with a rag. Clean up the chaos of seeing people.

The darkroom was pitch-black, and the light source came from a small dark red lamp and a bright moon. The moonlight came in through the cracks in the curtains, and two blurred figures could be seen by relying on the hidden light.

The room is like a sparrow, although it is small, it has all internal organs. There are seven or eight film cameras on the shelves, including Pentax, Minolta, and Olympus. They are quietly displayed on it, shining with the light of old things.

From the enlarging machine, to development, to drying, and even small details such as the size of the tone film, contrast and aperture, Xu Chenyu talked about everything in detail, as if he wanted to freeze time, a short moment , all brought to Ji Songlin's eyes.

Ji Songlin looked at his earnest and focused face, his eyes were shining brightly when talking about photography, even in the dark, they were like falling stars.

When we met for the first time, this person joked that he was an amateur player, but after seeing this posture, he realized that the word "amateur" was too self-effacing, and he also understood where the humility in his bones came from. Because of love, So awed.

Ji Songlin said, "When was this darkroom built?"

"For many years, at the beginning, I was attracted by the tone and graininess of the film, but there were almost no developing shops in this city. I consulted a photographer friend, and I realized that developing is not complicated. Later, there was This darkroom."

The times go too fast, the green electric fan in childhood, the popcorn on the street corner, Ji Songlin’s tape, Xu Chenyu’s film, these things are gradually forgotten, technology and digital replace their bodies, but for the lovers, No matter how turbulent the torrent is, there is always a way to go back.

Ji Songlin looked around: "Why do you like film so much?"

Just like the night they met to watch shooting stars, Xu Chenyu also asked Ji Songlin why he chose a record store.

"When I first came into contact with photography, I used digital photography. The color, contrast, and brightness were pretty good, but I always felt that compared with the photos I took when I was a child, it seemed to be a little bit worse." Xu Chenyu recalled: "Until I met A photographer, he told me that if you really want to learn photography well, you can start with film, after I tried it, I became addicted.”

Maybe there is a kind of guidance in everyone's life, which cannot be explained by science, and it can only be called mysterious.Just like a person with a talent for photography, he can always see the other side that ordinary people can't see.Like a real writer, it is not he who chooses the words, but the words choose him.These creative things will climb across the mountains and rivers, and meet them inadvertently.

They are of the same kind, singing beautiful dirges for their old friends.

Xu Chenyu said: "When I was admitted to university at the age of 17, my dad asked me what gift I wanted. I asked for a Pentax K1000 with a titanium case. That was my first film camera."

He used that camera to shoot many scenes, such as the briars in full bloom, the brilliance of the day that gradually dissipated with the setting sun, the deep ocean with wind and clouds, and the shadows of mountains with thousands of miles of waves.There are also insects chirping in summer, children playing under the sweet-scented osmanthus tree, and a plum covered with white catkins when hiding in English.

When you press the shutter, what you record is not only the scenery, but also the minutes and seconds.

"Each bag of film has only 12 or 36 sheets. Before pressing the shutter, I learned to think about light and composition. The film made me understand that creation is not only inspiration, but also prudence and precision." Xu Chenyu used tweezers Clamping the photo paper and putting it in distilled water, he stared downcast: "Seeing the birth of a photo in his hands is a wonderful feeling, like receiving a life."

Just like what Ji Songlin said, everything has animism. He looked at Xu Chenyu pleasingly for a while, and said, "So, your film is similar to my record store."

"It can also be called different routes to the same goal... I will show you a demonstration, and you can try it yourself later."

"Then I have to study hard."

Xu Chenyu, who was a teacher for the first time, demonstrated it once, and all the links were meticulous. The photo paper was put into the developing solution, and the picture was presented bit by bit over time.

He clamped the photo with tweezers, and on the photo paper appeared a trembling figure of an old man, sitting on a bench, holding a small cake in his palm, the sun shines through the leaves, illuminating the old man's cheek, there is a smile between her eyebrows Loving smile.

"This is your grandmother?"

"Well, it was her 70th birthday and she was blowing out the candles."

The old man in the photo had his [-]th birthday, but he didn’t see his wife by his side, and he didn’t have any children under his knees, which seemed unreasonable. Just thinking about it, Xu Chenyu heard Ji Songlin say, “My grandma has diabetes and can’t eat sweets.” , but that day she pestered me and insisted on eating a piece of cake," the scene of that day seemed to reappear in front of his eyes, Ji Songlin smiled: "Like a child."

It's dying.

That smile was like a sniper rifle, the bullet was unbiased, it hit Xu Chenyu's heart and occupied his eyes for no reason.

In such a dim environment, Xu Chenyu could still see his face clearly. This smiling face filled the air with a sad, poetic, and slightly drunk quality.

"You and your grandmother have a good relationship?"

Ji Songlin nodded: "Well, I was raised by my grandmother, she is my only relative."

"The only family member?" Xu Chenyu was surprised, almost without thinking, he blurted out and asked, "Then where are your parents?"

Ji Songlin smiled: "My mother passed away when I was in elementary school."

After the words were spoken, Xu Chenyu realized that he was impolite, and he immediately said, "Sorry."

"It doesn't matter," Ji Songlin considered his words carefully, the past came up and kept rolling, and he slowly said: "I remember that I was just seven years old, and I was in the first grade of elementary school. One day, for some reason, the rainstorm hadn't stopped since early morning. I was still in the classroom after school, and I waited for a long time in the classroom until the rain subsided, and I came home. Before I had time to enter the door, the neighbor aunt told me that my mother had a car accident and was lying in the hospital. I rushed over, It's just that I didn't see her for the last time..."

Ji Songlin had never mentioned these words to anyone, and Xu Chenyu was taken aback when he heard them, his chest was filled with dampness from these bland words, but he chose to listen quietly, not saying a word.

Over the years, Ji Songlin has learned to restrain himself, and he can calmly suppress his emotions. In the world of adults, showing weakness is no less than embarrassment, and embarrassment is a sharp sword that tears apart dignity, but at this moment, he doesn't seem to care .

Ji Songlin bowed his head, the broken hair on his forehead covered his eyes, and he couldn't see his expression clearly: "If it didn't rain that day, I should be able to go home early."

Mixed feelings flooded in, even if it didn't turn around a thousand times, it still made Xu Chenyu's heart sour, and all the previous bad guesses seemed to be confirmed.

For a child, there is a long galaxy between life and death, and the other side of the galaxy is the parents. Once the parents cross over, the stars will undoubtedly end, and the universe will only be dark from then on.

At this moment, Xu Chenyu felt at a loss, he didn't know what to say, as if no matter what he said, it was useless.

The past is long gone.

Xu Chenyu moved his fingers slightly, trying to help Ji Songlin smooth out the messy hair on his forehead. He lifted it halfway, then put it down again, and just took a step closer to him silently. Their shoulders touched each other. He asked in a low voice, "Is the car accident an accident?" ?”

"Really." Ji Songlin thought for a long time, sighing and saying with emotion: "Do you still remember that there was a series of car crashes at the intersection of Yangting Road in 1999?"

Xu Chenyu's eyes widened slightly, and the shock was palpable. Of course he remembered that 19 years ago, there was a super serious traffic accident in Z City, eight vehicles were rear-end in a row, including a No. 528 bus, causing serious injuries on the spot. 42 lives died, the TV news was broadcast for a week, and the people of the whole province mourned in silence.The flag of Xu Chenyu's elementary school was flown at half-staff, and all the teachers and students of the school saluted at the school assembly, sending the souls of the dead to their last journey.

Xu Chenyu pinched his palms and said slowly: "I remember...it seemed that many people died at that time, and our school was still organizing donations."

Ji Songlin's voice was as usual: "My mother is an actor in the Grand Theater. She takes the 528 bus to and from get off work every day. She has been safe and sound for more than ten years. I didn't expect that something happened that day..."

Listening to his calm narration, Xu Chenyu's heart seemed to be pressed by a heavy boulder, which almost made it hard for him to breathe.

"After my mother passed away, my grandma took me home. She was worried that I would take the bus alone. No matter it was summer or winter, she insisted on taking me to school by bicycle. She didn't take me to school until I lived in high school. ... At that time, I always thought that it would be great if I could grow up overnight." Ji Songlin said.

Xu Chenyu seems to be able to imagine Ji Songlin's childhood, a hobbled grandmother riding a bicycle, leading a seven or eight-year-old boy back and forth across the zebra crossing in the city.

Xu Chenyu leaned closer to Ji Songlin again, he frowned, his eyes flashed with concern: "You are often away from the record store, but you are actually taking care of your grandma, right?"

Ji Songlin nodded, as a tacit consent: "My grandfather left early, and my grandmother raised my mother and me, maybe she was too busy when she was young, and her health has become worse in recent years, so she should be taken for regular checkups. "

diabetes....

Xu Chenyu seemed to remember something, he took out his mobile phone, edited a text message, and sent it to Ji Songlin, the screen showed that he had received a series of phone numbers.

"It's like this. I have an uncle who works in the endocrinology department of the city hospital. I heard that he is an authority in this area. This is his contact information. You can take your mother-in-law to see it. Just say it's my friend. He It will be arranged."

Looking at the slightly flickering screen, Ji Songlin said amusedly, "It's not that serious. My grandma takes medicine on time every day, and her condition is under control." He raised his phone and said sincerely, "But anyway ,Thank you anyway."

"You and I don't have to be so polite," Xu Chenyu replied.

Halfway through this rare heart-to-heart talk, Xu Chenyu understood that this was the window Ji Songlin specially opened for him. After talking about his mother and grandmother, it might be time to talk about his biological father.

"I haven't told you about my father yet..."

Like some kind of induction, Xu Chenyu was thinking in his mind, and when he heard Ji Songlin say his thoughts, he suddenly raised his head, looking firmly into Ji Songlin's eyes through the light and shadow: "Not yet."

"Actually, I don't know who my father is. I only saw a picture of him. My mother never mentioned it. No matter how I asked, she refused to tell me his name...even at my mother's funeral. , that man didn’t show up either.”

Ji Songlin guessed more than once that maybe there was something unspeakable in the previous generation, so he never interacted with each other, and his mother didn't want to tell him the past, because she didn't want him to be involved in the past grievances. Thinking about it this way, he would feel much better.

Speaking of this, Ji Songlin still did not change his face, like a deep still sea, but Xu Chenyu heard it, and he sighed quietly.Although his expression was as usual, the light and fluttering sigh, hidden in the trembling coda, shook Xu Chenyu's heartstrings.

"Then you want to know who he is?"

After a long silence, Ji Songlin smiled slightly, and answered irrelevantly, "I...don't remember."

However, with just a few words, Xu Chenyu could see the past years in just a few words. A child who had never experienced the love of his father lost his mother unexpectedly when he was seven years old.Maybe his childhood was not happy, maybe it was full of gossip and poverty.

Facing such a calm and breezy Ji Songlin, Xu Chenyu's heart was full of feelings, hovering in his body, and after a moment of silence, he stretched out his hand and patted Ji Songlin's shoulder lightly. Until this moment, he didn't seem to really touch Ji Songlin. Arriving at Ji Songlin, the palm of his hand feels like a piece of melting ice, and he can feel the real shape inside him.

The sense of relaxation in elite lawyers has a source, and Xu Chenyu's doubts all along have been answered tonight, but he has no joy, because he understands that no one is born calm, and he must have experienced too much panic before brewing. Such a temper.A self-consistent person, at least his childhood was very happy.A calm person, he must have endured some heavy loneliness and helplessness, everything has its root, and the soul is often molded by experience.

Xu Chenyu put his palm on Ji Songlin's shoulder: "No matter what happened in the past, at least you are fine now, really, the best I have ever seen."

These words were too blatant, Ji Songlin laughed softly, but it dispelled a lot of his sorrow.

"Although I know you are comforting me, but...you are quite good at talking."With a few words, the photo paper drying in the sun became clearer and clearer. Ji Songlin pointed at the photo, and then he really talked about the theme of tonight: "The image is so clear, does this mean it's finished?"

The rest of the story did not dig deeper, and some words stopped in summer, because they can only be told here, they are all transparent people, Xu Chenyu understands everything, he has a good understanding with him, no longer discuss the past, but talk about the past. started photography.

"After the photo paper dries, it can be bound into a book. Do you want to try it?"

"Okay." Ji Songlin returned to his usual appearance, picked up the cup and the potion on the table: "The developer should be prepared according to the water temperature, right?"

"Well, it can be said that the developer is the most indispensable link in the formation of photos." Xu Chenyu's eyes moved with Ji Songlin's movements, from left to right, from south to north, chasing him without missing a step: "still There are changes in time, temperature and dosing ratio, which will affect the imaging effect."

Press the button of the enlarging machine, a blue light is emitted from the bottom of the machine, and the light passes through the film and is reflected on the photo paper.

"Then everyone can develop photos with their own style." Ji Songlin clamped the photo paper with tweezers, put it in the water and shook it gently, and the water rippled in circles.

"correct."

"Did you know that digital can determine the composition of light at one time, but film can be reorganized through the darkroom," Xu Chenyu stood beside him, looking at the photo paper: "Through the medium of salt grains, the light can be changed again This is the biggest difference between film and digital, and also the most interesting place.”

In the red light and night, the light is re-arranged under the developer, and the silver salt particles are the medium. A photo is developed and stored properly, and it becomes immortal from then on.

Watching the images gradually appear, Ji Songlin felt that this moment was a bit indescribably romantic.

"Huh... this person looks like you..." Xu Chenyu's eyes lit up, his eyes were attracted, and he looked at the photo in surprise.

The slowly drying photo paper showed a thirteen or fourteen-year-old boy standing in an empty campus, wearing a worn-out blue and white school uniform, but as bright as rain and dew, with short hair, showing a young and immature face , with long and curled eyelashes, slightly raised peach eyes, and tight thin lips, the boy stood up straight, like a tall and straight evergreen tree, as if standing in a military posture, and he seemed a little embarrassed.

Ji Songlin suddenly remembered that it was his junior high school graduation photo. The class teacher knew about his family situation. He studied hard all the time. The class teacher admired him and naturally took good care of him. On the day of the graduation filming, after all the classmates left, the class teacher specially took care of him. I took a single photo of Ji Songlin as a souvenir.

"What are you grabbing? Show me." Xu Chenyu quickly took it away.

Thinking that he was too anxious to go out and handed in the wrong paper, Ji Songlin got a little flustered and reached out to snatch it: "Give it back to me."

Xu Chenyu hid the photo paper behind his back, and smiled badly: "It's just a photo, there's nothing you can't see."

"Accidentally took it by mistake...You should return it to me first," Ji Songlin put his arm around his shoulders, thinking about getting the photo back.

Xu Chenyu ran back and forth while avoiding Ji Songlin, "I see, this kid is you, right?"

Ji Songlin followed him closely, and happened to grab Xu Chenyu's wrist. The darkroom was too narrow and dark, and Xu Chenyu's footsteps were unsteady. He tripped over the equipment and was about to fall.

"careful!"

Ji Songlin hurriedly put his palms behind Xu Chenyu's head, and they fell one after the other. In the process, they bumped the tabletop, like a bone promise effect, and the rest of the utensils fell to the ground with a clatter, and the distilled water was also overturned, and the toppings slammed And down.

Ji Songlin reacted quickly and quickly leaned over to block the spray for Xu Chenyu.

Xu Chenyu was crushed under him, he turned his head, and met Ji Songlin's deep gaze, the white shirt was soaked in cold water.

"Are you okay?" Ji Songlin asked.

"I poured all the water on you, I'm sure I'm fine."

Before the distilled water dripped out, Ji Songlin had no choice but to be a good man to the end. He stretched out his hand to protect Xu Chenyu, pressed down on his body, and waited until the last drop of water ran out.During the process, the two got very close, water droplets dripped down Ji Songlin's chin, and hit the tip of Xu Chenyu's nose, with a ticking sound, it magnified infinitely in silence, with a strange temptation, a drop of water made both of them stunned up.

However, they were separated by three to five centimeters, and they could almost count the tiny fluff on the opponent's face, their breaths were intertwined, and their chests felt their heartbeats.

The scent of ebony filled the nostrils, surrounded by the smell, creating a small world for the two of them.

Xu Chenyu put the bottle of perfume on the bedside table and sprinkled it on the pillow every night before going to bed. He had clearly smelled this scent millions of times, but the woody agarwood that Ji Songlin carried was extremely mellow, and.... Heart beat faster.

The atmosphere became ambiguous.

Xu Chenyu blushed instantly, but fortunately the light was warm red, which concealed the extremely exciting secret for him.

Ji Songlin pressed Xu Chenyu's wrist on top of his head, and maintained this position, as if in a daze. He didn't get up, and he didn't even look away. The whole person was shrouded in a soft halo, which was so beautiful that it was moving.

A drop of water was full and round, falling on the side of Ji Songlin's face, wanting to drip.

Ambiguousness breeds boldness, and Xu Chenyu raised his finger to wipe away the drop of water, and the fingertips were touched with a delicate touch, tickling a little.

"...What are you doing?" Ji Songlin was stunned by the sudden movement, and he stared at Xu Chenyu with burning eyes.

Xu Chenyu explained in a cover-up manner: "That...you have water on your face..."

"Oh," Ji Songlin's eyes darkened, and his voice was low: "...Thank you."

The rest of the emotions were stirred up at the fingertips, and the desire for a deeper touch, like a seed buried under the soil, is sprouting crazily, and vines grow out, wrapping around the crumbling reason.

Lured by the environment, as if possessed by a demon, they moved closer bit by bit, their hot and humid breath was very close, passing over their brows and eyes, floating over the bridge of their noses, and reaching their lips, the soft lips were almost close to each other.

There is no wind in the darkroom, the mountains in late autumn are cut off from the window, the world is silent, and the vast Milky Way is full of tenderness.

The distilled water was flowing, and the sound of ticking echoed in the middle of the night. In the chest cavity, the warmth beat non-stop, roaring like thunder.

The palms and wrists were covered with thin sweat, and it was hard to tell whether it was his or his. The heartbeats of each other became faster and faster, thump, thump, thump.

It is said that the universe can be seen when the four eyes meet, and the eyes must be closed when kissing, so as not to be dizzy.

Xu Chenyu clenched his fists nervously, his fingertips turned red, he closed his eyes half expectantly and half apprehensively, waiting for Ji Songlin's kiss.