Shocked in late autumn

Xu Chenyu felt the body temperature of Ji Songlin's fingertips, the room was very quiet, the sound of bullets and booms chasing him finally went away, and only Ji Songlin's clear and shallow breathing remained in his ears.

Xu Chenyu closed his eyes slowly, and fell asleep with the smell of Ji Songlin on his pillow, like a person who trekked through mountains and rivers and finally meets an oasis, alleviating the thirst at the end of life.

After a rare hour of sleep, the nightmare came to him. Xu Chenyu couldn't sleep well. The blood and gunshots in his dream couldn't go away. He was chased and killed by countless drug dealers. When he ran to the end of the road, he saw the master and his father dead at the end of the street.

Cold sweat broke out on his forehead, he struggled to move his body, and Ji Songlin was awakened, he pressed the back of his hand between Xu Chenyu's frowning brows, his movements were both eager and gentle, he checked his temperature, and saw that his expression was in pain Abnormally, like a nightmare crushing him, he called softly: "Dust Island... What's the matter, did you have a nightmare?"

With a call, Xu Chenyu suddenly opened his eyes. He was still in a state of confusion, dizzy, and the feeling of wanting to vomit reached his throat. He couldn't tell where he was until he saw Ji Songlin's eyes clearly. To be dragged back to the world by this star.

He seemed to see that Autumn was getting old, and Ji Songlin was walking towards him against the light, covered in white snow, as if just hugging him and the snowflakes falling would help him cover the frost in his heart.

The wanton churning stomach also gradually subsided, Xu Chenyu slightly opened his lips and took two deep breaths, thin sweat was still hanging on his neck, Ji Songlin felt his forehead was hot, he was afraid that he had a fever, he immediately jumped out of bed, just now Putting on a shoe, he was hugged by the people behind him.

Xu Chenyu pressed his chest against Ji Songlin's back, and buried his head in the crescent of his neck.

"Don't, go!"

His voice was muffled, and this was the first sentence he spoke after returning from Meisha Island. His voice was broken, and it was very difficult to speak the two words, babbling like a baby.

Xu Chenyu curled up into a small ball, like a wounded plush rabbit. He tightly hugged Ji Songlin's waist with both hands, like a drowning man hugging a lifesaving driftwood.

Ji Songlin's chest was damp, as if submerged in icy sea water, he sighed lowly, turned around immediately, hugged Xu Chenyu in warm arms, and pressed his chin against his forehead.

Xu Chenyu huddled into his arms, his voice was weak, almost pleading: "You, don't go."

Xu Chenyu had originally planned to face the cold winter night alone. He hid in the dark and licked his wounds. He smoked and drank alcohol. He didn't feel the pain, but the wind was so cold... Until Ji Songlin appeared, his self-righteous calm was instantly shattered, and his seemingly solid defense was melted.

Even though Ji Songlin didn't say a word of tenderness, all his actions seemed to be as affectionate as the sea, his eyes, touch, restraint and caution, these expressions and movements slowly disintegrated the city wall erected by Xu Chenyu, even if this delivery required him to Showing embarrassment and embarrassment, but in front of Ji Songlin, he didn't care anymore.

Ji Songlin fell back on the bed again. He opened his warm arms and held the bruised Xu Chenyu in his arms. While patting his back, he said softly, "I won't go, I will accompany you."

Under comfort, Xu Chenyu's trembling body gradually calmed down, and he didn't know whether he was awake or confused, Ji Songlin looked at his frowning brows, and rubbed his hair: "Let me tell you a story... .”

Xu Chenyu bowed his head and buried himself in Ji Songlin's neck, greedily absorbing his body temperature, and clinging to him, as if it wasn't so cold anymore.

"A long time ago, the universe was born, and countless stars lived in the Milky Way."

Ji Songlin pressed his chin against his heart, and lowered his voice very low, as if he was only telling a story for him, it was both a lullaby and a comforting speech.

"Every atom in the human body comes from a supernova. The atoms will not be annihilated. When the flesh rots, it will turn into wind. We will all return to the same hometown in the end, and the disappeared people will meet again on a narrow road."

Theists all believe in a truth, the body disappears, but the soul never dies, people worship at Qingming Festival, burn incense and petition to the dead relatives in the world, nothing more than believing in the existence of another dimension, Xu Chenyu understands everything, he foresees it from the beginning Even though the final outcome of the anti-drug campaign is over, even those who live clearly will feel sad and disappointed when faced with the darkest moments.

"Do you know where our final hometown is? It is the starry sky that we can see every night when we look up, so it doesn't matter. After human beings oxidize, they will become dust clinging to each other, dewdrops and mud, and Become everything." He lowered his voice very low, appearing magnetic and tender: "Don't be afraid, when the sky really starts to collapse, I will watch everything fall by your side, and we will become everything fall."

Xu Chenyu felt the dry and warm palm of Ji Songlin's comforting hand on his back, reminding him of the sunset in the field, not too warm, leaving the most appropriate temperature, just like Ji Songlin tonight.

"Songlin..." Xu Chenyu murmured unconsciously.

"I'm here..." Ji Songlin hugged him even tighter.

"Songlin..."

"I'm right here, don't be afraid..."

After four days and four nights, Xu Chenyu could finally close his eyes and go to sleep.

Listening to Xu Chenyu's gradual recovery of even breathing, Ji Songlin lowered his voice and wrapped his arms around Xu Chenyu's waist, but he lost a lot of weight after not seeing him for ten days, Ji Songlin slightly Relax your arms and pull the quilt to cover him with one hand. This is a posture to protect the cub.

The moonlight sprinkled on Xu Chenyu's face, illuminating the corners of his tightly pursed mouth. At the last moment when the moon hid in the clouds, Ji Songlin tremblingly kissed his forehead.

In the cold winter night, the two men cuddled up to each other, like travelers in the North Pole chasing the last spark.

His mind was dizzy, and Xu Chenyu fell into the vortex of dreams again. At the age of 20, he graduated from university and officially became an anti-narcotics policeman. Shines brightly in the sun.

He and Yu Chenjing practiced guns on the shooting range. The two stood side by side. In the sound of gunfire, the targets fell one by one.

Yu Chenjing pulled the trigger, he tilted his head and said, "Remember, even if there is a difference of one second in the face of a drug dealer, you may die, so your gun can only be faster than him."

Xu Chenyu was a little lazy. He boasted that his marksmanship was not bad, so he stopped practicing for a while and chatted with Yu Chenjing behind him: "Master, you have been through life and death so many times, have you never been afraid?"

There was no answer behind him, the wind was howling in the dream, Xu Chenyu was squinted by the wind and sand, he turned around, but saw Yu Chenjing went to a place far, far away from him, as if in the sky, the voice came from afar.

"Dust Island—!"

"You are a warrior. Go forward facing the morning sun. Even if the winter is dark and dark, as long as you survive the long night, you will be able to see the dawn. Promise me, don't be afraid."

"Master, where are you going?..."

Xu Chenyu ran after his master's fading figure in his dream, Yu Chenjing suddenly stopped and stood in the dark night, he turned his head and saluted a military salute, the light in his eyes was the same as yesterday, never faded, He motioned Xu Chenyu not to chase, and spoke to the little apprentice for the last time.

"Do not be afraid......"

I don't know how long I've been sleeping, my body seems to be trapped in cotton, I want to wake up but I can't, Xu Chenyu struggled up and down in his dream, when he opened his eyes again, Ji Songlin still held him in his arms, it seemed that he couldn't even turn over. Never before, he felt guilty and warm in his heart, staring at Ji Songlin for a long time before looking sideways out the window.

The moon stretched out its tentacles and stepped on the shoulders of the dusk, and the dusk followed.

The person in his arms moved, and Ji Songlin woke up, his eyes were sleepy, and when his vision regained clarity, his eyes were firmly occupied by Xu Chenyu's face close at hand.

Only now did Ji Songlin realize that last night and the night before, they embraced each other and fell asleep, which is an intimate gesture that only belongs to lovers.

Xu Chenyu seemed to see clearly who was holding him tightly, "Why don't you go?" He threw out a sentence inexplicably, his voice was dry and hoarse, as if his throat had been soaked in thick smoke and spirits.

Ji Songlin's earlobes turned red quickly. Under Xu Chenyu's unblinking gaze, the red tide climbed across his neck and even his collarbone. He was like a bewildered rabbit, with nowhere to escape in the eyes of a hunter.

"They're all gone, what about you?" Xu Chenyu asked feebly, "Why didn't you go?"

The surroundings are very quiet, breathing and heartbeat have room to grow, and they are infinitely magnified in an instant, like a bubble that has been stretched to the limit, and it will burst with a "pop". The night was not so empty.

The words and feelings that have been accumulated in his heart for a long time are surging, and he can't help jumping out from the tip of Ji Songlin's tongue. He struggles with the ups and downs of reason and emotion. After a long time, he finally has the courage to meet Xu Chenyu's eyes. Ji Songlin blushed, but smiled, just like seeing him at dusk for the first time, simple and clean.

Then I answered with my heart: "I miss you..."

Xu Chenyu was taken aback. He even suspected that there was something wrong with his ears. He didn't come back to his senses for a long time. Ji Songlin didn't say love, he didn't say he liked it, and he didn't even express it explicitly, but he heard clearly that this was him. Unreserved love.

There is a kind of magical power at night, which robs human beings of reason, and then endows them with courage and courage.

In Xu Chenyu's shocked pupils, Ji Songlin took a deep breath, adjusted his language as much as possible, and stated in an objective tone: "I am 27 years old this year. It is actually quite strange. On the one hand, I don’t care much, and I don’t even have much expectations. I think it’s a one-in-a-million chance that a person wants to find another person who is compatible with him for the rest of his life... I talked to a girlfriend when I was in college , when we broke up, she said to me, I have a bouquet of roses in my hand, and I will kindly give everyone a flower, she is just one of them, nothing special..."

Xu Chenyu didn't interrupt and didn't make a sound, but just listened to Ji Songlin quietly, just like the silent company he gave just now.

"After the breakup, I have no regrets or even sadness, I just feel that I have delayed her for some years, I am very sorry...I feel boring to most people, like I was born without a good appetite for relationships, records and Music is much more interesting than people to me..."

Ji Songlin paused, and he explained cautiously with his clumsiness in his chest: "These words are not to tell you how special I am, but just to let you know what the real me is," he licked wet With dry lips, he continued with the previous words: "Chenyu, I didn't understand at first, what kind of feelings are facing you, until the night I watched the shooting star, I seemed to understand..."

They have only spent one autumn and one winter, which is not too long in terms of time, but Ji Songlin feels that they seem to have known each other in the previous life, and when it comes to music and ideals, there are as many topics as possible between them. Rich dew, every meaning he expresses, does not need to be explained too much, even in silence, he can understand each other's thoughts, which is an incomparably grand miracle for people's hearts.

Ji Songlin was taciturn since he was a child, but he became estranged and quiet when he grew up. The only companion in his world is music.He always felt that he lived on Bouvet Island, and there was a huge time difference with this human world. It wasn't until he met Xu Chenyu that he realized that his hometown really existed, and he had a distant kind.

The birds under the eaves sang melodiously, stirring up the dark night like ink, stirring up a little ripple.

Speaking of this, Ji Songlin touched Xu Chenyu tentatively, he hooked his little finger with his little finger, and they only passed each other's body temperature through their fingertips.

The moment the fingertips were entwined, Xu Chenyu's ashes-like heart grew wings again, and a storm blew up in the invisible chest.

Ji Songlin pursed his lips, and looked at Xu Chenyu in the dark night: "Do you believe it? Everyone has only one true love in his life, and that person is a steed hiding in the dark night. Only when you arrive, he can come to your side..." He lowered his head, blinked his long and thick eyelashes, and said apologetically, "I know, now is not the time to say these words..."

Yes, Ji Songlin understands better than anyone else that tonight is not a good time. He obviously had more suitable and more romantic late autumn and early morning, whether it is birthday hugs, waiting for the sunrise, or chatting on the top of the mountain, or their first meeting at sunset and dusk , were more beautiful than this time, but he missed them all, and chose the most inappropriate winter night to pour out his hot and forbearing love.

Xu Chenyu was lying on his side, still resting on Ji Songlin's arm, he blinked his eyes before recovering from the great shock.

There have been countless ambiguous moments between them, but none of them can compare to tonight. In fact, Xu Chenyu has thought more than once that they can be friends, confidants, or even... if Ji Songlin is willing, they can also be Lover, but when Ji Songlin really said these words, he didn't know how to respond.

Ji Songlin expressed his heart sincerely and innocently: "It's not a grand consolation, nor is it to take advantage of the situation. It's just that the words stop here, so I blurted out." This is the same sentence that Xu Chenyu once said, I want to hug you And hugging you is the same context and mood.

They are all passionate people.

After Ji Songlin finished speaking, Xu Chenyu was left silent for a long time.

Neither of the two made a sound, the world stood still here, the wind was very strong in the middle of the night, and kept knocking on the windows, but it had nothing to do with them.

Ji Songlin looked into Xu Chenyu's eyes reluctantly. He clearly saw the gleam in his starry eyes, and the unspeakable tenderness was hidden in the swaying water waves. In fact, Ji Songlin didn't mind waiting for a longer time, and he was willing to Accompanied within the scope allowed by Xu Chenyu, as long as Xu Chenyu sincerely says "yes" one day in the future, for him, it will be the real consummation of merit and virtue.

Xu Chenyu's eyes were half closed, his forehead was even hotter, he was wearing unlined clothes and blowing cold wind on the balcony for three days, he probably caught a cold.

"You have a fever, I'll go get the medicine." Ji Songlin sighed lowly, lifted a corner of the quilt, sat up, looked down for his shoes, but was suddenly startled, his eyes widened in disbelief.

Xu Chenyu, who was awake, hugged him tightly from behind, leaning his face against his back, silently moistening the corners of his eyes.

They didn't say "yes" or "I do", and those naked, passionate words that are closely related to love didn't appear in their mouths, but this hug was enough to explain everything.

The author says:

I'll be by your side and watch things fall, we'll become things fall - from my best friend.