transient stability

"Suicide?" I thought for a while, Jiang Ziyan thought it was because of Lin Qiu that I was bleeding too much.

"I didn't commit suicide for him, I wanted to die with him." I thought the explanation was quite clear, and I leaned on the bed and looked at him.

Jiang Ziyan put the blood-stained towel aside, and lowered his voice extremely low: "Don't say that again, Shi'an, this is murder, you will go to jail."

"I'm not afraid. I'm afraid he will forget me." Jiang Ziyan doesn't understand love, so how can he know my feelings?

"Are you stupid? There are so many people in this world, but he is the only one who likes him? What if he can't wake up?"

I stared at him fiercely, "Shut up! Where did you hear that he can't wake up? Who said that?" My head was dizzy, "Can you let me go? Let me go!"

Jiang Ziyan grabbed my wrist, pressed me on the bed, pulled the quilt over me, "Don't think so much, just sleep for a while."

"Who did you hear from?!" I yelled a few times, my throat became hoarse, and I started to cry, "Who did you hear from..." I didn't want to see him, so I covered my head in the quilt and cried, the more I cried, the more dizzy I became , feeling unable to think.

"Don't get excited, you-"

I couldn't hear what Jiang Ziyan was saying, it was hard to breathe, it was as uncomfortable as drowning.He suddenly tore off the quilt, hugged me and yelled twice.I was gasping for breath, my hand holding the quilt went numb and started to hurt, what's wrong with me? …………

Jiang Ziyan suddenly let me go and ran out, and brought the doctor in. He looked at me for a while, put an oxygen tube on me, asked if I had blood prepared, and hurried out again.Jiang Ziyan chased after him, and I finally calmed down a bit, grabbing the iron railing at the head of the bed.I wanted to leave, but I didn’t want to wait for him to come back. When he came back, I couldn’t go out to find Lin Qiu. I took two more mouthfuls of oxygen, tore off the oxygen tube, rolled over and got out of bed, and fell down before taking two steps. My eyes went black. .

In a daze, I heard someone calling me, it was a very good-looking blue-eyed child.I was hiding in the bedroom, and he ran over and grabbed my hand and said, "Shi'an, don't stay at home all the time, go out and play."

I shook my head, threw him off and ran back to the bed. I was afraid of people and didn't want to go out.I know my mom likes him better, he's better looking and more likable than me.I don't want him to pay attention to me, and I don't want him to play with me.When I was in school, I couldn't listen to the class and couldn't finish my homework. My mother always thought I didn't like studying.I feel tired and lie down and can't sleep.When Jiang Ziyan moved here, he lived in the bedroom next to mine. He used to live there when my father was still there. He and my mother once had a particularly violent quarrel, and I haven't seen him since.

My dad doesn't like me, and like everyone else, he thinks I can't do anything well, and I'm an oddity among kids.I seldom talk to him, and I dare not tell him what I want, for fear that he will reject me.

My only friend is actually Jiang Ziyan, he is my elder brother, I don't know if he can be called a friend.He said to me "Shi'an, you're fine, I'll be your friend and play with you." I don't know why he did this, I never asked him to come with me, and I don't want to play with anyone.Inexplicably, I learned a lot of things and ate a lot of delicious food.I started to wait for him to go to and from school together, and waited for him to bring me things I had never seen before.Jiang Ziyan would tell me interesting things he heard, and would take me to explore outside.

All the things I have seen have been seen by Jiang Ziyan, and all the things I can play with have been played by him.When there is something new, he will always try it first before bringing it to me.Sometimes I can't wait, and I will jump on him and grab him.Jiang Ziyan likes to rub my head and pinch my face.He told me, "When Shi'an grows up, she must be very good-looking, and she will marry a more beautiful girl."

"I don't like girls, and you are not allowed to like them." I remember I told Jiang Ziyan, and he looked at me and smiled, saying that I was still young.I talked to him more and more, and I would take him to take a nap with me when I didn't have classes on weekends.I know he won't reject me, even if he doesn't want to sleep many times, he will still accompany me.

When I was ten years old, my mother took me to visit an old classmate, and I finally understood what Jiang Ziyan meant by liking me.At that time, I didn't want to see anyone except that person. I went home and told my mother that I would be admitted to the Academy of Fine Arts in the future.I also like my brother, but it seems to be different from this one.I didn't eat or drink, which frightened Jiang Ziyan. He asked me, and I said that I have someone I like, and I don't know what to do.Jiang Ziyan told me to study well in class and go to her after she is admitted to university. Only when she becomes better can she catch up with the person she likes.

Two years later, my mother went abroad, leaving me and my brother in China.I had already started junior high school at that time, and Jiang Ziyan was in college.He talked about his girlfriend in college, I was very angry, I felt that he was snatched away, he was no longer my brother.I couldn't listen to what he was talking to me, and made a fuss asking him to break up with his girlfriend.Jiang Ziyan didn't listen to me this time, and left me alone for many days.I am no longer important to him. I am very depressed about this, and I can't lift my spirits to do anything.Jiang Ziyan wants to take me to see a doctor, but why should I see a doctor if I'm not sick?Got into a fight with him.I talked less and less with him. I knew he had a girlfriend and didn't have time to talk to me. He came to pick me up because my mother asked him to take care of me.

My mother called me later and said that my brother would delay my studies by picking me up every day. The teacher talked to her and asked if I could stop him from picking up.I told my mother no need, let him take care of himself.Jiang Ziyan didn't care about me in the first place, in the future he will live his life, and I will live mine.I went to the training class and painted every day. Drawing makes me feel calm and I don't think about other things.Originally, I wanted to ask my mother about the Hanfu sister I met before, but I was worried that I was too young, and the other party looked down on me, and I just wanted to grow up quickly.

Jiang Ziyan's first girlfriend broke up when I was in my third year of high school. At that time, I didn't care who he was with or broke up with.Who is he with, what does it matter to me?I have no right to speak, and I can't interfere with him.When Jiang Ziyan told me about this later, I just felt disgusted and told him to shut up.He told me that if I didn't like it, he would change it.

I think he is sick and out of his mind.I didn't listen to what I said before, but now I say I like it?It's not that I'm looking for a girlfriend, so is it interesting to put this pot on my head?I don't want to control him, and he doesn't want to control me.

After going to college, my mother still let him take care of my food and drink, and didn't give me the money directly.I asked why, my mother always said that my brother can take good care of me, and it is the same with my brother.Anyway, he and I just eat on weekends and get some living expenses, it doesn't matter.I hate him for bringing his girlfriend in front of me. I can't understand his girlfriend, and I think his girlfriend can't understand me.

"Shi'an." Jiang Ziyan's voice suddenly became much closer. I opened my eyes and saw that his appearance had changed a lot. He was sitting on the bed, only half a meter away from me.

"Brother." I haven't called him that for a long time, and I looked up to see the blood bag hanging on the infusion stand, "I didn't fall to my death?"