Borrowing a Kiss

The author has something to say: Cen Nan's principle is probably... the kind that never sells badly, and doesn't say anything on the neck of the knife holder.

"Would you still like to be with me again, Qiuqiu?"

After an unknown amount of time, Cen Nan let go of him, and leaned against Liang Muqiu's forehead, touching the tips of his noses intimately, and asked softly again.

Liang Muqiu grabbed Cen Nan's shirt with too much force, the buttons on the shirt were crumbling, and finally broke in his palm.

Liang Muqiu stared at the button with fascination.

When I was graduating from high school, there was a trend of learning from TV dramas in the school, asking the person I liked to have the second button on the school uniform, because it was near the heart.

Take off this button and hand it to someone else, it is a silent confession.

Cen Nan scoffed at such silly activities, and occasionally one or two bold girls would come up to him and ask him for it, but he would just say coldly, "No."

Liang Muqiu was eager to move and wanted it, but he didn't dare to speak.

But he didn't expect that in the end it was his button that disappeared first.

After taking the graduation photo, he took off his school uniform jacket and put it on the seat, but only after noon, the second button on it disappeared.

He never knew who took it.

Until he lived with Cen Nan, one afternoon, in Cen Nan’s watch cuff button box, he saw that plain white button, worn by a red thread, solemnly placed in the middle of a pile of expensive jewelry .

Liang Muqiu suddenly laughed inappropriately.

He looked up at Cen Nan, holding the shirt button he had just pulled off in his hand, and asked Cen Nan in a low voice, "Do you remember that you stole my school uniform button when you graduated from high school?"

It took Cen Nan a few seconds to realize what Liang Muqiu was asking, and nodded slowly.

"Then is it still there?"

For a moment, Cen Nan felt as if he was being asked a life-threatening question. If he could not answer well, he would be kicked out by Liang Muqiu.

But he nodded affirmatively, "Yes."

Even in this room.

He glanced at Liang Muqiu hesitantly, he didn't want to leave Liang Muqiu's side now, as if he was afraid that this person would disappear suddenly.

He walked quickly to the bedside table, opened the third cabinet, took out a velvet box from it, handed it to Liang Muqiu, and opened it.

Where the jewelry should have been lying was a cheap button that no one picked up when it fell on the ground.

Liang Muqiu chuckled lightly and shook his head.

He really lost to Cen Nan.

What was originally thought of unintentionally, unexpectedly appeared in this bedroom, when Cen Nan confessed to him.

This is probably fate.

It was not wrong for him to fall into Cen Nan's hands.

"I can promise you," Liang Muqiu wiped his face, with tears on the back of his hands, cold, "but I think you still owe me an explanation."

He looked at Cen Nan with red eyes.

At this moment, he didn't feel like he was in this long-lost bedroom, but he seemed to have returned to the Bencheng Airport seven years ago.

From that day on, it was like a wound had been opened in his heart, and he never felt better.

After Cen Nan returned to China, he hugged and kissed this man, but avoided talking about what happened seven years ago. He didn't want to hear Cen Nan's explanation, because he was in too much pain, and he couldn't take care of Cen Nan.

But now, in this bedroom, he felt he could listen.

He asked softly, "Why didn't you want me back then?"

When he said this, he didn't even realize how wronged his voice was. Tears were faltering in his eyes, but they didn't fall in the end. He just looked at Cen Nan in pain through a layer of mist.

He was questioning the man from seven years ago.

He obviously did nothing wrong, he just sent his lover to the airport, and when he came back, everything turned upside down.

Cen Nan is not his anymore.

The love and commitment of that year seemed to have turned into soot and scattered lightly.

Cen Nan was nailed to the spot by these words.

He knew that he and Liang Muqiu would inevitably face this problem, but he stared at Liang Muqiu with a pale face, not knowing where to start.

Does it mean the small room where he was locked up, the endless interrogation, or the wound in his abdomen.

Or in the winter in Chicago, holding his grandma’s hand in the ward, he lied calmly, saying that he had no intention of falling in love, but he retorted in his heart, no, I have a lover, his name is Liang Muqiu, he is very Likeable boy.

There are too many things.

But it seems that there is nothing that can be told to Liang Muqiu.

He turned his face away from Liang Muqiu's sight, his side face was tense, and he clenched his teeth.

Liang Muqiu was very familiar with this look.

When there was something that Cen Nan didn't want to say, he was like this.

Liang Muqiu's nose and eyes were red, but he didn't force him. He just lowered his head and said in a low voice, "You know, I went to America to look for you."

Cen Nan turned his head in disbelief.

Liang Muqiu originally thought that he would never talk about this in his life, it was too embarrassing and painful.

But he still said now, "It was half a year after you broke up with me. I bought a plane ticket to the United States and went to the student apartment you told me about. I don't know which room you live in. You didn't tell me As I said, I was waiting downstairs. A lot of students came in and out, and I stood under the tree like a fool. I don't know if you will come back, if you have moved, and no one answered your phone. Later, I waited until it was dark, but I didn't wait for you."

When it was dark, he was even more inconspicuous standing under the tree. No one would notice that there was a stranger waiting here just to meet his lover who had abandoned him.

He sniffed and forced himself not to tremble, "I didn't wait for you, but I saw Ruan Zhuxian, she came out of that building with many things in her hands. At that moment, I couldn't hold on anymore gone."

He looked up at Cen Nan.

It was obviously also summer, but the moment he saw Ruan Zhuxian, he felt cold all over his body, as if falling into an ice cave.

Now he knows that Ruan Zhuxian and Cen Nan are not together, but he didn't know it back then.

He didn't know how he left the United States. He sat on the plane in a daze, and the stewardess passed by him several times, asking him if he needed help.

Because he looked so embarrassed, he looked like a slumped drug addict, with red eyes, disheveled hair, and chapped lips, as if he was about to die in a second.

Cen Nan took half of his life away.

But he kept shaking his head and rejected the stewardess' kindness.

The stewardess had no choice but poured him a glass of water, patted him sympathetically and softly, "Sir, everything will be fine."

Now recalling that day, Liang Muqiu was still heartbroken, and he himself felt pitiful.

But with tears in his eyes, he still smiled at Cen Nan, and flipped the page lightly, "Look at you, you made me suffer so much, but you didn't even give me an explanation."

These words almost pierced Cen Nan's heart.

His body swayed, and he looked at Liang Muqiu with a pale face, "I'm not... I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

It was already dark.

Liang Muqiu sat on the bed, the quilt was messed up by him, like a temporary nest, he was a bird nesting inside.

Cen Nan stood opposite him, leaning against the wall, momentarily forgetting his gentlemanly demeanor, lit a cigarette, and held it between his lips.

He needed nicotine to calm himself down, so that he could slowly talk about the past seven years, but when he spoke, he realized how dry his voice was.

"Before I went abroad, I didn't know that I would be separated from you. I only wanted to go abroad for half a year, but my parents argued with me and wanted me to transfer directly to the University of Chicago. We had a serious argument, and they were very firm , It has reached the point where if I don’t go, I will sever ties with me. At that time, you advised me not to make a fuss with them, and I can come back after I finish college, and two years will be soon.”

Liang Muqiu nodded hesitantly. Of course he remembered that they doubted whether Cen Nan's parents would know anything, but Cen Nan's parents never mentioned anything and only cared about his studies.

Since Cen Nan was going to exchange, he thought about it and let Cen Nan go. He was very confident that his relationship with Cen Nan would not be affected by foreign countries.

Cen Nan said expressionlessly, "So I went, and I thought that two years would be soon. Two years later, I will get my degree certificate, save the original funds, and even take you to the United States to get married. But I didn't expect, As soon as I landed in the United States, within two months, they began to force me to break up with you. Before I went abroad, they already knew that I fell in love with a man, I was gay, and wanted to separate us to cut us off."

When Cen Nan said this, his stomach twitched, and the smell of tobacco choked into his trachea, making him cough a few times.

There was no trace of tears on his face, only a kind of coldness of falling into the past.

He spoke very plainly, but Liang Muqiu's heart suddenly sank, thinking of other places, he almost panicked and went to La Cennan, looked at him again from top to bottom, "Did they do anything to you? "

Cen Nan lowered his eyes, and the white wall flashed before his eyes, the colorful pills in his hand, and a knife stained with blood.

"No," he said flatly, and patted the back of Liang Muqiu's hand in turn, as if to comfort him, "Homosexuality is legal abroad, what can they do. But seeing that I have never broken up with you, they found someone to monitor me, afraid I went back to China to look for you, and that whole year was terrible, and I swear the most swear words in my life."

His thumb rubbed Liang Muqiu's side face, causing him to raise his head slightly, his eyes recovered a little from the coldness.

He looked at Liang Muqiu and even smiled, "But it wasn't hopeless at that time. I always thought that I would fly away when I got my diploma. If you like the United States, we will live there for a few years. I like it, let's go back to the country directly, from now on I will go wherever you go, whoever loves the Cen family will want it, and from now on I will be born as a member of the Liang family and die as a ghost of the Liang family."

Liang Muqiu was amused by this sentence, his eyes were still red, and the corners of his mouth couldn't help but raised, and he gave Cen Nan a reproachful look.

Although Cen Nan said it lightly, he knew that that year was certainly not as easy as Cen Nan said.

He held Cen Nan's hand and asked hesitantly, "Then what happened...why didn't you come back?"

later.

These two words are really unpleasant.

Cen Nan was silent for a while, and explained the reason in the most restrained tone.

"Later, my grandma got colon cancer, which was in the advanced stage."

Liang Muqiu was stunned.

Cen Nan can now calmly talk about this matter, "There is actually no special story. My grandma got colon cancer and came to the United States for treatment. She was not in good condition. She went to rescue her when she first came. Outside the ICU, my dad asked I, I want you or my grandma. If I choose you, I will kneel in front of my grandma when grandma is out of the emergency room, and tell my grandma who has cancer that I fell in love with a man and have nothing to do with the Cen family. He will never let me, an unfilial son, meet grandma again until he dies. If something happens to grandma, he won't even tell me where grandma is buried in the end. And if I choose grandma, I will break up with you immediately. "

The white corridor and the lights outside the emergency room were almost the nightmare of his life.

Winter is here, and it's snowing in Chicago. He once wanted to bring Liang Muqiu to Chicago to see Lake Michigan.

But he didn't wait for Liang Muqiu to come, but broke up with Liang Muqiu in Chicago, not even face to face, only a phone call.

He heard Liang Muqiu cry.

The person he loves the most, the person he swore to protect for the rest of his life.

Beg him on the phone not to want him.

At that moment, he really experienced the pain in his internal organs, and his heart seemed to be smashed, but he couldn't say a word.

Because behind him is grandma's ward.

His grandma used to have an older brother who eloped from home because he fell in love with a man decades ago, and there has been no news since then.His grandma kept avoiding this matter, pretending that she didn't have this brother, but she was still calling her brother's name when she was unconscious, begging him to come back.

He couldn't tell her, who just came back from death, that I also fell in love with a boy and would abandon everything for him.

He can abandon the Cen family, but he can't abandon his only family member who is dying.

He has no choice.

But now his grandma has been buried in the ground, and he has returned to this familiar city.

Cen Nan reached out and touched Liang Muqiu's face. After so many years, his Qiuqiu didn't seem to have changed much from before, and he was still so gentle and soft-hearted.

But he was broken.

Standing in front of Liang Muqiu, he has long since changed beyond recognition, and is no longer the person Liang Muqiu loved in the past.

"I'm sorry," he said to Liang Muqiu, almost biting his lips to bleed, "I didn't choose you."