in love with my psychiatrist

I have never seen Qi Qianyun's tears, but this time I want to wipe her tears.A few steps away, I just need to step forward a little bit, and I can do it, and I can hug her by the way.

However, the person in front of me completely resisted the posture, and his body seemed to be covered with thorns, like a hedgehog. Although he was crying, his expression was still as cold as frost, which made me unable to move away.

So I could only laugh, "Qianyun, don't do this." I tried to appease her emotions by acting like a baby like countless times. She loves my acting like a baby very much.

But it didn't seem to help, there was no change on her face, only her fisted hands were clenched tightly, bright red oozing from her fair skin.

I calmed down, "Qianyun, go back and treat the wound first."

"Don't worry." She turned and walked towards the iron gate. When she passed me, her uninjured hand snatched the flowers from my hand sharply and forcefully.

Looking at her beautiful back, I couldn't help calling her, "Qianyun."

She stopped and didn't look back, but her voice was much softer, "Go back. Don't come to me again."

"Qianyun, I just want to ask you, do you still love me?" Her gentleness made me more courageous, and seeing her cry today, I was afraid that my self-righteous insistence would burden her.

"No." She didn't even think about it.

I laughed, "Qianyun, you lied and took the flowers because you were afraid of hurting me, right? You care about me so much, don't you?"

She moved her shoulders slightly and said, "I'm a doctor, even if it's a stranger, I wouldn't want to hurt, not to mention that we have had a past, but it's just a past."

I still tried my best to smile, "Qianyun, do you think I'll quit because you said that on purpose? I just want you to know that no matter what, I don't care, I want to be with you."

"No need, Qingshan is with me. Go back."

"I won't go back. I know that you and Qingshan have nothing but family affection. I will wait until you accept that I am by your side." I insisted on looking at her back.

"It's only been ten days," she said, seeming thoughtful. "Ten days is not enough to bring a person back to his senses. I think you need more time. Then, please go ahead." The voice returned to indifference, but I could Hear it, the sadness between the lips and teeth.

This person, I have to give her strength.

I took a step forward and said, "If you think it's irrational for me to want to be with you, then I'll be irrational for the rest of my life."

This time, she didn't answer me, she was silent for a few seconds, took a step, pushed open the iron door without looking back, and went in.

I took out my mobile phone and called Mother Qi, "Auntie, I was wrong just now. Rose accidentally stabbed Qianyun's hand and it was bleeding. Now she is going back to treat the wound. Do you think it is necessary to let her go?" Hospital, I think if I tell her, she won't listen... just please, I'm really sorry, it's all my fault..."

The more I talked, the more depressed I became, and my mood was really low.Before I set off for the United States, I expected the difficulty of this trip, but Qianyun's determination and coldness still exceeded my expectations.

"Silly boy, I don't blame you..." Qi's mother was a little panicked when she heard that Qi Qianyun was injured, but she still comforted me, "It's okay, you go back first, and auntie will take care of it. She seems to have come in. I told you, Qiqi, you must be careful when you go back. Don't worry." Qi's mother hung up the phone.

I was a little lost. On the one hand, I was worried about Qi Qianyun's wound, and on the other hand, I didn't know where the breakthrough was.

The current Qianyun is like a layer of ice, and I can't break through it at all.Distraught for a moment.

When I walked to the forest and was about to get on the bridge, I ran into Qing Shan.

Standing on the bridge, leaning against the white jade railing, she looked at me and said, "I've been waiting for you for a long time."

I was slightly surprised, but suddenly felt normal, and I should talk to her.

Although Qi's mother told me that Qingshan lives in Qi's villa now, so that she and Qianyun can go for regular checkups and intervention treatments together, but we only met for the first time in ten days.

I walked up the bridge, stopped beside her, bent over the railing, looked at the sparkling lake under the bridge, and asked, "Why haven't I seen you?"

It was a strange feeling, we were like old friends.

Once she hated me for taking Qianyun away, and I once blamed her for being jealous that she was able to accompany Qianyun since she was a child, and became the care that Qianyun couldn't get rid of.

We used to wish that the other party would never appear in Qianyun's life for at least a moment, but now, something seems to have changed.

There seems to be more trust and tacit understanding between us.

She said, "Qianyun brought my mother here, and my father is still in jail. Qianyun said that it was not an option for her to live in a domestic nursing home alone, so she helped me contact a nursing home here. I have been settling there these days. with her."

I was silent for a long time.

Instead, she sighed, "Do you think I'm pitiful?"

This once arrogant and domineering young lady, now seems to have grown up overnight, but the price is so high.

I laughed and said, "You don't need pity. You are very strong."

She also laughed, "Thanks to Qianyun for taking care of her."

I nodded.

"Don't hate me?" she asked.

"Why do I hate you? Even if you and Qianyun really have different feelings, I won't hate you. What's more, you don't." I said.

"It's not that we didn't, it's that Qianyun didn't treat me. I am the source of all this. If I wasn't young and ignorant, all these things would not have happened." She said.

I paused and said, "You are at fault, but not guilty. The one who is guilty is Feng Huanyue."

She turned her head and looked at me gratefully, and I smiled at her.

Qingshan chatted with me a lot, about her past with Qianyun, about her guilt, about how her parents spoiled her so much that she acted recklessly and willfully, and about how she treated Qianyun. The strong desire to possess and control is probably just based on a kind of excessive ego that "all the good things in the world can only be mine".

Although she was talking about the fierce and unbearable past, her tone was calm, with only a little guilt and self-blame, it really seemed like a different person.

She said that when Qianyun went abroad and returned to her biological parents, she was ready to give up, but when she accidentally found out that she had become an HIV carrier because of drug abuse before she married the man she thought was pretty good, then A feeling of collapse and madness.

"At that time, I really hated Qianyun. I thought that if it wasn't because she didn't love me, I wouldn't use drugs to paralyze myself, and I wouldn't be infected. But on the other hand, I was also worried that she would get infected. I wanted her Go check,..."

Her expression was full of self-blame, "However, she didn't admit that she had a relationship with me at all. This made me very sad and puzzled. Could it be that in order to veto having a relationship with me, she even refused to face it with her own body?" Or is it that she went to check secretly and was not infected? But she is not such a person. I am puzzled, worried, and hated, because I have never seriously talked about it with her because of my complicated feelings for her. "

She smiled and shook her head, "I always thought it was her heart, but I didn't know that it was all because Feng Huanyue drugged her. She didn't know it at all. I hate her for so many years and caused her..."

She choked up.

I rubbed her back, hoping to comfort her.Also very understanding of her.

I said, "I know how you feel."

Thinking of the wedding, after the video appeared, why did Qi Qianyun not say a word to me, did not leave me a word, and gave up completely.At that time, she should have prepared herself to be infected too.

I remembered why the next day, I was notified by Feng Sheng’s secretary to go for a physical examination. The reason was that “the company has a routine physical examination every year, and non-staff cooperative employees must also participate and must not be absent.” It was arranged by Qi Qianyun. Infect.

And it turned out that she was the unlucky one, not me.

That's why she and Qingshan had a fake wedding, she was ruthless and hateful, she and Qingshan both flew to the United States, and she wanted me to hate her, but at the same time sent us our last love letter for me. love wedding dress.

Qi Qianyun...

Why don't you let me accompany you in the most difficult time, and you always face it alone.

"Lu Qiqi, have you really thought about it?"

I was interrupted by Qingshan's sudden words.

"Huh?" I looked at her.

She looked at me seriously, "Just before I saw you, Qi's mother called me and said that because you sent flowers, Qianyun's hand stab was bleeding. Qi's mother said that Qianyun was very nervous after entering the house, and said that she never Seeing her so nervous, her face was pale when she was handling the bouquet of flowers with her blood on it. When Qi's mother asked her, she only said fiercely, "Mom, I beg you, don't give it to the outside again." That fool has any hope, let her go, let her start again without me, and live a good life."

I take a deep breath.

Qingshan emphasized her tone, "So, have you thought about it? If you are with her, this kind of thing will happen countless times in your life, and you all have to walk on thin ice, especially Qianyun. In addition to carrying her own body, she also There will always be a fear of contagion to you, and you have to bear the tension and sharpness she will have at any time."

"I'm not afraid." I looked at her.

"Lu Qiqi, this is not a matter of heroic sacrifice. Although so many years have passed, Qianyun and I have not suffered from the disease, and even because of our intervention and treatment, we may not have the disease, but everything is possible, we are destined Living in a life of possibility, where each day could be the last, each day carries a ticking time bomb, and you don't know when you'll be sentenced, you don't know how it feels..."

"I understand." I interrupted her, "Qingshan, I am an adult, I have lived for more than 30 years and nearly [-] years, I know what HIV means, and I have no impulse, I know HIV will bring a person and What kind of changes in the people around him. But you also said that every day is the last day. This is not only you and Qianyun, but everyone is the same! Birth, old age, sickness, death, and various accidents, we are no different. What's more, more than ten years have passed Now, you and Qianyun are just carriers and have no symptoms, why can't we believe together that this bomb will never explode? Maybe its detonating wire has been safely cut off long ago?"

I looked at her deeply, "Since everyone's life is just a possibility, then the life of Qianyun and I is nothing special, isn't it? Treat every day of happiness as the last day, and believe that the future may be like today It’s beautiful, live the present moment, isn’t it all right?”

Qingshan looked at me for a long time, and said, "Lu Qiqi, I am convinced that I lost to you."

I smile.

"Then let me help you," she said.