My name is Dazai

Tangun was sitting on the bed, flipping through the book, the curtains were blown by the wind, and the sunlight was pouring into the room.It wasn't that big of a room but it was a bit warm.

The books are textbooks and manga books that Dazai brought to him when he went out one day.

"It doesn't matter whether Tangun wants to study or relax." Dazai said, "If Tangun wants to study or work in the future, these will come in handy."

And when both he and Dazai couldn't fall asleep, Dazai would read books with him.

Dazai is very smart, no matter what he learns quickly, obviously he is learning together, but his progress is far ahead of Tangun.

Tangun often had a feeling of being hit, but he felt it was justified.

Dazai is such a wonderful person.

In the past month, they were no longer in the original place, and had changed positions seven or eight times. Once, Tangun almost thought that he was going to be caught by others, but Dazai dodged abruptly.

No, it can't be said to be blunt, it should be said to be quite leisurely, like a spring outing, and he left after teasing people hard.

If it wasn't for Dazai and Tangun explaining the details, Tangun didn't quite understand how things turned out like this.

But at the same time, he was also thinking: "Osamu Dazai, since you are so smart, why can't you see through my rotten soul?"

Tangun turned a page in the book.

The indoor sunlight is very comfortable, probably the temperature that is very suitable for sunbathing and taking a nap.

It's a pity that although Tangun was very sleepy, he couldn't fall asleep. He also felt that it was boring to lie on the bed because he couldn't fall asleep, so he just read a book.

An hour ago, Dazai said to him, "Tangun, I'm going out for a while~ I'll be back in an hour and a half."

Dazai would say this to him every time he went out.

At first it was 10 minutes, then it was half an hour, then an hour, and now it is an hour and a half.

Tangun was actually very scared all the time, if he wasn't with Dazai, he was worried that his abilities would get out of control - even if it wasn't in a completely closed environment, he was already very anxious in this regard, plus there was a child here , he was even more afraid of himself.

Social fear is not good, and the smooth communication with Dazai is because Dazai's ability is unqualified in the world, and... Although I don't want to admit it, I still have growing trust in Dazai. .

Dazai naturally understood his anxiety.

That's why every time before leaving, I would tell Tangun how long he was going to be away.

...like a mother nurturing her child's independence.

Odasaku commented: "Dazai really seems like a good mother."

At that time, the corners of Dazai's mouth twitched slightly: "Odasaku, don't say that, I will feel guilty."

"What guilt?" Odasaku asked.

What guilt?

Of course, the guilt of a good mother turning into a wolf.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door: "Brother Tan, can I come in?"

The children outside the door could only be the five children raised by Oda Saku.

Tangun's hand froze, as if he had been filled with lead, he dared not move.

No, don't come in!Can't come in!

With Dazai not around, he dared not get in touch with people at all, especially such an innocent child.

Although the memory of the past was blurred to almost non-existent for him, he was still shrouded in shadows.

Even though he knew that his ability could not be used in a non-closed environment, the outbreak of the ability and the experience in the sanatorium made him feel seriously unconfident.

"Is brother asleep?" The child's voice sounded softly.

Although they were very noisy, they were well taken care of by Oda Saku, and they were very considerate when they knew that Brother Tan was a patient.

They knew that Tangun became soft-handed when he was asleep.

Although children's uncertainty will soon forget to take it easy, this is pure kindness.

No...he might not be able to sleep at night, let alone during the day.

Tangun felt that his sense of guilt had become heavier. Was this deceiving the pure feelings of the children? In fact, the children brought up by Oda Saku still had a good impression of Tangun.Although Dazai is often weird, but if he wants to get along well with someone, there is absolutely no problem.

Coaxing children is no problem.

Especially the only girl, Sakule, she likes Dazai even more, after all, Dazai is born to be liked by girls.

Even if children are naturally sensitive and feel that there is something wrong with Dazai, long-term contact is enough to make them forget those strange places.

Children's ideas are naive.

Oda Saku and Dazai brother are friends, Dazai brother and Dan brother are friends, so Dan brother is a good person!

There is actually no logic to this equation, but children are like this.

In addition, Odasaku was talked about by Dazai, and sometimes Tangun was mentioned as a "white cat".

Although Tangun's performance has always been autistic, if it is normal, these children will give up after a few failed contacts, but this group of children have shown the spirit and patience of cats, a little bit Frustration is nothing.

As for the danger of contacting Tangun?

Oda is not worried about this.

How should I put it, in fact, if you test Tangun's aggressiveness in turn, you will find that this guy can easily fall into the position of the five scum of the war - as long as the environment is kept open.

The sanatorium's methods are too resolute and terrifying, and things that are not risks are also counted.

But it is normal for the other party to be afraid.Odasaku thought so in his heart, but he would not force the other party's behavior to be in tune with his own.

Tangun couldn't make a sound, he was really like a cat under the sofa.

He didn't dare to make a sound, and just stood there frozen, motionless, until Dazai came back.

"Tangun, I'm back!" Dazai didn't know how to knock on the door, he just opened the door and walked in. He looked at the stiff Tangun, blinked his eyes, immediately understood the situation, and closed the door.

Tangun didn't look at the time, he believed that it was definitely an hour and a half, and Dazai was always on time.

"Tangun~" Dazai threw himself on the bed.

Ah, how wonderful it is to have my wife waiting in bed every time I get home!

It would be even better if Tangun was naked.

Dazai was thinking of strange things.

Tangun was thrown onto the bed by Dazai.

Dazai's enthusiasm now is not like a cat, but more like a dog, who will pounce and rub it when he gets home... Ah, if Dazai knows this kind of comparison, he will probably explode in anger.

Dazai hates dogs the most.

Tangun also knew this.

Sometimes Dazai would lean against him, pointing at the window sill, such as "Look, Tangun, that white cat looks like you", "Tangun, never keep a dog in the future. Hey, anyone who keeps a dog will What is your taste?", "Tangun Tangun, what kind of animals do you like? Sure enough, cats are better, how about a white cat and a black cat?"Tangun didn't have the energy to answer, but he kept listening.Sometimes I fell asleep on Dazai's shoulder just listening to it, and the sleep time was not long, only a minute or two, but Dazai could feel his awakening every time, when he opened his eyes, he would always see All Dazai was watching him quietly.

With Dazai's pounce, the tense muscles on his body were forced to relax.

Dazai's curly hair tickled the tip of his nose.

Smelling Dazai's breath, Tangun let out a breath slowly, causing a small depression to appear on the top of Dazai's head.

"Welcome back." Tangun felt that the conversation between himself and Dazai was getting smoother.

"Tangun, you've improved a lot." Dazai never hesitated to praise himself.It is inevitable that people will be regarded as children when they say this sentence, but Dazai himself looks more like a child, the kind who wants to be hugged and held high, but it makes people feel that these are sincere words, " Then the next step can probably be put on the agenda.”

"Dazai..." Tangun wondered if Dazai wanted to encourage him to get in touch with those children?

"Tangun, do you want to find out what you are interested in?" Dazai walked out of the room holding Tangun's hand.

Tangun's entire arm went stiff, and he let out a painful groan.Moaning, the body language of the whole body was showing resistance, but the trust in Dazai made him follow him out of the room.

Dazai looked back at him, his face was gilded by the sunlight, and the smile on his face was warm.

"Hurry up." Dazai clasped five fingers with him.

Tangun could feel the warmth of his palm.

Even through the film, couldn't the warmth be transmitted to him?

"Brother Tan, are you awake?" Seeing Tangun being pulled out by Dazai, several children gathered around him and chattered.

Tangun stiffened again, feeling like he was some kind of puppet.

"Yeah, he was still sleeping soundly when I woke Tangun up." Dazai lamented, "How can it be, he isn't allowed to sleep when I'm busy outside."

"Brother Dazai is so bad!" several children said with righteous indignation, "Brother Tan is not feeling well, let him rest for a while. When we are sick, we all have to sleep for a while."

"Liu Wei Wei, you can't control me." Dazai pushed Tangun down on the chair on the dining table.

Several children started chasing and beating Dazai.

Dazai was as nimble as some eel, making mocking noises from time to time.

Even if the opponent is not Chuya Nakahara, this does not prevent Dazai from making fun of him.

"Dazai is really a child." Oda Saku sat on the other side of the table.

Tangun sat stiffly on the chair, moving his butt from time to time, as if there were thorns growing on the chair.There was no color on his face.

Dazai ran around, then ran to Tangun's side again, wrapped his arms around his shoulders, touched Tangun's cheek lightly with his lips, rubbed it lightly, then turned his head and said to the children: " Stop, don't hit your elder brother Tan."

Tangun was embraced by Dazai, and his face gradually turned rosy.

Saki Le came over, knelt on the chair, and looked at Tangun at the same level: "Brother Tan, can I touch your head?"

Tangun suddenly felt as if his lungs had collapsed, and he couldn't say anything.He turned his head to look at Dazai, wanting Dazai to save him, but Dazai just looked at him with an encouraging smile.

Tangun waited for a long time, but did not wait for Dazai to rescue him.

"I want to touch too." All the children gathered around.

Tangun was even more bewildered.

He looked at the expectant eyes of several children, completely unable to utter the words of rejection, he said with difficulty: "Okay, okay..."

Even with simple sounds, he felt his voice trembling.

Saku Le didn't notice Tangun's strangeness, and happily stroked Tangun's white hair, then screamed to Odasaku: "Brother, I touched the cat!"

cat?Wasn't it his head that was touched?Why do you say you touched a cat?

Tangun is very confused, his brain is turning very slowly now.

"Wow, Saku Le, you are so amazing." The children's admiration was very strange, "I want to touch it too!"

Tangun was confused, but he still lowered his head when he heard the children say "Brother Tan, lower your head a little bit, I want to touch too".

After a while, Tangun's hair was completely messed up.

The white kitten sat dazed, its hair disheveled, its blue eyes hollow.

"I want to touch too!" Dazai lay down on Tangun's back, rubbing Tangun's head even more messily.

"Brother Dazai and Brother Tan are so close." Xingsuke ran to Odasaku's ear and said, "What is their relationship?"

"Probably...the other party's savior?" Oda Saku struggled to define the relationship between the two.

"Huh?" Xingsuke always felt that he was precocious, but he still didn't understand Odasaku's evaluation.

After Tangun relaxed a bit, he was attracted by the sound of chopping vegetables in the kitchen.

He didn't dare to look at the children, so he turned his attention to the kitchen.

The rhythmic sound of chopping vegetables is quite attractive.

"Does Tangun want to learn how to cook?" Dazai noticed Tangun's gaze, felt relieved, and asked in a relaxed manner.

The Tangun in my memory was good at cooking and liked to cook. The first thing he pays attention to when traveling somewhere is the local ingredients.

Every time Dazai saw Tangun's lifeless appearance, he felt heartache.

It would be better if Tangun could find something to do that he likes to do.

Of course, he also has his own selfishness.

Tangun raised his head, his eyelashes fluttered slightly, his blue eyes were as deep as the deep sea.

Compared to Tangun in memory, his eyes were much darker.

Dazai felt his heart beating fast.

"Tangun no..." Don't you like it?

"Okay." Dazai heard him say lightly.

Dazai approached Tangun.

Tangun's speech was always weak, with a sense of heaviness.

This ethereal tone made people very uneasy. It sounded like he was very relaxed, but when he felt carefully, there was an ethereal feeling as if he was about to disappear into the air.

"Tangun."

Tangun felt the hand that was holding him get stronger.

Dazai clenched Tangun's hand tightly, suddenly feeling a sense of panic.

Tangun raised his hand, touched Dazai's head, and smiled slightly: "Is there anything you want to eat?"

His smile suddenly became gentle in an instant.

You are so greedy...

Tangun couldn't help thinking.

Before, I just wanted him to dress up like that person, but now I want him to be close to that person in terms of hobbies?

Has the familiarity he sensed from him faded over time?

Want to see more of that person from him?

Humans are greedy, Dazai is indeed the most human.

Tangun's answer would be... yes.

Tangun felt that his heart was powerless to resist.

He himself doesn't know what he wants to become.

He wanted to possess all of Dazai's tenderness.

He suddenly had a bold idea, if he became exactly the same as that person, would Dazai only look at his own tenderness and give it to the person he wanted, and give it all to him, even if that person appeared? Can't give it to that person either.

You have no right to hate me, Dazai, after all, this is what you want to see, isn't it?

Tangun felt that he had become even more insane.

Tangun's smile...was like sunshine on a glacier.

...and a little dazzling.

Warm and cold, it dazzles people's eyes.

People can't see the way forward.

Dazai thought, although this smile is so warm, it makes his hands and feet feel cold.

"Dazai?" Tangun looked at Dazai's dazed look, his eyes became deeper, but the smile on his face became more gentle.

"Brother!" Saku Le exclaimed.

Odasaku took a tissue and wiped the orange juice on his pants.

Dazai and Tangun looked at him together.

"Hands trembled a bit. And... if you have something to say, you have to say it well." Odasaku felt that he was stupid.

Tangun nodded slightly, but Odasaku felt that Tangun didn't listen at all.

And Dazai looked out of state, completely no longer as shrewd as before.

Oda Saku almost died of anxiety for these two people.

The owner of the curry shop is a very kind person and quite patient.

Tangun seems to have a real talent in this area. Even though the curry shop owner is not very good at teaching, Tangun still learns quickly.

At most, the movements are not very proficient, so some details are not in place.However, what is made as a beginner is already a gourmet food for those who are not too picky about food.

"Tangun is really talented," said the owner of the curry shop.

"Ah, thank you." Tangun chuckled lightly, and there was an inexplicable sense of emptiness in his smile.

On the surface, Tangun's condition seems to be much better.

Tangun, who seemed to have found interest, recovered quickly, and he would come out of the room when he was sure it was not a closed space.

Tangun was wearing an apron, just sitting at the dining table.

The owner of the curry shop knew a lot of people, so he could naturally see that the relationship between Tangun and Dazai was too close, beyond the level of friends.

He has to admit that Tangun and Dazai are really good-looking couple.

Not to mention Dazai, Tangun is indeed a good-looking man, he looks gentle and full of manners.

With the windows open, there was a gust of wind blowing through, and the children squabbled while eating, and the curry shop owner would push them down a little when they went too far.

Tangun, on the other hand, watched silently.

"My brother's cooking is super delicious." As a girl, Saku Le's mouth was even sweeter.

"...Thank you." Tangun nodded to her, then smiled as if remembering something.

"Speaking of Tangun's cooking..." The owner of the curry shop was a little hesitant to tell Tangun, after all Tangun had some mental problems, and he was afraid that he would accidentally irritate someone.

Tangun turned to look at him, he put his hands on his cheeks: "Well, do you have any advice? Just tell me, I'm not a porcelain doll."

The owner of the curry shop hesitated for a moment, as if evaluating Tangun's condition, and finally said cautiously: "Tangun, you are indeed very good at cooking, but I always feel that the food you cook lacks some flavor... or the essence of what you say. ...I can't really describe it, it's just a feeling."

After finishing speaking, the owner of the curry shop gave a wry smile: "Oh, I'm talking nonsense, just pretend I didn't say anything just now..."

"Lack of soul." Tangun said suddenly.

The owner of the curry shop suddenly realized: "Yes, it's like this. I can cook according to the recipe, but I can't do it well."

He eloquently shared his experience in cooking.

Tangun smiled and looked at the curry shop owner.

He seemed to be listening to him, but his eyes were out of focus, and the smile on his face was like a perfect smile practiced in front of a mirror.

Lack of soul is normal.

Because he himself felt that his body lacked a soul.

How can a person without a soul cook a meal with a soul?

The answer to the question was always clear to Tangun.

He looked at his reflection in the glass of water.

He doesn't need a soul either.

"Hey, don't cry!" The owner of the curry shop hurriedly wiped Tangun's tears, "I'm sorry, I just got carried away so I was too complacent. In fact, you have done a good job."

Tangun took the tissue, looked at the tears on it, but still had that empty gentle smile on his face.

...Am I, am I crying?