The Human Comedy

Heechul -

When I got home, I cooked for Xiao Ai.I am in a particularly good mood today, so I made kimchi soup for her. It is not easy to eat kimchi in the United States.Because I wanted to eat it so much, I slowly learned how to make it myself, and it became more and more delicious, so the kimchi that I can eat now is all made by myself.It’s amazing, I never imagined that Kim Heechul could make delicious kimchi one day, even I couldn’t imagine it myself.

Although Xiaomei lived in the United States since she was a child and spoke English in kindergarten, Han Geng and I taught her Chinese and Korean. We sometimes spoke Chinese and sometimes Korean, but she didn’t even know how to mix them up, and she answered them fluently. Amazing.And this little guy is a Chinese-Korean mixed race. He loves both Chinese and Korean food. He can also eat kimchi and fried rice cakes.By the way, I also learned a lot of Chinese dishes, such as Pork Pork and Kung Pao Chicken, they are all good.

What makes me most gratified is that Xiao Ai can be so healthy, after all, she is not an ordinary child.Five years ago, when Han Geng and I were waiting at the door of the operating room, we held hands and our hearts were beating nervously, more nervous than in the past thirty years.The reporter interviewed us about our mood. At that time, we could no longer say any adjectives, even simple adjectives like "nervous" and "expectation".Because in the operating room, it is a special life, carrying our blood, and the hard work of all the scientists and staff. Whether she can come to this world safely is an unknown, full of mystery and expectation.

When the doctor opened the door and told us that a girl was born safely and healthily, Han Geng and I cried in our arms, our feelings at that time could not be described in words, we created a miracle, we two men, got A healthy child, our daughter, is ours.

After the reporters dispersed, Han Geng and I asked the doctor to see the woman who carried our surrogate for ten months. Although she was also a volunteer for this experiment, after all, our child was conceived in her womb for ten months. Only a few months can be such a safe and smooth birth.She is also Chinese, with black hair and yellow skin.

Han Geng and I held her hand and thanked her, she smiled brightly and said, is the child healthy?

Han Geng nodded and said that his limbs were not disabled, and his heart and lung functions were normal. The doctor said he was healthy.

She also cried excitedly, and said, although this child is not of my blood, can I also treat her as my own child?

We nodded and said, of course, she is our child, thank you.

Then we saw our daughter through the glass of the nursery, sleeping in an incubator with a lot of equipment monitoring her.She was still very young, less than an arm's length, and fell asleep quietly, neither crying nor fussing, and her pink smiling face was extremely cute.The monitor next to her displayed her electrocardiogram, the ripples were moving forward regularly, and Han Geng and I looked at each other and smiled.

When the child was full moon, we held a celebration party with the scientists in the laboratory and the surrogate mother. Although it was a personal party, it was to celebrate our joint efforts in the past few years and create miracles all over the world, so we When registering the child, I named her Miracle.

Xiao Ai lived in a laboratory in Los Angeles until she was three years old, so that scientists could monitor her at any time.Because everything about her is unknown—whether she can grow up like a normal child, whether there is any disability hidden in her body, whether her intelligence and physical strength are at normal levels...these are all unknowns.

At that time, I would visit her every week. Although Han Geng was very busy, he would go with me at least once a month.

Xiao Ai spoke for the first time, and called "Dad", I jumped up and down excitedly, saying, I am a father, Han Geng, I am a father.Han Geng hugged the child very calmly, kissed her cheek, I saw the tears in his eyes.

That day when we went home we lay in bed and hugged each other, I said, "Han Geng, after being with me, do you also think it's a pity that you won't have children?"

He just smiled and said, "Why did you say that all of a sudden?"

I looked at him seriously and said, "You tell the truth, you did it before, right?"

He pouted, acquiescing.

I hugged him, not unhappy, just said leisurely, "Actually, I also feel sorry for you. I know you like children very much, and mother also wants a grandson. We are married, but we can't have children. Really It's a pity."

I took his hand and looked at our wedding rings.

"Heechul, when I really decided to be with you, I had already made these mental preparations. I thought about the difficulties we will have in the future, the difficulty of getting married, and the possibility that we will not have children... But I still decided to be with you. You're together, do you know why?"

"why?"

"Because I've thought about it a long time ago. Those things are not as important as you. Although we have everything now, even if we don't have everything, I won't blame you, because these are my choices. I don't regret it. I decided to be with you. I already thought about it the day you were together, and it will be enough to have you in the future." He hugged me tightly and said.

I was moved and leaned in his arms, smelling the familiar smell on his body, no, it was our smell, we have lived together for so long, and our body odor has already merged into one, no distinction between you and me.

"Han Geng, I love you so much."

"I love you too, my Heechul."

~~~~memories~~~~

2007, SJ Dormitory

After a day's trip, I was exhausted when I returned to the dormitory, and I fell on the bed and didn't want to move anymore.

The door of the room is open, and I can see the children walking back and forth in the living room. I really want to eat ramen at this time, but I don’t have the energy to cook it. Who can I ask to cook it for me?

"Donghai? Donghai?" I called out, but saw him and He were wearing coats.

"What's the matter, brother?" He ran in and leaned against the door and asked me.

"Are you going out?"

"Well, notice, the manager brother is waiting downstairs." He said.

I swallowed the words that I wanted him to cook ramen, "It's okay, you can go."

Instead of leaving, he came over and sat down next to me, "Brother, are you hungry? Do you want to eat ramen?" He said with a smile. For some reason, that smile was a bit malicious and made me feel hairy.

"What? You want to cook for me?"

"No, it's just... After a while, He and I will leave, and there will be no one in the dormitory. What should you do by yourself? I'm worried about you." He said leisurely, without seeming to worry about me at all. .

"Have all the members gone to the announcement?"

"Ah! No, there is one person still."

"Who?"

"Brother Han Geng." He said with a smile, poking my face.

"Ah! Li Donghai!" I yelled at him, and he smiled triumphantly.The kid Donghai looks a bit dull and innocent, but he is actually very smart, and he is one of the few kids who can understand my heart, which is why I like him so much.

"Brother! You guys haven't been right lately! Take this opportunity to have a good talk, and let him feed you by the way!" He said again, then stuck out his tongue at me, stood up and left.

I want to scratch the wall.

Han Geng and I are the only ones left in the dormitory?How to do how to do?

In fact, by chance a few days ago, I told him my feelings, that is to say, I confessed. He was a little surprised at the time, but he didn't answer, and he didn't answer after that. He just felt that he was avoiding me all the time.During group activities, the two of us who are usually stuck together, acted separately for the first time, Han Geng stuck to Siwon, Siwon was naturally happy, with a face of 'Oh, our brother Han Geng finally took the initiative to stick to me, I have to take good care of it ' expression, I had no choice but to play with Donghae, Kibum and the others.

Kibum would sometimes ask me, Heechul brother, what happened to you and Han Geng brother?

When there are many people, I can't say much, I can only say, it's nothing, just a little conflict.When there are few people, Ji Fan will not ask again, he is such a child, unlike Dong Hai who would occasionally provoke me, Ji Fan will always pay attention in secret, with his eyes that can see through everything.

These days, I don’t know what’s wrong with Han Geng, he didn’t say anything to me, we passed each other like passers-by, he would avoid my gaze, and reduce the number of times he faced me head-on, even in In this small dormitory, he tried his best to hide in the room and not come out.

I don't know whether to continue to wait, or take the initiative to talk to him, after all, we are both men!I'm not chasing a girl, why does it feel so strange?I also thought, maybe he can't accept our homosexual love, but why didn't he refuse when I confessed?Why give me hope?What on earth should I do?Han Geng, tell me.

Lying on the bed alone, thinking wildly, I heard my stomach growling again, so I had no choice but to get up and go get food by myself.

Walking out of the room, there was no one there, Han Geng's door was closed, and Xiang must be hiding inside again.Walking to the kitchen, I took ramen noodles from the cupboard and a small pot from the cupboard. Suddenly, my head became dizzy and my hands shook. I can hear it downstairs, I don’t know if it’s really that loud, or I’ve already experienced auditory hallucinations.

I bent down to pick up the small pot, and felt dizzy again when I stood upright, so I put the small pot by the stove, supported the stove and rubbed my eyes.

Suddenly, I felt that someone came over, picked up a small pot and started to collect water, turned around and saw that it was Han Geng.

"Dizzy from hunger? I can't even hold the pot." He asked with his back to me.

I responded, sat at the table, and looked at his back gratefully. He took the water, put the small pot on the stove, lit the fire, put the noodles in, covered the lid, and then poured water on the pot. Find something in the closet.I watched curiously.

After a while, he found a bag of candy, opened it, and gave me two, "Eat this first and you won't feel dizzy."

I took the candy, peeled it off and put it in my mouth, it was so sweet, so I smiled and said, "Thank you."

He seemed to want to smile at me too, but he didn't smile. He avoided my gaze and turned around to continue cooking noodles.

Looking at his back like this, I also feel warm in my heart, even if I don't say anything, as long as I know that he still cares about me in his heart, I won't be sad anymore.

After a while, I smelled the aroma of ramen, the wheat aroma of the noodles, and the slightly spicy seasoning package, which made my empty stomach feel much more comfortable.

"Han Geng..." I whispered, "Thank you."

His body stiffened for a moment, he didn't speak, he stirred the ramen with his chopsticks, then he turned off the fire and put a small pot in front of me. "Let's eat." Then he handed the chopsticks to my hand, I took the chopsticks and rubbed them gently with my fingers, softly penetrating into my heart.

"Have you eaten?" I asked.

"Oh." He replied, and was about to turn around and go back to the room.

"Han Geng." I grabbed his hand, and he stopped there without turning to look at me. We were in a stalemate, and there was still sweet candy in my mouth.

"Eat quickly, you are hungry." He said softly.

"I..." I tightened my hands and really wanted to say a lot to him, but maybe I was too hungry, my brain was not clear, and my best mouth couldn't be controlled, so I couldn't say anything all at once. up.

"I'll talk about it later, let's eat first."

"Can you stay here with me? I don't want to eat alone." I said.

He hesitated, pulled up a chair and sat next to me.

I smiled, picked up my chopsticks and started to eat hungrily. The ramen cooked by Han Geng was delicious, it tasted like home and was very warm.Hot steam floated on my face, very hazy and real, and I felt like I was alive again.I ate up all the noodles, even the soup, and when I put down the pot, I noticed the way Han Geng was looking at me. I was stunned, and he was also stunned, and immediately looked away.

But I clearly saw it, the eyes were so full of fascination, presumably the way I gobbled it must be funny, let him watch it so focused.I know that you can only have such an obsessive smile when you watch the person you like eat.

"Han Geng, have you thought about it these days?" I asked straightforwardly.

He lowered his head and didn't speak, I knew it would be like this, so I didn't dare to ask him.If it was a flat refusal, I would give up immediately, but this kind of hesitation really made me very uneasy, very anxious, and I was afraid that if I waited like this until the end, it would still be a negative answer, and my previous waiting would be in vain. It looks even more ridiculous.

"I know it's difficult for you to accept this kind of thing. I know you are a very traditional person, and I know that you will think a lot... I'm really stupid. I know that there will be no results and I still look forward to it... But I I just like you very much, but I can’t give up like this. If I don’t even try to confess, I will really regret it to death!… I’m sorry, I’m ups and downs again, if you don’t like it, just pretend you didn’t hear it, I’m sorry , I'm going back to my room." After saying that, she got up to leave.

To my surprise, Han Geng grabbed me, I turned around in surprise and looked at him.

"Don't you listen to what I say?" he said, looking up at me.

"What?" I don't understand.

"You've been the one talking all the time, and I can't get in the mouth when I'm talking so fast, and I'm leaving after I finish speaking, don't you want to know what I think?" He also stood up, looked at me with a serious face expression.

"You...what are you going to say?" I asked nervously, as if I heard myself swallowing.

"These days I've been thinking, should we be together, can we be together... Heechul, do you know? In this circle, our future will be very difficult, and many people will not understand and will scold us, Fan may also leave us...Once we are discovered, we may lose everything, and all the hard work for so many years will become zero....Heechul, have you thought about this?"

My body trembled a little. I knew what he said, but I didn’t think about it carefully. I just love him. Although I know this road is very difficult and many people oppose it, but because I love him, I can’t pretend it’s okay. I want to continue to live, I can't just watch him get farther and farther away from me, I want to catch him and my love before that.

"Heechul, I'm sorry I've been avoiding you these days, but I need to think about it... I don't want to regret this choice in the future because of our impulsiveness, and I don't want us to become a relationship of complaining to each other in the future, you know? ?”

I nodded holding my breath, controlling my trembling, "I know."

"Heechul, I know your heart. I have been by your side for so long. Although I never say anything, I know everything. I can see how good you are to me... I came to Korea alone, and I can meet you. You are really lucky, and I am very grateful for your presence, during my most difficult days..." His eyes were red and his voice was choked up when he said this, "You have helped me so much, I know it all Thank u……"

"Okay, don't talk about it, I understand..." My eyes were also red, and I couldn't bear him to continue talking. Bringing up more past events will only add to the sadness. If you plan to reject my intention from the beginning , why bother to say so many reasons?

"Heechul, I don't understand a lot of things, and I don't know if you understand. I don't know how to express my feelings..."

"You don't need to say it, I understand..." I sighed and said, feeling like tears were about to flow down my face. Even though I knew it would be like this, I was still so sad. "I'm very tired, I'm going back to my room to sleep..."

But he pulled me back, "mo? Are you going to sleep?"

I smiled wryly, "Yes, can we continue talking?"

"Yeah, I haven't finished yet." He has an innocent face, do you have to say the words to reject me yourself?

"Forget it, I don't want to hear it." I waved my hand to leave.

"Ah! You said you didn't want to hear it? Kim Heechul, why are you doing this?" He was puzzled.

"Ah! Han Geng! You really..." I shook off his arm, struggling to leave.

"Ah! I haven't finished talking yet!" He was in a hurry, and came up to hold me.

"I said I don't want to listen anymore, you insist..." Before I could finish my words, he sealed my mouth.The flood of kisses overwhelmed me and made me dizzy at one point.We have kissed before, including kissing on the mouth, but it was just a light touch like a joke, or a little taste, and I took the initiative to tease; this is the first time for such a deep and intense kiss, and it is he who took the initiative!

I still have the smell of ramen in my mouth, the ramen cooked by Han Geng is so fragrant.