Time makes you fall

◎Truth◎

Qu Qingcheng asked: "Zhu Yao, have you ever taken that kind of personality test? It's just answering a lot of questions to test whether you are a born leader or a follower."

Zhu Yao nodded: "I did."

The student days were so boring, all kinds of test constellation tarot became attractive games.

"What did you find out?"

"Of course I am a follower... what are you?"

"What do you think I am?"

Zhu Yao thought of Qu Qingcheng standing on the podium, gentle and determined, exuding confidence all over his body: "You must be the leader."

Zhu Yao once heard from many students that it is natural to like to fight against the teacher, but for some reason, she is willing to listen to Teacher Qu.In the past, no one signed up for their sophomore sports meeting, and the homeroom teacher Lao Fang asked Qu Qingcheng to mobilize them.

Qu Qingcheng shook his head: "I'm actually...a follower."

"The real leader is her."

Zhu Yao looked at Qingli's face in the photo: "She is..."

"My sister."

Qu Qingcheng laughed as he spoke: "I'm only two years younger than her, and I always liked to run behind her ass when I was young."

"Although I learn things faster, she must be the one who learns better. Painting, playing the piano, and even sneaking out to catch butterflies...she is better than me, because I always quickly attract attention to other things But she can do these things well one by one.”

"When I was young, I was very thin, even thinner than now. We lived in the university campus where my parents taught for a while. Many teachers' children always liked to bully me. I came back crying to my sister, and she went to help me reason. "

"She is really a formidable person. Now that I think about it, she is such a small child..." Qu Qingcheng asked, "What do you think she did?"

Zhu Yao scratched his head: "Fight?"

Qu Qingcheng smiled: "She doesn't know that, she is a very gentle person, like water... She just went to reason with those children, can't you think of it?"

"Children can't listen to those things. She pulls them and explains the truth of not bullying people over and over again. She won't be impatient at all."

"Gradually, there are really no children bullying me anymore. I don't know if I listened to her reasoning, or I was annoyed by her nagging."

"It's been like this since I was a child. She is so quiet, and I am very active. I run behind her buttocks, and she cleans up the mess for me."

Zhu Yao touched Qu Qingcheng's face.

"how?"

"It's just that I didn't expect you to be like this when you were a child. I think it's... novel."

Qu Qingcheng smiled: "After going to school, she became even better. After entering elementary school, she became the squad leader, squadron leader, and brigade leader. After entering middle school, she became the president of the student council, the head of the radio station, and the head of the literature club... "

"When I enter school, no one will bully me at all. Everyone knows that I am her younger sister, and there are senior students who will escort me. It is very face-saving."

"My grades are not as good as hers, and my popularity is not as good as hers. Gradually, everyone, including my parents, pays attention to her."

Zhu Yao reached out and squeezed Qu Qingcheng's ear: "Did you feel jealous when you were a child?"

Qu Qingcheng shook his head: "Not at all. Do you know? I'm very fortunate to have such a person standing in front of me, allowing me to hide in her shadow and do many things I really like."

"So I said, I am a natural follower."

Zhu Yao asked: "What did you like when you were a child?"

Qu Qingcheng's childhood world was opened to her, like a secret garden to her, she lingered in it unwilling to leave, wanted to see every flower clearly.

Qu Qingcheng said: "You remember when you went to my parents' house, I took you to my bedroom, and there was a guitar in it."

"Ah."

Qu Qingcheng smiled: "I formed a band and played rock."

Zhu Yao's eyes widened: "What Qu Qingcheng! Is this impossible?"

The amount of information, the degree of explosion, is no less than Min Jiawen saying that her favorite idol star is SpongeBob SquarePants.

Qu Qingcheng turned the album to the back: "This is me at that time."

Zhu Yao quickly looked over: "This is you, Qu Qingcheng?"

She looked again and again: "Is this really you?"

There are several photos, the person above has short bobo hair, the only long strand is dyed purple, wearing cool jeans and canvas shoes, with a small face.

There is no shadow of the gentle, generous and elegant Qu Qingcheng now.

Qu Qingcheng smiled: "Probably during the period from the third year of junior high school to the first year of high school, it was crazy to play, and the first tattoo on the back was also done at that time."

"My God." Zhu Yao couldn't believe it at all, but the delicate facial features of the person in the photo clearly belonged to Qu Qingcheng himself.

Zhu Yao sighed: "Why do you feel that your personality is completely different from yours now. You still pick up..."

She tugged at Qingqing's now soft solid-colored hair: "Your school doesn't care about it?"

"It's up to you." Qu Qingcheng said, "But isn't my sister the president of the student union? She has a very good relationship with the teachers, and the teachers are the kind who really, really like her."

"She went to intercede for me, and the teacher just turned a blind eye to me. Isn't it amazing?"

Qu Qingcheng flipped through the photo album, always with a nostalgic smile on his face.

Zhu Yao looked at Qu Qingcheng's clear and beautiful face in each photo. She was dressed in a gentle and elegant style in middle school, wearing a pair of gold-rimmed glasses. Compared with Qu Qingcheng herself when she was a child, her sister was closer to her now .

It's better to say... from the dress to the temperament, they are all carved out of the same mold.

Zhu Yao had also been in contact with Qu Qingcheng's parents several times, but had never met Qu Qingcheng's sister, nor heard her parents mention the fact that they had two children at home.

In addition, Qu Qingcheng was holding an old photo album, which was already slightly yellowed. The photo of Qu Qingcheng's sister on it was about 37 or [-] years old, and there was no aging.

Zhu Yao already had a bad premonition in his heart: "Your sister..."

"Well, passed away."

Zhu Yao's heart skipped a beat, and his first reaction was to reach out and hug Qu Qingcheng's shoulders, just like Qu Qingcheng hugged her before.

Was her hug gentle enough?

Is her embrace tolerant enough?

Can such an awkward, reticent and unpleasant girl comfort Qu Qingcheng?

Qu Qingcheng smiled: "It's okay, it all happened more than ten years ago."

"The bloody wound at that time has now turned into a faint scar."

"Your sister is..."

"Accident." Qu Qingcheng smiled again: "Speaking of which, this accident... is my fault."

Zhu Yao found that Qu Qingcheng was very similar to her, or maybe everyone was like this, when talking about things he didn't want to face, he always used to cover up with a smile.

"At that time, she graduated from high school, and during my summer vacation in the first year of high school, she was admitted to the teacher of her choice. She was very happy and was planning to go on a trip with her classmates. One day I came home, took a travel leaflet, and quarreled with my parents. Said I was going with the band members."

"That's a tiankeng. In Switzerland, from the current point of view, it should be regarded as a very incompletely developed kind."

"How could my parents let me, a minor, go abroad to play with a bunch of children of the same age? Of course they rejected me. But this flyer was seen by my sister, and this became her tourist destination. "

"My dad dotes on my sister very much, because my sister is very similar to him. She liked calligraphy and guqin since she was a child, and she wanted to be a teacher since she was a child. My dad paid for my sister to go there as her graduation gift."

"I didn't expect..." Qu Qingcheng smiled again: "My sister's classmate informed us about my sister's news. My parents flew to Switzerland that day...The pit was closed that day, and it was never opened as a tourist attraction. .”

Zhu Yao held Qu Qingcheng's shoulder tightly all the time: "Qu Qingcheng, do you want to cry?"

Qu Qingcheng smiled blankly: "It's been a long time since I couldn't cry, and I've finished crying at that time."

"After my dad returned to China, his spirit suddenly collapsed. Only then did I realize that all my dad's hopes were placed on my sister. He must think that my sister is the next him."

"That long summer vacation turned into a long torture. I later found out that my dad had to take a lot of sleeping pills every night, as well as a lot of antidepressants, which he and my mother didn't tell me."

"But one day, when I was flipping through the sheet music in the living room, my dad came over and gave me a deep look."

"At that moment, I suddenly felt that my dad would be thinking-would it be better if the person who went to Switzerland was me instead of my sister?"

Zhu Yao's heart was shocked, and he lost his voice for a moment. He could only hold Qu Qingcheng's shoulder with one hand, and hold Qu Qingcheng's hand tightly with the other, repeating over and over again: "This is impossible, Qu Qingcheng, this is impossible."

"Your parents love you too."

Qu Qingcheng still smiled: "Of course I know they love me, but from the moment my dad gave me a look, I kept thinking, am I the child who deserves to stay at home alive?"

"Thinking about it now, maybe my dad's look meant nothing, but it completely changed my life."

"Maybe this is also a kind of traumatic stress response..." Qu Qingcheng smiled: "I, since the second year of high school, I have lived like my sister."

******

"After I started doing it, I realized that it's actually not difficult." Qu Qingcheng continued.

"It turns out that if I study hard, my grades can be very good. It turns out that I can get along well with my classmates, and I can be very popular. It turns out that I often go to the teacher to ask questions, and the teacher can also like me very much."

"Later, I became the president of the student council, the head of the radio station, and the head of the literature club..."

"Gradually no one mentions my sister's name anymore. The whole school knows my name. But I know that the meaning of my name at that time has become my sister's name..."

"I am her."

"When I was admitted to my sister's teacher's school, the best teacher's school in the country, that was the first time I saw my dad's smile stretched."

"That's when I breathed a sigh of relief."

"If my sister is the one who is more worthy of staying at home, if a flyer I got back broke all this, then I..."

"Become like my sister, wouldn't it be good?"

******

Zhu Yao said softly, "Qu Qingcheng, you are crazy."

Qu Qingcheng smiled: "But this can make me feel better, and it can also make my parents feel better."

She picked up the gold-rimmed glasses that had just been placed on the bedside table: "I also chose these glasses according to what my sister used to wear. She is the one who studied hard since she was a child, and of course she is also the one who is short-sighted."

Qu Qingcheng put on the glasses again: "Is it suitable for me? After all, my sister and I look alike."

Zhu Yao took off the glasses from Qu Qingcheng's face: "You look good without glasses, don't wear them in the future."

Qu Qingcheng said: "How is that possible? I have been used to wearing it for so many years. When I do homework, I always push the bridge of the nose habitually. I can't push the glasses. I am not used to it yet."

She asked Zhu Yao: "Want to see my tattoo?"

Zhu Yao put the glasses aside, and gently peeled off Qu Qingcheng's pajamas.

Qu Qingcheng's pajamas have always been wide and thin, made of silk satin, sliding down along Qu Qingcheng's smooth shoulders.

The white back is exposed.

This was the first time Zhu Yao clearly saw Qu Qingcheng's tattoo.She was either covered by her pajamas, or she was doing something special, and she deliberately avoided seeing her, so she didn't look at it carefully.

Looking at the past now, the one on the lower left that looks the oldest is a skull with withered roses.

Qu Qingcheng sat cross-legged on the bed, turned his back to Zhu Yao and smiled: "Doesn't it look outdated and silly now? I got the tattoo when I was playing in the band."

Zhu Yao stretched out her fingers, trembling slightly, stroking Shang Qu Qingcheng's back: "Not at all."

On the contrary, there was a strange collision with Qu Qingcheng's temperament, giving birth to an inexplicable sense of beauty.

Zhu Yao caressed with his fingers like the right: "What about this one?"

In the center of the white back, the largest tattoo is an angel, with wings slowly spreading, hands clasped together in prayer, holy and beautiful.

Qu Qingcheng said, "I got this tattoo after I was admitted to a normal school."

"One is to commemorate my sister, and the other is... After playing my sister for two years, I was actually quite puzzled at that time."

"When I become more and more integrated with my sister's appearance and personality, when my acting becomes more and more smooth, when I don't feel that I am acting at all, but feel that I am actually born with this kind of person."

"I can't help but think, what about my former self? Could it be that I was just a disguise, trying to deliberately differentiate myself from my sister?"

"But I don't think that's the case, because at that time, I didn't feel like I was pretending, but I was really happy."

"I can't figure out what kind of person I am, but I think that only I will remember the old me. My parents, my classmates, and the old teachers should have long forgotten..."

"So I went and got this tattoo to remind myself, don't forget that there was another person like me in the world before."

Zhu Yao's hand moved to the top right: "The last one... Is this the one I got when I went to the tattoo shop to find you?"

Qu Qingcheng nodded.

In fact, Qu Qingcheng's tattoos are located on the lower side as a whole, so they won't show through any style.

All these tattoos, together with the rebellious Qu Qingcheng who is no longer remembered, became Qu Qingcheng's own secret.

Until now, Zhu Yao still remembers the great shock she felt when she saw such a large and complicated tattoo on the back of the gentle and elegant Qu Qingcheng for the first time.

Qu Qingcheng told the tattoo artist at the time that the tattoos on her body were meaningless and were randomly selected from the tattoo album, but now it seems that it is obviously not the case.

Zhu Yao stroked it slowly with his fingers. It was an enchanting and evil Medusa tattoo, which appeared next to the holy and beautiful angel tattoo. The contrast was too obvious, forming a strong visual impact.

"Why... Medusa..."

Five years ago, Zhu Yao, who was only 17 years old, did not dare to look closely at the latest tattoo on Qu Qingcheng's white back.

Now I know it's Medusa.

Qu Qingcheng turned his head and smiled: "If the angel is my sister, this evil Medusa should be the hidden and real me."

"why……"

Zhu Yao clearly saw Qu Qingcheng's side face half turned to her, so beautiful, exuding a holy halo like the angel tattoo on her back, as if all the dirt and filth in the world were insulated from her.

"Well... because I have acted everything about my sister, but found that there is only one thing I can't act, and that is..."

"I like women."

Zhu Yao's fingers froze: "Is this a crime?"

"Of course it's not a crime." Qu Qingcheng said, "It's just that in my father's eyes, I know he has always regarded me as a substitute for my sister. When my nature destroyed the image of a perfect daughter in his eyes, That's what makes it a crime."

"The first accident happened at the university. I had a special feeling with a debating club student at the university."

"During the summer vacation, she came to see me. I thought it was normal for me to pretend, but my mother soon found out that something was wrong, followed by my father."

"In fact, they didn't expose anything from the beginning to the end. They received the senior sister politely, and sent her away politely. It's just that I accidentally discovered one night that my dad started taking sleeping pills again."

"Later, my mother talked to me once, but she still didn't break the news. It was just various hints. She also mentioned that my sister had a boy she liked very much when she was in high school..."

Qu Qingcheng smiled: "That was my first blind date."

Zhu Yao said: "But this kind of thing can't be faked."

"If you can pretend..." Qu Qingcheng said, "Now there won't be so much trouble."

"Pretend that I am a normal person and that I like the opposite sex. This is the consensus reached by my mother and me. After I started contacting the man my sister liked, my father's mental state began to return to normal."

"It's just..." Qu Qingcheng murmured, "Maybe I'm useless, but this kind of thing... I really can't pretend."

"I even hid abroad to study, but when I was abroad, my father's condition was not good, so my mother forced me to return to China."

"I didn't expect to meet you again." Qu Qingcheng turned around slowly, knelt on the bed, and turned to face Zhu Yao.

"I've been persuading myself that maybe I've been in contact with the opposite sex more, and I can tolerate it a little bit, and I can pretend like that for the rest of my life..." Qu Qingcheng said: "Maybe it's the fifth, eighth, and I don't know how many blind dates. Suddenly, I can accept it.”

Qu Qingcheng raised his finger and slowly touched Zhu Yao's face: "But I didn't expect to meet you again."

Zhu Yao froze in place, unable to move.

Qu Qingcheng's pajamas were half untied, hanging loosely on her shoulders, which gave her a shock even stronger than that of the tattoo on her back.

Holy, beautiful, and spotless.

Thin and fragile and shattered at the touch.

After being dazed for a long while, Zhu Yao finally recovered half of her soul, and the other half would probably be stored in Qu Qingcheng's body. If she could not see Qu Qingcheng, her soul would never be complete.

She raised her hand and hugged Qu Qingcheng into her arms: "If you can't pretend, then don't pretend."

Qu Qingcheng buried her head on Zhu Yao's shoulder, and Zhu Yao felt a slight wetness on her shoulder through the thin pajamas.

It turns out that Qu Qingcheng, who has always been mature and prudent about everything, also... can cry.

Zhu Yao slowly patted Qu Qingcheng's back, which was the comforting gesture Qu Qingcheng often made to her.

"But if you don't pretend, what will my dad do? My dad is in very bad health. I quit my job suddenly when you were in your third year of high school, so I went abroad to accompany my dad for medical treatment." Qu Qingcheng leaned on Zhu Yao's shoulder: "I have already lost My sister is gone, do I have to lose my dad again?"

Zhu Yao didn't know what to say, and patted Qu Qingcheng's back in silence.

"It's not that I haven't thought about taking a gamble, after I met you." Qu Qingcheng slowly stretched out his hand, wrapping his arms around Zhu Yao's waist: "It's not that I haven't thought about it... Maybe my dad's uncomfortable period of time will be enough." Accepted, maybe the worst I thought, it just wouldn't happen."

Zhu Yao knew what Qu Qingcheng hadn't finished saying.

If Zhu Yao confessed his love to Qu Qingcheng and entered into a stable relationship, Qu Qingcheng would be willing to gamble for Zhu Yao.

She refused to go on a blind date, revealed the truth to her parents, and even took her hand to walk in front of her parents.

Zhu Yao knew that Qu Qingcheng was daring.

but.

But what does that bring.

Dad's down.Mom's sigh.The life that was once a white ivory boat set off huge waves.

The elegant and calm Qu Qingcheng that Zhu Yao once yearned for the most, who doesn't have to endure hardship, will no longer exist.

The warm, harmonious and comforting home that Zhu Yao once envied the most will no longer exist.

Zhu Yao is not only afraid of these things, she is even more afraid of the fact that she, who has come out of a broken and resentful family, is not worthy of such a huge sacrifice as Qu Qingcheng.

If her awkward personality brought a stable relationship to collapse like Zhu Yinglan did, at that time, how would Qu Qingcheng feel when he looked back at everything he sacrificed today?

It's not that she doesn't believe Qu Qingcheng.

She doesn't believe in herself.

She doubted that she would not be able to shoulder everything that Qu Qingcheng had delivered.

Following Zhu Yao's long silence, Qu Qingcheng slowly stopped crying.

She stood up from Zhu Yao's shoulders, her head still lowered, and Zhu Yao did the same, with her eyebrows and eyes half down.

In a dejected atmosphere, Qu Qingcheng slowly buttoned up her pajamas.

She whispered to Zhu Yao, "Give me the glasses." With a nasal voice.

Just after Zhu Yao took off the glasses on her face, they put them on Zhu Yao's bedside table.

Seeing Zhu Yao sitting still with downcast eyes, Qu Qingcheng said again: "Give me the glasses."

In fact, Zhu Yao knew what it meant.

Putting on the glasses, Qu Qingcheng is still her sister in disguise, continuing to play the image of a perfect daughter, going on blind dates until she gets married, leading a good and smooth life, but not what she wanted.

After throwing away her glasses, Qu Qingcheng changed back to her original self. Perhaps even Qu Qingcheng had forgotten what she was like at the beginning, she was just willing to gamble with Zhu Yao.

Everything just depends on Zhu Yao's thought, whether to confess his love, whether to hold Qu Qingcheng's hand.

In fact, the long silence just now explained everything. Qu Qingcheng was disappointed, so he said: "Give me the glasses."

Zhu Yao didn't have the courage to hold her hand and move forward together, what's the use of her being brave alone.

The atmosphere was awkward and silent.

Zhu Yao is still hesitating.

She has one last chance to say: "Stop wearing glasses."

She had one last chance to say, "Stay with me."

Seeing that she was sitting still, Qu Qingcheng called her name again: "Zhu Yao."

Zhu Yao took a deep breath, her lips trembling slightly.

The author says:

感谢在2021-11-0316:39:26~2021-11-0412:51:20期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who cast the rocket launcher: 1 Huosen;

Thanks to the little angels who threw mines: Mu Chenyan and Zhaohai one;

Thanks to the little angels of the irrigation nutrient solution: 6 bottles of Silent Doubi; 2 bottles of Ana; 1 bottle of Shi Guzy;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!