Beauty has a lot of bad thoughts

In mid-June, Chris Maeda, who was serving his sentence, finally received his first reply letter from China.

Months of persistence finally paid off.Chris Maeda was so excited that he tossed and turned all day, reading and rereading the letter.

To my Afu:

Today is June [-]nd, a year ago today, I met you in the secret place in the steel forest.The first time I saw you, I fell in love with you.I began to notice a fact - maybe I like men.

Realizing this, I tried to cover it up.You exposed my nature without hesitation and forced me to face it.Therefore, I am afraid of you.

It's not that I don't like you and treat you coldly.Making those actions stems from my inner rejection of self-examination.

At the end of May last year, I wanted to give up everything and put all my eggs in one basket to find Yin Ren and start a new life with him.I dare not tell him face to face, my suffering and love these years.I don't have enough self-confidence to accept all the possible consequences of my actions.

I used you, and Chamberlain.I use you to test Yin Ren.To test whether he cares enough about me, to test whether he can stand by my side no matter what the situation is.

Just like Yin Ren's temptation to me in the past ten years.

When Yoon In was in college, he frantically looked for boys who were similar to me.I thought they were my stand-ins and that Yoon In liked me.I tried to get close, but every time I wanted to get close to Yin Ren, he avoided him again.

His repeated rejections hit my self-confidence.I'm not sure if he just likes my type or just doesn't like me?

Anyone can?

I can not?

The problem between us is not so much caused by me not being strong enough, but rather that I am cowardly enough.

Fu, I like you.I have thought more than once that if I am lucky, I will spend the rest of my life with you.My feelings for you are not fake.While liking you, I can't forget everything about Yin Ren.So, I went to Japan with you, and used you, to try to forget him.

However, I failed.

Even now, I cannot forgive myself for what I did.

Ah Fu, the words I said "I hope you are happy" to you are definitely from my heart.It has taken me months to sort out my feelings before I can confide these words to you.

Yin Ren and I have known each other since we were three years old.

We lived next door and went to the same kindergarten together.At that time, Yin Ren was mischievous and domineering.He is always making noise, wanting me to be his wife.He beat anyone who objected.I don't hate that feeling, I feel like I'm "protected" and "important".

When he was five years old, he asked me to be his wife.He went out to earn money to support his family, and I cooked at home until he came back.

These words have been said until he was ten years old.

For Yin Ren, maybe it was just a child's ignorant big talk.

Only me, taking it seriously.

For many, many years afterwards, I cooked for Yin Ren, waited for him to come home from get off work, chatted with him, and relieved his worries...

All because I thought what he said would come true.

Sometimes, I'm naive, too, right?

Loving him has become a habit.

It is difficult for me to get rid of it for a while.

Regardless of Yin Ren's choice, it has become the past.It may take me some time to forget all this.No, I can't say more about Yoon In right now.If you want to know, you can tell me in the reply, and I will write to you in more detail.

Regarding your last letter asking about Yusuke's situation, I can tell you—it's doing fine now.

The weather in June is already very hot, and Yusuke is growing very vigorously.It is no longer the yellowish look in winter, it is so green.My students regard Yusuke as their classmate and take good care of him.

I don't know how you live there, are you still used to it?

Are you full for three meals?

Will you lose weight?

Every day on my way home, I pass a beautiful garden.The homeowner loves the flowers and trees and takes good care of them.In a big city, it is rare to find such an elegant and quiet place.Every time I pass by the lush garden, I can't help but think - I really want Ah Fu to see it too.

With the consent of the owner, I took a photo and sent it with a letter, I hope you like it too.

—— Xue

And: Every time I see the starry sky, I will think of our days in Karuizawa.

And the starry sky you see while soaking in the hot spring.

And the starry sky you see when you walk on a country road.

I have taken many photos of star trails before, but none of them remain.

It’s a pity that I couldn’t shoot the starry sky of Karuizawa, and I accidentally remembered it in the middle of the night.

With tears in his eyes, Chris Maeda turned the photo over.On the back of the photo, there are a few lines of flamboyant words.That was written to him by Schrödingbang.

I see green trees flourishing and swaying for you, I see red flowers blooming for you.

I see the blue sky and white clouds, and the rainbow hanging from the sky after the rain, reflected on your face.

I am grateful for every bright and fortunate day that has passed.

I am grateful for every deep and meandering night in the past.

All with you, spend together.

Chris Maeda held the photo to his chest with both hands, and kept crying.

A week later, Schrödingbang received his reply.

Dear Mr. Xue, my Dingbang:

I'm doing great now!

When I received your letter, I was so happy that I was about to fly!

Please stop talking about Lawyer Yin, I just want to know you, look at you, and love you.

Life here is very regular, and the place I live in is better than many places I used to live in.It is clean and bright, with glass on the windows, so I can be woken up by the sunshine every day.I'm working hard, doing some crafts well, doing simple things to make money.I occasionally perform some simple magic tricks to amuse everyone.

There are many old people here, half of them are grandpas and grandmas.There was an old lady who just stole a [-]-yen sandwich and was put in prison and had to serve a year and a half.This is her third time here.She is willing to stay here, it is better than being alone at home, there is free food to eat, and free accommodation.And in the prison, there are free doctors and people who can talk.

Loneliness and poverty are really cruel.

Dingbang, I'm scared.

If you refuse to accept me, will I be like this in the future, living alone and dying alone?

I don't want to be alone!

I don't want to have no partner, no children, no family, no one to talk to... A week after the death, the body stinks, and the neighbors found out and called the police.

I hope to get Dingbang's understanding and return to you.No matter how much time it takes, I will let you see my heart.

In fact, I am afraid of death.

Every time I do an escape magic show, I get nervous as hell.

I'm more afraid of being without you than of dying.

Dingbang, I love you very much.

If you can't be with me, I don't want to see you with someone else.But if you're avoiding me because you want to be with someone else, I'll act like I don't know.

Dingbang, I miss you very much.

I spend 42 hours a day thinking about you.

—— Ah Fu

After reading the letter, Xue Dingbang folded it carefully, feeling as if a big stone fell to the ground in his heart.

On the second day after receiving the letter, Xue Dingbang rested.He didn't choose to reply immediately, but took Yusuke to his private garden together.It's just that I haven't been here for three weeks, and this place has turned into a construction site.

The ancient tree that was the "secret base" of Yin Ren and Xue Dingbang was under the threat of excavators.The soil around it has been loosened, and it is just waiting for the last shovel to easily shovel it down.

Xue Dingbang felt a dull pain in his heart, as if being severely tightened by an invisible rope.

He jumped off his bike and ran to the tree in a desperate attempt.

People from the construction site stopped him: "It's dangerous here, don't go there!"

There is a pit in front, and the soft soil is not easy to stand on.There were still large machines working, and in a hurry, Xue Dingbang could only shout: "Don't dig yet! There is something in the tree hole!"

"No matter what, it's too late!" The construction site said, "It's all been dug up, what are you going to hide in the tree hole?"

Xue Dingbang was stunned, took two steps back, and muttered in a low voice: "Is it late? I'm sorry...it's really late."

He calmed down, raked his hair a few times, and apologized sincerely to the people at the construction site.Turning around, Xue Dingbang only saw the bicycles of Yusuke and Yin Ren, both of which fell to the ground.

Yusuke's flowerpot shattered, and a lot of soil was stained on the leaves.

Yin Ren's dilapidated bicycle fell to the ground and broke the middle seat.The chain was thrown out, as if it had been disembowelled, and the intestines flowed all over the place.

Already, is it too late?

He doesn't have Yin Ren, nor Ah Fu, not even Yusuke?

Xue Dingbang squatted down slowly, tidying up the fragments of the flowerpot bit by bit.He squeezed handfuls of soil to firmly protect Yusuke's roots, and put Yusuke into the car basket.In the setting sun, countless machines on the construction site rumbled.The towering giant tree that carried countless memories crashed down, stirring up a cloud of dust.

Outside a construction site, a man squatted in front of a battered bicycle, his hands covered in dirt, staring blankly at what was happening.

He used to be very familiar with this place, but now he is very strange to it.

The old trees were transported away by vehicles, and the hollow trees should not be used as building materials.On the planning map of the garden outside the wall, there is the shadow of this ancient tree on the community entertainment facilities.

It seems that they don't intend to destroy it, they just plan to plant it in another place.

Old trees will create new worlds, new memories.

In the future, a new community will be built in this area.

The secret base where he and Yin Ren used to play will become the children's paradise now.

new paradise.

The secrets they once guarded have disappeared with the forest.The secret hidden under the leaves and tree holes will be sealed forever and become a secret that only the two of them know.

The past is over.

This is the end.

Xue Dingbang picked up the bicycle and moved the vehicle to Yin Ren's house.

"It's not mine, it doesn't belong to me." Xue Dingbang said to his godfather, "I'll return it to Yin Ren. Sorry, I seem to have broken the car... If necessary, I can repair it..."

The godfather stared at Xue Dingbang for a long time, and just said: "If it is broken, it will be broken! If the old one does not go, the new one will not come! Dingbang, godfather bought you a new car. It was originally planned to be a gift for you in the New Year. You I'm not at home. I think it's inconvenient for you to commute to work by bike every day, so go by car!"

Xue Dingbang glanced at his godfather, Yin Ren's father.They are so similar, they are domineering, but they are so careful and gentle.Xue Dingbang had no way to refuse the kindness from his relatives, he could only nod.

"Thank you... Dad."

Xue Dingbang no longer goes to school by bicycle, he changed a brand new car.Yusuke is no longer planted in the soil, it has a new flowerpot.In the exquisite and beautiful translucent glass tank is the nutrient solution of hydroponic pothos.

The world changes both quickly and slowly.

Yusuke is getting stronger and stronger, more and more green, vigorous and full of vitality.

Xue Dingbang no longer takes Yusuke to wander around, and now he shuts himself at home when he is free.

Either play the piano, or write letters.

A letter also came from Chamberlain, asking cautiously—is Mr. Xue forgiving?

Things have come to this point, in fact, it does not matter whether to forgive or not.As long as Chamberlain had any requirements, Xue Dingbang could try his best to meet them.At least, that's what he wrote back to Chamberlain.

[To forgive a person's crimes is God's qualification.But I am an atheist, I neither believe in God nor qualified. 】

Time flies, and it is August in a blink of an eye.