you are unspeakable

Indulgence makes people happy, it is an illusion in the cold city, it isolates all the confusion and fatigue during the day, it also blocks the emptiness and loneliness in the night, it gives people short-term and extreme joy, although such joy After dawn, it will disappear without a trace, accompanied by double loss, double exhaustion, double loneliness and emptiness.

Wang Qi was woken up by someone poking him on the bench outside the bar street. The person who woke him up was full of disgust. Wang Qi frowned and sat up while supporting his heavy body and head. The sanitation worker woke him up with the broom pole.

The sky was bright, and the city under the sky seemed to be covered with a gray cauldron. The coldness of the morning penetrated through the cold clothes and stuck to the skin. Wang Qi sniffed lightly. After the overnight alcohol and sweat condensed, she couldn’t speak clearly. An unknown sour smell came out.No wonder the sanitation uncle had to stay three steps away from him. The appearance of this drunk man is really unlikable.

"I thought you were dead," the sanitation uncle came over with a broom, "What are you doing drinking so much, you good boy? You can smell the smoky smell of alcohol on you from several meters away. Fortunately, it is now In summer, if you get drunk outside in a few months, you will freeze to death sooner or later."

Wang Qi listened silently, and after a while she stood up with her full support on the back of the chair.

The sanitation uncle couldn't bear to see him walking tremblingly: "Have you brought a mobile phone, call your family and ask them to pick you up. Seeing you like this, walking is a problem."

Wang Qi raised his head, and looked in the direction of the sound with red, swollen and bloodshot eyes. He woke up from a hangover, unconscious, and couldn't even see clearly. The voice in his ear made him feel uncomfortable. He just wanted to escape here , go to a quieter place to stay.

Wang Qi waved her hand and walked to the depths of the park.

The sanitation uncle shook his head, sighed the young people nowadays, and then started cleaning.

It took a long time for Wang Qi to recover. He swallowed his saliva and realized that his throat was so painful. He guessed that he might have caught a cold. He had a headache and pain all over his body, as if he had been beaten hard, but he felt nothing. He is used to the pain and adapts well. These don't bother him. What really bothers him is the alarm clock ringing on his mobile phone.

He only took June [-] leave, and today is a working day.

But he didn't want to go to work, and he felt unspeakable disgust and helplessness in his heart, and he didn't want to see anyone he knew again.

I don't have the courage to ask for leave, and I don't have the mood to go to work.

Wang Qi just sat blankly in a dark corner of the street, turned off the alarm, turned off her mobile phone, curled up and watched the city streets full of people coming and going all day.

Li Xinglu didn't return to the house where he lived with Wang Qi after get off work today. What happened last night made him feel like something was stuck in his heart, and he couldn't put it down and couldn't take it out.

He thought that maybe he would have to hang out with Wang Qi for a few days, and in these few days, he also needed to think about his relationship with Wang Qi.

Before this, Li Xinglu had never thought so much.

After quickly reviewing the time with Wang Qi, Li Xinglu suddenly didn't understand why he was with Wang Qi for so long.At first we were together with Wang Qi because he didn't feel disgusted when he touched this person, and also because he had a bit of Liu Wen's shadow on him, but for more than a year, Li Xinglu has been able to distinguish Wang Qi from Liu Wen. Smell, they're not alike, not at all alike,

Liu Wen once fell into the abyss and quagmire, but he has an upward and unyielding will. He tried his best to climb out of the abyss, and became a ferryman who stood beside the abyss and handed ropes to people in the quagmire.

On the contrary, Wang Qi is also in the abyss and quagmire, but he always reveals only despair, helplessness, darkness and self-contradiction. He is pitiful and self-pitying. I think he is hateful, that kind of hesitation, fear, and hesitation——Wang Qi thinks that he hides it well, but Li Xinglu is the person who lives with him after all. Far more than Wang Qi thought.

Li Xinglu loves life and is full of energy. He despises those cowards who give up life if they don't work hard.

They haven't seen each other for several days.

Wang Qi did not go to work for three days, and he lost this stable job.

He didn't write a resignation report, didn't face the company's personnel, and didn't face the leader. He didn't matter. As long as he was absent from work for three days without reason, he would receive a text message from the personnel.Wang Qi would not cause trouble for others. After the indifferent notice, he still replied a polite thank you. He will not cause trouble for the company because of his disappearance. Maybe they will look for him.

But if he thinks too much, no one will look for him.

During the three days he disappeared, he didn't receive any attention from anyone except spam text messages and dismissal notices.

But these are not important at all, they are just things that have never happened before.

He went to the bar late at night on the first day of absenteeism, and the second time was much more proficient than the first time. He stepped onto the dance floor with a glass in his hand, shaking his body and head. The stomach of the empty day was under the hot alcohol, The heat in his chest rose again and again.

Waking up from the corner of the street again, Wang Qi smelled so bad, he went back to his rented house, changed his clothes, took a shower, ate some dry instant noodles, he was exhausted , he felt tired even to boil hot water, he half sat on the sofa and didn’t want to move a step, he mechanically ate the noodles one bite at a time, so hungry that his convulsed stomach was filled with things other than alcohol. Reality in the world.

Wang Qi knows herself very well.

He's been seeing doctors for years and all the doctors have told him at one time that doing nothing will destroy him, that all his emptiness and loneliness will fill him up when he's alone, that he should have a job, There should be simple socializing, there should be something to do, even if it is meaningless, even if it is extremely simple.

Wang Qi lost her job, and also lost the "rules" she imposed on herself.

Since then, Wang Qi's day and night have no meaning.

Li Xinglu intends to have a good talk with Wang Qi, or break up, or continue the current relationship, he seems uncertain, maybe he just wants to see Wang Qi.

After all, he couldn't wait for Wang Qi's initiative to contact him. In his impression, that person had never actively contacted him.

It had been a week since he contacted Wang Qi again. He sent Wang Qi a WeChat message and made an appointment to meet at 02:30 on Saturday afternoon. This time was like a weekday afternoon, with a hint of indifference.

Li Xinglu set off from his home at 01:30 noon. Before leaving, he made a pot of tea and drank it slowly, so that his heart tended to a calm state.

Wang Qi saw the news the night before. He was going to the bathroom at the bar at that time, and he was a little dizzy from drinking, but he became sober after seeing the WeChat message Li Xinglu sent him. , Kong wanted to get drunk.

He replied with a good word, then turned around and went out to pick up the wine again.

Wang Qi showed up in the room on time. He was still hungover this time, but he gradually got used to the hangover. He was not as embarrassed as he was a few days ago. He walked back to his rental house in the early morning sunshine, changed his clothes and washed his clothes. Taking a bath, with a head of half-dry hair, he set off at seven o'clock in the morning and walked across half of Xuancheng.

He didn't want to touch anyone except the people in the bar.

He tries to avoid public transportation, subways, taxis, restaurants, restaurants, and supermarkets, and refuses all occasions where he has contact with others.

Wang Qi opened the door with her fingerprints, and Li Xinglu sat on the sofa with a bad face.

Wang Qi glanced at it, lowered her head, closed the door, and walked behind the sofa opposite him. He didn't plan to sit opposite Li Xinglu. He hoped that there would be some shelter in front of him when facing Li Xinglu, which would make him more comfortable. comfortable.

"Where have you been these days?"

Li Xinglu's voice is very cold, he is angry now, when he stepped into this room, he was slowly accumulating anger, this Saturday, Li Xinglu originally thought that he would see Wang Qi when he opened the door, Of course, maybe he was out, but at least he would see traces of someone using the items in the house.However, what he saw were the windows that were not closed, and the dirty curtains that were blown out by the wind, what he saw was the mess on the balcony, and a very thin layer of dust that fell from the living room. Moldy, rotten cake scraps in the trash, even mosquitoes and flies in the June weather.

Under Li Xinglu's questioning, Wang Qi actually started to be in a daze. He lowered his head and thought, in such a bad environment, Li Xinglv's cleanliness must be committed.

Wang Qi's silence angered Li Xinglu even more, and his voice became colder: "Speak."

Wang Qi still didn't say a word, he really didn't know what to say, where did he go?He didn't go anywhere, he just went to drink for a few days, but it seemed that there was no need to mention these things to Li Xinglu, the relationship between them was both intimate and indifferent, he didn't understand Li Xinglu, and Li Xinglu had never been dissatisfied Know him.

When the anger value reached its peak, Li Xinglu changed his posture and had physical movements, which made him calm down slowly. Li Xinglu has a good tutor, and he has very good control over his emotions, at least in front of others. Except for very rare cases, Li Xinglu hardly gets angry or loses his composure.

He suppressed the irritability in his heart, and said lightly: "Since you don't want to stay here anymore, then I won't force you. We will separate from today. This house is due in half a year. During this period, you can live here if you want. You don't have to pay me back the card I gave you, the money is not much, you can keep it and spend it as compensation."

After Li Xinglu finished speaking, he stood up and left without hesitation.

After Li Xinglu left, Wang Qi just let go of the tension on his body. His head was numb and he couldn't stand anymore. He slid softly behind the sofa, as if his strength had been drained.

The expected ending, but when it really came, Wang Qi still felt the pain and felt so sad that she was about to die.

The future he had visualized turned into smoke and dust in an instant.

The indifference between them is like a deal.

Li Xinglu sat back in the car, held back his anger and burst out in the space where he was alone, he slammed the steering wheel in his hand fiercely.