you are unspeakable

This morning Li Xinglu and Wang Qi were in the same room, but Wang Qi didn't eat the breakfast made by Li Xinglu. Wang Qi walked out of the bedroom at the usual time, and saw the cold kitchen and the empty living room.

Originally thought that the sound of the door opening in the morning was Li Xinglu going downstairs to buy soy milk, but now it doesn't seem to be the case.

Children's Day without breakfast.

Weekdays that do not require work.

The high-rise rental houses cannot see the colorful innocence on the street, only the towering cold buildings that can't be seen at a glance, like indifferent iron nails nailing Wang Qi's hard-working heart.

One by one.

Holes one by one.

It looked ugly.

Li Xinglu went out very early, he drove straight to the office, he focused on looking straight ahead of the road, he didn't care about the signs of celebrating Children's Day in the surrounding shops at all.

When the lights came on, when the street lights lit up the way home, when he finally decided to go back, it was only an hour before the end of the day.

And the time spent in the car will take half an hour.

Li Xinglu glanced casually at the side of the road when he was stuck in traffic, saw several cartoon hydrogen balloons stuck on the trees in the green belt, and then remembered that today is Children's Day.

However, along with this festival, it was Liu Wen who came into my mind. Li Xinglu remembered that before Liu Wen went abroad, he specially asked Li Xinglu to go to the Children's Paradise on Children's Day. At that time, Liu Wen was depressed. The disease has improved a lot. Li Xinglu accompanied Liu Wen to walk through every facility inside. When he arrived at the door, Liu Wen showed a very relaxed smile. Li Xinglu still remembered the look on Liu Wen's face at that time. The expression is peaceful, warm, and somewhat sad.

He said: "Since my mother left, I dare not come to this place again. Although I have to leave, thank you for being able to accompany me to come again."

The traffic in front slowly started to flow, and Li Xinglu remembered that he also took Wang Qi to the Children's Paradise a year ago. He didn't quite remember whether Wang Qi played in the Children's Paradise, but he remembered that he started Holding a hydrogen balloon in his pocket, his smiling eyes sparkled.

That day seemed to be the first day they were officially together.

One year anniversary.

Looking at the traffic jam, Li Xinglu looked at his watch anxiously. It was only 20 minutes before the end of the day.

Fortunately, the number of cars gradually decreased after more than ten minutes of traffic jam. Li Xinglu stepped on the gas pedal, overtook several cars in a row, and stopped at the entrance of a dessert shop. He trotted open the door and went in to buy a Ice cream cake in cartoon shape.It's just that he came too late, and the shape of the ice cream cake in his hand was no longer so pretty.

Li Xinglu couldn't control that much anymore, he was holding the cake in his hand, and drove all the way to his house stuck in the speed limit.

Throwing the car into the garage, Li Xinglu rushed upstairs with the cake in hand. It would be June 3 in [-] minutes, but the elevator was still on the eleventh floor.

After all, he still didn't have time, when he walked into the elevator, it was only 1 minute before midnight, tens of seconds was not enough for him to deliver the cake on the first day of June.

Most of Li Xinglu's excitement and anticipation dissipated the moment the time became zero, but he still wondered what kind of expression Wang Qi would have on his face when he came back with such a cute dessert.

Will... laugh like last year?

However, as soon as the elevator door opened, Li Xinglu saw Wang Qi standing outside. A trace of surprise flashed in Li Xinglu's eyes. He stepped out and said in a joking tone: "Waiting for me?"

To Li Xinglu's surprise, Wang Qi's face was expressionless, he opened his mouth, but in the end he didn't say anything, just nodded slightly.

Li Xinglu didn't find anything unusual, he just wanted to express himself at the moment, Li Xinglu reached out and took Wang Qi's hand: "Go home."

The two sat down at home, Li Xinglu put the cake in his hand on the coffee table: "Open it and have a look."

Wang Qi could already smell the sweet and greasy smell of the cake through the box, which caused him to feel unwell, and his stomach regurgitated a bit, but in front of Li Xinglu, Wang Qi drank a large glass of water, lowered his head and took the cake come out and be among them.

Li Xinglu's eagerness on the road made the edges of the cake even worse. The white, red and white cream mixed together looked like festering wounds, which made people lose their appetite.

Li Xinglu's smile froze on his face, his mood suddenly became bad, he reached out to pick it up and threw it into the trash can.

"It's broken, don't eat it."

Looking at the even more disgusting cake lying in the trash can, Wang Qi lowered her head and smiled.

Very light laughter.

But Li Xinglu heard it, not only that, he also heard the emotion that surprised him in this laughter.

Wang Qi looked up at Li Xinglu, the expression on his face was full of sarcasm.

This angered Li Xinglu, he suppressed his anger and said in a deep voice: "You are not enough? You have been acting weird since you had dinner with Jinshi Liuwen, Wang Qi, I don't have the patience to guess what you want , to put it bluntly, don't waste each other's time."

"Do you think I'm acting weird?" Wang Qi rolled his eyes, he felt a little wronged, and felt that it was ridiculous to feel wronged. He waited for Li Xinglu on the sofa in the living room all day, all day, without eating Don't drink, every minute and every second is looking forward to Li Xinglu suddenly appearing in front of him, holding his hand like a year ago, treating him like a child, and taking him to experience the world.

But he waited until zero o'clock and got nothing.

At zero o'clock, Wang Qi just wanted to leave here. The June [-]st he had been waiting for was gone.

Watching the time beating little by little, and finally returning to zero, it feels like hope is passing by little by little.

It's like the birthday cake that I was looking forward to when I was very young. After begging for so long, it passed from my brother's hand to my own mouth, but it was only disgustingly sweet.

so tired.

Very sleepy.

Wang Qi counted and counted on her fingers, only to realize that he hadn't slept for a long time.

Insomnia followed, and so did emptiness.

He must leave.

While waiting for the elevator, Li Xinglu came back with a cake he hated the most.

Li Xinglu has never cared about a word of Wang Qi since he entered the door. He only cares about the cake he didn't give away, and only cares about his own feelings. He can't see Wang Qi's fatigue, can't feel his despair, Wang Qi is inexplicable The smiling face seemed to be provocative and acting.

"Isn't it?" Li Xinglu sneered: "I just forgot an anniversary, why are you making such a fuss? At worst, I'll just replenish it for you tomorrow. Tell me, what gift do you want?"

So familiar.

In that family many years ago, his parents, his elder brother, and his younger brother also said the same thing to him.

They said: "Isn't it just a small thing, don't you care about it?"

"Don't make a fuss about it," they said.

They said: "Can you be as obedient and sensible as your brother, and can you let your brother go."

They talked a lot, and Wang Qi has been used to it since she was a child.

He won't fight back.

Also learn not to resist.

He shrank again, and became the Wang Qi that Li Xinglu had always seen, timid, restrained, and obedient.

It was as if the emotion revealed at that moment was someone else.

"Okay," Wang Qi shrank there, lowered her head, obediently and obediently: "Okay."

Li Xinglu was not happy, he thought it was wrong, the person opposite was wrong.But he couldn't tell, and in the end it could only be attributed to Wang Qi's depression.

He didn't need to care about a patient, but his mood was ruined, Li Xinglu stood up indifferently, opened the door and left.

No explanation, no turning back.

Indifferent, like a high-ranking ruler, leaving the slave who made a mistake to reflect in this prison.

Wang Qi will reflect, but he will not reflect here.

This place doesn't belong to him, from the very beginning, it doesn't belong to him.

But he doesn't want to go back to his rented room either, his heart is so empty, it's a bottomless abyss, he has to do something, it's best to make himself feel pain, only real pain can make him feel better—— ——If it can be a little better.

Unknowingly, I came to a street full of bars, and the flickering bar lights made everything around me so unreal.

Standing by the side of the road, Wang Qi smelled the smell of alcohol, fermented and rancid, from the men and women coming and going.

This rotten, depraved smell and environment full of desire made Wang Qi's heart beat violently.

It was like a stone was thrown into a pool of stagnant water, causing ripples in circles.

Wang Qi missed the feeling of alcohol paralyzing the body and paralyzing the mind, the kind of erratic, relaxing, unspeakable pleasure and indulgence, the experience of falling asleep unconsciously after being drunk, which no amount of sleeping pills can give.

Wang Qi walked into the nearest bar without hesitation.

He might still look like a rookie.

But it doesn't matter.

He abandoned his fear and fear this time, he didn't care what set meal it was, he didn't care what kind of alcohol it was, and he didn't care who was around him.

Everything becomes unimportant when drunk.

It doesn't matter who Li Xinglu is.

Who you are is less important.

The men and women sitting beside him raised their glasses to toast with him. They laughed and raised their heads to dry up the liquids of various colors in the glasses. Their bodies were hot and their skins were sticky, but they were enthusiastic and happy. They didn't care who the other party was. Wang Qi walked to the dance floor.

Shaking his body while drinking.

There has never been such a moment of relaxation, such carelessness, and such wantonness.

The intense music seemed to have magical powers, making Wang Qi's heart keep up with its heavy beat, his body heated up, and something rushed up from his chest.

Wang Qi chuckled and drank cup after cup.

What does it matter if you can't have breakfast?Wang Qi found his own paradise.

is the city's bar and its mesmerizing alcohol.

Then he discovers something even more fascinating, in the near future.