withered lover

Shen Guiwan broke out in a cold sweat before Du Zhinian went to bed. He was already in poor health. He tossed and turned on the bed in wet pajamas for two hours, and fell ill again the next morning.

Wrapped in a blanket and holding a thermometer in his mouth, he sat on the bed listlessly and stared at Du Zhinian in a daze.

Du Zhinian looked at Shen Guiwan's listless look, so that even his hair drooped a little, he reached out and touched his forehead.

Feeling that the skin under his hands was a little hot, the electronic thermometer held in Shen Guiwan's mouth made a "beep" sound at the right time, Du Zhinian took it over and took a look, and sure enough, he had a fever again.

38 degrees, although the body temperature is not high, but it is not a level that can be left alone.

"I won't go to work today, I'll stay with you at home." Du Zhinian took out his mobile phone and prepared to call to ask for leave.

Shen Guiwan grabbed his sleeve, shook his head and said in a daze, "I'm fine."

Fever and injuries are commonplace for him. He has survived more serious situations before, but now it is just a low-grade fever. Shen Guiwan has a personality that will act like a baby when he is sick. A good illness doesn't need Du Zhinian to stay and take care of him.

Du Zhinian held Shen Guiwan's hand, pretending to be angry and said, "If you don't take care of you, you will get sick. I'm a doctor, how can I leave the patient alone?"

But Shen Guiwan always had a way to shut Du Zhinian's mouth, "Then are you going to leave the patients in the hospital alone?"

His rhetoric almost labeled Du Zhinian as "sexy and blind", and incidentally charged himself with an inexplicable crime.

Du Zhinian was stunned for a long while before he supported his forehead and sighed: "I'll take the medicine later and sleep a little longer. I'll be back early today. If you feel unwell, call me."

Shen Guiwan hummed in response, but it seemed like he didn't listen at all.

"Shen Guiwan, do you remember?" Du Zhinian rubbed Shen Guiwan's head, softening the half-length soft hair into a mess.

"Remember..." Shen Guiwan leaned on Du Zhinian's shoulder, buried his whole face in Du Zhinian's neck, "I want to hug."

He has been sick frequently recently, most of the time he doesn't cry or fuss, he hums when he can't stand it, which makes Du Zhinian feel nervous every time, and has to call back every now and then to inquire about the situation.

Now leaning in his arms and coquettishly saying that he wants to hug him, Du Zhinian felt relieved.

"Okay, I'll give you a hug." Du Zhinian put his arms around Shen Guiwan's shoulders, smoothing Shen Guiwan's hair through the blanket.

Shen Guiwan rubbed against Du Zhinian's shoulder and hummed twice, feeling uncomfortable again after a while, rolled up the quilt and lay down on Du Zhinian's lap.

When he had a fever, he lost energy, and after lying down for a while, he became silent.

Seeing that Shen Guiwan was able to fall asleep in such an awkward and uncomfortable position, Du Zhinian felt sorry for him because he was sick and uncomfortable, so he didn't ask him to get up and take medicine right away.

Du Zhinian made Shen Guiwan sleep for half an hour before calling him up to take medicine, and after taking the medicine, he carefully covered the blanket and quilt to make sure Shen Guiwan fell asleep before going to the hospital.

He went a little late, and the registered patients waited for almost an hour, and when he saw Du Zhinian, he couldn't help complaining.

"Sorry, my family is sick, and it took a while to feed him the medicine." Du Zhinian was much more patient with patients than Du Hengyu, and asked about his condition while apologizing.

The patient didn't complain as soon as he heard it, and after talking about his situation, he began to care about Du Zhinian's sick family members: "Doctor, is your family okay?"

"It's okay." Du Zhinian recalled Shen Guiwan sleeping on his lap, his brows and eyes were tinged with a slight smile, "Children are obedient, so you don't need to worry about it."

The patient asked in surprise, "Are you married?"

Du Zhinian smiled noncommittally, and tapped his fingers on the keyboard a few times quickly, "You go for a CT scan first, and you don't have to wait for the scan when you're done, just come and find me."

After exhorting the precautions for CT, Du Zhinian went on to see the next patient.

He was delayed for an hour in the morning, and most of the patients needed to be checked to make a diagnosis. The patients went back and forth several times, and it was getting closer by the time the last patient left the consulting room.

Du Zhinian was so busy seeing patients that he didn't even have time to eat lunch, but there was nothing left in the cafeteria at this point.

He casually turned on his phone and ordered takeaway from a small fry shop, and on the way back to the office, he sent two messages to Shen Guiwan, asking if he was feeling better, and if he had eaten on time.

Shen Guiwan was probably still sleeping, but Du Zhinian waited for a while and didn't receive a reply, so he subconsciously wanted to call and ask, and worried that he would wake up Shen Guiwan, who was already restless.

He hesitated for a while between making a call and leaving it alone, and the dean whom he met the day before yesterday appeared out of nowhere.

"Has Xiao Du eaten?" The dean still had a smile on his face.

Du Zhinian said hello to him, "I'm going."

"Young people still have to take good care of their bodies." The dean urged earnestly, "What if we get overwhelmed?"

Du Zhinian was not familiar with the new dean, and his relationship with the elders in the family was also very cold. He would suddenly care about him, and he felt inexplicable and at the same time at a loss.

The two stood at the elevator entrance for a while, and when the elevator was about to stop, the dean suddenly said, "I will send you two documents for your reference about the matter I told you last time."

"After you think about it, tell me that it will be finalized at the beginning of next month at the latest. Mr. Yu was asking again yesterday."

Du Zhinian was stunned for a moment, and when he recovered, the dean had already entered the elevator.

"Can't Xiao Du come up?" the dean asked him.

"...Nope." Du Zhinian paused, "I just remembered something, you should go first."

Du Zhinian sat on a bench in the corridor on the first floor of the hospital, looking at the evergreen banyan tree in the distance.

Shen Guiwan used to look at it when he was hospitalized before. At that time, Du Zhinian didn't understand what is so good about a tree. Now his heart is in a mess but he can't find a clean place, so he just imitated Shen Guiwan and stared at that tree. daze.

It has been less than two days since the dean asked him if he wanted to leave and now he is urging him to make a decision. Du Zhinian must have agreed to it early, but now he heard that he could go abroad for further study. What came to mind was actually what Shen Guiwan would do after he left.

Shen Lu's family is violent, Du Zhinian saw Shen Guiwan beaten to pieces by him, and the hideous scars left by those wounds have remained on Shen Guiwan's pale body to this day, although Shen Guiwan fought back that time, but he did not It might work out like this every time.

The result of using violence to control violence would only be a loss for both sides. Du Zhinian couldn't bear to see Shen Guiwan get hurt again, and he didn't want him to continue to struggle in such an environment.

But Shen Guiwan never told Du Zhinian about his family background, nor did he mention the mother who never appeared in the conversation.

Du Zhinian knew that Shen Guiwan's mother was no longer here, or had passed away, otherwise she would not have the heart to see her son fall into such a situation.

He knew, but never asked about Shen Guiwan's family background.

Without a legitimate identity to ask and unwilling to poke Shen Guiwan's wound, Du Zhinian had no choice but to leave Shen Guiwan in his apartment to take care of him carefully.

It's like taking in a stray cat that was abused and abandoned, taking the injured kitten and hiding wet in the corner of a warm room, and nestling next to him to work and sleep with him after healed up.

Now that Du Zhinian is completely used to living with Shen Guiwan, the idea of ​​going abroad has become less strong.

He wanted to be content with the status quo, but neither Du Hengyu nor Shen Lu would let them continue to live in peace.

Those dirty images on New Year's Eve and Du Hengyu's warning would appear in Du Zhinian's dreams from time to time. He had to leave here and run to a place where Du Hengyu's hands couldn't reach.

So did Shen Guiwan.

But is he willing to leave with him?

Or, can Shen Guiwan leave here?

His thoughts were entangled, and Du Zhinian couldn't figure it out.

He rubbed his head irritably, and finally bowed his head in frustration.

At first he wanted Shen Guiwan to be his lover just because of lust, but later Shen Guiwan lived in his apartment for a short time, and he couldn't tell whether he was infatuated with Shen Guiwan's body or emotionally.

Sex is desire, and so is love. The two are fused together, and Du Zhinian can't tell the difference.

Maybe there are both, or the former is too strong, making him mistakenly think that he is in love with Shen Guiwan.

Du Zhinian tried to use this kind of reason to prevaricate himself, but Shen Guiwan was his lover, and "lover" already took up the word "love". Those who don't talk about feelings but only talk about the body are not lovers, they are called friends with benefits.

Du Zhinian didn't want to use such a superficial word as "friends with benefits" to describe their relationship, even if they didn't have feelings at first, but the moment Shen Guiwan moved into his apartment, the relationship changed.

Now it is appropriate to say that Shen Guiwan is his lover, but if Du Zhinian wants to change to someone who is more intimate, perhaps "lover" is more appropriate.

But does Shen Guiwan love him?

Du Zhinian didn't know, and didn't dare to think about it.

Before Du Zhinian met Shen Guiwan, he had several boyfriends. One of them broke up after less than a week of chatting, and the rest developed into close relationships that ended abruptly one day.

He hopes that someone can be by his side, but at the same time longing to be loved, he doesn't want the other person to get too close to him, so that he can keep a clear distance from himself.

However, no matter how far the relationship develops, those people will break through the boundary abruptly and continue to occupy Du Zhinian's personal space.

Du Zhinian rejects those actions similar to what his parents did, resists overly intimate contact and neglects his lover, so every love has a dismal end.

He can't seem to develop an intimate relationship with anyone, abandons the intention of being in love and starts looking for a suitable lover.

Later, seeing Shen Guiwan in the hospital, Du Zhinian felt that the patient was beautiful but quiet, and that he was hiding a secret, so he frivolously invited Shen Guiwan to be his lover after his ex came to the ward to make trouble.

Originally thought he would be rejected, but Shen Guiwan agreed without even hesitation.

Although Du Zhinian was surprised, he did not cruelly refuse the beautiful lover in front of him.

When Du Zhinian first came into contact with Shen Guiwan, he only felt that Shen Guiwan was too silent, and he couldn't even express his own preferences. During the cold war, he felt that Shen Guiwan was naive, trying to meddle in other people's housework.

After Shen Guiwan moved into his apartment, Du Zhinian finally understood that Shen Guiwan was different from his clingy predecessors.

He would wait quietly for himself to come back, and would cook for himself his favorite dishes, but he would not question himself in a suffocating tone, forcing himself to stay with him.

The overheated and entangled love suffocates Du Zhinian. He likes this kind of relationship with a sense of distance, which allows him to have his own breathing space.

Shen Guiwan perfectly met these requirements, and it was easy to satisfy. Give him a warm and beautiful fireplace or even an unread book, and he can just nestle in a corner and stay quietly for a whole day.

Du Zhinian became more and more used to Shen Guiwan's company, but Shen Guiwan didn't love him, and even stayed by his side just because of that ridiculous agreement.

"I can teach you."

Looking back now, Du Zhinian only thinks that he is so ridiculous, he can't even understand his own feelings, so how can he have the courage to tell Shen Guiwan that he can teach him?

He looked at the luxuriant banyan tree and smiled silently and mockingly.

He used to think that he didn't need Shen Guiwan to love him, all he needed was to be a quiet and beautiful lover, but now he couldn't help wishing Shen Guiwan to love him.

What a contradiction.

His life is distorted and deformed. He was manipulated by Du Hengyu and Wen Qiong into the pattern they wanted, and he was forced to correct it into the shape he expected, and now even his emotions are the same.

Someone really loved him and gave him his love unconditionally, but he didn't know how to respond and even felt bored, and kept killing the other person's feelings.

In the end, the other party got tired of it, and cruelly left Du Zhinian's side, leaving him alone.

More than once, Du Zhinian felt that he deserved what happened to him, and now he couldn't help but pray to Shen Guiwan not to treat him like this.

He could calmly accept his patient's death, but he couldn't bear the loneliness of being hollowed out after his lover broke up, and he didn't want Shen Guiwan to be the one who did this.

Du Zhinian sat on the bench covering his face, the hot air from his sigh covered his palms, and his warm skin became moist.

He let go of his hand wearily, and at some point a fallen leaf fell from his feet. The withered yellow leaf shriveled in the cold wind and drifted away into the distance.

The leaves have been bound to the trunk since they first sprouted, but now they are free when they are yellow and decaying. Does Shen Guiwan have to wait until Shen Lu dies, and he can only leave here when he is old and weak?

Du Zhinian looked at the leaves drifting further and further away, and Du Hengyu's disgusting expression appeared in his mind again.

For the past 28 years, he has been living under Du Hengyu's control and Wen Qiong's indifferent onlookers. They don't care what kind of person he is, what ideals and aspirations he has, they just want to turn him into what they want, Become a puppet that only obeys orders.

Those blames and demands are not really caring, but just the "parents" desire to control.

Du Zhinian felt bored and tired, but he and them were pulled together by a bond called "blood relationship", unable to refuse these viscous and disgusting emotional output, he could only passively accept them.

Now that Du Zhinian thought back on what he did in the past, he realized that under the subtle influence of Du Hengyu and Wen Qiong, he had unknowingly become the same person as them - harsh words, selfishness and indifference.

He inherited everything he hated from Du Hengyu and Wen Qiong.

Du Zhinian himself is such an existence, and everyone he meets around him is more or less similar to him and his parents.

Only Shen Guiwan was not.

He always has a faint sense of alienation from society, and therefore has a little unrealistic naivety.

He will sympathize and pity, and will fight back fiercely, but he never imposes his own consciousness on others, but just obeys others' wishes and speaks appropriate words.

Shen Guiwan hoped that Du Zhinian would live a long life and be safe and sound. Du Zhinian had never heard of these ordinary blessings, but the phrase "safe and prosperous" was the only consolation on that terrible New Year's Eve.

He desperately hoped that they could come true, hoped that everything would go well for him, and dreamed that Shen Guiwan could live freely and be free from restraint and abuse.

Du Zhinian couldn't tell how he felt about Shen Guiwan now, he said that his love was too strong, and his liking was not deep enough, and he couldn't tell whether his feelings for Shen Guiwan were more love or superficial liking Mixed with carnal desires.

Born in Du's family, he seems to have inherited Du Hengyu's thin and cool blood. He has changed lovers one after another, but he doesn't know how to love others, and he doesn't know how to express his feelings.

But the only thing he knows is that he wants to be with Shen Guiwan.

He fell in love with Shen Guiwan on that unremarkable Christmas Eve, and kept this stray cat who was abused and abandoned at home, and now he wants to take Shen Guiwan away from home with him, throwing away everything in the past, Go to a distant country to live an undisturbed life.

Shen Guiwan can't escape Shen Lu's control, he can go to Yu Minggu for help again, if Shen Guiwan doesn't like Yu Minggu, then ask someone else for help.

It doesn't matter that he is a useless doctor with no skills, he can abandon everything and beg for help, as long as Shen Guiwan is willing to leave here with him.

If you can't have both love and career, then he chooses Shen Guiwan.

As long as Shen Guiwan is willing.

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happy New Year.