withered lover

The backlog of emotions surged out with the tears, flooding the bedroom like a flood that broke a bank. Shen Guiwan's sobs were overshadowed by Du Zhinian's "Wanwan", and then swallowed by the lingering kiss of love.

The two of them had vented enough, and sat side by side on the carpet by the bed.

Shen Guiwan sniffed hard, wiped away the tears hanging on his face with the sleeve of his pajamas, and wiped his eye sockets and cheeks red.

Du Zhinian saw that he was treating his face so rudely, so he quickly pulled his hand away, and wiped away the remaining tears from the corners of his eyes with his fingertips, "Don't do this, Wanwan."

His appearance is not much better than Shen Guiwan's, but he has been calling Shen Guiwan's nickname in a doting and gentle tone, coaxing him helplessly, like a considerate and nice gentleman.

"Du Zhinian." Shen Guiwan responded, putting his hand on the back of Du Zhinian's.

His fingertips were trembling, but Du Zhinian held that hand instead, and pulled it to his lips to kiss his pale and cold fingertips one by one.

The warm breath fell on Shen Guiwan's hand along with the kiss, which made him want to withdraw his hand, but his trembling nerves gradually calmed down.

Du Zhinian felt that the hands in his palms were no longer trembling, and played with the flesh in Shen Guiwan's palms for a while.

After a long time, he slowly asked: "You said you met my mother, what did she tell you?"

"Aunt Wen said that she could send me abroad and asked me to leave you. She also said that when you leave here, we can live together abroad." Shen Guiwan had already calmed down, but her breath was not steady when she spoke, and her voice was a little trembling.

He didn't hide from Du Zhinian, repeating everything Wen Qiong said that day.

Du Zhinian was silent for a few seconds, then suddenly said with a sneer: "Torturating me is not enough, now I'm here to tell you what to do again, it's really..."

"Have you agreed?" He looked at Shen Guiwan, with a bit of sadness in his sarcastic eyes.

Shen Guiwan shook his head, touching the corners of his reddened eyes with his fingers.

"That's good." Du Zhinian leaned his head on his shoulder, playing with his pale and slender hand, "You were not surprised when I said I was leaving, is it because you knew it in advance?"

Shen Guiwan raised his finger and lightly rubbed Du Zhinian's palm, and replied in a low voice: "Yes."

"Little liar." Du Zhinian smiled and went to pinch his face, "I thought you didn't care about me and didn't want to go with me."

Hearing what Shen Guiwan said before, Du Zhinian's heart went up and down several times. If he could touch the inside of his chest, he would probably pull out a heart that was so cold that it wouldn't beat anymore.

Fortunately not.

Shen Guiwan did not avoid Du Zhinian's mischievous hand, and even put his face on it, "Me too."

Fearing that the other party doesn't care about him, afraid of being abandoned, he and Du Zhinian are the same, both worrying about this awkward and delicate relationship.

Shen Guiwan never dared to overestimate his weight in other people's hearts, because apart from his mother, no one cared about his existence before meeting Du Zhinian.

He has always been a dispensable and unnecessary existence, and even he himself does not have any expectations of himself.

Shen Guiwan lowered his eyes, let out a foul breath, "Du Zhinian."

Hearing his melancholy sigh, Du Zhinian raised his head and asked, "What's wrong?"

"I heard that domestic violence is hereditary, if I become like Shen Lu, aren't you afraid?" Shen Guiwan looked down at the scar on the palm of his right hand.

He couldn't help but look at that scar, but every time he looked at it, it was still the same without any change.

"Don't be afraid." Du Zhinian pinched the tip of Shen Guiwan's nose, "A cold took a week to heal, and I accidentally cried a little more on the bed, do you think you can overwhelm me?"

He was saying unscrupulous jokes, but Shen Guiwan couldn't laugh, "You saw Shen Lu in the hospital, his head—"

"Wanwan." Du Zhinian interrupted him, "You won't become like that."

"You are Shen Guiwan first, and Shen Lu's son second. You are you, an independent thinking individual unlike Shen Lu, not a copy of him." Du Zhinian said seriously.

Even if they inherit the blood of their parents, they are different from their parents after all. They will be aware of their own flaws, will be afraid and will change, and are not cold-blooded machines driven by emotions and blood.

He is not, and neither will Shen Guiwan.

"Besides, so what if you break his head? He's already ruthless. If you don't fight back, are you going to be beaten to death?" Du Zhinian unconsciously raised his voice, "You just beat him to death?" Smashing your head is also self-defense."

It's not the tyranny of the blood, it's just being forced to fight back helplessly.

He pressed Shen Guiwan's shoulder, and asked word by word: "Do you understand?"

"I see." Shen Guiwan nodded stiffly, the tears from the corners of his eyes fell down with his movements, and fell into the fluff of the carpet.

Hearing Shen Guiwan's obedient response, Du Zhinian gently wiped away the tears on his cheeks, and said with a smile: "I don't seem to have told you about my family, let's tell you together today."

"I told you on New Year's Eve...my father is a very manipulative person. I was forced to do a lot by him when I was a child. I transferred schools and skipped grades. I didn't have many friends my age. My mother knew me It was very painful, but she never helped me, even if it was not my fault, but I was wronged, she would blame me first."

His voice became softer and softer, he laughed lightly after speaking, and asked Shen Guiwan: "Isn't it ridiculous?"

"They don't care about my feelings at all. They just want to satisfy their own desires and vanity, and they want to turn me into a tool to inherit the family business and carry on the family line. I never feel that they love me, and the two of them got married not because of Love is only for the benefit of marriage."

Being ashamed of his sexual orientation, ignoring his feelings, just asking him to go all the way to the black according to the past process, this is the cold violence Du Zhinian has been enduring.

Shen Guiwan moved his lips, wanting to comfort Du Zhinian, but he stopped him by shaking his head.

"The Du family and the Yu family are actually not that different. If I follow their requirements, it should be similar to Yu Minggu's now. But I moved out very early, and I don't have much contact with the Du family."

He spoke lightly, and only he knew the pain and grievance behind it. Shen Guiwan felt a tight pain in his chest when he heard it, but he didn't interrupt Du Zhinian.

"As a result, my father felt that I didn't know what was good and what was wrong. He felt that he was just raising a lover outside. He didn't have an illegitimate child to compete with me for the family property. He even showed mercy to let me accept the company. I should be grateful to him." Du Zhinian said mockingly.

"My father has been cheating on me since I was a child, and I know no less than twenty lovers. If you want to talk about heredity, you have to worry more about whether I will cheat than domestic violence, right?"

He smiled and talked about his past, and unreservedly showed those cruel pasts before Shen Guiwan's eyes, but Shen Guiwan fell silent again.

Seeing that Shen Guiwan's mood suddenly fell, Du Zhinian hurriedly coaxed, "I'm just making an example, I won't cheat."

Shen Guiwan didn't speak, his heart tightened and he asked, "Are you angry?"

"No, I just remembered the past." Shen Guiwan hugged his knees and curled up in the corner between the bed and Du Zhinian.

Du Zhinian touched his thin shoulder, "Would you like to talk to me?"

"Okay." Shen Guiwan nodded very lightly.

Compared with Du Zhinian's childhood full of cold violence, Shen Guiwan's Shen family villa has always been filled with blood and violence, even before he was born.

"Before me, my mother had another child, and she married Shen Lu with that child in her arms." Shen Guiwan rested her chin on her knees, "When Shen Lu beat her at six months, my mother fell from the stairs. Rolled up and down, miscarried."

Du Zhinian's expression became serious following Shen Guiwan's words, he vaguely guessed the ending in his heart, but he didn't dare to think about it.

"Shen Lu suspects that she is cheating, and suspects that the child in her womb is not his." Shen Guiwan said, "Because she was born out of wedlock."

Shen Guiwan's He Muchen married Shen Lu when he was two months pregnant. At that time, reputation was very important. Shen Guiwan's grandfather could only reluctantly marry his daughter to Shen Lu who was still a poor boy at that time.

Shen Lu kept saying that he would live a good life with He Muchen, but after marriage, he seemed to be a different person. He suspected that his wife was not pregnant with his son, and began to speak rudely to his wife, and even beat her.

At that time, He's father was seriously ill and was bedridden. With no more scruples, Shen Lu beat his wife more and more fiercely, so that he couldn't keep the child in the end.

"If he is born, I can still have an older brother." Shen Guiwan looked at a certain place with empty eyes, "Maybe there is no me at all."

With the first child, there is no need for the second, and he would not be born in the Shen family, nor in this world.

Shen Guiwan once hoped eagerly, but it was impossible to realize after all.

"It took several years for my mother to conceive me after she had a miscarriage. I heard that after I was born, Shen Lu took me for a paternity test, but even though he was sure that I was his son, he still suspected that my mother was cheating."

"Shen Lu often beats her, and I can hear my mother crying almost every night." Shen Guiwan closed his eyes, exhaling hot air with a moist trembling sound, "But I didn't do anything, just watched her being beaten by Shen Lu." Lu was beaten all over with cuts and bruises."

"I don't understand why my mother married such a scumbag. If she hadn't married him, she wouldn't have died so early... I don't have to bear this."

With his fingers hugging his knees, he plucked at the thin fabric of the pajamas. Du Zhinian saw it, and opened his fingers bit by bit, and grasped those hands in his palms.

"I was born because my mother expected to have a child, and hoped that my existence would soften Shen Lu's heart and stop being violent to her, but it was useless at all. Now that she is gone, Shen Lu just regards me as an object to vent his emotions. I For him, it is a piece of private property that he can manipulate at will."

Shen Guiwan raised his head to look at Du Zhinian, his eyes were moist.

"I made mistakes when I was young. When Shen Lu hit me, my mother would protect me in her arms. The stick never fell on me. I didn't know it was true until she left and Shen Lu broke my ribs. It hurts."

Du Zhinian felt the trembling of his hands in his palms, and also saw the marks on Shen Guiwan's legs dizzy with tears.

He stroked Shen Guiwan's right hand, and asked softly, "What about now? Does it still hurt?"

"It hurts." Shen Guiwan choked up and said, "It won't hurt if you hug me once."

The broken ribs always hurt, especially in winter, but after living in Du Zhinian's apartment, the pain from the old injury became weaker and weaker, even as long as he tried to ignore it, he wouldn't feel the pain.

Du Zhinian stretched out his hand to hug Shen Guiwan into his arms, touched his injured ribs, and rubbed the cold skin on the back of his neck, "Wanwan, what will Shen Lu do when you get the certificate?"

"There is a problem with his company, Lu Yi's friends will take care of it." Shen Guiwan leaned on Du Zhinian's shoulder, smelling the reassuring scent on Du Zhinian's clothes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get involved." He grabbed Du Zhinian's clothes and apologized softly, "But I couldn't do anything for my mother, and I couldn't take her away from Shen Lu, so I want...I want to help Help Lu Xing."

"But I can't do anything."

"sorry."

Shen Guiwan had cried many times in front of Du Zhinian, but it was the first time he heard Shen Guiwan cry so helplessly and pitifully, it made him feel more distressed than the time when he begged him not to mention Shen Lu.

Why meddle in other people's affairs?In the past, Du Zhinian would definitely ask this question, but not now.

Shen Guiwan and Lu Xing just met by chance, and he was willing to do this for Lu Xing because he always believed that it was him who caused his mother to die, and that it was his fault that his mother would leave because of his incompetence and evasion.

This is the nightmare of Shen Guiwan's life, the regret and guilt he cannot let go of, so he transfers the guilt towards his mother to Lu Xing, hoping to make up for his mistakes by saving Lu Xing.

Only when Lu Xing escapes from Yu Minggu can he truly let go of his cares and let himself go.

For the first time, Du Zhinian knew that Shen Guiwan was torturing himself and punishing himself with mistakes that did not belong to him. He refused to call the police at first, perhaps because he felt that he was unworthy.

But Shen Guiwan was enduring suffering, what did he, Du Zhinian do?

Saying sarcastic remarks, poking Shen Guiwan's wounds, pointing out high above... He has done all the bad behaviors, how dare he say that he loves Shen Guiwan.

Love is never something that can be expressed by talking about it. Feelings that are not put into action are worthless and worthless.

Du Zhinian looked into Shen Guiwan's eyes, held his hand and solemnly promised: "I will help you."

"It doesn't matter if you can't do it, as long as you want it, I will do it."

It was he who made Shen Guiwan meet Lu Xing and let Shen Guiwan recall the painful past. He will be responsible to the end so that Shen Guiwan wakes up from this endless nightmare and no longer falls into it.

What Shen Guiwan couldn't do, Du Zhinian would do for him.

"Wanwan, don't be my lover anymore." Du Zhinian kissed Shen Guiwan's wet face, "Be my lover, let's start dating again, okay?"

Only after exchanging each other's past can we face this relationship calmly, accept our lover wholeheartedly, and make up for the regrets and debts of the past.

He and Shen Guiwan have no other relationship, Shen Guiwan is the one he loves, his lover.

He will get rid of all the habits that hurt Shen Guiwan, and work hard to love his lover.

Shen Guiwan's vision was so blurred that he couldn't see anything clearly, his throat was sore and sore, and he couldn't make a sound, but he could feel the heat from Du Zhinian's palm, and he could hear Du Zhinian's voice.

He nodded vigorously, and answered Du Zhinian silently.