Infatuation is the most boring

The day I left Liucheng, the temperature in Liucheng was as high as 40 degrees, and the ground could feel hot through the thick soles of my shoes.The luggage couldn't be simpler. The change of clothes was packed in an old black backpack.There was 380 yuan in my pocket, and I forgot when I put it in it.

That year, the high-speed railway between Liucheng and the Imperial Capital had just been completed. I remembered that I had heard Zhou Mingkai say that the winter in the Imperial Capital was not as cold as Liucheng, so maybe it would be a very comfortable city.I just bought a high-speed rail ticket to the imperial capital with 200 yuan so casually. When checking the ticket, I walked around the high-speed rail station for a long time, and finally asked the staff at the service station, which made them impatient and scolded several times.

I was wearing thin clothes, but I didn't expect the temperature inside the high-speed train to be low. I wanted to find a thicker coat from my bag to wear, only to realize that I was in a hurry when I left, and there was no coat in my backpack.I huddled in my seat, and the woman next to me brought a child and was crying all the time, which made me upset.

After five hours of crying, I arrived at the imperial capital.

Imperial City is an absolute first-tier city. When I came out of the high-speed rail station, I was surprised by the iconic skyscrapers.Of course, what surprised me even more was the price of goods in the imperial capital. Basically, it was impossible to buy bread for less than five yuan.The money on my body disappeared after I bought a piece of bread. I didn't know that the thieves in the imperial capital were also very powerful.

I went to work in a restaurant. During the internship period, there was no salary but room and board were included.The weather in the imperial capital is much hotter than in Liucheng. I caught a hot cold on the third day of work. I worked with top-heavy every day, and I couldn't even afford medicine.I used to sleep well when I caught a cold, but now the hot cold has turned into a high fever.

I have to admit that my first year in the imperial capital was more than miserable. I was darkened and thinned.The nights in the imperial capital were so hot that people couldn’t sleep, and the wages of working in restaurants couldn’t even afford clothes or illness.Only at this time did I feel that the imperial capital is a very good city, but it is not suitable for Xu Jiayang.

Later, I changed a job and started selling properties. There was no basic salary, and it all depended on performance.When I signed the first bill, I drank two bottles of white water. I vomited out my stomach acid in the bathroom, and there was still blood in it.I simply changed my number and have no contact with those people before.

I was No.3 who came to the Imperial Capital to meet Lu Sinuo.I am still a salesperson, and she is a student in the university city over there, and she is already a junior.Lu Sinuo said that she had been looking for me for a long time and had even been to my house, but there was no one living there, so she almost kicked the door down before hearing from the residents upstairs that both the father and son had left.

When I met Lu Sinuo, it was the most embarrassing time for me in the imperial capital.

At that time, my life was more stable. I lived in a one-bedroom apartment in an old apartment building, and I went to and from get off work every day, struggling to make ends meet.Obviously it started to stabilize, and there was nothing unusual in the eyes of others, but in the dead of night, I was tortured by nightmares and suffered from insomnia day and night.I always wake up in a dream, and then I can't go back to sleep again.

My dream can be called a classic horror movie. I saw the scene of my mother jumping off the building, and I saw the scene of Lin Qingyi's hands covered in blood, overlapping and appearing in my dream.I also often dreamed that my mother came home with Alexander in her arms and was tinkering in the kitchen. I wanted to get closer, but was pulled away bit by bit.

I also dreamed of a strange woman jumping off a building, which was very similar to my mother at that time, but not.Seeing that strange woman fell to the ground bloody, the ground began to turn into a river of blood, submerging me bit by bit.I could also see her coming up to me and cutting the artery in my hand with the big scissors.

I even dreamed about Zhou Mingkai, I had a snowball fight with him in the snow, he was laughing, and I was laughing too.Such a warm scene, but I always wake up from the dream, for no reason.Probably I had already foreseen the future between me and him at that time.

I went to see a psychiatrist, and he did not know where he dug out an old newspaper in Liucheng, which reported the incident between me and Lin Qingyi back then.I know the hospital treated me for PTSD, but the night after I got back from the counseling center, I literally cut the artery with a pair of scissors.I woke up quickly, and after seeing the blood on the floor, I came back to my senses, and then ran to the hospital by myself.

I always want to ask myself, how can I live like this.

After graduating, Lu Sinuo worked in the imperial capital, graduated from a prestigious school, and naturally started high.When she got the first salary in her life, she yelled to invite me to dinner.I agreed and went too. During the dinner, I felt that it was too hot and rolled up my sleeves. She saw the injury on the back of my hand that spread to my wrist.

When did this injury happen?It was when I was cooking, frying and peeling potatoes in the kitchen that day, for some reason, I missed the knife and scraped from the back of my hand to my wrist with that scraper.The wounds were not deep, but densely packed and looked a little scary.Later, after the scab formed, I counted it, and it was 34 knives in total.

At the dinner table that day, Lu Sinuo's eyes were always red, and he said to me: "Xu Jiayang, I won't love you any more."

I smiled and didn't care.

I don't know if a person's past injuries will follow him throughout his life, and how lethal those memories are.Obviously those memories that have become obsolete do not affect my eating, sleeping, or work, but I always feel that I will never be happy again in this life.

The past, like it or not, is the past.Obviously there are many things, I want to forget and let go, but I can't forget and I can't let go.It's like a sword hanging in the heart, it will kill you, it's just a matter of time.

Zhou Mingkai will never know that I was holding my breath to reunite with him, and spent all my energy in the three years with him.

Finally, run out.

The author has something to say:

Hey, it hurts my heart to write.