Infatuation is the most boring

When Fatty Wang called me to say that Xu Jiayang was dead, I just thought it was ridiculous, thinking that it must be Xu Jiayang's new trick.Not only did I not want him to die, but even when he agreed to break up, I thought it was just his plan to delay the attack.

During the years with Xu Jiayang, he let me know that he cared about me and our relationship very much.I also spent time trying to get rid of him, and finally said directly that I want to marry Jiang Yu.He doesn't believe it, I know it.He heard what I said to Feng Tao, and he knew that I used to like Mr. Lin, and I only found out after his death.

Xu Jiayang is dead.

This fact makes me unwilling to believe it, I can't believe it.As if I don't believe it, he will come back to my sight one day.I never admit that I have feelings for Xu Jiayang, but I can't express my feelings clearly.

It was a kind of heartache, a kind of heartache that radiated from the bones and made the soul tremble, and that feeling was strange to me.When Teacher Lin committed suicide, I was sad, angry, and sad, but I didn't feel heartache.It was an emotion without tears, but I couldn't let myself accept it calmly, and I was panting and distressed.

But I still can't admit that I love him.I don't love him, why would I love him, how could I fall in love with him?I didn't fall in love with him in our best time many years ago, and I was also not moved by his considerateness for three years when we were together, but after his death, the sadness almost overwhelmed me.

That kind of sorrow is like drowning, there is nowhere to escape, there is no way to avoid it, I never thought that I love Xu Jiayang, but the fact that Xu Jiayang is gone, accepting it took the most decisive courage in my life.

I can't escape or deny Lu Sinuo's accusation. Xu Jiayang's death is like a huge disaster in my peaceful life, which changed a lot of things.In fact, the dead don't need courage, but the living need courage to face it.

I

I was admitted to the hospital because of stomach bleeding, and everything I ate in the hospital was tasteless and hard to swallow. I suddenly remembered that I had stomach problems since junior high school, and it was so painful in high school. Years and work often hurt so much that I can't stand up.But during the three years I was with Xu Jiayang, I almost forgot about it.

Xu Jiayang's goodness, it all popped up at this moment, and when I thought of him again, I found the touch that I had neglected before.I already know that Xu Jiayang is probably the person who loves Zhou Mingkai the most in this world, but Xu Jiayang, where are you?

During the most violent days with Xu Jiayang, almost every time the quarrel ended, after I turned around, it was Xu Jiayang who stayed in the apartment and cleaned up the mess in the house.Once he also got angry and picked up a glass to smash it, only to find that it was my most commonly used water glass when he lifted it up, then he stared at me and changed another glass, smashing the glass to the corner farthest from me.I only realized it when I recalled it later. He was afraid of hitting me at that time.

A person who still cares about you when he is most annoyed must love you very much.

It's a pity that when I understood this, I was standing in front of Xu Jiayang's tomb.

Zhou Mingkai loves Xu Jiayang. These seven words are a curse that I will never be able to shake off for the rest of my life.

It's snowing in the capital.

The snow scene in the imperial capital is hard to see. For more than ten years, only some snowflakes drifted here and there, and they melted when they landed. When I was with Xu Jiayang, he once told me that he always wanted to see the imperial capital. Snow, I want to see the white imperial capital.It's just that he didn't see it in the end, because the heavy snow fell in the third month after his death.

Some things are irreparable regrets.

Xu Jiayang's regret later became a knot that I couldn't let go of.

Xu Jiayang died on the railway track leading to Liucheng. I think he probably misses Liucheng very much.I know that Xu Jiayang has never returned to Liucheng in the years since he left Liucheng. It is the hot land where he was born and raised, and he has never let go of it.I also have feelings for Liucheng. My grandmother's house was in Liucheng when I was a child. The three years of high school in Liucheng were very unforgettable for me.

Most of the best memories between me and Xu Jiayang are in Liucheng.

So, I want to go back.

Liucheng can be regarded as my second hometown, but if there is no Xu Jiayang, maybe I will never have other feelings for that city.But there is Xu Jiayang's longing, and there is Xu Jiayang's can't let go.

There, there are memories about Xu Jiayang.

I told Feng Tao that I was going to Liucheng in the taxi to the high-speed rail station, and then I switched my phone to airplane mode, so I didn’t want to bother with those things anymore.Going to Liucheng, I feel inexplicably at ease.

It is not too far from the imperial capital to Liucheng, more than five hours.On the high-speed rail, I was very calm, unprecedentedly calm. When the car passed by the place where Xu Jiayang was lying on the track, the people behind mentioned him. I suddenly looked up and saw the dilapidated factory passing by outside, and wanted to tell Xu Jiayang that we are going back.

Liucheng is not the same Liucheng as before, and I am not the same Zhou Mingkai as before. Neither things nor people have changed.I stood next to the train and saw my own figure through the glass. I was wearing a thick down jacket, a scarf, and my glasses were fogged. I was no longer the boy who likes to wear sweaters.

Liucheng has developed rapidly in recent years, and I am very unfamiliar with it. It was not until the taxi drove to the Minyu area that I began to feel familiar.

The moment I set foot on the land of Liucheng, I felt that my Su duckweed-like heart finally came to the shore.So, I made a decision, I want to stay in Liucheng.

I went to Minyu, played a very hearty basketball game, met three young boys, and went to the old time to eat hot pot together.I remember Lao Wang, but Lao Wang remembered me as Xu Jiayang.

It was as if someone had reminded me again that Xu Jiayang was gone.

I smiled and said to Lao Wang that he was in the imperial capital.

The feeling of self-deception will always make myself look down on myself.But what to do, if I say the six words that Xu Jiayang is gone, my heart will ache like Ling Chi.So I dare not.

I also went to Xu Jiayang's former home, but there was no one there, and there was Mr. Xu's contact information on the door.He was probably waiting for him to come back.

In fact, Xu Jiayang is a lost person. He has traveled too far all these years, and it has been too long, and he can't find his way home.

I want to stay in Liucheng and accompany him.