rest of life 22

Zhao Han once said that sensibility is a human instinct.I don't know if this is a general truth, but I have always had a resistance to certain words, even if it seems invulnerable, but I always want to seek the gaps in the walls of this strong fortress.Perhaps this can barely be regarded as a spirit of resistance, or a spirit of exploration.However, I don't want to take this sentence as the truth, just because it regards sensibility as instinct and attributes it to all human beings. It doesn't mean that I deny my own sensibility.I don't know whether my sensibility is an instinct or an acquired ability, but I do have an emotional side.For example, I have been reluctant to say it, and every time I use perfunctory words to ambiguously pass it, the love in my youth.I can't define sensibility, but it must include the inner throbbing of love.

Holding a book in my hands, I pretended to be very serious, and paced back and forth beside the pines and cypresses planted by the fence of the playground.Before the sun went down, the mountains next door were reflected in the afterglow of the setting sun. Grass insects chirped one after another, and birds sank into the forest in groups.I enjoyed this comfortable situation and pretended to fulfill my obligations as a student.In the playground, students in twos and threes are just like me, holding books and pacing.If it weren't for the faint voice of reading, I would have to regard them as pretending confidants.However, I am not guilty of this obvious contrast, after all, I can still shamelessly comfort myself: in this beautiful situation, an independent, tasteful, and sentimental person should not compare this beautiful Time is wasted on boring, unknown textbooks, otherwise it is a waste of life.I just enjoy life to the fullest, enjoy life!Also under this premise, those who don't know what they are reading are greatly inappropriate.

Therefore, under such self-comfort, I will naturally never have those contradictory psychology again.However, I couldn't calm down to appreciate this infinitely beautiful evening. The reason was not that my self-comfort was ineffective, but because of a woman sitting quietly next to me next to a pine and cypress tree.She buried her head, put the book on her knees, and read quietly.She wasn't pacing back and forth like the others, or reading aloud, or whispering to each other.She sat there alone, very focused and quiet, as if she had blended into this peaceful scene and became the finishing touch of this picture.For an appreciator like me, it cannot be ignored.As time passed, after an hour, I could no longer take my eyes off this most freehand stroke.And her gentle appearance is deeply embedded in my heart, like a piece of ice melting into the sea of ​​my heart.

I didn't bother her, just like that, two hours passed.I didn't approach her until she left.I don't know what words to use to start my first sentence with her, and I can't think of any reason to approach her and break her calm.I stared at her back, and suddenly felt my heart beating faster.Probably because there is a guilty conscience when peeping!I think everyone should be like this.

The homework is not heavy, especially for an idle utopian like me, it is even more insignificant.It's just that I was in a hurry every time I took the exam, and then I struggled to get a pass, and I was already satisfied.However, I should belong to the kind of smarter person. Although I can’t talk about extensive knowledge, I do have some ability to memorize, so my grades always exceed my expectations, and I often get an excellent one.Therefore, I have more capital to idle around. After all, I have to have a mountain that belongs to me.What's more, my mountain can't be emptied, who makes my capital unique.And the advantage of this is that parents and teachers will not say anything, after all, I am not a prodigal son on the surface.And I should take it for granted, without any sense of guilt, and do what I want to do in an open and aboveboard manner.And one of them is playing table tennis.

I am not good at sports by nature. Every time I take the sports test, I always occupy the last place firmly, and I am very resigned to the status quo, and I don’t feel ashamed at the bottom of the list.Even so, not being good at sports does not mean not liking sports, and among all the sports, I like playing table tennis the most.Even after class every day, he rushed to the playground, even if it was only 10 minutes between classes, he would never let it go.Of course, as the saying goes, it’s hard to do it alone. There are several students in the class who love this sport like me, and like me, they race against time to do this.There is only one pair of rackets, but there are many people playing together. When the supply and demand are out of balance, we will decide whether to win or lose by playing six balls each. Those who win can continue to play, and those who lose have to change.And my unathletic physique makes me always exist on the court as a loser, and the most obvious characteristic of a loser is that although I am on the court, although I have an almost persistent love for playing, when I really touch the ball Few.So, most of the time, I am always on the sidelines.Watching the trajectory of the table tennis ball coming and going, watching the people coming and going.

She walked alone on the sidewalk beside the playground, with her head down, as if she was thinking about something.I stared at her back, chasing her back.Her buttocks are very plump, and under the shape of the jeans, they look even more round and attractive.Her legs are very slender, with a beautiful buttocks, and a straight back that doesn't bow even if she lowers her head, so that people can immerse themselves in it unconsciously, to appreciate this amazing creation is not a work of art artwork.At the very least, I have already been deeply involved in it, unable to extricate myself.I like this perfect body, she made me have the irresistible original impulse for the first time.I really want to run over, hug her, stare into her eyes, see through her spirit, and enter her heart.However, I still don't have the courage. I am very afraid of facing each other head-on. The situation of eye-to-eye is very embarrassing.Also, I don't have any reason to do it.However, even just staring at her back like this, I am already very satisfied.I look forward to her next pass, just in this playground, just in my wait and see.

It is undoubtedly the stupidest thing to do. People who do this are stupid precisely because the possibility of waiting for a rabbit is too small. As a person with normal consciousness, instead of realizing this tiny possibility, he gives up everything to pursue it. it.That in itself is a tragedy, an incurable tragedy.I consider myself a relatively intelligent person, and it turns out that I am not a stupid person.However, I did not deny the specific behavior of sitting on the sidelines.And he insisted on it self-righteously, leaving aside other more effective ways to achieve the purpose of keeping the tree.I can't realize it, but I can't do it.

I learned her name on a very coincidental occasion.She may have never known my name, and she may have never known that I knew hers.There are a total of more than 1000 students in all grades in our school, some of whom live on campus, and some of whom are commuters.Among them, commuters should account for the majority.Most of these people use bicycles as a means of transportation.All the bicycles are parked together in a fixed place, neatly arranged in rows.When school is over, I would push my bicycle and get out of the pocket-shaped parking lot, which is really annoying, because in that extremely confined space, you have to control it at any time. At the same time, you must control your own bicycle track. If you are not careful, you will collide with each other, which is very troublesome.However, for a period of time, I liked that place very much, and I really liked the crowds and traffic.Because her bicycle is also parked here, and she also goes in and out here every day, there is a good chance that I will see her here.Although, in the whole school year, there are only a few such fates, but for me, a person who is waiting on the sidelines, it is very rare, and it is a very happy thing.And I know her name, also in such an occasion.She pushed the cart and moved slowly. There was an exercise book in the basket in front of the cart, and her name was written on the exercise book.And I happened to be behind her, sideways, and I could catch a glimpse of the homework book and the handsome characters written by the teacher with a brush on the homework book, her name, He Zixin.I have never been good at remembering other people's names, because in my consciousness, this is just a dispensable code name, there is no need to deliberately remember, and there is no need to feel sorry for not being able to remember or remembering wrongly, because People are people, and people are the most primitive characteristics of people.However, it was just that casual glance, but I remembered this code name that I never cared about, and I remembered it very deeply.

"I found an interesting thing! There are always sanitary napkins falling down in girls' toilets." My classmate, Han Hongyu told me excitedly.It was a physical education class, and I was guarding the table tennis field devoutly, waiting for my next game to take over.

"Brother, you can do it!" I could only smile wryly.He's a very open guy and a lot of fun.He always likes to play around in groups of girls, but he himself is very masculine.Therefore, I can only explain his hobby as that he likes girls.Or, he may have some glamorous fantasies about girls.

"What's wrong with me, don't you think it's funny?" He seemed dissatisfied with my perfunctory answer, so he continued to ask, further emphasizing that he was saying an interesting thing.The toilets in our school are squatting pits. Male and female students and male and female teachers are separated in this way, and there are four rooms in a row.When he said this thing he thought was very interesting, I was really curious too.But it's not as interesting as he said, just very surprised how he saw it, and very surprised how he would tell me such a private thing so straightforwardly.

"Is it interesting? I didn't find it. Hey, I said, how did you know? Could it be that you were peeping?" I finally couldn't help being curious and asked.

"Peeping, how is it possible? Am I that kind of person? Haha, secrets must not be leaked, I want to know? How about my brother take you to see?" He vowed to deny my suspicion of his evil deeds.Then he pretended to be unfathomable and mysterious, luring me to further release my curiosity.It's just that this is a very insignificant matter, and it is related to morality, so I don't care about it.

"It's boring! I'm going to play ball, don't disturb me." I have already seen his tricks, he wants to use aggressive methods to make me join him.Or let me, an "honest person" on the bright side, break the precept.For him, this may be a very fulfilling thing!In this matter, I couldn't show even the slightest curiosity, otherwise he would push forward and even deny my image.Yes, I am an unsmiling person, a "straightforward" person.So, I suppressed the interest I had already had, and kept away such difficult topics.

"You are really boring. I intended to tease you, really!" He shook his head, as if he was disappointed with my attitude. "Well, let's discuss something!" He moved closer and lowered his voice. Compared with his previous mysteriousness, he seemed a little neurotic.

"Let's talk, but don't talk about those messy dirty things again." I put on an impatient attitude, but in fact I really like talking to him, after all, he is a very interesting person.And I'm actually very willing to listen to what he said that doesn't follow common sense and things that have no bottom line.He is a very strong man, so strong that no matter how impatient I am, he is always the same.So I don't worry about how my attitude will affect him.

"Well, can you deliver a letter for me?" He said in a low voice, and I actually saw a blush on his face, which was a completely different state from his usual one.My curiosity was once again piqued by him.And I don't want to suppress this curiosity again, after all, he asked me to help, and I have the obligation to know whether what I'm about to do is against good customs.Yes, I should.

"Letter? To whom? What is it written in? If it's sexual harassment or something, I won't help you take the blame. I need to know the content. Come on, let me taste the taste first, maybe I can help you moisturize What about writing!" I asked a lot of questions, but in fact there was only one focus, and I wanted to read the letter.This is not an invasion of privacy. First of all, I want him to agree. Although this method of getting him to agree is not enough for a friend, but a friend, I must care about him.So, I need to know the ins and outs.Secondly, I have always been able to keep my mouth shut. When God knows what you know and I know, it is even more difficult to disclose privacy.

"Ah? Actually, it's not a big deal. Just help me! I beg you." He was pitiful, and kept his posture to the lowest level, without any of the normal look. Slutty look.However, he obviously fluffed my request with one sentence, and his attitude naturally couldn't impress me. I like honest children.

"Show me the letter first, don't try to fool me with your rhetoric and tricks, I'm sure there will be some bad tricks to embarrass me! Also, don't swear, I don't believe that boring swearing!" In fact, I really want to know what he wants me to do, I really want to read his letters with my own eyes, and see what kind of shit he, who is always criticized for writing essays, can write.And I really don't want to show my true thoughts, so I can only insist on my pretended prejudice that can make him helpless. This should be regarded as another kind of provocateur!At the same time, I know him very well, and I know what he will do after I say this sentence, so I directly blocked the oath he might have prepared, and let him finally let me The path of reading letters is optional.This is indeed the only option, and you may think that he can ask others for help, or he can do it himself!But I know that he only believes in me, and only believes that when I promise something, I will spare no effort to complete it. I will not open his letter in private, let alone publicize his privacy .And since he found me, he has explained that this is something he cannot do by himself, or he dare not do it himself.So, as I wished, he surrendered.

It was a love letter, a bad letter.It's really hard for me to believe that when he was doing such a great thing, how could he have no scruples about his gnawing and ant-like writing and that shitty writing!Maybe it's because he is used to admiring himself, thinking that he has already formed a unique and brand-new calligraphy style, a genius-like style that is difficult for ordinary people to understand.Ordinary people like us can't understand it.I am in a dilemma, because I am not sure whether the woman he wants to pursue is the same ordinary person as me. If she is, then his courtship is doomed to fail.After all, this world is mostly ordinary people. From the perspective of probability theory, the possibility of ending up in a miserable end is extremely high.But I couldn't refuse him, because I had already read his letter, and it was very unreasonable not to deliver it in the end.Maybe it will affect my personal relationship with him, and I will lose a lot of fun in the future, which I really don't want to see.Therefore, the letter must be sent, but the content of the letter can be discussed.

"I said, big brother, if you don't want to discuss it any more, brother, I'll give you a staff officer. Let's edit a perfect love letter and make sure you hit it right away." I can only suggest him with euphemistic words. I am embarrassed to directly criticize his words and writing, and I am even more embarrassed to comment on his love and his understanding of love.After all, I am a bachelor. In this regard, I am absolutely blank.Even if it makes sense, there is no convincing evidence.

"Why didn't I write it well? I think it's good enough. You don't need to change it. You can send it quickly. I can't wait. Haha, a beautiful love is about to begin, what a wonderful thing!" He said He stared at me with absolute suspicion, and questioned me in an absolutely questioning tone, and finally, with an attitude that didn't allow me to say much, I could only smile wryly and do what he thought was easy to do.And I can only do what he wants.

"Then, tomorrow morning! I'll deliver it tomorrow morning. Take this letter first, and give it to me tomorrow." I had no choice but to agree.

It was summer, but our classroom was in a dark place, and because of the morning, the coolness penetrated through our thin summer clothes, which made us shiver.However, there are still many students in the aisle, holding books, or walking back and forth, or standing in a row, pretending to read, as always.It seems that they want to relieve the chill in the early morning by holding the book together with the sound of reading like mosquitoes buzzing and dogs barking and chickens crowing.Perhaps, at least in my heart, I can say with satisfaction that I have read the book, and I have done something very meaningful in the day, and then I feel warm all over my body, which is very beneficial.Although, their arms are already covered with goose bumps.For a person like me who has a serious fear of dense concentration, it is the most afraid of watching such a scene.Of course, I didn't do anything serious either.However, I am doing something very courageous, very interesting, and very meaningful.At least, I think so.

Since that day, I know her name, I rarely see her.Maybe it's because I'm no longer satisfied with the frequency of meeting like before.In short, it seems that I haven't seen her for a long time, one day or two days, but so what? It's absolutely necessary, I think so too, and I agree with them.However, I really want to see her, want her very much, and want to be with her all the time.This is reality and a fact.Perhaps this is the natural feeling of men towards women. Whoever makes men at this age will fantasize about women's bodies, will have sex, will have nocturnal emission, and will want to break the usual life and have a vigorous What about love!

I am in conflict.I don't want to see her playing with male classmates, but this is her freedom, how can I interfere, and what capacity do I interfere with?A badminton fell and hit me on the head, waking me up from my contemplation.I looked up, it was her face, she was smiling, very happy, but also ironic.I panicked and ran away.Is she laughing at me?Is she laughing at my disheveled clothes, my bewilderment, my wishful thinking, or my stupidity?I am distraught.

In the end, I didn't say a single word to her, it was like a dream, and I was just a passer-by in the dream.