Mr. Incompetent Bodyguard

As soon as Xiao Yijie was mentioned, Ji Jin's chest began to heave again: "At that time he saw me taking medicine, and he found the medicine bottle in my bag, and he knew about my illness!"

Seeing Ji Jin's attitude towards Xiao Yijie backstage before, Shen Qingyu suspected that Ji Jin had something to do with Xiao Yijie.Seems like this is it?

He was about to ask for details, but Ji Jin turned his face away: "I don't want to mention him, can you leave this person alone?"

Shen Qingyu was afraid of stimulating Ji Jin's emotions, so he stopped mentioning it immediately.

Although he had guessed it for a long time, when he really learned the truth, Shen Qingyu was sadder than he imagined.He has never suffered from mental illness, but he almost couldn't make it through when he was the most broken. Ji Jin has been troubled by this kind of emotion for a long time, how painful must it be?

He wanted to give Ji Jin a hug again.

"Then you are taking medicine now? Is it getting better?"

Ji Jin picked up the spoon again, but he had no appetite to eat: "I used to take the medicine for three months, but I stopped taking it half a year ago."

Shen Qingyu was surprised: "Stop the drug?"

"The side effects of the medicine are too great." Ji Jinchui looked at the chicken in the bowl, his tone fluctuated slightly, "I can bear this disease, but I can't bear that medicine."

"...What kind of side effect?"

"After taking the medicine, I have no emotions. Happy, unhappy, angry, sad, nothing. Nausea, poor memory, I feel like a moving corpse." Ji Jin put down the spoon again, rolled up The sleeves revealed the healed wounds in the arm sockets, "Do you see the wounds here? They are almost invisible now."

Shen Qingyu frowned.It was the scar he had seen in the locker room last time.

"I cut this myself with a blade." Ji Jin's tone was exceptionally calm, but revealed a great sense of depression, "When I was most depressed, I thought about suicide, but I never cut myself with a knife, because I'm afraid of pain. If I really want to kill myself, I'd rather take sleeping pills."

Shen Qingyu couldn't help feeling suffocated when he heard him mention suicide so casually.

Ji Jin went on to say: "I got this injury while taking the medicine, not because I wanted to die. It's because I want to confirm whether I have turned into a corpse and whether being alive is my illusion."

Shen Qingyu bent down slightly.His chest was heavy and he couldn't breathe.

"You..." He didn't know what to say, he was interrupted by Ji Jin after only one word.

"But these are not the reasons for me to stop taking the medicine." Ji Jin felt his face was wet, and after touching it, he found that his face was already full of tears.He slowed down for a while, and then continued, "The reason I stopped the drug was that after taking this drug, I found that I suddenly couldn't understand music. Don't talk about creation, I can't even listen to it. I listen to Chopin, Guns and Roses, listening to "Moonriver" seems like I know every note, but it seems to be the same as listening to this—”

He bent his knuckles and tapped the table rhythmically, making a monotonous thud.

——He said that he could not write any works for half a year.

——He said that music is his life, even more important than his life.

The porridge on the table had cooled down, Ji Jin didn't eat a few mouthfuls, and Shen Qingyu didn't move much.

Shen Qingyu didn't persuade Ji Jin to think about it.Those who can think about it will not lack a word or two of comfort from others.People have no imagination about the pain of others, and the only thing they can do is understand.

Shen Qingyu brought two bowls of cold porridge into the kitchen, and replaced two bowls of hot porridge from the pot.By the time he returned to the table, he had already sorted out his mood.

He asked Ji Jin again: "If you don't take medicine, will it affect your life and work?"

"Of course I will. Didn't I miss work today?" Ji Jin lowered his head mockingly, then shook his head again, "But it's not that bad, most of the time it's fine, it's just that there are a few days every month Difficult."

Ji Jin scooped a spoonful of porridge into his mouth, drank it slowly, and then continued slowly after drinking: "There is a saying in bipolar disorder, it's called 'the manic period is cool for a while, and the depressed period is a crematorium'. Mild manic When I am crazy, I will feel very good, my thinking is active, my energy is strong, I don’t feel tired after a few days without sleep, and I think I have recovered. I will feel very tired when the depression period arrives, and I can’t talk about anything I became interested, and when it was serious, I couldn’t even get out of bed.”

Shen Qingyu looked at Ji Jin silently.To be honest, if you don't know Ji Jin very well, looking at his current state and his usual state, it seems that the gap is not particularly big, at least not to the extent that he is a different person.But he could feel that Ji Jin should be in a period of depression right now.The most obvious difference is that Ji Jin usually speaks faster, with more emotional tone.Today, I will stop and think about it before I can continue talking.

"The onset of this disease has a cycle. My manic period is relatively long, maybe five or six days a week, and the depression period is shorter, usually lasting about two days and then getting better. On average, it cycles once every seven or eight days." Ji Jin said, "This It’s a blessing among misfortunes, my condition is not serious, and I can continue to work. But I never accept work arrangements that are too far away, because I don’t know what state I will be at that time.”

Shen Qingyu was stunned.No wonder he looked at Ji Jin's itinerary and only listed the work content for this month, and only a few items for the next month, and they were all light tasks.

Ji Jin was very afraid that Shen Qingyu would think him a lunatic, and said: "I can control myself most of the time, but sometimes..." Only sometimes when he is strongly stimulated will he lose control.

However, being a star is a job that needs to deal with people, and it is really difficult to eliminate external stimuli.After all, no one can stop a fool from running on the road.

Shen Qingyu wanted to persuade Ji Jin to stop working so hard and take a good rest.But he didn't know what position to use to persuade.And he could tell that when Ji Jin was in high spirits, he was actually very devoted and enjoying his work.

After finishing the porridge, Shen Qingyu asked Ji Jin: "Do you have any plans for this afternoon?"

Ji Jin said: "I'm still very tired and want to continue to sleep."

Shen Qingyu agreed: "Go to sleep, you really need a good rest."

Ji Jin asked him, "What about you?"

"My luggage was still in the hotel yesterday. I want to go and get it...I'll leave after you sleep."

"You just ask your cousin to send someone to deliver it to you."

Shen Qingyu was habitually unwilling to bother others, but thinking about it, it was already noon, and the check-out procedures might have been completed long ago.So he agreed: "Okay."

Ji Jin was indeed going to sleep.If Shen Qingyu hadn't been here today, he wouldn't have gotten up at all, nor would he have eaten anything.When he entered the room, he still felt that everything that happened in the past two days felt unreal.

In the past, when the depression period came, his favorite thing to do was to hide and sleep.Sleeping is the best way to get through this period. When you fall asleep, you won’t think about it, even if you have bad thoughts because you are too tired and don’t have the strength to practice them.More importantly, you can sleep without dealing with anyone.

During the depression period, he tried to minimize contact with people.Because anyone could be a time bomb to stimulate him.He never told others about his illness for the same reason.He is afraid of others' hypocritical pity, and he hates those condescending comfort and persuasion even more.

"Actually, you don't need to think that way at all", "Calm down", "Wouldn't it be better to think about happy things?", "There are more people who are unhappy than you, don't you think others are also good?" ...

These fluffy words reminded him over and over again that he was a waste who couldn't control his emotions.It won't help anything other than make him so enraged that he wants to curse.

But just now, Shen Qingyu has been listening carefully and has not expressed any self-righteous opinions.He actually said all the words that had been suppressed in his heart for so long in one breath, and he found it incredible.This is the first time he found that communicating with people is actually easier than sleeping during the depression period.

After a while, Shen Qingyu walked in with his mobile phone and found that he was still asleep: "Ah Jin, Sister An said that she brought back our luggage for both of us, and she is nearby. She wants to come up to see you... ..."

Ji Jin immediately refused: "No."

Shen Qingyu pursed his lips: "Okay, then I'll go downstairs to get my luggage and I'll be back soon."

Ji Jin didn't object.

Shen Qingyu took the card and went out by himself.

……

At the gate of the community, Shen Qingyu unloaded his and Ji Jin's luggage from the car.

Su An stood aside and looked at him suspiciously: "Ah Jin asked you to take care of him at her house?"

Because of guilty conscience, Shen Qingyu avoided Su An's gaze: "Yes, he has a bit of a cold, and he just took medicine and lay down again."

Su An's expression was complicated.

Shen Qingyu said that Ji Jin was not feeling well and didn't want to see people. She didn't find it strange. Ji Jin did often like this, saying that he needed personal space, and he didn't want to be disturbed when he was resting.Because of this, he is unwilling to hire a live-in nanny in a house as big as his.Su An had to ask someone to come to his house to clean the house every once in a while, and because Ji Jin didn't give more resident cards, she had to come to supervise the work herself.

Now Ji Jin actually asked Shen Qingyu to take care of him?Can't go by myself, only Shen Qingyu can go?What about personal space?

"Does he have a serious cold?" Su An asked, "Does he need to go to the hospital?"

"It's not serious, maybe it's because I was too tired a while ago." Shen Qingyu had already put all the boxes on the ground, "He said he would be fine after taking the medicine and sleeping."

Su An really wanted to go up and take a look, but seeing Shen Qingyu's helpless look, she couldn't make things difficult for Shen Qingyu: "That's fine, since he doesn't want me to disturb him, I'll go back first. If you have anything to do, you can contact me again .”

"Ah."

Su An's heart was sour, and she slandered a few words that her younger brother was too old to stay, and the bodyguard was actually closer than her cousin.She turned around and got into the car, and with a click, the car drove away.

Shen Qingyu pushed a few suitcases upstairs, and went to Ji Jin's room to take a look to see if Ji Jin was asleep.If he falls asleep, he will do some simple exercises by himself.However, after entering the door, he found Ji Jin lying on his side on the bed, eyes still open, staring at him blankly.

Shen Qingyu stepped forward and knelt down beside the bed: "A Jin, do you need anything?"

Ji Jin shook his head slowly.As soon as Shen Qingyu left, some anxious thoughts began to appear in his mind, such as whether Shen Qingyu would regard him as a lunatic when he knew his illness, and whether he ran away with the excuse of carrying luggage, Will he tell the story about him... But when Shen Qingyu returned to him, these anxieties subsided.

Shen Qingyu thought for a while and asked, "Can I continue to live here tonight?" He was really worried about Ji Jin's appearance.

Ji Jin said, "You can move here."

Shen Qingyu was taken aback.This is the second time Ji Jin invited him to live with him.The reason why he refused last time was because of his living habits on the one hand, and he also wanted to keep some personal space; the second was that he would quit this job after three months. Get too into this job.

but now……

Ji Jin probably also knew that he was leaving in three months, but still invited him.There will always be times when people are vulnerable and need to be accompanied by others.He had no reason not to agree at this time.

"Okay." Shen Qingyu said, "Then I'll pack up and move in later."

However, Shen Qingyu didn't have time to pack his luggage that day.So the two continued to sleep in the same bed at night.