don't ask about those years

From that day on, Lin Fan would not pick up Qi Tian's phone calls in all likelihood, and would occasionally pick up, saying that he was busy with the closing of the student union, so he couldn't see each other for the time being.

Qi Tian went to the dormitory to wait for him, and he greeted Qi Tian like an ordinary classmate, without even making eye contact, and even told Qi Tian that the lights were about to be turned off when the time came, urging him to go back quickly.

Because there was no need to review, Lin Fan spent less time in the library. Most of the time he either stayed in the student union or went back to the dormitory, thus greatly reducing the chances of the two of them being alone.

After about a week like this, one day he was stopped by Qi Tian just after he came out of the student union.

After leading him to a hidden corner, Qi Tian came up and grabbed his neck and kissed him.

After turning his head to avoid it, Lin Fan pushed Qi Tian away forcefully, "What are you doing!"

"What are you talking about?!" Qi Tian's pent-up anger finally broke out in the past few days, but he tried to keep his voice down as much as possible at school and said: "Lin Fan, what's the matter with you? Confused, what's the matter?"

It should have almost made Qi Tian feel it, Lin Fan knew it was time, so he said: "It's what you think."

"What do you mean I think, I don't fucking think about it, what's wrong with you? What's wrong with you, didn't you be fine that day?" Qi Tian asked anxiously with his eyes burning.

After a pause, Lin Fan finally looked directly at Qi Tian and said that sentence: "Qi Tian, ​​you are about to graduate, let's go our separate ways."

He practiced this sentence dozens of times, and finally he was able to say it without any emotional ups and downs.

And Qi Tian just looked at him like that, as if judging whether he was joking or serious, and then said coldly: "Lin Fan, do you know what you're talking about?"

"What I say now is serious, not impulsive, Qi Tian, ​​let's break up."

"Why?!" Qi Tian almost shouted out.

"I've made up my mind. I'm going to stay in school for postgraduate study, and you're going to study abroad. We can't be together in the future, so let's split up."

"Just because of this?!" Qi Tian seemed to be relieved, then came up and put his arms around his shoulders and said, "I've said it all, I'll be where you go, if you don't like to go abroad, let's stay in China, I'll work while you're in graduate school, what's the matter! Be good, don't make trouble, I've been scared to death these days."

Lin Fan pushed his arm away, "It's not just this, Qi Tian, ​​listen carefully, it's good for both of us to be separated now, you can work decently after you go out to study hard, and then you can work decently when you come back, what can you do with your half-baked diploma now?"

"What do you mean is good for both of us, you fart!" Qi Tian became anxious while talking, "I don't understand Lin Fan, what happened, I don't believe these nonsense at all, who hugged me that day kept saying like me……"

"Qi Tian!" Lin Fan stopped him, "You have to force me to explain, right? Okay, let me tell you, I don't see any future in you at all. You said you want me to go abroad with you? After going abroad What do you live on? Do you want money from your family? Even your things are given by others, what do you give me! Your dad stopped your card, and you can’t even afford to refuel. What else can you do with your hands?"

These words have been thought out long ago, but when he said them, Lin Fan still couldn't control himself, his body trembled along with Qi Tian who was beside him who was getting angry.

After a while, Qi Tiancai slowly smiled and said: "You can see it? Lin Fan, why didn't I see that you are so thoughtful before? So you are afraid that my illegitimate child will be useless in the future, and now you want to break up with me? Then What are you talking about with me that day, did you break up with me?"

"Whatever you think, I'm just telling you, it's good for both of us to break up now, and you don't want to look for me again, so you can get together and leave." After finishing speaking, he turned and left, not caring about Qi Tian who was standing there. .

But after he walked not far away, he heard Qi Tian say in a deep voice behind him: "Lin Fan, there is no good gathering or parting, this matter is endless."

……

Sure enough, things couldn't be so simple, Qi Tian has been tossing since that day, not only the phone calls, the dormitory came looking for him non-stop, sometimes when he was in class, he also shouted at the door of the classroom: "Lin Fan, come out!"

Qi Tian not only tormented him but also tossed himself, fighting in school and playing wild ball with others outside of school were even more violent than the fights between freshmen and sophomores.

Lu Feng looked at them anxiously, and sometimes asked him quietly: "What's the matter with you two? What are you making a fuss about?"

……

One night, when he was walking with Lu Feng and a few students from the student union, he heard someone shouting his name behind him.

Even if he heard it was Qi Tian, ​​he couldn't ignore it in front of so many people, but as soon as he turned his head, Qi Tian grabbed his clothes and kissed him on the face drunkenly.

Everyone present at the time was dumbfounded.

It was still Lu Feng who reacted quickly and quickly stepped forward to pull Qi Tian away and said: "Qi Tian, ​​you can see clearly, this is not your girlfriend, I told you that you made a mistake, your girlfriend was not taken away by Lin Fan, don't tell me again It's hard for him."

Qi Tian was dragged away by Lu Feng just like that, and said while walking: "Lin Fan, let me tell you, this thing is fucking endless..."

Lin Fan didn't know what the people around him were thinking at that time, but he still stepped forward to persuade him, forget it, drink too much, don't bother with him.

……

Later, Zhou Yiming also called from the military academy, asking him what happened to Qi Tian.

Lin Fan had only seen Zhou Ming once before, although Qi Tian didn't say anything at the time, but from Zhou Ming's teasing words and eyes, Lin Fan was sure that Zhou Ming knew.

So he said to Zhou Yiming: "From now on, what happened to Qi Tian has nothing to do with me. If possible, you can persuade him to stop making trouble."

Before the "fuck you..." over there finished, he hung up the phone and directly pulled the number into the blacklist.

In less than a month, Lin Fan couldn't see but could guess what happened to Qi Tian, ​​because he was the same, even though he was breathing air, he couldn't feel alive like a walking dead.

At that time, Lin Fan was shaken. Although he never thought about how to get his parents' approval, he never thought about separating from Qi Tian. If this is the case, it's just a few years earlier to let his parents know. Maybe he can try try.

Just when he had booked a ticket to go home the next day, a phone call came from his father, telling him to fly home immediately.

……

Lin Fan remembered that when he got off the plane and hurried to the hospital, he opened the door of the ward and saw the mother who was always smiling and lying on the hospital bed.When he walked in slowly, his mother took his hand vigorously when she saw him, and cried to him in an already indistinct voice: "Xiaofan, what a good child you are, how did you become like this?" gone?"

Because of the sudden cerebral infarction, the mother will no longer be like a normal person in the future, and can only be taken care of in bed for the rest of her life.Looking at his father whose hair was almost gray overnight, Lin Fan's heart could no longer be described simply by the word guilt.

While he hated Qi Tian's father, he was also deeply blaming himself. If he hadn't started out because of his love for the beauty of love, he wouldn't have let his middle-aged parents fall into such a situation now.

Lin Fan took care of his mother every step of the way for ten days, and his father kept persuading him to go back to school quickly, as he could not delay his studies with his own care at home. .

During this period, Qi Tian kept calling, and he could only block every caller number that changed. At that time, he had already made up his mind to end this unacceptable relationship no matter what.

So one day Qi Tian dialed Lu Feng on his mobile phone and said, "Lin Fan, you have the guts to hide and go home! If you don't come back, believe it or not, I'll go to your house to find you!"

He said, "No need to come here, I'll go back right away..."

However, after returning to school, it was not Qi Tian who found him first but the instructor.

After calling him to the office, the instructor seemed to think about his wording before saying, someone reported that you and your male friends have misbehavior, the school takes this very seriously, and then sincerely advised him: "The school has suppressed this matter. I won’t make it public when I come down, but if there is a misunderstanding, you must explain it well, otherwise the insurance research quota may be cancelled.”

In the end, Lin Fan just replied lightly, cancel it.

……

Later, Lin Fan went directly to Qi Yaoyang's office according to the address on the business card, and asked him why he did this. He had already proposed to separate from Qi Tian, ​​so why did he tell his parents that his mother would be paralyzed for the rest of her life due to cerebral infarction? in bed.

Qi Yaoyang looked at him, and asked calmly, did you break up?Why is Xiaotian making more trouble with me?

Then he said indifferently: "I'm a businessman, and I only use the most effective means to achieve the best results. I'm sorry that I didn't think about your mother, but as long as you let Qi Tian give up and let him go abroad to study smoothly, I guarantee everything." That's it."

Lin Fan understood the meaning of the second half of the sentence, if Qi Tian did not go abroad, this matter would not be over.

……

Finally on the second day, as if Qi Tian had discussed with Lu Feng, the two came to their dormitory together.

"You two have a good chat, I'll watch outside." After speaking, Lu Feng took the door and went out.

It's been just over a month, and Qi Tian has become skinny, but Lin Fan resisted and turned his face away, and then said in a blunt tone: "If you want to say anything, let's finish it at once today."

Qi Tian looked at him for a while, then tried to lower his tone and said, "I drank too much that day, it wasn't on purpose."

"Forget it, I'm about to graduate, it doesn't matter."

Qi Tian stepped forward and hugged him fiercely as if he couldn't bear it anymore, and said, "Xiaofan, why does it matter? Do you really not care about me at all? Do you know how I live these days... …What’s wrong with us? Did I make you angry? You said I didn’t study hard, so I’ll study hard. If you think I’m not self-motivated, I’ll work hard. If you don’t like going abroad, I won’t mention it again. , I will change whatever you ask me to change, why do you insist on breaking up... Xiaofan, I beg you, don't say breaking up, I really can't live without you..."

Lin Fan felt the tears falling from Qi Tian's face to his neck. This was the first time he saw Qi Tian crying. He knew that Qi Tian was in pain, and he was also in pain. Not only did he feel sorry for Qi Tian, ​​but also the relationship between the two of them. , Also hurt my mother.

But when he thought of his mother paralyzed on the hospital bed and the situation he had caused today, he could only freeze his heart, and then said coldly: "Qi Tian, ​​in fact, from the very beginning, I never thought that the two of us would be together in the future." how."

"What did you say?" Qi Tian slowly separated from the movement of holding him.

Lin Fan suddenly got carried away and smiled and said: "You don't really think that I will spend my whole life with a man, do you? How is it possible? My parents are still pointing at me to have grandchildren in the future!"

"What was the relationship between the two of us before that?" Qi Tian looked at him incredulously and asked.

"We've been together for so long, and we've had enough fun. Let's get together and break up. Don't make it unpleasant."

As if he finally realized the meaning of Lin Fan's words, Qi Tian looked at him fiercely and growled, "You fucking dare to say it again just for fun!"

Lin Fan supported Qi Tian's arms on both sides, persuading him like he said earnestly: "Qi Tian, ​​we have had enough fun in the past few years, how can the two men be together all the time, can my family agree? Can your family agree?"

"I've never been kidding!"

Lin Fan slowly put down his hand, looked at him and said, "Qi Tian, ​​don't be so stubborn, it will be ridiculous."

Qi Tian anxiously put his hands on his shoulders, "Lin Fan, I have always been serious when I am with you, and I have never been adulterated. I know that you can't lie to me either. Are you afraid of what others will say? , let’s not worry about others, as long as we are happy together.”

"Do you think it's possible? Your family has a great career, and you won't marry a wife and have children? Can your family allow it? Can you just bring a man by your side from now on?"

After Qi Tian paused, he suddenly shook his shoulders and asked: "Is my dad looking for you? Tell me the truth, don't talk to me about these useless things, I don't believe it!"

"Then what do you believe? Believe that your father forced me to separate from you? Believe that I am devoted to you? Believe that I will live with you for the rest of my life after leaving this school? Is it possible? Qi Tian, ​​stop using these excuses to comfort me own."

Qi Tian was so enraged that he didn't choose what to say, pointed at him and said: "You said you want to live a normal life?! You don't even know how to use that thing yourself, you can be tough on women Get up?!"

It seemed as if a hole had been cut in his heart and blood began to ooze slowly, Lin Fan thought to himself, let's be more thorough.

So he said with a smile: "I didn't want to say it so directly. In fact, when we first got together, I was a straight guy. At that time, I wanted to try something new. It's been so long and now I really want to try it with a girl..."

Before the words were finished, Qi Tian's slap came down, the two had known each other for two years, this was the first time Qi Tian had done it, and a sweet and fishy taste immediately filled his mouth.

After a moment of silence, Lin Fan wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand, then turned his head to look at Qi Tian and said, "Qi Tian, ​​it's not the best you can give, it's what I want. If I had known it was such a troublesome place, I would never have started with you."

As if he couldn't hear a word anymore, Qi Tian pushed him away and rushed out the door.

After entering the room, Lu Feng quickly walked up to him, looked at his face and asked anxiously: "What's wrong with Qi Tian? Why did he still get started? There's something that can't be solved by talking about it."

"It won't happen in the future, it's all settled." Lin Fan turned and went into the bathroom after finishing speaking.

……

Qi Tian never looked for him after that, not even a phone call.About half a month later, Lu Feng leaned against his bedside one day and said, "Qi Tian has already made a decision to leave the country tomorrow."

Lin Fan just said "hmm" and didn't say anything.

"Aren't you going to see him off? Maybe, I won't be back in half a while."

"I'm not going." Lin Fan still habitually flipped through the book without saying a word.

After hearing Lu Feng let out a long sigh and went out, Lin Fan remembered the last time the two of them agreed to go to the hot spring to stay for a few days, and it was only two months ago, the world is really unpredictable, and they will soon part ways .Looking at the handwriting on the book gradually becoming blurred, he suddenly felt why people have such illusory things as feelings. If they can be seen and touched like any limb on the body, even if they become incomplete, he will not hesitate. to truncate it.But it is this ungraspable thing that fills every meridian in the body like blood. Without its oxygen supply, the heart dies.

……

The next day was cloudy, cold and hazy, and everyone curled up in the dormitory.

At this time, the landline in the room rang, and Lin Fan was on the lower berth, so he walked over to answer the phone.

As soon as I said "Hello", a familiar voice came through the microphone: "It's me...", and then hurriedly said: "Don't hang up..."

Holding the microphone in his hand, Lin Fan thought it might be the last time, let's listen again.

Qi Tian's voice came from over there again: "Lin Fan, I was wrong last time, I was stupid, I shouldn't hit you, but... what you said that day was angry... we have been so good for two years... ...I know, maybe you are a little worried about the future now, and I also know that I am weak and can't give you anything...But three years, can you wait for me for three years, I will study hard and start a business, I will definitely Will stand on my own as soon as possible..."

Hearing Qi Tian's fawning words that trampled his self-esteem to the ground, Lin Fan stood there and let the cold liquid flow down from the side of his face. He clenched his fists tightly and bit his back teeth, afraid that if he relaxed, the other party would hear that his emotions.

Seeing that he was silent, he emphasized eagerly: "Lin Fan, wait for me, I will come back as soon as possible, three years, just three years, or two years, can you..."

"I can't," I tried my last bit of strength to make myself cry, "Don't contact me again." After saying the last sentence, he hung up the phone.

Turning around and rushing into the bathroom, turning on the faucet, in order to cover up the cry he suppressed so hard and not let it out so directly, Lin Fan squatted on the floor of the bathroom and buried his head between his knees, crying in a trembling muffled voice, venting what he had been crying for so long. pain and depression.

If it is so painful for two men to love each other, why does God allow this to happen?If it is destined to end like this, why is there no sign of sweetness at the beginning?He let the water flow and whirl away like that, just like his irretrievable mother, like the love he couldn't ask for.

……

……

That year was probably the bleakest year in Lin Fan's life. Before Lin Fan graduated, his mother passed away due to cerebral infarction complicated by myocardial infarction.

At that time, Lin Fan was looking for a job and doing resume interviews. He felt that the only thing he could do was to support his family as soon as possible, until one day his family called, and his father said to him with a sob: "Come back, your mother is gone. ..."

He didn't even believe what he heard, he already knew he was wrong and compromised, things shouldn't have developed like this.

But when he flew home as fast as he could and came to the hospital, his father told him with red eyes: "Your mother passed away in sleep without any pain, but she was still talking about you yesterday. Go and see her."

When he came to the mortuary, looking at his mother's peaceful sleeping face, Lin Fan suddenly remembered that his mother happily called him after the last cancer re-examination. The doctor said that everything was normal. After this year's examination, if there is no problem, there should be no recurrence. At that time, she excitedly told herself that she used to be afraid that he would not be able to get through to get married, but now she is finally at ease...

That day Lin Fan held his mother's already cold hand, cried and said sorry ten thousand times in his heart.

……

After finishing his mother's death and returning to Beijing, Lin Fan became more silent than before, and sometimes he couldn't say a word for a day.

When Qi Tian just left, no matter whether he could read it or not, he kept flipping through the book as much as he could, and submitted his resume to keep himself busy. After he came back this time, he stopped looking for a job, and sat in the dormitory all day, usually without knowing it. It's getting dark.

When Lu Feng came back from cooking for him, he would eat two bites, and when he took him to the playground, he would walk around mechanically twice. When Lu Feng told him jokes, Lu Feng himself laughed so hard, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't laugh, at that time he felt that his expression muscles were probably dead.

Until one day, Lu Feng took him to the biggest freshman admissions meeting of the year, where all the best companies recruited students.

When Lu Feng dragged him to Yi Yun's admissions office that day, resumes were piled up there like a mountain.Lu Feng went up and handed his resume directly to someone, and said with a flattering smile, "I saw that you are the person in charge. This is a top student in our computer science department, who receives scholarships every year."

The man looked up and smiled and said, "This young man is very interesting. He didn't look for a job for himself, but he advertised it to others."

Lu Feng chuckled and said, "I see that your company has too high requirements for computer certificates, and I haven't passed several of them." He then pointed to Lin Fan and said, "He has them all. If you don't hire him, you will lose a lot." .”

The man smiled, and really lowered his head to look at the resume seriously, and then asked Lin Fan to try to answer a simple question.

Lin Fan took it over, looked at it and suddenly laughed. When he was taking the computer grade certificate test, Qi Tian was bored and insisted on taking a random test. It just happened to be this type. At that time, he joked that this kind of coding work was just You have a lot of brains to write it... So he quickly wrote the solution on paper without thinking.

After the person took the paper and read it, he said to him: "Wait for my call, my surname is Liu."

……

……

Lin Fan stubbed out the cigarette butts in his hand, and unknowingly smoked four or five. The events at that time came out one by one like a revolving lantern. The appearance of Qi Yaoyang was like a reminder, reminding him that he had What happened, tell him what to avoid in the future.

When he felt his mood gradually eased, he got out of the car and returned to the office.

……

The author has something to say: I can't bear to read it separately, so I put the two chapters together