When can I be resurrected? [Zhongyingmei]

Freddy watched the vampire go away without hesitation.

When Nick appeared so suddenly, he seemed to be happy to reunite with his old friend after a long absence, talking and laughing with him, and coming here was just to have a friendly conversation with him and Steve.Unexpectedly, Nick detonated the bomb that had already been ambushed here unexpectedly, and after the bombing exhausted their defense line, he left here calmly as if he had achieved his goal.

Freddie stared blankly at the closed door, not daring to turn his head to see Steve's expression.

Freddy, who has lost relevant memories, still feels a little strange to the [Freddy] that Nick knew, and it is even a little difficult to be himself.Freddie could think of his life as someone else's story, and that was the end of it.But Steve can't, he's more empathetic to Freddie's brief life than he is to him...he's in pain.

He suffered for the sufferings he endured, he suffered for the lies he devised, and he suffered for his life full of thorns.

——It shouldn’t be like this.

Freddy only felt dense dull pains like needle pricks, piercing his brain, his heart, and his blood vessels... His thoughts were also thrown into chaos because of this severe pain. It was beyond his control, and even developed on the path he least expected.Even at this moment, Freddy felt an all-too-familiar dread, as Carrie had said before, that when life felt something to look forward to, there was always a more painful tragedy to befall him. In life, misfortune always follows.

—Why do I feel such pain?

The long-haired ghost turned around slowly, and met the gaze of the blond man who was always watching him.

Deep in the blue eyes of the blond man that Freddie loved so much, the brightness full of brilliance seemed to be dimmed suddenly, and suddenly fell into the eternal night without day.There was no light shining in those eyes, nor could they reflect the sunny flowers he wanted to protect.

Freddie knew he didn't want to be the one to cause Steve pain.

It was precisely because of this that he used countless lies to conceal his darkness, deliberately avoiding all possibilities that would hurt Steve.He was even willing to fabricate a beautiful and fulfilling life for Flora to fulfill Steve's wish.However, after his death, he witnessed with his own eyes that all the "beautiful dreams" he had spent his entire life painstakingly creating had now become sharp weapons to hurt this man.

The forcible tearing of the beauty in front of my eyes is far more cruel than the tragedy revealed at the beginning.

Freddie felt helpless, sad, and angry.

However, he didn't know who this anger should be directed at.

The witch who has never appeared so far is planning everything behind the scenes, all in order to realize his wish, so he returned to Steve in the form of a ghost.And Nick's sudden appearance and the revelation of a secret that had been buried for 70 years was because he was his closest comrade-in-arms, and he was unwilling to see that Steve knew nothing about [Freddie]... Freddie knew them All for him.

However, this result was not what he wanted.

—In the end, what he did for Steve only hurt him.

"Very good." Freddy smiled bitterly. He felt that his expression at the moment must be similar to crying.He didn't feel pain from the trials and tribulations of his life, but he felt pain from the way Steve was looking at him right now.It turns out that this kind of love can ignore one's own emotions, and only empathize with each other's feelings. "Now we have become lovers who hurt each other."

"At least, you know Freddy now." Freddy said tremblingly.

Steve once said to him, [Let Freddie come before my eyes].

Now the Freddy buried in the long past is here, the Freddy who rushed to the battlefield without hesitation after leaving Brooklyn is here, the Freddy who is not suitable for being a soldier but is maturing step by step is here Here comes the Freddy who can fight bravely on the battlefield full of gunpowder, and the Freddy who unfortunately died in the end... the blood stained the battlefield is here.

Freddy suddenly remembered the letter he wrote to Erin a long time ago, and he knew that the letter was not only for Erin, but also for Steve.In the letter, he wrote as [Flora] that he admired Freddy very much. Although Freddy has many shortcomings, there are also many bright spots that attract him, and Freddy has been supporting him all the time. He... wrote in the letter that he would like to introduce Freddie to them if possible.

Maybe, Freddy thought... deep down, he wanted Steve to know [Freddie].

He wanted Steve to know this new him, how brave he could be, how strong he could be, how free he could be.

He wanted Steve to know that he had lived a wonderful life under the name [Freddie].

"I hope this Freddy didn't disappoint you." Freddy said, looking at Steve sincerely.

He didn't want to be a girl who could only stand there and wait for her fiancé to return, and he didn't want to be the dirty shame of Captain America as his mother said. He wanted to be a soldier who could fight alongside Captain America, a... Someone who can make the captain proud of him.

Steve stared at Freddy, and he saw the persistence and persistence that seemed to be glowing in the amber eyes of the long-haired ghost.Captain America knows that it is precisely because Freddy has not regretted his previous decision that he can look at him like this at this moment.

"You never disappoint me," Steve began.

Captain America originally thought that Flora was a flower in spring that needed careful care.

The flowers under the light, the soft petals bloom, full of natural vitality, blooming with eye-catching beauty.

He is afraid that darkness will wither him, and suffering will wither him.

However, this idea is wrong.

"You are stronger, braver, and more beautiful than I imagined." Steve stretched out his hand and gently stroked Freddy's cold cheek. The man's blue eyes stared at the ghost's eyebrows with great seriousness, tenderly There is an unmistakable affection in the eyes.

The ordeal did not crush him, but it made Freddy's unyielding and freedom-hungry soul experience a radiant brilliance.

Just like the gravel buried deep in the bottom of the sea, after the long darkness and the bondage of the clamshell, it has transformed into a crystal clear pearl.

Steve knew Freddy's choice, he knew that Freddy had finally found the self and freedom he wanted, he knew that Freddy had lived a life of no regrets in a place he didn't know...Captain America could understand Freddie made all the choices, but it still couldn't make him feel painless.

"I missed too much." Steve said sadly.

He missed [Flora's] life, and he missed [Freddie's] everything.

This is an irreparable miss.

It wasn't until 70 years after Freddy's death that he got this opportunity to really know [Flora] and start to understand [Freddy].

Hearing what Steve said, Freddy, who had already lost his sense of taste and pain, only felt pain in his mouth, and his cold heart seemed to be clenched into a ball due to the bitterness.The unstoppable dull pain in his chest made him subconsciously squeeze Steve's hand again, as if he was afraid of losing, as if he was afraid that the other party would feel a deeper loss, and as if he wanted to get something from this man to stop the pain. comfort.

"I love you, Steve," Freddie said firmly, "I never stopped loving you."

"but--"

However, they don't need to be together to prove their love.

The mother's extreme and crazy opposition, the ruthless separation forced by the war, the longest distance between life and death...

There was always an insurmountable gulf between the two of them.

Before Freddy finished speaking, Captain America seemed to know what he wanted to say, and lowered his head to kiss the ghost.

Freddy's next words were lost in this seamless kiss.

Ghost stood there stupidly, his pupils constricted to feel the sudden warmth on his cold lips.The touch of lips and teeth made him flustered, he felt helpless, it made him feel hot...but only for a moment, Freddie felt that with this kiss, his whole body was hot, as if it was hot His blood was rushing in his veins, and there was even a feeling that his soul was about to melt in this kiss.

This kiss was not like Steve's usual careful touch with Freddie. The man stretched out his hands and hugged the ghost's body tightly. The entangled and hot kiss deepened, and it seemed that it would be difficult to confide in the whole thing. All the love is integrated into this kiss.From this kiss, Freddy did feel the deep emotion of the man.Under such circumstances, it seems that he has no choice but to avoid the feelings of the lover by escaping, but at the same time...he can't help but indulge in it.

Kissing is horrible.

Even though it's just the touch of lips, it can make ghosts feel the illusion of being hot all over; Both parties are convinced that the other party is their only forever.

Freddy slowly closed his eyes, and hugged the blond man back. The sudden outburst of emotion in his heart made Specter finally indulge himself at this moment and forget all his worries, all obstacles, all restraints... At this moment, he was just a Those who embrace their lover enjoy the intimacy that only belongs to them.

"Freddie, I love you."

After the kiss, Steve held Freddy's face in his hands, and looked at each other with firm tenderness in his blue eyes.

This sentence "I love you" is an unshakable fact that Freddy knows even if the man doesn't say it.

"Although I chose to become Captain America, I did not choose to give up on you."

"I have never forgotten my promise to return to you."

"I never stopped thinking of wanting to be with you."

Steve always felt that Captain America was Steve Rogers, but not quite Steve Rogers.A part of him was left behind in Brooklyn, by Flora's side...that was what he always cared about.

"The countless times when I was in danger, what supported me was not only victory, not only peace, not just comrades in arms...and you." Captain America has countless reasons to survive, and Steve Jeff Rogers, just because he has a promise that must be fulfilled, just because he has made up his mind to give happiness to the one he loves, and just because he always has this guidance in his heart to go back and worry about him, so he must also survive.

Freddy was stunned. He knew that Steve, who went to the battlefield, must be fearless of life and death, and must have made plans to sacrifice his life on the battlefield... Freddy thought that before the final victory and peace, the man's Concerned feelings will only become redundant burdens.

In fact, Captain America did die once in World War II.

Unexpectedly, this man said such words, as if he was sure that he would be able to defeat all enemies, he was sure that no evil could kill him, he was sure that he would live until the final victory back to him...

——As if, he was the only one who chose to give up this relationship.

When he took off the pearl necklace that Steve gave him, when he gave up the name [Flora] and became [Freddy], when he left everything in the past and went to the battlefield to become a soldier …he had long since given up on the idea of ​​being with Steve Rogers.

At this moment, Freddy suddenly wanted to say something disappointing, one cannot greedily want both.

but……

Freddy raised his face and stared deeply at the blond man in front of him, and he felt that this man was worthy of everything he wanted.

Until now, there is still a kind of determination in this man's eyes that "nothing can stop them from being together".

But Freddie didn't have such confidence, as if, from before to now, he couldn't see his future with Steve.

—Why should we have such unrealistic hopes?

Even if they get a chance to reunite, even if they become special ghosts, even if they know about the existence of witches, what does this represent?If the witch could really bring him back to life, she wouldn't have waited until today to bring him back here as a ghost.

Knowing that it is a hope full of traps, but still willing to jump into a deeper abyss, just to see a false dawn?

Freddie felt that Steve was a very reasonable man, but in his affairs, Steve seemed to be forever blind to the insurmountable barrier between them.This made Freddy feel powerless and exhausted. Without knowing how his ending would end again, he didn't know what Steve wanted from him.

"What do you want me to do?" Freddie asked, frowning.

"Come to my side." Steve said his request in a calm and sincere voice.

Freddy was stunned. Could it be that he who is standing in front of Steve is not by his side.

"Don't just look at me from a distance, don't always keep a distance from me, don't always want to be separated from me." Steve continued, "Don't cross my name out of your life."

Cross out from life...

There was no way he could have done it, Freddie thought.But he knew what Steve wanted, men wanted him to be as strong as he was, to have the determination to be with him, not to live with the idea that they would never have a future.

"Even if I will disappear?" Freddy asked, his last rationality still made him reject Steve's request, "Even if I can enjoy all the sweetness with you at this moment without any worries, but After I disappear, the dead me will not feel anything. But all the pain, all the regrets, and all the blanks will stay in your life forever?"

Freddie finally asked about the concern he'd been avoiding.

"Freddy, I ache for the truth and the void that we've missed in a century, so I don't want to miss it again," Steve replied, "I understand that it's important for you and me to see each other again." What a hard-won opportunity, even a miracle. I would indeed wish for more miracles to be born in my heart, but I clearly know in my heart that I must firmly grasp the present that you and I can have."

Even if what remains in the future is pain, regret, and blankness...

Steve hoped that at least at this moment, Freddie would not hide and test carefully, avoid avoiding them full of worries, keep a distance worrying about gains and losses, and deny their future pessimistically.Steve hopes that Freddie, who chooses to go his own way, will not just regard him as an unreachable light, he wants to be the one who can really guard, accompany and hold him.

Freddie just felt his empty soul churn with emotion after hearing Steve's words, a man whose unwavering love made it seem like he could truly be selfish and reckless.Obviously faced with his countless escapes, he was the man who gently maintained his fragile self-esteem, and walked to his side with a firm attitude, but Steve said to him—[Come to my side] .

And the blond man's eyes seemed to say again - [please come and occupy my life].

Freddy nodded slightly. Steve's unreserved love and wholehearted tolerance have always been an important source of courage for him.

The long-haired ghost stretched out his hands and hugged the man tightly, feeling the beating of the man's heart without any distance.

At this moment, Freddy didn't want to continue thinking about anything, and it didn't matter how the affection between them would end.

"I remember that you were very thin and weak when you were a child, and you didn't look as strong as a girl. You obviously looked like a bully, but you didn't have the temper to be a bully. You always stood up to help others, but you made yourself in a mess look," Freddie said suddenly.

Hearing Freddy's words, Steve was stunned. He didn't expect Freddy to remember the past.

"I remember, you have a few pamphlets, all of which are pictures of me."

"I remember, when I was playing the piano, you would often peek at me from the window."

"I remember, because you heard that I like flowers, you secretly planted flower seeds on the roadside in front of my house."...

Freddy still remembers that he was locked in the cellar by his mother because he couldn't practice the piano score well, and he was finally released at night when he was going to bed.Feeling out of breath, he secretly opened the bedroom window to get some air after his mother sang the lullaby, but saw Steve, who was still a boy, doing something sneakily.The thin boy was holding a shovel and wearing a kettle, and he was planting something on the soil in the yard by the door with a mature look on his face.

Every night after that, the boy would come and take care of the flowers that didn't know what kind of seeds they were.

The boy is looking forward to the germination of the seeds, and also looking forward to the girl he likes to see a colorful flower bush every day when he goes out in the future.

At that time, every time little Freddy rested his chin on the window and watched little Steve take care of the seedlings.

He was curious about what kind of flowers these seeds would grow, and even looked forward to it.

"However, I was caught by Mrs. Orwell later, and she drove me away angrily." Steve said with a smile. He remembered that when he looked up by chance, he found that it was as beautiful and delicate as a doll. The little Freddy was lying on the window and staring at him from afar. He didn't expect to be noticed. He was so nervous that he kicked the kettle over in a panic, "Actually, I don't know what flowers those seeds are. , it was given to me by my grandfather, he only said that it is a seed that will produce beautiful flowers, let me plant it well."

Steve felt it was a pity that he hadn't been able to see what kind of flowers those seeds could grow.

"Yes, very beautiful flowers have bloomed." Freddy smiled and nodded.

At night, the boy who sneaked in attracted his attention as if he had a light on his body.

At the same time, a seed was planted in his poor heart.

Never be stingy to give the necessary light and nutrients, patiently and meticulously care for each day, and water the germination of the seeds of expectation with sincerity.

——Finally, a sunny flower bloomed in his heart.

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The author has something to say:

感谢在2021-01-2723：04：06～2021-02-0104：00：32期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦～感谢投出地雷的小天使：阿砖3个；江岸1个；

Thanks to the little angel of the irrigation nutrient solution: 81 bottles of a shadow part; 20 bottles of the guy with the word rice name insect, right and wrong ink; 8 bottles of sauerkraut comrades; 1 bottle of caged bird; thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard of!