deep blue

After Mu Zhanxi left, Meng Yinan sat by the bed for a while.

His heartbeat gradually returned to normal, and his cheeks were no longer hot, but there was a faint warm touch in the palm of his hand, which made him feel at a loss for a moment.

He seriously stared blankly, thinking about something, but his mind was empty.

Finally, he saw the schoolbag on the side and the box of teaching aids that Mu Ting gave him in the morning, so he found something to do, took out all the things, and put them on the table one by one.

After categorizing the books, Meng Yinan couldn't calm down to study, so he had to look through the supplementary books boringly, picked out a few medium-to-high difficulty ones and put them together, and piled up the rest in the corner.

The room was very quiet, and there was no activity on the entire floor, creating the illusion that Meng Yinan was the only one.

Sometimes he goes to a new environment, and occasionally he is in a trance.

Thinking about why I am in this place now, how I came here, the reason for coming, and why people keep moving around.

When I was a child, I really didn’t understand it. It’s like playing a game, forcing myself to remember the scene in front of me. When I close my eyes, I always feel that I will teleport to another place when I open them again.

When you grow up, you will feel irritable. If you don't have a stable home, you will be irritable, and you can't settle down. Sometimes you will be at a loss, not knowing what you are doing.Because he always follows whoever drifts, as if he himself does not exist.

……

And at this moment, this feeling is very strong.

Meng Yinan thought, maybe it's too quiet now.

Since noon, no one came to Meng Yinan's room to look for him, and finally fell asleep leaning against the bed for some reason.

He dreamed that he was an animal, maybe a sheep, because all around him was this kind of creature with white hair balls.

He walked among many sheep, walked and walked, and walked for a long time.

Meng Yinan didn't feel tired, and he didn't lower his head to eat grass like other sheep. He just kept walking forward, as if he was looking for something, but he didn't seem to have it.

The grassland was boundless, and Meng Yinan, the lamb, went from dawn to dusk, and then from dusk to dawn, until he saw the edge of the sheepfold—a fence blocked his way forward.

Due to the appearance of the railing, the lamb Meng Yinan could no longer continue walking. He was stunned for a while, then suddenly became anxious, stamped his feet, bleated fiercely and anxiously at the railing, and then paced around along the railing , very anxious.

But the railings are just railings, and Meng Yinan, the little sheep, will not be moved no matter how angry he is.

Probably because he was exhausted, after a while, he slowly stopped somewhere and looked towards the sky slowly.

I saw a beautiful bird standing on the fence.

The lamb Meng Yinan stared at it obsessively, and remained motionless, his world was at a standstill.

Suddenly a gust of wind blew, and the little bird was frightened, fluttering its wings and flying away.

The little sheep, Meng Yinan, was stunned for a moment, and then began to chase in the direction of the little bird.

The bird flew along the edge of the railing, giving the lamb Meng Yinan the illusion that he could catch up with it, but it finally left there and went to a wider world.

The lamb Meng Yinan stretched out his limbs and ran hard, but he couldn't catch the bird no matter what.

He stopped at the railing at last and saw the bird far beyond the fence, heading for a higher sky that the lamb could not reach anyway.

He finally understood that he was just a lamb bound in the sheepfold. No matter how big the pasture was, he would always be in the fence and never be able to catch up to the flying bird.

The lamb finally resigned to his fate, and felt unreconciled again, and tears fell down, wetting the fluff on his body.

Crying and crying, the railing in front of him, which symbolized restraint, somehow became a narrow gap in the door again.

By the time Meng Yinan found out, it was already dark around him.

Only there was light between the cracks of the door, and the scene was very familiar, so he realized that he had returned to a certain fragment in his memory, and was standing in front of that door ignorantly.

It seems to be summer, the windows in the room are half open, the hot wind blows open the curtains, and the curtains sway in a certain rhythm, like a turbulent sea tide.

Intermittent love songs came from the TV that was turned on, the female voice was soft and emotional, and the invisible wind and some kind of unsmelling smell filled the whole space stickily.

At that time, Meng Yinan was not as tall as a doorknob, and the angle was just facing the big bed in the room.

Even though the room is not big, there is still a need for a double bed. If it is a painting, then the space will only appear cramped and the guests will overwhelm the host.

In that painting, broken and dirty clothes were scattered on the narrow floor beside the bed, and two intertwined bodies were twisted on the lightly washed and yellowed sheets on the bed.

A soft sigh and moan came from them, more attractive than the tender songs on TV, like the ups and downs of the sea tide, the high tide is haunted by hoarse panting, the ebb and flow is mixed with tears, making the The man pressing down on the Omega became more and more unable to control himself, cursing harsh words and hitting him impatiently.

It seems that this is not the first time I have seen it.

But Meng Yinan felt the blood rushing from his feet to the top of his head, so he forced tears. The psychological discomfort made his physiology respond. He retched silently, but he couldn't leave there for half a step because of the dream.

In the messy bedding, Omega raised the face that Meng Yinan had seen countless times, and his body turned into a crescent-like arc, clutching at Alpha's hair on his chest, and his body moved, making a sound that seemed to be a beast. The whoosh chirps.

Until the end, Alpha's powerful arms clung to his shoulders, turned the back of his head involuntarily, and bit the soft/sweat-soaked flesh of the nape of his neck.

Omega seemed to be choked by someone's lifeblood, and let out a high-pitched cry, which then turned into a thin sob, but there was not much pain on that face, it was full of intolerance, laziness, enjoyment, and insatiability.

"Is it a fight?" Meng Yinan seemed to hear himself asking.

But I don't remember when I asked, and my own voice also rang from far away and near.

He didn't ask this time, but it was always strange in the dream, and he probably asked because of curiosity and fear after seeing it for the first time.

What did Meng Du say at that time?

Meng Du seemed to just laugh, and tapped Meng Yinan's baby-plump cheek with his soft fingertips, without saying anything.

Just when Meng Yinan was lost in the messy memory, he saw the scene in his dream, the person in the crack of the door glanced at the door in overwhelming joy.

He looked at Meng Yinan, smiled softly, and whispered to the Alpha on his body, begging in a low voice that Meng Yinan could hear, saying it hurts, and don't mark me.

Meng Yinan is like falling into an icehouse.

He remembered that the dream he had dreamed was a summer afternoon when he was six or seven years old.

He left school very early that day, and hadn't put down his schoolbag when he got home, when he heard the voices in the room.

On that day, he found out that Meng Du did it on purpose, to let Meng Yinan see it on purpose, to let little Meng Yinan know that there are still such filthy people and things in the world.

Meng Yinan stepped back step by step, to a place where he could see nothing.

He seemed to have escaped, but he seemed to be watched by those eyes all the time, and finally fell into endless darkness.

"South?"

The door was knocked, Meng Yinan opened his eyes, and heard someone calling him in a low voice: "Brother Yinan?"

It's Mu Ting.

Before Meng Yinan recovered from the many scenes in the dream, he calmed down his shortness of breath a little, and replied, "I'm here." His voice was hoarse.

He stood up and opened the door for Mu Ting. Seeing him stunned for a moment, Mu Ting said apologetically, "Did I wake you up?" Then he asked Meng Yinan if he was okay, his eyes were red.

"It's okay." Meng Yinan shook his head, then looked behind him subconsciously.

"I haven't called Xiaoxi yet," Mu Ting smiled at him, and pointed to the room, "Can you let me in first?"

Only then did Meng Yinan get out of the way.

Mu Ting seemed to have something to say to him, but he didn't mention anything. First, he told Meng Yinan a happy new year and gave him a red envelope. Meng Yinan refused if he didn't need it, but Mu Ting let him accept it .

Afterwards, Mu Ting saw the books on Meng Yinan's desk, praised him for the neatness of the desk, and said, "How about it, can these books come in handy?"

Meng Yinan nodded, said yes, and told Mu Ting that he wanted to buy some of them before, but they were rejected, and now he just happened to have them all.

Mu Ting didn't know if he could see that Meng Yinan was comforting him, and said with a smile, "I was afraid of buying the wrong one before, as long as I can use it."

Then Mu Ting sat on the chair, and wanted to have a long talk with Meng Yinan.

Although Mu Ting was not an elder, he was almost ten years older than him, and he was Mu Zhanxi's elder brother. Meng Yinan seldom had the experience of being talked to by others, so he felt a little nervous.

Mu Ting asked him how he felt at home, and said that the room might be smaller, and he would be wronged these days.

Meng Yinan quickly shook his head and said that the room was fine.

Mu Ting also asked if there is a lot of homework, when will the senior high school entrance examination be, and if he is sure... These kind of idle words are more detailed than those asked when going out to eat on New Year's Day.

When I got to know him better, I said to him: "Look at Xiaoxi, he was the youngest in the family, but he didn't look like a child at all. He was fun when he was young, but now he is not cute when he grows up. I wanted a good boy before." Brother, hey, just in time, you are here."

Mu Ting always speaks very casually, naturally, with a gentle tone, without any sense of disobedience, making people feel very sincere, and you will feel that what he said is completely consistent with his inner thoughts.

Both Mu Zhanxi and Mu Ting treated Meng Yinan very well, making him feel that no matter how long he stayed in this family, he would never be excluded or hurt.

Hearing this, Meng Yinan felt warm in his heart, and all the emotions in the previous dream had been swept away by now.

Mu Ting looked at him with a smile: "Actually, I came here to chat with you. I also went to find Xiaoxi at noon. Anyway, I'm not busy these days. We are a family, so we need to get acquainted with each other. Come again, Just to tell you about Xiaoxi."

Meng Yinan nodded obediently, seeing that Mu couldn't stop laughing, saying that he was really obedient, smiled for a while and then said seriously: "Xiaoxi has grown up so much, and he has been alone for a long time, I think he is quite I like you, you two are about the same age, and you can be said to be with each other at home."

Meng Yinan wasn't sure what he was going to say, so he nodded and listened.

"Well, he looks quite mature, but that's not the case." Mu paused, looked at Meng Yinan, and scratched his head embarrassedly, "I'm not a very competent brother, and maybe I'm not Get to know him then."

"But I sometimes feel that he treats you so well, maybe because he had a lot of things he wanted when he was your age, such as friends to talk to, care from family members, attention from parents, etc. But no one could give it to him in time."

Mu Ting patted Meng Yinan's head, making Meng Yinan feel that he wanted to say something more, but in the end he just said: "Anyway, my brother has no other intentions, but seeing you two today may be a little bit emotional. Right. You may think it's strange for me to say this, and you are younger than him, but I still have to say, even if you get along well, you have to take care of some things."

Meng Yinan suddenly felt a little astringent in his heart. He didn't know if it was because of Mu Ting's saying "no one can give him what he wants in time", or because he was made to worry too much.

Mu Ting probably felt that what he said was not clear enough, and explained: "I don't want you to pay or bear anything, that is to say, if Xiaoxi is a little clumsy, I hope you don't bother him."

Meng Yinan nodded, saying that he didn't think what Mu Ting said was strange, but at the same time said that Mu Zhanxi was very nice, so why bother him.

Mu Ting smiled and said that he was a good boy, and that he was very good. He asked Meng Yinan to clean up and go downstairs for a reunion dinner later.

For Meng Yinan, there were actually no holidays or reunions to talk about. Long before meeting Meng Du, he was alone.

Compared with Meng Du and his life of no fixed place, Meng Yinan felt that Mu's house was a very good place, and that's why there were these very good people.

Fortunately, he met new family members and heard them say such nice things to him.Let him take more care, in fact, it should be the other way around, I hope they don't care about Meng Yinan's clumsiness and helplessness.

After Mu Ting left, Meng Yinan went to wash his face, and came out just in time to meet Mu Zhanxi.

Mu Zhanxi was standing at the door, apparently waiting for him.

In fact, after going out at noon, even if Meng Yinan said he made up and pretended not to care, there would still be some small indescribable embarrassments.

But Mu Zhanxi didn't show it, he just came to find his puppy and said they would go downstairs together.

Meng Yinan felt as if it was still the same as before, nothing had changed.

But when he walked up to Mu Zhanxi and looked up at him, Meng Yinan remembered the dream he had just now.

He was still the little sheep in his dream, walking on the seemingly endless pasture, and then looked up to see the beautiful bird that he admired.

Maybe now Meng Yinan was always looking up at the bird, and Mu Zhanxi wouldn't be alarmed and fly away like that bird.

But Meng Yinan really felt that something was changing.

Or maybe not now, but earlier.

Earlier than when they held hands, earlier than when Mu Zhanxi gave him a scarf, earlier than going to a friend's house, eating that sour candy, doing homework together, going to and from school... earlier than many, many details, even, earlier Live that rainy night.

——The wet Meng Yinan raised his head and saw Mu Zhanxi at the window on the third floor, looking down at him.

Meng Yinan finally realized that from that moment on, his life had undergone tremendous changes.

He was nervous about it, but also implicitly looking forward to it.