he can't see our ears

After waiting at the bus station for a while, I got on the bus and went back to the county seat.

On the way back to city A from the county seat, I fell asleep on the long-distance bus.During this period, I had a dream, dreaming about my childhood.

In the dream, there is me, mother, and elder brother.The dream was very confusing, and I didn't know when it happened. I only knew that in the dream, my mother was an adult, and I was a very small child.

Mom has an old Yanshan brand sewing machine.I sat at the small folding table lower than the bed, and when I looked up, I could see the back of my mother stepping on the sewing machine.

The sewing machine is very noisy, but I don't find it noisy, which is a very comfortable sound for me.

Click, click, click, a bit like a rainstorm knocking on a window, and a bit like an old-fashioned train chugging along.

The comfortable white noise was suddenly interrupted, and weeping came from the corner of the room.

I looked back and saw my brother sitting cross-legged on the bed with his head down, tears streaming down his face.

Mom didn't look back.She asked her brother if there was any grievance, but at first he was reluctant to tell, but later he told the truth.

He said he called his aunt and talked about Dad on the phone.

Mom asked him, do you miss Dad very much?The elder brother shook his head and said, no, I was afraid. Everyone said that my father was sick, and I was afraid that I would become like my father.

Mom laughed.She didn't look back, but I just knew she was smiling, and it was beautiful.

She said to her brother, don't be afraid, you will not become like your father, and everyone will eventually grow into what they should be.

I couldn't understand what she said, and wanted to ask, but found that I couldn't speak.

I wanted to write, and looking down at my tiny hands, I realized I couldn't write.

I'm really confused, since I can't even speak, how can I write?

At this time, I should only be able to babble.Children usually learn to call "Mom" first, so I opened my mouth to call Mom, but found that I couldn't.

Is it because I haven't learned how to call people, or can't make a sound?I couldn't tell for a moment.

Now I am sitting, sitting on a very low children's plastic stool, and my body is not too soft.How old is this kid?At least two years old, right?Am I learning to speak so late?

I patted the tabletop, and the tabletop was pushed out of place by me, but my mother and brother still didn't notice me.

I don't want to be a child anymore, I want to be an adult again.I want to go back to the present.

In fact, I am not doing well now. My graduate school is average, and my job is average. Even if it is such an average job, I can’t do it anymore. I have left my fortune, and my mother has not left much. I have to move forward, I have to find my own way.

My elder brother had a bad life when I was my age, and worse than me. At that time, my mother had been away for a long time, and my elder brother didn't go to any good school or job. He had to take care of me as a burden.

But now he's all right, life is better, he has lots of friends, he's settled down, and maybe he'll start a family someday.He is no longer a lonely child wandering in the world, he will surely find his home soon.

I suddenly had doubts, my elder brother was afraid of becoming like his father...why would he worry about this?Is it possible for him to become like that?

Will everyone become like their own same-sex relatives?Is there any established reason for this?

I never remember having a biological father, and the closest adult male I have ever been with is my eldest brother.When I was a teenager, if I knew that I would become like my big brother, I would not be sad, let alone scared, I would take it for granted.

But if I look like the eldest brother, and the eldest brother is also like the father of the eldest brother, wouldn't it be strange?Then am I also like the father of the eldest brother?

Something flickered in my mind, and I caught that little light.

I realized that the idea just now was outrageously wrong. My eldest brother would never be like his father, and I would never be like a stranger.The correct answer is that my eldest brother and I are like mothers.

Mom's judgment was right.Big brother's father is incorrect.He thinks that the eldest brother is not his child, and the mother thinks that the child is his child, so obviously it is.

I suddenly discovered that the sound of the sewing machine has never sounded again.

Mom stood up.I couldn't see her expression clearly because I was too small and she was too tall.

She walked up to her brother.Although I couldn't see her, I knew she was beside my brother.

Mom picked up brother.My brother is already a young man, I don't know how my mother has such great strength.When my mother hugged my brother, I couldn't see my brother, but only my mother's fluttering white dress, flowing from one end of the room to the other like foam.

I can't speak, I can't write, I can't call mom, so I can't do anything.

I wanted to see what was on the sewing machine, what my mother was making, but I couldn't.

I can see everything in the room. There are three things I can't see. One is the platform of the sewing machine, the other is my mother's face, and the third is my brother.

I have been waiting for the sound of the sewing machine to sound again, it is really nice and brings me a sense of security.But it has been quiet.

I wanted to step on the pedal, but before I stepped on it, a sharp music pierced my brain.

It's the ringtone.

I woke up.

It's afternoon now, the long-distance bus has already driven into City A, and there are two stops before the terminus.

I took out my mobile phone and looked at the calling number. It should be a call from the hospital.When I got on the phone, I didn't know who it was on the other end. Anyway, I just called him "doctor".

The doctor asked me if it was convenient for me to go to the hospital, and I said I would be there right away.

She didn't tell me what it was, and I didn't ask, what else could it be, it must be that my elder brother's condition has changed again.

What will he not see this time?

====================================

After arriving at the hospital, I saw the neurologist from last time, and the policewoman who had contacted me at the beginning.

The policewoman had already finished her work and was about to leave, so she said a few words to me by the way.

She didn't come to see me, and it is said that she has nothing to do with me.She came to the hospital today because she and her colleagues came to ask my elder brother about the situation as usual because they found some clothes of the victims.They also know that most of them can't ask anything, and my elder brother can't communicate with them at all, but he still has to come here.

After saying goodbye to the policewoman, the doctor didn't let me go to the ward, but took me to the office to talk.The surgeon is also there, and it seems that he is waiting for me.

Big brother doesn't seem to "see" anything new, at least he didn't mention it himself.His eyelids are still taped because they won't close on their own once he opens them.

What the doctors probably meant was that the eldest brother's physical condition has recovered well, and he can also walk on the ground. It is said that he can be discharged from the hospital.They kept him in the hospital before, on the one hand to facilitate the police investigation, and on the other hand to do as many checks on him as possible to rule out other causes besides trauma.

I've checked everything I can now, but nothing.They believed that my eldest brother certainly needs to continue treatment, but what he needs more is a mental health medical institution. Their hospital is not specialized in this field, and there is nothing they can do.

That is to say, let me pick up my elder brother and leave the hospital.also.After I agreed, the doctor offered to contact this kind of hospital for us to see if he could directly send a car to pick up the patient and transfer him to another hospital.

I asked them: "Do you still need an ambulance? Isn't my brother already able to walk?"

"Yes," the doctor said, "but I guess you can't get him alone. It's safer if the two hospitals connect. If they can't send a car, I suggest you call 120, and I can help you transport the patient."

I don't quite understand what's going on now, so I said I'll go and see my elder brother first, and then I'll see how it is arranged.The doctor agreed.

Walking out of the doctor's office and coming to the inpatient area, I found that my eldest brother was not in the ward, but standing in front of the window at the end of the corridor.

Next to the L-shaped corner is the nurse's station, and the nurses are staring at him without saying a word.

I walked up to my elder brother, and before he could speak, he turned to look at me.

It's not right to say "see", because the eldest brother's eyes are still closed.He smiled at me, that smile reminded me of my mother in the previous dream.If the upper half of the face is blocked and the hairstyle is blocked, the elder brother's nose looks more like his mother, especially the curvature of the mouth when he smiles.

Looking at him, I didn't know what to say for a moment.Normally, at this time, you should ask something like "how are you?", but this sentence is too pale.

I won't mention what I saw Lao Zhang yesterday.I figured it out on the way, since his father didn't want to come to see him, there was no need to remind him of him.

The eldest brother moved his smiling mouth and exhaled some breath, as if he wanted to speak but swallowed the sound of the words.

Is he too weak to speak out?

Just as I was about to speak, my elder brother reached out and grabbed my shoulder, pulling me into his arms.I froze. We never hugged like this again when we were grown up.

My body was stiff, afraid to touch his wound.Although the doctor said that he was recovering well, those huge injuries must not have completely disappeared, but he has recovered to the point where he can be discharged from the hospital.

The eldest brother hugged me and patted my back one after another very regularly.

It's not so much like adults comforting each other, it's more like... more like a parent coaxing a child to sleep...

He did shoot me like that when I was a kid.I was too young at that time, so I don't remember much, but my mother said he had done it.As for the effect of hypnosis, I don't know.

I don't understand why he is doing this now.

I carefully broke free from his arm, for fear of hurting him, I raised my head and asked him how he felt.

He still looked at me with a smile, and that expression made me uncomfortable.

He closed his eyes and grinned.

My vision seems to automatically ignore his eyes, and can only effectively receive the lower half of his face.I was looking at my elder brother, but I always felt in my heart that I was looking at the same nose and mouth as my mother.

His smiling mouth opened and closed, making a hissing sound, the sound may be long or short, with ups and downs, it is definitely not shouting through the vocal tract, but more like squeezing air from the body.

What is this like?Close to the belching after fizzy drinks, but not quite the same.No one can squeeze air out like this consistently, even with a difference in pronunciation.

I was in a daze, I couldn't understand what was wrong with him at all.

A nurse's voice came from behind: "He has been like this today..."

"When exactly did it start?" I asked.

"He went for a walk yesterday and was still talking to us at the nurse's station. It was normal at that time. I went to draw blood this morning and chatted with him. Then... not all of a sudden, just a little bit, just ...you talk to him normally, but he occasionally swallows a few words, and the words become incoherent, and then it becomes more and more serious, more and more...finally it becomes like this."

I looked at my brother again.The big brother made that sound again, this time with a coherent "cluck" sound, kind of like a laugh.

The reason why I say "sort of like" is because he was smiling all the time, his mouth was slowly opening and closing, and he didn't make the mouth shapes that should be used when talking and laughing, so I can't be sure if it is laughter or what.

I don't know what the sound of his breathing is... is that him talking?Does he speak language?

Shocked and confused, I retreated subconsciously, but my elder brother approached step by step.

I realized that this was not good, that this action might break his heart, so I forced myself to stop, not to try to move away from him.

At this time, the doctor finished the work at hand and came to the ward.After the doctor approached, he just stared at me, as if deliberately avoiding my elder brother, trying to look at him as little as possible.

The eldest brother has lived here for a long time. This doctor was not like this before.I can understand her.

The doctor whispered to me: "We did a comprehensive examination on him, and consulted with other departments in the morning. We didn't find any organic disease, so we thought it might be a mental reason."

"Well, I understand..." I lowered my head.In fact, there is a voice in my heart telling me that it may be more than just a spiritual reason...but what else can it be?I can't figure it out.

I want my eldest brother to go back to the ward to rest, but he doesn't seem to understand.I spent a lot of effort talking and gesticulating, trying to get him to go back to the ward to rest, but he didn't cooperate all the time, insisting on getting close to me, hugging me and patting me on the back like an adult putting a child to sleep.

In the end, I found a piece of paper with the mentality of giving it a try, wrote with a pen to let him go back to rest, held the paper up for him to read, and at the same time led him to the ward, and he seemed to finally understand.

This was originally a multi-person ward, but now all other patients have been discharged, only my elder brother is the only one.I helped him to lie back on the hospital bed, and he lay obediently on his back, with his eyes still closed, and he continued to grin.

This look made me very uncomfortable.He stopped making sounds, but his mouth remained open, opening and closing slowly.