he can't see our ears

I agree to discharge and transfer.Seeing how big brother looks like, I'm afraid ordinary hospitals really can't help much.

The doctor can help me contact the mental health center in city A, but I don't really want to go. I have my eye on another hospital, which is in the provincial capital, a little more inland than city A and the city I live in.

On the one hand, that hospital is more famous, on the other hand, I hope to take my elder brother to change the environment.

I had an inexplicable thought in my heart, thinking that it would be better to leave City A.

The doctor said that if I make up my mind, of course I can, but if I want to go to the provincial capital, they can't help me, and I have to make arrangements by myself.I said no problem.

That's what I thought, rent a car, drive my brother out of city A, and go straight to the hospital when he arrives in the provincial capital. In my brother's situation, they should treat him.

It takes time to do this well.You have to be discharged from the hospital first, and then you can settle the various expenses during this period, and then get your medical insurance card back after two days.So in the two or three days after I was discharged from the hospital, I had to take my eldest brother to live in the guest house where I had rented a room for a long time.

================================

The eldest brother seems to have become more obedient, and it can be said that he has become silent.

After he was discharged from the hospital, I took him anywhere, and he didn't question or object, and he didn't make strange noises anymore.When I was walking outside, I put a hat and sunglasses on him, and passers-by would not find it too strange.

The guest house does not use a door card, but a traditional door key.When I went out to do errands, I locked my eldest brother in the house and hung up "Do Not Disturb".

At first I was afraid that it would be unsafe, so I tried it once or twice, and found it was okay. My eldest brother just lay in the room, not moving much, and I didn't know if he was sleeping or in a daze.

Originally, I was mentally prepared that I might have to take care of my eldest brother like a disabled elderly patient, but it turned out that I didn't need it.The eldest brother can take care of himself, can go to the toilet, wash his face, and even keeps the habit of laying down the bedding after getting up.But he seemed to have forgotten how to brush his teeth. I squeezed the toothbrush with toothpaste and stuffed it into his hand, and he knew how to brush it again immediately.

Also, he knew how to drink water when he was thirsty, but he didn't know to ask me for it. Instead, he ran to the bathroom to turn on the faucet.I corrected him a few times, and put a cool cup on the bedside table, so that there is always enough water in the cool cup, so that the eldest brother knows to drink.

It is also difficult for him to eat. He does not take the initiative to eat, but as long as I let him eat, he will eat, and I don't need to feed him mouthful.So these are okay, not tired.

What bothers me the most is the night time.

Big Brother likes to climb on my bed and reach out to pat me like a mother to make me fall asleep.

I was very uncomfortable, even a little scared, but if I didn't cooperate and pretended to sleep, he would always sit next to him, with his eyes closed, his mouth open, and he remained silent most of the time, occasionally making a cooing sound.If I forcefully push him back, he'll crawl back after a while.

I had to cooperate.Even if I pretend to be asleep, as long as I seem to be asleep, my elder brother will silently go back to his bed.

Then I really fell asleep.When I woke up in the middle, I looked at my eldest brother, but I couldn't tell whether he was asleep or awake, after all, his eyes were closed all the time.

Three days later, I got back my elder brother's medical insurance card and made an appointment to rent a car.

Before I leave City A, I have one more thing to do. I have to go to my elder brother's house, which is the house where he lives in City A.

I have to sort out my brother's personal belongings, especially valuables.If he doesn't improve in the short term, I will have to help him with rent cancellation or something in a few days.

When the yacht accident happened, my elder brother’s personal belongings were all in the cabin, and they were not lost. After the police investigated, the things have been returned to the family members, so now I have the key to my elder brother’s house.

According to the address, I quickly found the place where my eldest brother lived.It is a newly built community with convenient transportation, quiet amidst the hustle and bustle, and complete supporting facilities nearby. Judging from the sanitation inside the building, the property owner should be very responsible.Although it is rented, it is estimated that the rent is not cheap.

When standing in front of the door, I hesitated before opening the door.At that time, I had the illusion of "going home", but immediately realized that this was not my home.

I opened the door and went in.The house is not big, one bedroom with a small living room, it is cleaned very neatly, and the soft furnishings and furnishings reflect the interest of life everywhere.The whole room uses a lot of white and blue, and my eldest brother seems to like the Mediterranean style.

The eldest brother's bed is very tidy, it seems that he will spread the quilt and put on a fitted sheet every day when he gets up.I think of him now, now that he is like this, he will still make the bed a little bit.

I'm completely different. When I wake up, the quilt remains the same.

I sat down at the desk and opened the drawers to see if there were any valuables.The laptop must be taken away. If he still has hard drives, watches, jewelry bracelets, etc., it is best to take them with him.

In fact, I told him before that I was coming to pick up things, and asked him if there was anything he needed to pick up, but unfortunately he couldn't answer.

I opened the closet and saw a cardboard box under the coat hanging area, the kind of hard kraft paper box with handles.

I thought that some people would put more expensive leather shoes and bags in the closet, so I opened the box.

The box is not leather shoes and purses, but a pile of paper products.I took out a stack at random, and found that there were letters, classmates, and several certificates.

There are three good students, outstanding students, excellent group leaders, second prizes in the district-level electronic piano competition, and excellent prizes in the lower grades of the city-level composition competition... My brother studied really well when he was young.

Before I knew it, I sat on the floor and watched.The certificates are basically for the lower grades, and there are no junior high and high school certificates.Is it because the elder brother didn't win any awards later?Or are the later awards not here?

But I saw a classmate book next to the certificate, it was a classmate book from junior high school.At that time, social software had not been popularized. When they graduated, everyone signed their classmates' records, left their contact information, and also left their graduation blessings.

Not only junior high school items, but also high school items.There is a classmate record, a greeting card from a high school classmate, and a participation card for a science and technology competition, but no certificate of award.

Gradually, I understood.Since my appearance, my brother has never received any certificate of honor.I stopped participating in the competition, and the three good students were gone.

How did that happen.

I picked up another notebook casually, it was a hard copy with a small sailing boat on the cover, and the style was very old.I thought it was Classmates, but it's not.

I flipped it to the middle and opened it.On the page I turned, my eldest brother wrote an excerpt from some novel, and then wrote his thoughts.I turned another page, and he mentioned that he was on the phone with his aunt and was in a bad mood.

It turned out that this was a diary.

Brother did not write "a certain year, a certain month, a certain day, the day of the week, the weather is sunny/cloudy/cloudy", but only write a simple Arabic number at the beginning, for example, this page is "11, 6", without the year and day of the week.

I didn't look too closely, just flipped through it a few times.A very front page suddenly caught my eye—it seemed to have my name on it.

When I noticed the name, my hand didn’t have time to stop, and I had already turned to the front page. I glanced at the beginning, and there was something like “the last one is finished” at the beginning. It seems that this diary is not the first diary. Book.

But instead of looking for the previous book, I am more curious about what the big brother is talking about when he mentions my name.So I turned back and looked for that page.

I shouldn't be watching.

I shouldn't be flipping through his teenage memories.

If I didn't watch it, I'd never know...it turns out he hated me so much back then.

Saying "disgusting" might be an understatement.Perhaps it should be said hate.

The diary entry where I saw my name for the first time said that I scratched my eldest brother’s animation CD, but my eldest brother knew that I was a child, so he didn’t care about me.And I took the initiative to tell my mother about it, meaning I would turn myself in, let my mother criticize me, and let my mother buy another copy of the same CD for my brother.Mom didn't buy it for him, didn't say much, just pretended nothing happened.

I must have been very young at the time, so I don't remember much of it now.

Now that I think about it carefully, I realize that the animation CD I scratched should be his private possession, and most of it is something that adults are not allowed to see.I broke his things openly, and turned myself in to my mother openly. In the end, he was the only one who was embarrassed... This diary made me laugh and cry, alas, I really hated it when I was young.

Another diary entry mentioned that I liked him very much when I was young, always clinging to him, observing his actions, and imitating his actions.So he tries to be as quiet as possible every day, always lying on the table to read and study. In this way, I will imitate him writing while lying on the table, and I will also keep quiet.

In fact, he was not necessarily studying at that time, he might be reading extracurricular books, or he might be writing this diary, but he had to try his best to pretend that he was studying quietly so that I would not make noise.

If he relaxes and slumps on the couch to watch TV, I sit next to him, clamoring to watch cartoons or animal world; if he turns on the stereo to play music, I dance and sing along to the music , Humming songs, yelling, louder than the music he played; if he listened to music with headphones, I would desperately grab his arms and press my face to his face, trying to hear what he was playing in the headphones. What, he won't listen to me, I'll keep doing it; if he goes out to play downstairs, I'll run after him like an ass, and the other boys will laugh at him, they don't play seriously with guys with kids .

Only when my elder brother studies hard and reads quietly, will I be quiet.I sat in front of the folding table, imitating my elder brother, burying my head in drawing on random paper and books.For children, middle school students are already very big people, and children think that adults who work hard are very handsome.

This is my big brother's vacation.It was not easy for my mother to raise the two of us. She was busy with work and didn't have much time at home. During the holidays, my elder brother was always pestering me.He took many such vacations.

After a few irrelevant articles, another article mentioned me.

My mother has to work the night shift, so I asked my eldest brother to help me take a bath at night.The eldest brother thought that I had basically taken care of myself and could wash it by myself, so he let me wash it by myself first.I ended up crying in the bathroom, making a mess of toilet paper and trash baskets, and he had to go to the rescue... I don't remember it.How old was I then?Maybe five or six?

He said that he would like to turn the hot water to the hottest temperature and spray it all on me.But he didn't.

He wanted me not to spit out the water when brushing my teeth, but to drink all the toothpaste water, but he still taught me to spit out the water.

My mother bought a ready-made side dish, sweet and sour short ribs, and he wanted me to swallow the meat and bones, but I spit out the bones on my own initiative without teaching.

When he was a child, he always hoped that the family could eat more fish. In my impression, the elder brother really liked fish.Mom said he was a little greedy cat.My eldest brother wrote in his diary the real reason why he loves to eat fish: because I am not very good at picking fish bones, as long as I can eat more fish, I can have a little more chance of being stuck in my throat by fish bones, even if I don’t get stuck in my trachea, I can still row Injury to the esophagus, possible infection, and possible death.

When I was a child, there were rumors everywhere that there were bad guys who "patted Hanako" on the street, and if they touched a child, the child would faint.My eldest brother made a wish in his diary that someone would "shoot" me away.However, he said in a later diary entry that this is not practical, the police will definitely bring me back, and then I will be even more attached to them, and I will hate them even more.

He doesn't resent his own father, but he resents mine, even though he never met that person.He said that it would be great if that man loved me very much, then my father would snatch me away, and my mother would not have to raise me.

In the diary, I grow up day by day, and then I seem to be a primary school student.My elder brother mentioned that I have also won the Outstanding Student Award and the No.1 district-level children's painting competition, but I don't cherish it at all. I just throw the award certificate anywhere, even put a cup on it, and press it out. Prints don't matter either.

My eldest brother hid my certificates, and when he got one back, he hid one, but every time I didn't respond.A few days passed, and I kept ignoring what he wanted, as if I completely forgot about it, so he didn't take the initiative to return it to me.

Before my spring outing, not only my mother would prepare snacks for me, but my elder brother would also buy some for me. Every time my schoolbag was stuffed.My elder brother often buys me small jellies and candies. I like to eat them very much, but my mother is not willing to give me more.Every time I get the snacks bought by my brother, I am super happy.

The eldest brother said that he had read some news that jelly and big candies could easily choke children to death.He wasn't sure though, I was in elementary school then, probably past the age of choking on jelly and candy, but he still wanted to give it a try.

There is also the most conspicuous diary at the back, the whole text is written in red ballpoint pen.I heard that writing a letter with a red pen means breaking up friendship, but I don’t know if writing a diary with a red pen has this effect.According to the red pen's diary, my mother's hand was injured by the sewing machine, and the bleeding continued. The wound was terrible, and she went to the hospital.Mom got hurt because of me.

The eldest brother did not describe in detail what kind of injury my mother suffered, but only said "injured by the sewing machine". I can only imagine that my finger was pierced by a machine needle... This is too scary. Has this kind of thing really happened?

I don't remember at all.It may be that I am too young and my memory is fuzzy, or it may be that my mother didn't tell me on purpose.It is always difficult for children to observe the pain of adults, so I was completely unaware of it.

The eldest brother said that it was because of me, but the diary did not write what I did.What does this "because" mean?Did I mess with my mother while she was operating the sewing machine, distracting her and hurt her, or did my mother get hurt because she was too tired to make my clothes?

In short, the eldest brother did not say.Maybe he loves his mother too much and can't bear to mention the details.

After reading these, I sat blankly for a long time, and continued to rummage through the big box.This is the second diary, and there should be another one ahead.