birth

I feel like my mind has become a mess, I don't know, I don't understand... It feels like something is about to burst out, but I can't find the way out awkwardly.

I think I need to be alone.

But Xu Jia went too far, he didn't even want to let me be alone for a while, so he sent General Pei with a brigade to capture me in Lesi Temple.

I'm a little annoyed.

I confronted Xu Jia face to face, and I told him it was wrong, but Xu Jia hugged me in his arms regardless, and asked me, "What?"

Because of Xu Jia's approach, many bad memories uncontrollably popped up in my mind, and these memories drove me crazy.In an unconscious state, I actually raised my hand and slapped Xu Jia across the face.

Later Xu Jia asked me a few more words, but I answered him in a dazed state, I didn't even remember what I said.

But I heard clearly what Xu Jia said before he left. He said, Fuer, even if I am so cheap to the bone, I will never come to you again.

My palms are numb, I'm really... so sad.

Sad and confused, I urgently needed to find a place to be quiet by myself, so I went to my second uncle, and I asked him if he could take me away.

I subconsciously wanted to escape from all this, to hide in a place without Xu Jia.Then I'll sort out my thoughts carefully, and come back to him when I think clearly, and I think Xu Jia also needs to be quiet, he is too impulsive.

When all the freshness and passion faded away, what exactly was this relationship to him?

But I didn't expect Xu Jia to push so hard. In desperation, my second uncle and I had to give up the route to Nanqi.

On the way to escape, I saw the same tragic scene as when I first came down the mountain, and even worse.

Time seemed to turn backwards suddenly, and flowed back to the chaos in the world.

Xu Jia...he even slaughtered the lives of two entire cities.

Every time I took a step on the street full of blood and undead, I felt like a knife was piercing my heart, and a strong sense of betrayal swept over me, especially in death.

Xu Jia crushed the meaning of my existence bit by bit.

My existence is to protect the common people, but the common people are suffering and dying because of me.

"A person who has never been in the world of mortals will re-enter the world of mortals, and he will inevitably cause disasters and worry about his life."

I began to doubt myself, wondered if I really made a wrong decision, wondered if I should have listened to the words of the Great Elder and not go down the mountain, and even started to wonder if I should have saved Xu Jia in the first place...

I wanted to use my own life to pay it back, to end all this absurdity, but Xu Jia threatened me with the common people in the world.

He predicted that I would be reluctant and unable to let go.

Xu Jia.

Later, when I went back to the palace with Xu Jia, I looked back in the direction of Qingshi Mountain for no reason, but I didn't see anything.

At that moment, I realized belatedly, ah, I really...can't find a home.

The Great Elder always says that I am emotionally insensitive, so it is really reasonable to think so.

I don't want to see Xu Jia. When I see Xu Jia, I will think of the demise of those two cities. This is undoubtedly a kind of delay to me.

But Xu Jia was still pressing hard.

In the same place, I actually raised my hand and slapped him again.

I know that Xu Jia wants me to respond to his feelings, but I haven't even figured out how I feel about him.

I am so stupid.

I am sorry.

Later, I mistakenly thought that Xu Jia had died in a sea of ​​fire. At that moment, I really broke down.

When facing the sea of ​​flames surging in front of me, I realized desperately and sadly, Xu Jia, I like you.

It's... I like you.

That was the first time I had such a big mood swing. Immediately afterwards, my eyes went dark, and if I didn't pay attention, I was taken advantage of by the demons and occupied my mind, and I was like being trapped in a small transparent house Inside, looking at everything outside but helpless.

I watched myself rushing to find Xu Jia to confess my love, and watched every moment when I was lingering with Xu Jia.

I can't deny that I did get unprecedented satisfaction and joy.

Later, when I was sober, Xu Jia said sorry to me, because he had despicably thought that I would never wake up, never remember all that.

Actually Xu Jia.

Why didn't I think that it would be great if I could hide like this all the time in every time of hugging and kissing with you that could be drawn into infinite joy...

It's just that I don't even have the courage to admit it.

When I woke up, the lives of people in those two cities were like two mountains, and I couldn’t breathe. They demanded my life tirelessly in my dream, pinched my neck and asked, "Your existence is to protect the world!" The common people?!"

I can only helplessly say sorry to them over and over again.

They also told me to kill Xu Jia and avenge them.

I said I can't do it.

They began to curse me that I would die badly, that I would definitely go to hell after death.

I thought with a wry smile, even if I go to hell, I can't kill the one I love.

I love Xu Jia.

It was at this moment that I clearly realized that what the Great Elder said before was not completely correct.

I'm not fit to be a savior.

I'm just a... selfish guy who was forced to save the world.

God said that someone needs to replace him to protect the common people in the world, so there is the existence of people with spiritual knowledge.

He gave me the mission to love everyone, but only deprived me of the right to have the one I love.

I can love everyone except Xu Jia.

Because this love will make me selfish, which is intolerable to God, and a traitor.

At the farewell banquet held by the Great Elder, Meng Zhonglian's appearance caught everyone by surprise.I wanted to protect Xu Jia, but because I didn't have spiritual power, I became the one to be protected instead.

I'm sorry, but I'm not only stupid, but really useless.

I am sorry.

When I saw the inner alchemy in Xu Jia's hand echoing the energy source in my body, I finally understood at that moment that the person who desperately rescued me back then was not my second uncle, but Xu Jia.

It was Xu Jia who saved me.

But at that time, I just wanted to escape from him.

What to do, I really want to do something wrong, and I seem to have missed something.

Xu Jia, look at me, I want to say sorry to you, and even more...

"I love you."

I watched as Xu Jia was slammed onto the ground by Meng Zhonglian, creating a huge hole half a meter deep in an instant.

It must be painful, Xu Jia.

I really wanted to get closer to him, but I couldn't take a step forward because I was trapped in the protective cover.

I watched the sword pass across Xu Jia's chest, and watched my beloved fall in front of me.

Yes, at that moment I suddenly understood.

This must be God's punishment for me, because I violated my mission, and I didn't protect the common people well.

I am a traitor.

So I have to watch my beloved die in front of me, and I have no choice.

Xu Jia bled a lot. I hugged him and cried non-stop, not knowing what to do.

Xu Jia's face was translucent white, as if he was about to disappear from my arms in the next moment, I wanted to cover his chest, but the blood still flowed out disobediently.

Alaiai said that Mo Yuan could save Xu Jia's life.

I knelt down and begged the Great Elder, I begged him to save Xu Jia, I begged him to let me go back to Qingshi Mountain again.

The Great Elder looked at me deeply and sighed. He said to me, Fuer, why do you still not repent?

But this is a road of no return. If you step on it, how can you have a chance to repent?

I kept kowtowing to him, hoping he would agree.

The Great Elder asked me as if I was sure I was going down the mountain, "Are you sure you want to save him?"

I looked up at the Great Elder, and heard the Great Elder continue to say, "The first training of the Wangshuo Sect, the disciples of the Li Sect will not be able to step into Qingshi Mountain again in this life."

My heart skipped a beat, and then I bowed my last salute to the great elder with tears streaming down my face.

"Thank you, Great Elder, for fulfilling it."

So I didn't even have the chance to see Xu Jia wake up.

I must die before I can be taken to Qingshi Mountain.

I cut off one of my little fingers, then put it in a small bottle and gave it to my second uncle. I told my second uncle that if Xu Jia came back to me after waking up, you should ignore him.

The second uncle asked, what if he doesn't leave and wait?

Sounds like something he'd do.

I smiled, then you can give him the little bottle I gave you just now, and then trick him.

Let’s just say it was my last touch of consciousness.

In other words, I will still be reincarnated.

No matter what, please let him... live a good life.

In fact, it can't be considered a complete lie, because I am indeed the No.12 person with spiritual knowledge.Logically speaking, after I pass away, there will be No. 13, No. 14... 1...

Reincarnation and endless life.

But I did not pass away perfectly like the previous eleven lives.

My mother would have committed suicide before going up the mountain, and my seven souls and six souls would also be melted back into the mill abyss after death.

I no longer have the qualifications to re-enter reincarnation.

Only Mo Yuan can save Xu Jia's life.

And I was originally a part of Moyuan.

I pressed my forehead against Xu Jia's, closed my eyes and burst into tears for some reason.I seemed to see Xu Jia smiling and saying to me again, "Now you don't have the strength to push me away."

Rogue but also infinitely lingering and gentle.

Now you don't have the strength to push me away.

This was actually the last sentence the two of us said.

Actually, what I want to say most is, Xu Jia, I love you.

I am not a qualified savior.

Because I selfishly have a lover that I can't let go of.

Xu Jia, I love you.