blame at every turn

"Brother, can you tell me the story of how you picked me up from so many children?"

Because they both ate duck neck, the two of them brushed their teeth again before going to bed. They used the same tube of toothpaste, which had a strong mint flavor. Shi quickly pecked his face, and now it's all right, Yue Qin feels like he smells of peppermint all over his body and mind.

They were lying side by side on the bed together. Yang Ya's hand passed through the guardrail, and his warm palm ran down Yue Qin's arm, wrapping his hand tightly, looking at him with shining eyes. He said such a sentence.

Yang Ya's palms are very rough, covered with thick calluses, like the hands of an adult who has experienced wind, frost, rain and snow, but his eyes are like many pieces of broken moons, revealing the eyes of small animals that are only in their infancy. Only then will there be eyes.

These two contradictory qualities appeared in one person at the same time, and Yue Qin couldn't help thinking of Yang Ya's appearance when he was a child.Yang Ya at that time was the complete opposite of what he is now. His skin was tender and his flesh could even be scratched by paper, but he always kept a straight face like a little adult, with almost no other expressions except boredom and unhappiness.

So he talked about the past with Yang Ya again, from the time they first met, until Yang Ya was nine years old.

He didn't continue to talk about what happened afterwards, because in the middle of the night, it suddenly started raining outside the window.

The summer rain has neither the gentleness of the spring rain nor the reserve of the autumn rain. It always unfolds vigorously without warning, and stops abruptly when people can't predict it, like the voice of an old woman sifting rice in an old alley. While being noisy, it is also supporting tranquility, making people drowsy.

So Yue Qin fell asleep while talking.

As a person who listened to bedtime stories, Yang Ya was very energetic. He traced the contours of Yue Qin's hands with his palm, and after confirming that Yue Qin was really asleep, he secretly kissed him on the bridge of the nose.

Because there are two layers of guardrails between them, it felt like he was kissing someone in a cage when he did it.

Yang Ya smiled self-deprecatingly.

In fact, logically speaking, the person locked in the cage should be him.

Yang Ya was considered to be emotionally deficient when he was a child.

He lives with his parents in Jiuxiang. Although the environment there is poor, there used to be a factory area. Before the chemical base moved away, not only a series of employee apartments, but also a primary school and a school were left behind. kindergarten.

Although they are all public schools, they are gradually forgotten because of their location away from the city center.The original factory area was later called a slum by the people in the city. The school can barely maintain its operation, and the salaries for the teaching staff are very low. Except for those who have feelings for the school, the slightly better teachers have left for other schools. However, there are not many teachers in elementary schools or kindergartens, but there are only a lot of students.

When Yang Ya was in kindergarten, there were only two teachers left in the school.

One is an aunt in her 60s with little patience, and the other is a fresh graduate from university who came to challenge herself and gain experience.At that time, there were more than 60 children in the class, and two people couldn't manage it at all, so they took care of those crying children when they were busy, and only played with the children they liked when they were free.

A child who loves to cry is endearing, a child who loves to laugh is endearing, but Yang Ya can neither cry nor laugh, and has the least sense of presence in the class.

Only when there are enough things for every child in the class, the teachers will remember that there is such a person in the class.

And the children saw that he was always bruised and purple, and they didn't like to play with him, so Yang Ya was like a ghost, wandering away from the group all the time.

Later, I don't know when, a bunch of small gangs also gathered in the school.

They are all little kids who occasionally wet the bed, but they learn the ways of social youth in a good way, exclude dissidents, and bully classmates, and Yang Ya, as the only recognized freak in the class, naturally bears the brunt of it, and becomes an adult. became the main bullying target of the kindergarten clique.

They would throw his lunch on the ground, step on it one by one, break the skin if it was a bun, throw the stuffing into the latrine, kick him over, force him to lie down, and put the stuffing into the latrine. Pick it up bit by bit and eat it.

This caused Yang Ya to feel physically sick when he saw buns for a long time afterwards. Even at home, he would only eat the skins of buns, because he always felt that the stuffing of buns was stinky and stained. Filled with water in the latrine.

Yang Zhengze and Song Subai never asked him how he was doing at school, but beat and scolded him because he was a picky eater.

Yang Ya is already used to this kind of life, so even though Song Subai's ears are still twisted, he still throws stuffed buns into the spittoon with no expression on his face.

When Song Subai sees him being scolded and he doesn't listen, she will cry and make noise, grab her hair and roll on the sofa, saying that she is really unlucky, that she married a good-for-nothing husband who only knows how to eat, drink, whore and gamble, and she gave birth Such a son with weak feelings, he said that he doesn't listen to anything, looks like a psychopath.

When Song Subai went crazy, Yang Zhengze would also go crazy, reeking of alcohol, pacing back and forth in the room cursing, sometimes grabbing Yang Ya from the ground unexpectedly, grabbing him by the neck and throwing him hard on the coffee table He said that he must be killed, the waste who eats and drinks for free at home, and then Song Subai would jump over to fight him again. The two of them wrestled between the sofa and the coffee table, and Yang Ya was caught between them. It was affected for no reason, but I didn't want to hide.

At that time, Yang Ya had a deep understanding of the word "psychopathy".

He's crazy, and their whole family is crazy.

And his insanity was completely forced out by his parents. Yang Ya has never cried since he was sensible. His emotions are like his expression, so lacking as a puppet who doesn't know how to think.

He can't laugh, because there is really nothing worth being happy about, and he can't cry, because he knows that crying is useless.

Yang Zhengze and Song Subai never gave him the affection a child deserved. To them, Yang Ya was just a bad accident, a trouble they were forced to accept.Every time the husband and wife fight, no matter whether the reason is related to Yang Ya or not, both parties will find fault with him beforehand and take revenge on him afterwards.

Yang Ya sometimes feels that this is how people should live, to become an appendage of their parents or others, and to accept the venting of their malice or anger. Accept it, like a dog chained and caged.

In Yang Ya's memory, there was indeed such a dog.

I don't know which family raised it. The puppy has a chain as thick as an adult's wrist hanging around its neck since it was a child. It lives in a big cage full of firewood and is placed at the entrance of the old alley.

Its owner should have never let it out of the cage, never bathed it, or even cleaned it, although the puppy will hide behind the firewood to go to the toilet, and in summer, the vicinity of the cage still stinks , Its body is also dirty, it is obviously a little yellow dog, but it is gray and black because it has not bathed all the year round, and its hair is all sticky in strands.

Yang Ya never heard the puppy bark, nor did he see it wagging its tail at anyone.He thought that the puppy should be very afraid of people. Maybe no one touched its head, but someone hit it on the head, because he once saw the puppy's head was bald and covered with blood scabs from a distance. When it was human, it would squat and guard its rice bowl, which was always covered with ants and flies, and would hide behind the firewood when footsteps sounded.

Yang Ya would often stop in front of the cage and look at the puppy from afar.

When he looked at the puppy, he also saw himself in the puppy's dull eyes.

He thought the puppy was the same as himself, so it wasn't pitiful, but it was meaningless to live, and it was a waste product that would be discarded at any time.

Until he met Yue Qin.

The first time Yang Ya noticed Yue Qin was actually much earlier than Yue Qin actually picked him up.

In his current memory, it was a very vague glance, but it was like a ray of light piercing through the mist and illuminating his chaotic childhood.

That time, Song Subai didn't pick him up on time, so he walked home alone, and stood far outside the alley, and saw a boy who was a head taller than him, carrying a big schoolbag, standing in front of the cage, Ham sausage stuffed in the cage.

That was the first time he saw the puppy in the cage excited, jumping up and down in the cage, flicking its tail vigorously, making noises from time to time, Yang Ya's thought at the time was that dogs can also be like this Yes, they are different from him after all, they are not the same kind.

Later, the boy who fed the puppy ham sausage also stuffed ham sausage into his mouth.

At that time, Yang Ya was not like a puppy, because of the favor of a few meals, he would excitedly rub against Yue Qin when he saw him, wagging his tail hard.He is not a puppy, as a person, he has his own family, parents who get along with him day and night, not the master, they have taught Yang Ya some things subtly, there is no gratitude, no happiness, only resentment and hostility towards others.

So Yue Qin was always pestering him. Yang Ya didn't feel happy at first, but felt that he was annoying and sticky, like a snail after the rain, sticking to his body.

However, in the process of getting along with Yue Qin, he was changed by Yue Qin little by little.

He is like a dull newborn, after getting in touch with Yue Qin a lot, he finally learned to cry in the face of pain.

Then there was laughter, Yang Ya only learned to laugh when Yue Qin dragged him noisily and ran towards Yue Qiqiao, and the woman who couldn't speak welcomed them with a smile and hugged them one by one in circles.

When Yang Ya was seven years old, the puppy was still locked in a cage with an iron chain around its neck, but it was no longer a puppy. The iron collar on its neck had never been replaced and had grown with its flesh and blood. We got together, pinched its throat tightly, there was no hair around its collar, and rotten meat was rolled out, the puppy's spirit became more and more depressed, and it still struggled to writhe when it saw Yue Qin. Move your body and convey your joy to him.

At that time, Yue Qiqiao had just changed a job with a higher salary, and Yue Qin had also learned to make money in school by sewing sandbags and dolls, so the ten-year-old Yue Qin desperately grabbed the lock on the cage, so hard that his whole body fell to the ground. Leaning back, he gritted his teeth and said to Yang Ya: "Yang Ya, when we have a chance, we will pick this lock and smash this chain. Let's take the puppy home and raise it."

It's a pity they couldn't wait for this opportunity, because the puppy died the next day.

Not by chains, but as if the pup's owner overheard their conversation and dropped three rat poison pills in the pup's rice bowl.When the puppy died, he lay on the side of the bowl, lowered his eyebrows and eyes, and looked very sad. Even the last bowl of rice he could eat before he died was not very good as usual. A paste made of moldy steamed buns and rotten vegetable leaves.

The iron cage disappeared on the third day, and the puppy's body appeared in the trash can.

The first time Yang Ya touched the puppy was after Yue Qiqiao picked the puppy out of the trash can.Yue Qiqiao told Yue Qin in sign language, and Yue Qin relayed it to him orally, saying that the puppy was dead and covered in bacteria, and it would be bad for people to touch it, but Yue Qiqiao still let them touch it, and talked to them afterwards They buried the puppy together in the woods, and took them to get vaccinated.

It was the first time Yang Ya took the initiative to touch other creatures. The cold body of the puppy made him feel scared and uneasy. Two years later, he was taken out of the old alley by Song Subai, and he was fostered at his uncle's house. Ya once again felt that he and the puppy were actually the same species, and it could even be said that he was the puppy, and the puppy was him.

The puppy died, and his body was buried under the roots of the tree, but his soul was still kept in the cage, and gradually changed into his appearance.

Around his neck is an iron chain as thick as an adult's arm, and under his feet are firewood covered with thorns.

In December, on a snowy day, when Yue Qin was wearing thin clothes, wrapped him up tightly, and was walking toward the old alley with his back on his back, Yang Ya had a high fever and lay on the floor of Yue Qin in a daze. Qin's back, dreaming that he turned into a puppy.

He exhausted all his strength, hugged Yue Qin's shoulders tightly, and whispered in his ear, "Yue Qin, please pry this lock and smash this chain, now let's go!" Take me home and raise me, don't wait for another chance, okay? I... miss me, I might die soon."

The author says:

Tomorrow, I will store manuscripts for one day, and I will update them at 10 am every day from the day after tomorrow.

There are a total of three knives in the full text, all inserted in the memory, but at least from the next chapter onwards, except for the memory part, which is all sweet content, the memory will be picked out separately. After this chapter is over, there are only two chapters left.

Fixed a plot bug.