Schrodinger love

In the past, Wen Sui didn't understand how much difference it would make if he was only 78 days away when he was 300 and [-] years old.

But at this moment, he discovered that people can grow up in an instant. The dull, naive, clumsy and helpless in the past can suddenly become mature at a certain moment.

He knew that Jiang An had always been calm, as if nothing in the world could trouble him.But now, he realizes that his elder brother is only 19 years old, he is still young and vigorous, and he is not always invincible.

So, when his brother's eyes are raining, he wants to be the umbrella that hangs over his head.

Wen Sui hugged him even tighter, repeating over and over tirelessly: "You still have me, Sui Sui is here."

Another drop of warm water fell down, and Jiang An buried himself deeply in his neck, and it took him a long time to suppress the pain and say, "Well, I only have you."

Wen Sui's heart ached again, and he felt like he was suffering from a serious illness, even breathing involved his internal organs, and it was very difficult.

He raised his hand and wiped the corners of Jiang An's eyes, it was wet, and he couldn't tell whether it was tears or rain.

"Shall we go back? You'll catch a cold after being exposed to the rain for a long time." Wen Sui finally calmed down, grabbed the wet umbrella on the ground with difficulty, shook off the rainwater and put it back up again.

It seems that I have switched roles with Jiang An, becoming an older brother, "Brother, get up, kneeling for so long, my knee must be broken."

Jiang An quickly pursed his lips, propped himself on the ground and barely stood up, his feet were so numb that he couldn't feel it, he shook suddenly, and his arms were tightly grasped.

He laughed self-deprecatingly, and quickly stood up straight, without even distracting himself from checking his stinging knee, he just moved the umbrella a little towards Wen Sui.

Wen Sui stared into his eyes, and said: "I know that you may not be able to listen to what you say now, and I don't want to persuade you to let go or not to be sad, you just need to tell me, whatever you want to do now, I will accompany you .”

"It's fine to go anywhere, I don't want to go back to the hotel." Jiang An rolled his throat and spoke hoarsely.

Wen Sui felt sour, and looked up at the sky, seeing that the rain had eased a little: "Then let's take the bus back until you feel better."

This is the only way he can think of that won't make his brother too tired and can relax.

Jiang An hummed, and silently took the umbrella in his hand.

There were not many people on the bus at night, the two of them sat in the last row of seats, the windows were slightly opened, and scattered rain drifted in from time to time.

Wen Sui warmed his palms before reaching out to grab his hand, slowly inserting it between his fingers, interlocking his fingers.

Jiang An finally turned his head to look at him, his pupils seemed to be illuminated by the moonlight, and the meaning in his eyes was unclear: "Why are you holding me?"

"I'm afraid you'll get lost." Wen Sui said something wrong, but out of the corner of his eye he fell on the other party's wrinkled windbreaker, which was still stained with a little ashes from the tombstone and soaked in rain, showing a little bit different from him. The usual embarrassment of inconsistency.

He had a lot to say, like he drank a large can of carbonated drink in one breath, and couldn't help but feel impulsive, but now is obviously not the best time.

At least, he should wait until his brother is in a better mood.

And what he needs to do is not to ask anything, just accompany quietly.

Jiang An tightened his knuckles, held his hand tightly, and said in a low voice, "I won't get lost, I have nowhere to go anyway."

Wen Sui blinked slowly, and spoke very slowly: "Don't say that you don't have a home in the future. If I'm here, no matter it's a hotel, a dormitory, or a rented house, it's your home. We'll make more money in the future. With the money, we can buy a small house and live together, okay?"

It was hard to hear such a serious tone from him, Jiang secretly smiled from the bottom of his heart: "But you don't have a permanent residence in the capital."

"Then find a place where you can settle down and buy it, anyway..." Wen Sui paused, his voice became hoarse again, "Brother, it's not three years ago, and you are no longer alone. Carry it yourself."

Jiang An forgot to breathe for a moment, and suddenly became very emotional.

These days, he has tried his best to cut off the pain and nerves, and not think about the future and the future.Even if Wen Sui never gets a response, he will continue to live with long-term hobbies, even if he is alone.

But now, this kid who usually thinks everything is hypocritical, told him seriously about his future plans, and these futures are all about himself.

Now he has nothing, and Wen Sui has really become the whole meaning of existence.

He was afraid that this turbulent emotion would scare the other party, so he just leaned sideways and lightly touched his shoulders: "Got it, thank you Sui Sui."

The two of them sat from the starting point until the bus gradually became empty. During this period, Jiang An said very little, and Wen Sui babbled most of the time.

Said that the bridge next to it was lit up with colorful lights, said that the layout of the boat floating on the water was ugly, said that three cars passed them in a row, said that there was an old couple in front who seemed to be arguing, and most of the topics were not too much logic, but Jiang An knew very well that he was just distracting himself.

It was only at this moment that the tense nerves were completely relaxed. He tilted his head and leaned on Wen Sui's shoulder, and slowly closed his eyes.

Feeling that his shoulders were a little heavier, Wen Sui lowered his eyes, gently supported his head, and adjusted to a more comfortable position.

It wasn't until the final stop that he carefully woke up the sleeping person, and they took a taxi back to the hotel together.

Jiang An might be really tired. He didn't sleep for several days, and he didn't even have time to change his clothes. He just lay down on the bed and fell asleep peacefully.

Wen Sui left him a message: Brother, I'll go home and get you something to eat. If you wake up, call me

After sending out, he closed the door softly, called a car and went home.There is only one small light on in the huge villa, obviously the parents are not there.

Wen Sui sighed, there seems to be not much difference between this home of his own and his own.

He changed his shoes and entered the door, just in time to meet his aunt packing up her things for get off work, and said hello, "Aunt Zhang, are you still here?"

"Xiao Sui is back. Your parents are on a business trip for the past few days. I just finished cleaning the room. Are you hungry? Shall I cook you a bowl of noodles?" Aunt Zhang made a gesture to enter the kitchen.

Wen Sui waved his hand and went over: "I'll do it myself, just give me a little guidance."

It was the first time for the young master who had been waited on since he was a child to cook for the first time, but the aunt was a little stunned. Seeing him open the refrigerator and actually take out the ingredients, she recovered and instructed him carefully.

When chopping vegetables, Wen Sui was a little absent-minded, his mind was full of his brother, and his fingers accidentally scratched some blood.

He was calm, but when the aunt next to him saw the wound, she panicked and said, "Oh, if it was me, how could you do these things!"

Wen Sui took it under the water and washed it, and said with a smile: "It's okay, I have to learn."

He followed the steps and put the vegetables and meat into the pot in order. When he lifted the lid of the pot, the back of his hand was accidentally scalded by the scalding heat, and it turned red instantly.

Wen Sui clicked his tongue, thinking he was clumsy, endured the pain and put the rice in the pot, then turned on cold water and continued to rinse.

The aunt turned around and came in with a Band-Aid, helped him wrap up the wound on his finger, and said, "Why do you suddenly want to cook by yourself?"

"Because I want to make it for someone to eat." Wen Sui lowered his head and smiled, and laughed at himself, "I just didn't expect that it looks simple, but it's really troublesome to make."

"I heard from my wife that you were in a relationship before. Seeing that you are young, you really love others." The aunt smiled softly and said comfortingly, "Take your time, and you will learn."

Wen Sui didn't make any excuses, just hummed lightly, and then looked sideways at the time on the phone: "It's very late, and it's almost the same here, you go back first."

"Then I'm leaving." The aunt took two steps, and took a white envelope from the table and handed it over, "Last time you came back in a hurry and forgot to give it to you. It was sent by the same person before, and it will be received at the end of August It's here, you just went to the capital at that time."

After finishing speaking, the aunt left with the small bag, leaving Wen Sui staring at the envelope in a daze.

He leaned against the cabinet, slowly opened the envelope, and a few withered flowers fell out of it, the same as the one Jiang An gave him casually last time.

Such a coincidence, the guesses that had flickered in my mind countless times, emerged more and more clearly in my heart.

Since three years ago, this person has been mailing a letter every month, without any full name or address.

Every time it was a yellow flower, an exercise book with key points drawn, plus a concise letter, nothing more than emphasizing the key points of knowledge and encouraging him to study hard.

He once thought it was his brother, and hoped so countless times, but in the past three years, that person seemed to have disappeared from the world, and he never contacted him once.

At first, Wen Zhongqing also thought that Jiang An was secretly contacting him, and tried to check the sender, but it was really tight, and he gave up after trying a few times.

But now...he remembered that he mentioned that his brother was giving Qin Siyang a long-distance make-up class, so it is not surprising that he has his own teaching material progress, plus the specific inconspicuous flowers, it just so happens that there are too many.

Wen Sui unfolded the letter paper with trembling hands, this time it was different from usual, there was no typeface, it was blank, nothing.

He took the paper and checked it several times. A small line of small characters slowly appeared on the bottom of the white paper near the burning fire.

"The weather was fine on March 2018, 8

It has been 1095 days since we separated, and I am happy to be an adult, and it is also the last time I write to you.

After three years, I can finally see you again. I don't know if we can still be like before. The most fearful thing is that you are used to living without me.

But what should I do if my brother is still standing still, I really miss you very much. "

Wen Sui stared at those few lines of familiar handwriting, and his heart suddenly started beating uncontrollably.He rushed up to the second floor, opened the bookcase, turned out all the letters he had collected in the past three years, and opened them one by one in order.

Heated across the fire, behind the short knowledge summaries printed in lead, each and every sheet contained Jiang An's handwritten words.

"On February 2015, 9, the weather was cloudy

It’s been the 19th day since I left you. I suffer from insomnia almost every night. I want to fall asleep, but I can’t fall asleep. Taking medicine still doesn’t help. When I close my eyes, it looks like you and I are lying and chatting together.

I don't know if you are still crying now?Have you eaten on time?Are you still arguing with Uncle Wen?Or... have begun to gradually adapt to the days without me.

Isn't it rather embarrassing to write to you in this way?I don't want to make you worry, and I hope that one day you can really find out that you are also very contradictory.

I spent a lot of effort to become Qin Siyang's make-up teacher. He is your classmate, and your course content and progress are the same.Brother can't be by your side to accompany you, he can only use this method.

I only earned [-] yuan for the trial lecture of the first class. I took the money and went downstairs to buy a package of your favorite boiled beef, only to realize that I have not seen you anymore.

The boiled beef is very spicy. I don't like it. I'll leave it to you. "

"On February 2015, 10, the weather was cloudy

It's been more than a month since school started, and I still can't be friends with anyone. You said I was withdrawn and indifferent before, but I'm not.

I'm just used to looking at you first in everything. How possessive you are, I will show displeasure on my face if I say a word to others.But now, when countless people want to be at the same table as me, no one comes up to stop me fiercely.

So I did for you what you should have done, but I rejected all of them, do you feel happy? "

"On February 2015, 11, the weather was cloudy

I still couldn't hold back, and secretly ran to No. [-] Middle School to see you.Now the school is more strictly controlled, and I escaped the security guards and climbed over the fence to get in.Luckily, you happen to be in gym class.

You are as good-looking as ever when you play, and there are many people cheering and screaming for you. I really want to be one of them, or become your teammate. We have always had a good understanding.

It's just that you seem to have an extra friend with a good relationship. When he hooked your shoulder, I saw you lowered your head and smiled, and I don't know what you are talking about.I'm a little jealous and sad.

It was only later that I enlightened myself and gradually figured it out. As long as you are happy every year, it is more important than anything else. "

……

"On February 2016, 1, the weather was cloudy

Today is New Year's Eve, and it's also the first time I celebrate the New Year alone, without you, without dad, without grandma.I cooked a bowl of noodles for myself in the rented house, added a lot of chili, and almost choked up tears, isn’t it funny?

Recently, I saved a little money from part-time job, and I wrapped a big red envelope for you, and put it under my pillow. If you want it, you can come and get it yourself.

This year's Spring Festival Gala is not very good, I want to sneak out with you to watch the fireworks, but considering the distance is too far and it's too boring to be alone, I'd better forget it. "

"On February 2016, 2, the weather was cloudy

I probably never liked the beginning of school so much, because I could visit you at the gate of No. [-] Middle School again.

You seem to be a little taller, it's just that you wear too little clothes, so you can catch a cold easily.Brother is not here, you have to learn to take good care of yourself, you know?

When I saw you two days ago, I almost couldn't help calling out your name and calling you. The moment you turned my head, I took off my hat and hid in the corner, and I held back when the words came to my lips.

Only three years, just three years. "

……

"On February 2016, 8, the weather was cloudy

Before you know it, you are 16 years old, and we have been separated for a whole year.I went to the riverside in the evening, and I saw you from a distance through the crowd. I was really happy, which shows that you still remember me.

Seeing you stepping into the water with bare feet, I really want to tell you to be careful and don't have any accidents like last year, but you just stood there without moving, and you didn't know what was going on in your mind.

Later, you squatted on the ground and cried, trembling and crying very sadly, and wanted to hug you, but I couldn't. "

……

"On February 2017, 3, the weather was cloudy

The cherry blossoms in our school were in full bloom, and many students ran to take pictures, but I didn't think it was very pretty.I always forgot to tell you that the flower that I send you every time is called clock flower. Although it is inconspicuous and not romantic, you can see it everywhere as long as you look for it.

I just want to tell you that my brother has always been by your side, has never forgotten you, and misses you very much.When I was in the dormitory yesterday, I subconsciously called your name.

It's been so long, but I still haven't gotten used to it, and you're going to laugh at me for a long time again. "

……

"On February 2017, 7, the weather was cloudy

I heard that at the end of the term, you dropped No.2 by [-] points. When I heard the news, I had already started working part-time during the summer vacation.The weather in Fog City is very stuffy and hot. I remember that you used to buy a lot of ice cream at one go and put it at home, and you could eat three sticks a day.

Today I suddenly wanted to find that flavor. It is a very common brand, but I couldn't buy it in three stores.

I began to realize that maybe a lot of things are in the past. Is it because I just hold on to the memories and refuse to let them go? "

"On February 2017, 8, the weather was cloudy

"Sui Sui, I wish you a happy 17th birthday, the gift is your favorite Lego, the most expensive kind, but I don't feel bad at all.

I went to the riverside again today, you are there, every year I see you come back to this place, I feel at ease.For the next whole year, I will be able to rely on this little thought to hold on.

My brother is really not as strong as you imagined, and he will be like you, weeping in the middle of the night because of missing him too much, staring at the stars and insomnia until dawn.

Sui Sui, promise me, don't cry again at this time next year, okay, I don't want to see you sad again. "

.........

"On February 2018, 1, the weather was cloudy

Sui Sui, Happy New Year, a little late.

I have been very busy before. I was preparing for the mathematics competition. I didn't see you when I participated in the competition. Of course, I won the gold medal without accident.When Tsinghua University wanted to recommend me for admission, I hesitated, because I didn't know where you were going to take the exam, so I didn't dare to choose.

I used to think that time would pass quickly, but now I realize that three years is really too long. If we are separated for another four years, I don't know how to survive.

Every day I look at the calendar, counting down day by day, but I don't know if you are still waiting for me when the countdown reaches the end. "

……

On June 2018, 3, the weather was cloudy

It seems that one letter a month is not enough, but you can't send letters too frequently. Uncle Wen is so smart, it must be easy to see that something is wrong.

There are many things I want to tell you every day, but when I pick up the pen, I don’t know what to write, so the letters are very short.I have become more and more unfamiliar with your life, who you know, what happy things you have every day, and what you are worrying about recently, I don't know anything.

It's just that yesterday I saw you pinching your own fingers again, why are you blaming yourself for something?This small problem has been like this since I was a child, and it has not been corrected until now, and it even brought me down for a whole day. "

"On February 2018, 4, the weather was cloudy

Have you noticed that the time when I write to you is always on a cloudy day.Because every time the weather is like this, it is always easy to think of you.

It seems that I haven't praised you before, you look very good when you smile, your eyes are curved, not fierce at all, very cute.

I have taken many, many photos of your back and profile in my mobile phone. I have been to the shops you love to go to, the roads you have visited, and the stations you have stopped at. But every one of them does not look like you are smiling.

I really hope that when you are 17 years old, you can look back and see that I have always been behind you. "

……

"On February 2018, 6, the weather was cloudy

I saw that you have been to the video game city a few times before. After the college entrance examination, I played their mascot and handed out leaflets.Actually, this kind of low-paying job is no longer necessary, but I just want to be closer to you.

You are really kind, the weather was so hot that day, I was so stuffy that I could hardly stand up, and I almost fainted, when you passed by, you helped me up.

This is the first time in three years that we have been so close. I lightly touched your head with the palm of the doll, but you didn't seem to notice.

Through the thick doll clothes, you don't know who I am, but you still ran to buy me water and told me you worked hard.

I looked into your eyes through the glass beads, wanted to hug you, wanted to call your name, but when we were actually face to face, I didn't dare to speak.

Three years have passed, and you can do well in the exam without my notes, and laugh without my company, so now, do you still need this brother? "

"The weather was fine on March 2018, 8

It has been 1095 days since we separated, and I am happy to be an adult, and it is also the last time I write to you.

After three years, I can finally see you again. I don't know if we can still be like before. The most fearful thing is that you are used to living without me.

But what should I do if my brother is still standing still, I really miss you very much. "

There are a total of 36 letters, every word and every sentence, all written by Jiang An himself. This love hidden in the darkness is really too deep and heavy.

Wen Sui thought of the carefully drawn notes, the flowers he had carefully preserved, the WeChat cartoon profile picture he had never changed, the hands he touched many times by handing out leaflets, and the pictures he took silently behind his back. The photo, thinking of every time I dreamed about Jiang An, I thought it was a picture made up by my brain because of the place I was familiar with, but it turned out to be real.

He turned off the fire, squatted on the ground, tears fell on the pile of letter paper one by one, smudged the handwriting, and wept uncontrollably.

After three years, he seemed to have a strong emotional resonance with Jiang An in the past, and he was so distressed that he couldn't breathe.

In those days when I thought there was no connection but myself being tortured repeatedly, this person has been unilaterally accompanying me in such a cruel way that almost masochistic.

Every time he writes those words that miss him so much, and sends these unanswered letters, he must feel so sad and sad.

So every time he dreamed of Jiang An crying and waking up from the dream, that person must be missing him in a certain corner of the city.

Wen Sui got up from the ground, he wanted to meet him now and tell him the love he had only realized for a long time, he really didn't want to wait any longer.

He stepped on his slippers and ran out of the gate quickly, while lowering his head to dial Jiang An's phone, full of anxiety.

When it was connected, I opened my mouth again, only to find that my voice was choked and hoarse: "Brother, are you awake? I'm going to find you now."

"Sui Sui, turn back." The voices on the other side of the phone and those not far away overlapped, like some kind of echo.

Wen Sui wiped away the tears on his face, turned around and raised his eyes, watching his brother change into clean clothes to cover up his embarrassment and embarrassment, standing like that in the night wind, holding up the phone and looking at Own.

He really did what he said in the letter, as long as he turned around, he would be behind him at any time.

Wen Sui was stunned for a few seconds before he strode over, looking at him with red eyes.

Just looking at each other, the tears almost couldn't help falling down again: "Why are you here? Still can't sleep well?"

Jiang An closed the open coat for him, and said in a low voice, "When I woke up, I found that you were not there. After seeing the message I left, I came to look for you."

"I want to cook something for you, although... probably it's not very tasty." Wen Sui tilted his head slightly to look at him. The letter just now had a great impact on him, and the countless emotions in his heart could not be restrained. Chung, a lot of words are incoherent.

"It may be too late to say this now, but I still want to tell you that during the three years apart, I missed you very much every day. Seeing the textbooks you left behind, the tables and chairs in the room, and the few group photos, Even at the moment of playing, I can always think of you. It’s just because I’m afraid that my father will cut off your living expenses, so I have been holding back and dare not look for you. To me, you will always be a unique existence.”

"Before, I slept in your room many nights, so my aunt would clean it frequently. I could only fall asleep by smelling the smell of your quilt every night. Otherwise, I would think about our past and have insomnia until dawn .”

"However, even so, I was still very dull before. I couldn't understand my own heart. I just thought it was the relationship between younger brothers and older brothers. It made you suffer and sad countless times. I'm really sorry. I don't care about it yet. , I don’t know how to act like a baby, I’m not very obedient, I don’t do housework well, I just cooked porridge and I burned myself. But, I will learn slowly, give me some time, I will treat you very well in the future ,OK?"

Jiang An was stunned for a few seconds, then quickly took his hand, saw the red back of his hand and the fingertips wrapped in Band-Aid, and blew on the corner of his lips in distress: "Don't apologize to me, and don't Talking about yourself like this, you are very good now, and you are also very good to me, so you don’t need to learn those things.”

Wen Sui stared into his eyes, feeling sore in his heart, this person had a hard life before, helpless and indifferent, but even so, he is still so gentle at this moment, so now I will love you.

What I have is really not too much, but I can give you all my love without being stingy.

May your life, which was gloomy in the past, be bright every year in the future.

Wen Sui rolled his throat and didn't call him brother as usual, but called his name seriously: "Jiang An."

Both of them were too emotional tonight, as if they sensed that he had something to say, Jiang An's pupils lit up suddenly, and his heart began to beat slowly.

Wen Sui grabbed his palm lightly, and reluctantly let go.

Raise your arms, hook the other person's shoulders and hold him gently in your arms.

Then, resisting the wetness in the corners of his eyes, he raised his head and kissed his cold lips, and whispered: "Love, family affection, friendship, whatever you want, I will give it to you."

The author has something to say: Let's get together, hand in your molecular fluids!There are red envelopes in the comments~