are you a clown

Before Er Jiasi could respond, Lin Chensan hung up the phone first.

One night, I first talked with the minister, then Ma Tiantian, and just now with Er Jiasi. I talked too much, and the part of self-expression was too energy-consuming.

The moment she hung up the phone, Lin Chensan had already entered the elevator. There was no one else in the elevator. Her right foot was about [-] centimeters away from the elevator wall, but her head was already leaning against the elevator wall.

The strap of the right shoulder bag also slipped off, but it didn't reach the point of falling to the ground. Looking down, the shoelaces of both feet were unraveled at some point... The mirrored inner wall of the elevator reflected every inch of white light, Suddenly, Lin Chensan felt that he could smell the hospital's disinfectant.

But the only two times she went to the hospital were not because of herself, and they were at least ten years ago. After thinking about it for a while, she thought it was the smell of a dead body soaked in formalin solution.But she hadn't smelled it before, so it was just wild thinking.

The elevator door closed slowly by itself, as if water flowed in from an invisible hole, the water level slowly rose, and the pressure pressed against her body from all around. Lin Chensan couldn't breathe, but she was still able to breathe.

Also, the thing that Lin Chensan insisted on the longest was breathing.

The phone that was hung up is still in her hand. Compared with the old phone, it has a much larger screen. She really wants to raise her hand to look at the screen again, but it is also heavier than the old phone, and the plastic phone case is a bit The thick edges and corners of her hand were just stuck between the tiger's mouth and the first joints of her four fingers. She had to lift her whole palm up [-] degrees to get a glimpse of the dim light on the screen. However, it was quiet in the elevator. No sound, this no sound also includes the situation that the mobile phone receives a message or receives a call.

It's useless to look at the screen, it must be black anyway.

Lin Chensan gave up struggling.

Top floor, [-]rd floor.

Lin Chensan could vaguely judge the existence of the arrow above her head through the red light on the ground, and she knew that when the arrow no longer appeared, she would almost be there.

...The invisible water overflowed the top of the head, and the surrounding colors gradually changed, transparent, white, blue...A dark cloud floated over, and the water turned dark blue.On a cloudy and rainy day, it is a middle color similar to black jade, with white waves curling up... It feels like a small fish has drilled out from somewhere under the feet, the soil in the deep sea has more oxygen, and the seaweed is shaking its body slowly, forming a wave upwards. String after string of round bubbles... The elevator was going up, but Lin Chensan felt her body sinking. At a certain moment, she lost control over her body, as if her feet were slipping, and her center of gravity shifted backwards. She uncontrollably leaned back and fell.

The whole body was wet by water, and the weight of water was added to the clothes. She wanted to raise her hand, and then the mobile phone was out of her control. The mobile phone with the black screen was floating upwards, as if it had no weight, and kept heading towards the light in front of her eyes. Floating around, her body became heavier and heavier, and her fingers, which were barely able to drive, were bent to an arc as much as possible. She wanted to kick her feet up, but her feet couldn't land at all. The speed of sinking, and finally the fingertips are separated from the edge of the phone, and it is impossible to form a complete closure in a short time.

She continued to sink.

The light cast down through the water surface, and then went away from the eyes, the middle color of black jade gradually covered the whole field of vision, and Lin Chensan gradually fell to the ground.

This is not the bottom of the sea.

She is at different contact surfaces of two water masses, just like being in the densocline of the Strait of Istanbul. The current in front of her is flowing from the Black Sea to the Mediterranean Sea, but the current behind her is flowing from the Mediterranean Sea to the Black Sea.

Her rationality and sensibility are fighting each other and are enemies, her mind is unwilling to listen to her inner voice, and she has killed countless possibilities on the road of life that can be called just in case... But at this moment, Lin Chen There was no expression on San's face.She has long been used to such internal friction.

...You don't need to think about it to know which side the result will be.In the final analysis, the weakness of human nature will always hold back when we are about to take a strong step.

However, it cannot be completely separated from its nature.So, what a hassle.

After each long-term expression, the energy is consumed, and this kind of messy emotion that can't give a solution will be around the corner.Lin Chensan knew it.

"An incompetent guy is not qualified to think about things other than himself. Apart from causing trouble for others and disrupting the original pace of life, it is useless." Lin Chensan wanted to speak like this, but he just opened his mouth. It was poured down her throat, and the oxygen left in her lungs was pressed out of her nasal cavity in one breath. Finally, in the silent ocean, Lin Chensan's body was constantly squeezed from both sides by two water masses... The feeling has also become strange, she only knows that she is becoming smaller and smaller in this ocean world like an atom...

The old-fashioned wall clock in my memory makes a 'chacha' sound, which means that time is still passing.Lin Chensan felt a little more stable.

Fortunately, she doesn't belong to the kind of people who are afraid of the dark.

The door opened, and the sensor light came on the moment she stepped out of the elevator door. She was still standing under the white light, but the smell of disinfectant was far away from her nose.

She seemed to be alive again.

She has long been familiar with the password of the electronic door lock. In fact, she doesn't need to read it carefully. The muscle memory she has developed these days is enough for her to enter the password within two seconds. But she did not look at the numbers carefully, and then press each button to touch.

Perhaps it is out of some unspeakable emotion and the need for a sense of ritual.But she no longer wants to be serious about it...

She stretched out her hand and pressed lightly on the door...Pressed the doorknob, pulled it forward, opened the door, stepped in, and then let the door close behind her... She has done this set of actions many times.But this time, she felt that the door was very heavy, as if the darkness hidden in this room was more unbearable than the deep sea just now.

The door opened, and darkness rushed in.Before opening her eyes, her left hand turned on the wall lamp from memory.When she bent down to take off her shoes, she froze.

There is a pot of green radish on the shoe cabinet, and the cut section of the branches and leaves pruned by small scissors is still exuding a unique fragrance of the plant.There are deodorant sachets in the shoe cabinet.The wooden floor looks so shiny that it should have been cleaned and mopped in the afternoon.

Opposite the door was a large glass door. On the rainy night before, she opened that door and went to the balcony to make a phone call with Er Jiasi.Now it is in a half-open state. On the other side of the glass door, red or blue colors are flowing on the glass curtain wall of the high-rise floor. Now these colors are like the ocean reflecting the sky, all pouring into the living room. Over the darkness where light slices into pieces.

Presents a unique aesthetic feeling.

Lin Chensan walked over in a daze. On the overpass outside the south gate of the complex, traffic roared by, and the passing wind hit her face. Only then did she feel sober, and the sense of powerlessness finally faded from her body. .

It's hard to imagine how dangerous my emotions were just now. Lin Chensan shook his head vigorously, then patted his face with both hands, as if doing so would teach him a lesson and prevent this situation from happening in the future occur.

She turned her eyes back to the two-bedroom house that she rents now.It's true, after Lin Jianwu moved here, she didn't pay much attention to the changes.

On the balcony, beside Lin Chensan's feet, besides a pot of green radishes, there are two potted plants that look like hydrangeas, but in the past few days, small flowers have already bloomed.The curtains are very beautiful, a bit different from the one in my impression. The wall of the living room is hung with the bracket of the road car. Lin Chensan remembers that Lin Jianwu once said that the car was bought at the end of the first job, and it was installed all the way. Now.The potted plant in the center of the coffee table is Chlorophytum, and Lin Jianwu’s usual laptop is not in its original position, but the handouts that should be printed out are piled high on the side, Lin Chensan casually picked up the top one Ben, it was a drafting specification book, and Lin Chensan felt her head was getting heavy after flipping through a few pages, so she quickly put it down.

After hesitating for a long time, Lin Chensan threw the backpack to the corner of the sofa, and sat down at Lin Jianwu's usual position. She imagined the usual Lin Jianwu's sitting posture, facing the TV in front of her that had never been turned on once. It is not directly facing the TV, the TV should be on the left, the dark TV screen is like a mirror, this position can see the kitchen door through the TV screen, that is to say, when she enters the door, anyone who is in Walk two steps forward at the place where the shoes are changed, and Lin Jianwu can see it completely.

But this may also be her accidental discovery...Maybe Lin Jianwu didn't know it at all.

Lin Chensan sat on the sofa, looking at the blacked out TV screen.The glass curtain walls of the high-rise floors began to deliver advertisements, and the red or blue colors changed more and more frequently. The darkness could not pass through the glass doors, and her shadow was only slightly shifted.There was a vague noise outside, and the office workers who got off work late were hooking their shoulders and discussing where to go for an open-air barbecue to complain about the troubles they encountered during this period of time.

While waiting for her to get off work, is this how Lin Jianwu sat?Studying, watching online classes, playing games, making sandwiches with glasses, steaming glutinous rice, cooking kelp and tofu soup... All these sacrifices do not expect anything in return. Is there really such a good person in this world?

Lin Chensan did not believe that such a person existed.

"Then I am." I remembered Lin Jianwu's voice.

Even when she judged others by herself, she didn't understand Lin Jianwu's thoughts at all.

Linjian fog is a temporary, extremely simple cloud of fog.

Probably?

Lin Chensan was very tired, but couldn't stop thinking about it... because... as long as she was breathing, her heartbeat would never stop... her heartbeat would never stop...

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The author has something to say:

This chapter took me almost five hours, and I wanted to die, but judging from the finished product, I think it is worth it.

As for whether the sound from the first floor can be heard on the [-]rd floor, I can confidently say that at some point in the dead of night, not only can you hear it, but you can hear it very clearly.