to imply

Sometimes people are really weird. They know that some things cannot happen, but they always feel that luck can favor them, so they often do some self-deceiving behaviors.

In the first week of the long summer vacation, Fang Zhi, who had made an appointment with Jiang An to go to the beach together, changed his mind temporarily.When midsummer came to the city again, Fang Zhi went to many places he had visited with Xu Xie in the scorching temperature.

Old Man Mountain, Central Playground, Zhuxi, Night Market... He walked in this city, looking for traces of a person who did not return. Over time, he became the person who knew the city best, and at certain moments, he was like a certain person.

After failing to meet someone on the day of the college entrance examination, Fang Zhi fell into a period of confusion.He suddenly felt that what Lao Han said was right, and that he was so stubborn now, maybe he would really regret it at some point in the future.

But he was not reconciled to letting him and Xu Xie forget about it.

Because as far as the current situation is concerned, he can't even find a suitable word to describe their relationship.

It seems wrong to say we broke up.A certain party left in a panic and left some plausible words. If this is called a breakup, Fang Zhi felt that it was too hasty.

But it would be even more wrong to say that they are still in love.No couple will fall in love like they do, separated by two places, without any contact.

He was not reconciled that his first love was like an unfinished drama, and the ending was so unclear.

So he found a reason for his stubbornness—at least, he wanted to draw a perfect end to this relationship.

After failing to find Xu Xie in this city, Fang Zhi went to the city by the sea again.

But he actually didn't have any news about Xu Xie, so after two days of looking around the city aimlessly, Fang Zhi returned home with the suitcase intact.

On the day I went home, the admission notice of Z University just came down.

The whole family was very happy. Fang Haisheng was holding the admission notice, taking pictures and posting it to Moments, while happily making plans to hold a banquet for him, but Fang Zhi didn't feel very happy, but felt empty in his heart.

He didn't know why, but he found the answer when he dreamed of Xu Xie after a long absence that night.

He is too free.

The time gap that was once filled with endless study and test competitions finally struggled out of the gap during the idle summer vacation.That night, after Fang Zhi woke up, he never fell back asleep, either looking at the ring or the "wedding photo" of him and Xu Xie all night.

When thoughts and memories finally dared to emerge, Fang Zhi realized that there was not much left between him and Xu Xie to commemorate those beautiful days.So over and over again, the rings are worn out, and the wedding care is tired, leaving only those impulses, those kisses, those love words, and those promises that are remembered in my mind.

On the night when Fang Zhi was depressed for nearly a year, and was finally willing to let go of his longing, Xu Xie hid in Lin Yufeng's new house, holding a mobile phone, struggling with how to talk to Fang Zhi and how to coax him well.

All his scruples and fears were finally shattered in that sound of missing, so after watching the video Lin Yufeng sent him that night, Xu Xie resigned to Xu Mo the next day.

Xu Mo didn't understand his behavior of leaving for no reason. When he received his formal resignation letter, he even went around the office several times angrily cursing and swearing. Finally, he pointed at Xu Xie's Nose, and asked him why he couldn't think about it so much.

"I can't think about it." Xu Xie patted him helplessly, "I'm thinking about it."

"What do you want to drive?"

"If you mess up a relationship, you must think about making up for it, instead of choosing to escape like a coward." Xu Xie lowered his head, looked at the ring on his left ring finger, and said softly.

"Huh?" Xu Mo tilted his head in bewilderment, followed his line of sight to see the ring, and was startled again, "Where did you get the ring? Are you married? With your precious partner? No... yesterday Not at night."

Xu Xie ignored his wandering thoughts, but repeated his request to resign in a calm but firm tone.

Xu Mo really regarded Xu Xie as a close friend, and was helpless by his stubborn and unquestionable attitude.He read the resignation letter carefully, and rubbed the center of his brows with a headache: "I can't force you to stay if you want to leave, but your timing is too coincidental, it happened to be years ago, and you have to give me time to start over again." Hire people... Help me for a while longer, and I will double your salary, and if I recruit people, I will let you go, okay?"

Xu Xie knew that what he was doing was immoral, and he had no reason or position to refuse. Besides, Xu Mo was willing to let him go so happily that he never expected, so he agreed without hesitation.

So busy, he stayed like this for a few more months, until mid-June, when the company recruited people again, and they were not so busy, so Xu Mo dillydally let people go.

While approving Xu Xie's resignation application, Xu Mo murmured that it was a pity: "You young people's thoughts are really hard to figure out. Although my salary here is not high, at least my boss is friendly and attractive. You don’t miss the holiday red envelopes, so why are you leaving?”

"What are we young people, aren't you still young?" Xu Xie said with a relaxed tone when he thought that he could leave here and return to a familiar place immediately, "It has nothing to do with your company, it's my own fault."

As soon as Xu Mo said this, Xu Mo remembered what Xu Xie said before, and couldn't help being curious: "You said you messed up the relationship...whose relationship is it with? It's because of him that you went back?"

"Yeah." Xu Xie rubbed the ring on the base of his ring finger, "It's my partner. I made him sad, so I have to go back and make him happy."

Xu Mo has long been immune to his behavior of secretly poking at the show target, and rolled his eyes: "I know, I know, the target is more important than the job, you little lover."

Xu Xie smiled, did not refute, but said in her heart that she was not a small lover.

He is a big fool who only makes Fang Zhi sad and sad.

After the work matters were settled, Xu Xie went to Xie Wen's house.

After talking about it on New Year's Day, in Xu Xie's view, the relationship between the two is unnecessary and not in contact, but Xie Wen doesn't seem to think so.

She seemed to have suddenly realized the importance of family affection after that incident, and began to try to find a trace of warmth in Xu Xie.She began to take care of her son on a daily basis like an ordinary mother.She would ask Xu Xie if he had a good meal, if he was sleeping well, if he was busy with work, and if he wanted to come over for dinner when he was free, but Xu Xie didn't make a fuss about it. He just told her one day that you didn't care about it before. There is no need to pretend to care about me now, you respond, and I respond too.

To put it bluntly, it is actually resentment.In the past, Xu Xie would not say such heartbreaking words to Xie Wen, no matter how much helplessness, sadness and grievances there were, she would just swallow them silently.

But Xie Wen threatened him with Fang Zhi, ruining his planned and longed-for future with Fang Zhi.

He was forced to be a dishonest person, and no matter how soft-hearted the young man was, he couldn't forgive him.So he fought back against the culprit with sharp words, vowing to stab her bloody, as if only in this way could he dissipate a little bit of depression and grief that was suppressed in his heart.

But only a little bit.He thought more than once, if he had been more cautious and careful on the day of the rematch, and hadn't handed over the schoolbag with many secrets so easily, then would he and Fang Zhi not have fallen to the present situation.

Whenever he thinks of these, his emotions will pile up very quickly, and his heart will swell and almost explode, and the little bit that dissipates will have no effect at all.

He resented Xie Wen, but he couldn't attribute everything to her. After struggling for a long time, in the end, what he hated the most was actually himself.

Xie Wen was very happy about his arrival.

She seemed to be well integrated with the city, and even though she was burdened with many things in her heart, her mental state seemed to be much better than before.

She sent a message to Xu Xie on New Year's Eve, wanting to spend a lively year together, but Xu Xie rejected her on the grounds of being busy with work, and only sent her a red envelope to wish her a happy new year .

That day, Xie Wen sat in a clear and cold room, staring at the table of dishes in a daze for a long, long time.

It is said that you will know how to cherish after you lose it, and what you once dismissed will become extraordinarily precious after it does not belong to you, just like Xie Wen always looked down on Xu Xie before, thinking that he was rebellious and disobedient, so she was too lazy to cook for him , now happily set up a table of meals, but the person who is willing to support him will never come again.

Xie Wen rubbed her hands, her face was full of flattery that was rarely seen in the past few years.She took the things in Xu Xie's hand, took out the slippers prepared for him from the shoe cabinet graciously, and said in a joyful tone, "If you want to come, tell mom earlier, I didn't even buy food, I remember you... "

"Don't bother." Xu Xie stood at the door without moving, "I just came to say goodbye to you, and I'm going back."

Xie Wen paused as she took the shoe.

At this moment, she almost subconsciously yelled and questioned, even her expression began to twist, but she suppressed it forcefully.

She deliberately made herself look kinder, with a smile on the corner of her mouth: "Go back? Where are you going back?"

Xu Xie looked directly at her calmly: "Go back to the city where Father Xu, Fang Zhi, and people and things I know are familiar."

"I'm not allowed!"

Finally, the habit of years of dominating and possessing this person is more than a few months of snubbing can smooth over.Xie Wen yelled, grabbed Xu Xie's sleeve to prevent him from leaving, and her eyes were bloodshot in an instant: "I'm not allowed! Go back? Are you going to leave me alone? You know what you're talking about." Huh? Xu Xie! Do you know what you are talking about?! Are you going to abandon your mother who is related to you by blood for a man?! Are you disgusting?! Are you ashamed?! Why have I raised him for so many years Raise something like you!"

"Why am I disgusting? Why am I ashamed? I just like someone and I want to be with him. What the hell am I disgusting!" Xu Xie shook off her hand and stared at her with tearing eyes, trying to compare her He yelled back in a louder voice, "Don't talk about blood relationship with me! Have you treated me as your son since Father Xu passed away?! I'm a human being! Mom! I'm not your accessory, nor is it just you. Manipulative puppet! I have my own ideas, my own life, and what I want to do! Why do you think I have to listen to you in everything?! I listen to you out of family affection and respect, but what about you? What do you take these for! Restraining me, manipulating me, threatening me, are these all interesting, Mom? Are they interesting!

"I...I don't owe you anything at all..."

At the end of the roar, Xu Xie's voice lowered little by little, turning into a mass of indistinct syllables choked in his throat, but he kept his back upright, as if struggling against something, even though tears had already covered his face , He also gritted his teeth and looked at the woman in front of him who was dumbfounded by his yelling with red and swollen eyes.

Xie Wen has never seen Xu Xie like this.She looked at Xu Xie with unbelievable and shocked eyes, until the other person's chest heaved violently twice, as if suppressing some deep emotion, then turned around slowly, and said the last sentence in a hoarse voice: "That's it, I'm leaving."

He actually didn't intend to say these things when he came today.These words have been hidden in his heart for too long, and have been buried in the deepest part by such and such things. There is no need to say them out, so he originally wanted to say, if you want, we can go back together.

As for other things, they can talk slowly and calmly, and let the time grind slowly, and there will always be a day when they will be resolved.

But his soft heart still didn't get a good response, so the spike of self-protection pierced at the other party again.

……So be it.

On the plane back, Xu Xie felt extremely heavy and exhausted, and fell asleep unconsciously after watching Fang Zhi's video for a while.He fell asleep until the plane landed, and he didn't feel a little relieved until he saw Lin Yufeng who came to pick him up.

After not seeing him for more than half a year, Xu Xie's whole temperament has become different from before. When he came wearing a short-sleeved shirt and black suit pants, Lin Yufeng suddenly seemed to see a mature man with a successful career.

"Are you growing taller again?" Lin Yufeng raised his chin, his eyes fell from Xu Xie's haircut to his gloomy eyebrows and eyes, and finally stopped on his obviously wider shoulders, looking thoughtfully Nodding, "I've grown up."

"I haven't grown taller, there's a problem with my hairstyle." Xu Xie raised his hand and rubbed his hair, and a few strands of hair that had been fixed by the hairspray hung down and fell to his forehead, vaguely resembling the youthful appearance of before.He avoided Lin Yufeng's scrutinizing gaze uncomfortably, and moved the suitcase to his car by himself.

It's strange, Lin Yufeng is still the same, the way he speaks, his attitude towards him, nothing has changed, but Xu Xie just feels a little embarrassed.Sitting in the co-pilot on the way to Lin Yufeng's new home, this embarrassment reached its peak in the small compartment.At a loss, he turned his head to look at the city scenery, looked at the familiar and somewhat unfamiliar buildings, and the streets passed by his eyes little by little, and suddenly he understood the source of this embarrassment.

Near nostalgia timid.

In that strange city, he always felt that he had not been away for a long time. The date on his mobile phone jumped every day. Like the things placed in every corner, and remember the voices and smiles of familiar people.

In less than a year, he thought nothing would change, but the fact is that he, a city man, has become a stranger.

Lin Yufeng's new house has not been decorated yet, the empty and cold room only has a bed and some furniture for storing things.

"The house you lived in before has been sold, so let's live here for the time being." Lin Yufeng covered the bed with the newly bought quilt on the way, and stood at the door of the room holding the suitcase pole tightly, with a hesitant look on his face. The cautious Xu Xie beckoned, "Where are you standing for punishment? Come in."

Only then did Xu Xie walk in.

Lin Yufeng sat down on the paved bed, let out a sigh of relief, and didn't talk to Xu Xie about the past, and said directly: "What are you going to do next?"

Xu Xie caressed the ring on her finger: "...to coax people."

"Nonsense, you've provoked you so you can't be coaxed?" Lin Yufeng rolled his eyes, "I'm asking about your life...do you plan to live in my new house forever?"

Only then did Xu Xie come to his senses, and after a moment of stupefaction, he said at a loss: "...No, I won't live forever, I will move out as soon as possible... But I haven't decided on the specifics yet."

Lin Yufeng saw that he looked like an elite, but lowered his head like a child who made a mistake, and immediately became angry, and scolded him bitterly: "Silly, is it fun to make it like this? It's all right now, the college entrance examination didn't work." I can't even get a high school diploma, so I want to see what you can do!"

Xu Xie was silent for a long time, not knowing what to say, and apologized dumbly: "I'm sorry."

"Okay, tell your sorry to the person who should say it, don't tell me." Lin Yufeng waved his hand impatiently, then gouged him with incomprehensible hatred, but his tone softened, "I see you It's not too embarrassing... Are you okay over there? Has your mother's matter been resolved? Oh, yes, she didn't come back with you this time?"

Xu Xie told him one by one about his life in a strange city for more than half a year. As he talked, the embarrassment and overwhelm disappeared without knowing it. He finally relaxed completely and dared to speak to Lin Yufeng. He was a ruthless person and then asked about other people.

"Old Zhou, do you know that he expects a lot from you? After you disappeared and didn't contact him, he made a big fuss. Later, he flew directly to your city to find someone who wanted to fight, and I persuaded him to come back. Then came the college entrance examination. He always thought that you would come back to take the exam. Who knew you... Damn, anyway, I didn't tell him about your return. Then you can apologize yourself.

"Yu You and He Jing are okay... I'm not complaining, you young couples are afraid of being discovered by others, but can you restrain yourself? You and Fang Zhi are the same, and so are the two of them. I'm afraid that others will not know that you are together. The pair are the same... Well, the two of them, one heartless and the other obedient, after being sad for a while, they lived a sweet life as a young couple. The two of them performed quite steadily in the college entrance examination, and there will be no accidents. go to the same city.

"For me, I've made do with it. Hey, I'll take you to meet your sister-in-law in two days. Everyone else has met, but you haven't."

Lin Yufeng told the recent situation of several people like a wheel, and Xu Xie listened beside him, reassuring and anticipating that everyone would not be affected because of him, expecting Lin Yufeng to quickly talk about the person he cares about the most.

Who knew that after he finished talking about himself, Lin Yufeng took advantage of the situation and lay back, spread himself out on the bed, and stopped talking.

Xu Xie was anxious, but didn't dare to rush, for fear that Lin Yufeng would get annoyed by him and would not tell him.After being so depressed for a while, he still couldn't hold it back, and carefully and nervously asked the only person who would tell him about Fang Zhi's situation: "Then... what about Fang Zhi?"

Lin Yufeng glanced at him sideways, did not answer, but asked an irrelevant question: "Have you released the person from the blacklist?"

Xu Xie was taken aback by his question, then took out her phone in a panic, clicked on WeChat, and turned the screen to Lin Yufeng as if eager to prove it: "It was released, it was released a long time ago."

Speaking of this, Xu Xie couldn't help feeling sad and distressed again.At that time, because of his panic and fear, he was dragged into the blacklist under Fang Zhi's repeated questioning, and later he was released, but the other party never sent him any messages.

Lin Yufeng nodded slightly satisfied: "Then tell him if you're back?"

Holding the phone, Xu Xie looked at the last message "Let's meet" on the chat interface with Fang Zhi, her heart constricted in pain.He waited for a long time before saying in a hoarse voice, "...I dare not."

Not surprisingly, Lin Yufeng sneered: "You bastard."

Xu Xie opened his mouth, but couldn't refute.

Lin Yufeng continued to speak in his silence, and the words were already tinged with sarcasm: "The premise of deceiving people is to speak, what's the use of you pretending to be dumb here.

"Don't dare to say it to the phone, then tell it to the real person. He has been admitted to Z University, otherwise you go with him and coax slowly.

"Oh, I forgot, I didn't go during the college entrance examination.

"Do you regret it?

"Let me tell you something that will make you regret it even more. On the day of the college entrance examination, Fang Zhi waited for you for a long time outside the examination room with your admission ticket number. If the teacher hadn't forced him in, he probably would have waited until you hadn't given up.

"He almost missed the college entrance examination just because of the broken agreement with you."

Every time Lin Yufeng said a word, Xu Xie felt a chill in his heart.He thought that his departure would make Fang Zhi feel relaxed and happy, and he would no longer have to worry about what he would do after Fang Haisheng found out every day, but the reality is that his departure made those promises that were realized by two people become silent by one person. Bear, in addition to more heavy, not the slightest ease.

All of his self-confessed lovers are actually wearing hypocritical knives and stabbing the heart of the little boy he likes, full of holes and dripping with blood.

Lin Yufeng asked him, do you regret it?

... How can I not regret it.

From the day I left, until now, every moment, every minute, every second, I regret it.

He has the heart to repent, but after he did such an outrageous thing, will his little boy really forgive him?