wildfire in the heart

I broke up with my girlfriend. I thought she would never leave me, but now I am alone, wandering in this big city.

I am not afraid of being alone, but I am afraid that without her by my side, I will lose her just like that.

"Break up, An Zhizhi, you won't change." You Yu's last words before leaving still linger in my ears.

Before I could prove her wrong, she strode away with a firm back, as if she had made the most correct decision in the world.

Will love disappear?

But I still love her. I remember the first time I saw her, she was so sunny, and the smile on her face seemed to illuminate every dark corner of the world.

We have gone through every step of being a lover, from attraction to intimacy, from intimacy to intimacy, from intimacy to gradual estrangement, and finally to mutual accusation. We have revealed our truest selves. I thought we would pass this hurdle. It can be accomplished.

But in the end, we failed to survive this hurdle, and we did not achieve the changes expected by each other.Before I was ready to let go, she had let go of my hand and drifted away.

When I went back to the apartment where we used to live together, all her things were gone. It turned out that she had been packing her own things, but I was careless and didn't find it.

I've watched her throw away books, nearly all of her books.She is a book lover, and the books on a few shelves gradually become a few books.

I once asked her: "Youyu, why did you throw the book?" I don't like her throwing things, I feel distressed, I think throwing things is a waste of money.

You Yu didn't look back, and was busy arranging those books, only saying: "I have electronic versions of these books, and they will only fall into the dust if they are left here. It is better to deal with them, and someone will be willing to read them."

The way she handled it was very straightforward, and she didn't even bother to go to the waste recycling station. She put the book in a bag and put it directly into the recyclable trash can in the community.

Of course, I couldn't stop her from throwing away her book, but I never thought that she threw the book because she couldn't take it away, and she wanted to leave quickly.

There are no books at home now, and I don't know when she threw away the few bookshelves.The wrought iron assembled bookshelf is not heavy, and it is easy to throw away. The person who picks it up must be very happy.

At first I couldn't figure out why she didn't leave the bookshelf to me.Later I figured it out, she just didn't want me to see any traces of her, and she didn't want to recall that there was still something with me, so she wanted to break it clean.

I always thought I was smart, but I was always stupid, and she kept giving me opportunities, but I didn't realize it.When did she change from a settler in my heart to a nomad who only pitched a tent, I don't know.When she found out that I hadn't realized my stupidity, she was finally disappointed.So she put away her tent, put it in her suitcase, and dragged away gracefully.

"An Zhizhi, I love you." We loved each other so deeply in the past, wishing we could sew our hearts together.

"Youyu, we want to be together forever." I whispered in her ear as I hugged her.

She pointed to my heart and said, "You said there was a wildfire here."

"Yes, it burns for you, forever." I said, grabbing her fingertips.

"Okay." She replied.

I don't know when it started, she began to complain that I ignored her, so she quarreled with me, and I coaxed her, she was very coaxed, and every time she calmed down quickly.But I'm also tired after coaxing too many times, so sometimes I hide.

"You don't mean what you say." She accused me.

I said too many words, too many words will be lost, I asked her: "Which sentence?"

"Forget it," she said, "I used to think that the wildfire was just a flash of fireworks, gorgeous and beautiful, but it couldn't last long, because I was too persistent..."

I didn't quite understand, I grabbed her hand and tried to explain, but she pulled away, turned and walked away, leaving me with only a back view.

Although Youyu left, she didn't block me. I sent her a message, and she basically didn't reply very much, but she would occasionally reply very briefly, or simply reply to some post-breakup matters that had to be communicated. a "huh".

I looked at her reply, I was happy for a while, glad that she didn't completely ignore me, and sad for a while, sad that it is not what it used to be.

I made up my mind that as long as there is still a glimmer of hope, I will never give up.

I know that I can't rush forward, otherwise it will only arouse her vigilance, and she will retreat further and further away. If she is in a hurry and she simply disappears completely, then I will be disappointed.

I tried to restrain myself, and when I missed her very much, I looked at her previous photos over and over again.

Without her in my life, everything changed, but not all bad changes.

I found that after she was gone, my mind began to become very clear, my sense of crisis was stronger, my thinking was deeper, and I had more motivation to fight.

"An Zhizhi, come out for coffee, I invite you." Shu Ci, who hadn't been in touch for a long time, sent me a message.

It must have been half a year since I hadn't contacted. I stared blankly at my phone, wondering if I should refuse.

To be honest, I don't particularly want to see her, not because there is anything wrong with her, but because I don't have the spirit to see her now.

Seeing that I didn't reply to her message, Shu Ci sent another message after 5 minutes: "Go to my friend's new store, she asked me to join her. Her store is very close to your company, about a walk away." It will be there in seven or eight minutes.”

I felt that Shu Ci really wanted to see me, maybe she had something to say to me, maybe that friend was very important to her, I couldn't be too unfeeling, so I replied: "Okay, when?"

Shu Ci seemed very happy, and she replied quickly: "How are you doing after get off work this Friday? I'll go find you first, and then we'll go together."

"No problem." I didn't want to think too much, so I agreed.

Shu Ci is my classmate in college. I had an affair with her before, but we didn’t move on to the next step. Later, she found someone else, and we became pure friends, because we found that our attraction to each other was not that far. To some extent, it is still comfortable to be friends.

Whether in college or later at work, we all kept in touch, sometimes close, sometimes loose, and when we needed someone to talk to, we would ask each other out for a long talk.

You Yu was never worried that Shu Ci would snatch me away, because You Yu was very relieved of me.I've always been honest with Youyu, and I'll tell her whoever I see, what they do, what's on my mind.

After get off work on Friday, Shu Ci and I sat in her friend's new cafe, which is on the second floor of an artistic commercial building.

As night fell, we sat on the outdoor patio by the railing, admiring the twinkling lights in the distance.

After Shu Ci and I each explained the current situation, she knew that You Yu didn't want me anymore.

She looked at me solemnly, I knew she was sympathetic to me, her expression gave me the urge to cry, but I couldn't cry anymore, I knew it was ugly to cry, so I seldom cried.

You Yu looks beautiful when she cries, her eyes are always open when she cries, and the tears slip down her face quietly.Every time she cries, my heart aches so badly that my heart hurts.

You Yu seldom cries because of me, even if she cries because of me, I will quickly admit my mistake and gently wipe her tears so that she can't continue crying.

But she is really a person with very shallow tears. She will cry watching TV dramas, reading books, and she will cry when I treat her well.

I used to say, "Honey, you're very emotional."

She would look up at me and ask, "So do you like it?"

I would tell her without hesitation: "I like it, I like it very much, sometimes I think your sensibility is very sexy."

"An Zhizhi!" Shu Ci called me.

"Huh?" I recovered.

"Do you know that you have been in a daze for 10 minutes?" Shu Ci looked at me with a bit of complaint.

It was my fault for neglecting Shu Ci, so I quickly focused my attention on her.