Youth Notes

Wen Ziqing's heart is also a cold star, and her family is also connected by several isolated islands.

She was sick, and she told me that she often had headaches, insomnia, pain and swelling in her heart, in short, she was extremely uncomfortable.She was listless, she would cry a lot, and she missed her dad, her only light.She said she might be short-lived.She didn't want to tell her mother, it was useless to tell her, her mother wouldn't care, and there was nothing she could do.Can't bother her mother.She didn't say anything, and no one said anything.She ignored it, she accepted her fate.She needs to be strong, motivated, and sunny, in front of people other than me.

My heart is like spring rain, and my eyes are full of spring rain, endlessly misty and sad.How could Wen Ziqing be sick, how could he live so hard, how could he be short-lived.I think about this question every day.

In spring and April, there are many rains during the Ching Ming Festival, and passers-by on the road want to die.I stand in the cemetery, my soul dies.

That is the place I come to every year. My grandpa and grandma are buried in this big cemetery in my hometown.Yellow soil, weeds, broken stems.Tall and short grasses are covered with potholes, with dewdrops and raindrops hanging on top of the grass tips, spider webs on the broken stems and weeds, and white webs like veils of unknown insects.On the seemingly endless cemetery, there are countless arched earthen graves, some coffins that have been pried open not long ago, they are very new, and the bright red paint is still very eye-catching, and there are decayed coffin boards, one section here and one there, and some In the ruined graves, the bones of the dead in broken vats are exposed one by one. The bones are no longer white, and there are still sparse hairs on them, which are blue-gray and brownish. I observe them every year to study what happens to the bones. It has hair, and the hair seems to be very hard, thick and long, or maybe it is not hair, I never dare to touch it.It was an unclaimed graveyard.

This cemetery used to fill my entire childhood.The countryside is full of ghost stories, and stories of dead people are everywhere, told endlessly with exaggerated horror by adults and children.A group of my classmates have to pass this cemetery every day to and from school, and I can see this cemetery from a distance every day.Firecrackers are often set off there, and a group of people in white clothes and white trousers are busy.There are never many stories.

My grandmother's story also stays here.end here.I was eight years old that year.When I came home from school in the afternoon, the neighbor aunt hugged me and told me, you don’t have a grandma anymore, so be good.Before I had time to think, I immediately burst into tears, crying like a conditioned reflex.Grandma was lying in the hall with her head facing in and her feet facing out of the door.The tall grandmother was lying on a large wooden board.she died.Someone wrapped a strip of white cloth around my forehead, and there were many people sitting in the room with strips of white cloth wrapped around their heads.Grandma died.I have no thoughts, just cry.My mother cried too, and my mother cried miserably and desperately.

Later, grandma was put into a bright red coffin, we cried all the way, set off firecrackers and scattered white paper money, and sent her to the cemetery.Later, someone organized us to leave, leaving only grandma's coffin and a few "Hercules".We are warned not to turn back, not to turn back, just keep going forward.I remember that grandma's grave was on the side of the intersection, and the coffins of the newly dead were buried there. The red coffins were parked there, and many people were crying, all in white clothes, and full of crying.A year later, someone "got up" for grandma, picked up the leftover bones eaten by worms and maggots, put them in earthen jars and buried them in a round grave.Grandma, dead, grandma, only a pile of bones left.

In just three days, grandma died.Three days ago, grandma was still talking and laughing happily.Grandma died of diarrhea. She moaned on the bed for three days.Later I found out that my grandma was reluctant to throw away the leftover fat and leftovers for our house repair workers. She had been craving those meats for a long time, and she hadn’t eaten meat for a long time.Grandma had diarrhea after eating the leftover cold fat from the workers and died.She died, nothing left but bones, I have never seen grandma's bones, grandma disappeared, disappeared from this world without a trace, like air, nothing left.To die is to be gone forever, forever.From then on, my mother took our four siblings to live a difficult life.Since then, we have never had any warmth.Mom is a tyrant driven crazy by life, she has no warmth.

Grave, weeds, death, destination, ending, this is forever.This Qingming makes me crazy and broken.Wen Ziqing, what if she dies.I'm out of ideas.My mind was empty.

I finally had my thoughts and was saved.I thought, that doctor.The doctor we often saw when we were young is a good doctor recognized by everyone, and he is also my father's friend, amiable, yes, the impression he gave me was that of Hua Tuo.I know that he has been transferred to a big hospital in the county for a long time. A doctor like him should be transferred to a big hospital.I went to the hospital to look for him and guard him, but I couldn't find him, and I couldn't meet him when he was there.I have to go to school and don't have much time.I asked for his address, and I found his home along the address, and went to watch him go home after school.Downstairs of his house in the drizzle, my hair and clothes were all wet, but he didn't show up.I wrote him a long letter.I eagerly look forward to and wait.Waiting is endless, hope is empty.I can't help it, the world has changed, even Hua Tuo has changed.My feeling of looking at Wen Ziqing has also changed, Wen Ziqing is immortal, will not die, at least he will not die earlier than me.She will have happiness, and I want to give her happiness.

Yes, I have been making a mistake, I like to give, I am very happy to give sincerely, never thought that others might not want it.I gave it, I went to see her, accompany her, make her happy, and bring her delicious and beautiful things.Sometimes she wants it happily, sometimes she ignores it, and sometimes she disdains it.I don't know when my queen wants it and when she doesn't want it, but I know that I want to give it, anytime I want it, and I can give it anything.Greatness, pride, happiness, boredom, depression, remorse, low self-esteem, pain.I don't know if these words are enough for me, no, definitely not enough, no words can express, there are no words in this world that can express the turbulent and ever-changing lover's mood.my mood.

I no longer wait for the intersection outside my house that I waited for in winter.The small dark and damp room on the side of the gate of her mother's unit has been guiding me forward, forward, forward, let's go, let's go, she is there, go see her, accompany her, give her happiness, give her happy yourself.Come on, come on, it said, since you want her crazy, go on.I'm going, I have no choice but to go, if I don't go, I don't know what to do, what else to do.I will go, with a heart of uncertainty about life and death.I am no longer in my own hands.

……

take care of everyone around you

Cold eyes ask why

How can a person know when he is in a hurry

Today you and I are far or near

Everyone in the city

It seems that friendship cannot be approached

A life spurred by time

We meet every day but have no time to look at people

……

meet each other instantly

Can two hearts be brought closer

I was crying, not crying, just crying, silently, with my head bowed so that my hair covered my face.I just came and I can't leave.I just came and left, it's not suitable, she will think I'm angry, and she will hate it.I don't want her to be angry, don't want her to hate, don't want her to be sad.I can't go, I have to sit for a while.Even if you feel needles, you have to sit for a while.

I couldn't help but cry, she was so cold, as if she was facing a stranger, she didn't even want to look at me twice, she said she had to do homework, so you can read next to her.She just sat down at the table, spread out her textbooks, and did her homework in silence for a long time.I sat on the narrow bench on the other side, randomly picked out a book from the row of musty and yellowed books in her house, and I lowered my head to "read", without reading a single word.But I "watched" for a long time.

When Xu Xiaofeng's song came not far or near, I couldn't sit down anymore, I couldn't sit down anymore.I said, I'm leaving, I still haven't finished my homework, and it's too late.I left, and I didn't actually leave.I have been standing on the road, listening to Xu Xiaofeng's "City Footprints" and many other songs.Xu Xiaofeng, we are familiar with, we like her songs, we often sing, beautiful and deep.I don't know how long I've been listening to it, I need to shed tears, turbulently, I want to burst into tears.Thank you Xu Xiaofeng, thank you "City Footprints", thank you for making me cry like crazy.

Come back, I'm waiting for you, come back, my place is the warmest and sweetest.My little attic is calling.I went back, full of relief.Under the light, under the orange lamp of my little house, I am chewing and digesting.My digestion is good, and I quickly digested her indifference.She’s fine, I’m thinking too much, she does have a lot of homework, she’s not in good health, and she’s in a bad mood, how can I disturb her, why am I so boring, her cold face hides a heavy heart , her big eyes are full of worry, she is so distressing.I digested it, and under the orange light, I, with infinite tenderness, began to miss her again.

She loves me.I tell myself.We always say a lot of I love you in our letters.Let's say together, she is the blue sky and I am the white cloud.I am the sea, and she is the white sail.She is divine, I am majestic.We love that song by Sylvia Chang:

if you are morning dew

I wish to be that grass

if you were that cloud

I wish it was the rain

cuddle with you all day long

so i will know

when i'm with you and watching over you

how beautiful it will be

……

if you are that sea

I wish it was the beach

if you are that smoke

I wish I was the breeze

forever with you

so i will know

when i'm with you and watching over you

how sweet it would be

……

We always sing songs like this together, love songs, and feel happy and sweet that it's singing us.

Wen Ziqing's singing is very cute, not ordinary cute, she shakes her head, and sometimes sings the opposite tune, she is like a child, a fool.In fact, she is older than me. I was born at the end of the year, and she is at the beginning of the year. She is almost one year older than me, but she often looks like a child, a child that I can't help loving.

I like this child, I can't be angry with this child for a long time, and I will go to see her again soon, if I don't go in, I can run to the street outside her house, and I will look at her from afar. Light from the window.She was there, and the people I missed were there.What is she doing, I started playing the movie in my head.I forgot what my mood was, or I had all kinds of moods, or I didn’t feel anything at all, I can’t tell, I often do this kind of thing, or I have done it to the point of numbness.

Spring rain, street lamps, songs, isolated islands, life and death, all these I have forgotten, all forgotten.Love, I just remember love.The spring rain is continuous, and happiness will be continuous.Life can be short, but love can be long.Death is forever, and so is love.My mood under the orange lamp is forever.Like the Soviet song "Light" that I often listen to late at night: On the steps, through the faint mist, the young man saw that there was still a light shining in front of the girl's window.Until today, through the smog and rain of my youth, I still see the golden light in front of the girl's window, it is forever.