The taste of love is bitter

By the time he put all three fingers in and out freely, I was used to the feeling, and even had some small pleasure, then he took his fingers out, and I opened my eyes following his movements.Then I pinched a purple mark on his arm in pain, because before I fully understood what he was going to do, he had already stuffed his huge body in, the pain made me tremble all over, and then he stopped moving up.

I scolded him tremblingly, "Ruan Yuchen! You bastard! You bastard!"

"Be patient, it will be fine in a while, Wu Qiong, I love you, I want you so much!" He begged.

"I...it hurts..." I changed my tone of voice.

"Can you bear it?" He continued to discuss.

I shook my head, I was in tears from the pain, he looked at me, kissed the corner of my eye, sighed and said, "Forget it!" He was about to take it out.

I looked at him, and I really couldn't bear it. A person who loves you so much that he can hold back his desire, just for fear of your pain. Maybe this is true love?I stopped his movements and said, "Forget it, I'll bear it, come on!"

"But..." What else did he have to say.

"Do you want to do it? What's wrong with the ink, I'll regret it later!" I interrupted him.

"I'm afraid you hurt!" He said.

"I'm already in pain! Damn it, you lied to me, I have to let the young master fuck you once in the future, otherwise I won't be able to spare you!" I started to swear when I was in pain.

He chuckled, "In the future, you can do whatever you want!" After speaking, he began to move slowly.

I gasped, covered in cold sweat, and tried not to make a sound, because every note I made now sounded like a moan.To be honest, there was really no pleasure at first. Every movement felt like a cycle of life and death. I was covered in cold sweat and got goosebumps.Afterwards, I slowly got used to it. In addition, he moved and fiddled with me, and his whole body began to heat up a little bit. His movements gradually accelerated. I felt the pleasure coming again and again, and finally sprayed into his hands. He was also released in my body.

After it was over, he turned over and lay beside me, both of us were sweating profusely and panting, I looked at him and asked, "Who did you learn from?" I have to admit that this is indeed much more enjoyable than masturbation by myself up.

"...I'm sorry, you know... But, I really only love you!" He explained anxiously.

"I understand! You are all men, why care about so much? If you meet someone you really love in the future, I won't bother you. I will let you go. After all, we..." I didn't continue.

"Wu Qiong, remember, even if I die, I will never love anyone else again. I, Ruan Yuchen, will love you all my life! I will never change until I die!" Yu, he will never fall in love with others even if he dies, he really has not fallen in love with others, this is our first time, and also, the last time!

After we cleaned up the mess, he put on his clothes, kissed me again, and said, "Wu Qiong, I love you when I come back!"

I lay there and didn’t like to move. Here I want to say something. I saw some people said that they would faint when they did it, or they couldn’t move or get out of bed after doing it. I want to say that I really didn’t feel that exaggerated. I can take care of myself, but I feel uncomfortable when I sit or go to the toilet. Everything else is okay. Maybe Ruan Yuchen is too gentle, maybe I am different from others, maybe those people have not actually experienced it, so I feel too Exaggerated, there is a lot of bullshit!

After Ruan Yuchen left, I suddenly felt a little empty in my heart. I fell asleep with my head covered. I didn’t eat dinner. Thorn, what does that idiom say?What I’m talking about is my current state. When I walk, I try to make myself look natural. My mother asked me what’s wrong with my leg, why I’m a little limping when I walk. It wasn't serious, and it was hard to prevaricate, and I scolded Ruan Yuchen 180 times in my heart.

The holiday ended soon, and Ruan Yuchen didn't come back. We talked on the phone for a few days, and he said that grandma's situation was not optimistic. I didn't know how to comfort him. I could only reassure him. Tell him to take care of himself.Later, when school started, he left for three months and didn’t come back at the beginning of school. The schedule of the third year of senior high school was very tight, and we seldom talked on the phone. We only sent messages in our spare time. I paid close attention to my studies and took every class seriously. Take good notes, and wait for Ruan Yuchen to come back so that he can read them and make up for the missed homework.

It was eleven in a blink of an eye, and he still didn't come back. I called him, and he said it was okay, but my grandma's situation was unstable, with ups and downs, and he didn't want my grandma to lose sight of him in the last time, so he wanted to be with her.I comforted him not to worry, I took notes for him and waited for him to come back.Later, when I called him for a few days, he always hung up in a hurry, saying that my grandma was very bad these days, and I could see that he was very busy, so I didn't bother him anymore, so I spent every day thinking about it. I felt that it was a kind of torture, and I just listened to the mp3 he gave me to pass the time when I had nothing to do. Once when I was sorting out my things, I saw the Walkman that I broke and thought, Ruan Yuchen got jealous later and gave me a mobile phone Looks like it's funny.I took it out, opened the box, and since the day I broke it, I don't seem to have touched it again. Now that I think about it, this Walkman is quite innocent.

I took it out, and then I remembered that there was a tape in it. I didn’t pay attention to it because I was too sad at the time. It stands to reason that I bought a Walkman without a tape, and I didn’t see any stickers. Usually there are singers on the tape. The picture and the title of the song, this one is empty, nothing.Out of curiosity, I borrowed a Walkman from my roommate, put it in, pressed play, it was blank, after listening for a long time, there was nothing, I took it out, turned it over and pressed play again, it was still blank at the beginning , I cursed secretly, unscrupulous merchants are tricking people, or don’t bring tapes, or bring a song, who is this blank?

Just about to turn it off, at this moment, a voice sounded, the voice was all too familiar, it was Ruan Yuchen, just listen to him speak.

"Wu Qiong, today is your birthday, I don't know if this gift from me can be given away, but it's not a birthday gift, just treat it as my compensation for the Walkman I broke when I broke it!

Wu Qiong, long time no see, right?do you know?In fact, I think about you every day. I met you in the corridor that day. I kissed that girl on purpose. I just wanted to see if you cared about me, but you didn’t. You turned around and left. How uncomfortable is your heart?It turns out that you really don't like me, and I have been dreaming that one day you will accept me, isn't it ridiculous? "

I was sore, thinking, fool, do you know how much my heart hurt that day?It's almost broken, why didn't you see that if I don't leave, I'm afraid I will cry in front of you, I'm afraid I can't help but break your beautiful marriage, misunderstanding, it's really harmful!I shook my head with a wry smile and continued to listen.



"But then you came to me, I was really happy, but you said you want to be friends with me, I really hate you, you know I don't just want to be friends with you, but, what can I do I beg you hard? The love I begged should be regarded as pity, right? I said that I don’t want to be friends with you. Looking at your expression, I knew that you misunderstood. If you misunderstand, you must misunderstand. Yes, I have been refusing to give up, so I just let the illusion be shattered at that moment, I let you go, but how much I want you to stay, how much I want to hug you, how much I want to tell you, I didn't mean that, I Want to be with you, forever, my heart is bleeding, you see?

Today, taking this opportunity, no matter whether this gift can be delivered to you or not, I have something to say. I think that if you love someone, you must be honest with each other. Even if you will hate me after hearing it, it doesn’t matter now anyway. up.

Wu Qiong, haven't you been asking me about my relationship with Jin Yuhao?Let me tell you today, he is my brother, half brother, his name is Jin Yuhao, and my name is Jin Yuchen! "

My heart skipped a beat, bro?Kim Yu-chen?No wonder I always feel that they are very similar, and that day at the reservoir, he mentioned that he had learned taekwondo from his brother, but it was an emergency, so I didn't ask. Now that I think about it, they really have an unusual relationship, but why? Will it become what it is now?

"You must wonder, why did I change my surname? Because my mother's surname is Ruan, and my mother died because of Jin Yuhao! I hate him, so I don't want you to get close to him.

He was two years older than me. His mother died of dystocia when she gave birth to him. Later, it was very hard for my father to take him by himself, so he found my mother. My mother treated him very well and treated him like a son. Until I was born, my mother I still treat him as my own, sometimes I even envy him.Dad was very pleased to marry Mom. Seeing their mother and child in harmony, we Xiong-di love each other deeply, and he was very happy, so he devoted himself to his career and seldom took care of family affairs.Gradually, Dad's career improved, the conditions of the family also improved, and we grew up, and our relationship has always been very good.

Zu Xiaoyu is our neighbor. She is one year older than me. I have loved her since I was a child and vowed to have her as my wife when I grow up. She is very kind and always gets bullied. In order to protect her, I went to study with Jin Yuhao Taekwondo, I suffered a lot at a young age, but I endured it.However, I didn't expect that she fell in love with Jin Yuhao later, and we had a fight because of Zu Xiaoyu, and even fought. Later, I won Jin Yuhao, but lost Zu Xiaoyu. She told me that I was only a younger brother. Sad, I have ignored Jin Yuhao for a long time, I know he lost to me on purpose, maybe he already knew that even if I win, Xiaoyu still loves him.

Later, our relationship gradually eased, and I was relieved of their feelings, but when I was 14 years old, Zu Xiaoyu left, and then my mother also left, and my mother left because of Jin Yuhao!

I think you should know about Zu Xiaoyu, right?Zu Xiaoyu's departure hit me hard, I was very sad, I was absent-minded even in class, my mother only regarded me as a reluctant playmate since I was a child, but they recognized the relationship between Jin Yuhao and Zu Xiaoyu, and they didn't know my love for Zu Xiaoyu at all. The feelings are actually very deep.When I was immersed in the sadness of Zu Xiaoyu's departure and couldn't extricate myself, Jin Yuhao chose to leave with Zu Xiaoyu. He took a lot of sleeping pills, and was found by the nanny at home and sent to the hospital, because my birthday will be in a few days. My mother went to choose a gift for me. When she heard the news of his suicide, she rushed to the hospital. On the way to the hospital, a car accident happened, and the rescue failed.This is also the reason why I don't want to celebrate my birthday, because every time I celebrate my birthday, I will think of my mother, so I gradually forget my birthday.

After my mother left, I hated him very much. He shared my mother's love since he was a child, and later took away Zu Xiaoyu's love. Zu Xiaoyu left, and he killed my mother again!I hate him, from now on I regard him as an enemy, for my mother's death, my father didn't blame him at all, I hate why he wasn't the one who died, and I also hate my father, why didn't he feel any guilt about my mother's death!

Later I started playing truant, smoking and drinking with some gangsters in society, my father didn’t recognize me for a while, and Jin Yuhao also took care of me, but why should they?What qualifications do they have?I have been so depraved for a year. Jin Yuhao went to high school, and he chose to live on campus. I rarely saw him, and my father often lived and boarded at the company. I was the only one at home, and there was a nanny.

When I was sick, I basically endured it as long as I could. If I couldn’t, the nanny took care of me.Once I was sick with a high fever, and I seemed to see my mother in a daze. She told me to take good care of myself and study hard. I will be happy in heaven too.

After I recovered from my illness, I decided to go back to school, try my best to get into a good high school, and then go to a good university. If Jin Yuhao can do it, so can I. I can't let my mother down.Later, after a year of hard work, I was finally admitted to Jin Yuhao's high school. I agreed with him not to interfere with each other. I changed my surname to my mother's surname Ruan. I didn't know him, and he didn't know me.

Later I saw you, do you know how I felt at that time?I thought Zu Xiaoyu was back, excited, unparalleled excited.But it's obvious that you're a boy, isn't it?After realizing this, I started to hate. I reminded myself that I hated Zu Xiaoyu. If it wasn’t for her, Jin Yuhao wouldn’t have committed suicide. If it wasn’t for Jin Yuhao’s suicide, my mother wouldn’t have died. I use hatred to paralyze her myself, so I impose this hate on you.I always remind myself that I hate you, but every time I can't help but want to get close to you, and I can't bear the sense of loss that you ignore me, so I always trouble you, but when I see you sad, wronged, and crying, I can't bear it. Will feel bad.

Especially when I saw you with Jin Yuhao, I was going crazy at that time, the first thought in my heart was, he stole Zu Xiaoyu, I can't let him snatch you away, but you still like him, I hate, I hate him and I hate you too.I have hit you more than once, and after beating you, I will regret it and want to kill myself, but when I see you together again, I will get angry and shake my fist at you again.

Later you said that I like Xu Jingjing and that I troubled you. I didn’t explain, I didn’t want to explain to you, and I didn’t have the courage to explain. The only way I can make you notice me is to keep bullying you.When I hurt my foot, you cared so much about me. At that time, I felt that I was a jerk before, and you, like Zu Xiaoyu, are like an angel. No matter how others bully you, you will still lend a helping hand when he needs help.

In fact, I asked you to take care of me at that time, it was just a joke, I didn't expect you to agree, and you ran around tirelessly. Those few days were the happiest time for me. I think, even if you are a boy, I will agree You, because seeing you, I will think that Zu Xiaoyu is by my side, and all the tenderness is given to me by her.When I knew that I fell in love with you, I was a little panicked, but I was reluctant to leave Xiaoyu for the second time, so I cling to you and please you, but I dare not admit my thoughts, I dare not say, I am afraid You are sad, I once said that it is not you that Jin Yuhao loves, but why don't I regard you as Xiaoyu?

Later, we lost contact for a period of time, and I realized that, in fact, I didn’t just regard you as Xiaoyu, I really fell in love with you, and I loved the boy named Wu Qiong, not Zu Xiaoyu anymore , I have tried not to think about you, forget you, but I can't do it, especially when I know your birthday, everyone knows, but when you don't tell me, my heart hurts.

I went to you, I drank alcohol, I confessed my love to you, but you didn’t accept it, I knew you liked Jin Yuhao, I thought I could change your mind, even if I stalked you, I still want you to accept me, But when I heard your mother's words and your still insisting attitude, I retreated, and I understood that this kind of love would not be accepted.I started to try to love others, love girls, and live your so-called normal love life, but it was useless. Every time I was in front of me, it was still your face. Rather than living in such pain, it is better to be heartless Indulge yourself, you came to me, I am very happy, but you still can't promise me, since we can't be together, leave me alone, let me fend for myself.

Wu Qiong, after talking so much, you may hate me, and I don't ask for your forgiveness, just treat me as if I approached you for Zu Xiaoyu, fall in love with you, and finally say sorry to you.These words have been held in my heart for a long time, and it is really comfortable to say them. Whether you forgive me or not, I don’t think you will want to see me again. Let’s stop here. I hope you will find someone who loves you in the future, and that People's love is not because you look like someone from the past, I wish you all the best, and there will be no future! "

After listening to all the recordings, I was stunned. I don’t know when the tears had flowed all over my face, and my heart was throbbing with pain. I stared blankly at the Walkman in my hand until it clicked and turned itself off. I was relieved.I felt that my breathing was not smooth, so I hurriedly touched the medicine, my breathing was unstable, my mood fluctuated, and I felt tightness in my chest and suffocation. To soothe the pain in my heart.

The hand holding the medicine kept shaking, I felt cold all over my body, like falling into an ice cave, the medicine bottle fell to the ground unsteadily, the pills were scattered all over the floor, my roommate who came back from outside asked me what was wrong, I wiped away my tears Tell him it's okay, take out the tape, and give him back the Walkman.He asked all kinds of questions worryingly, I finally broke out, tears were like a flood, I couldn't stop, I didn't think about anything, only one thought was in my head, Ruan Yuchen's love is also fake, he also because I look like Zu It's just Xiaoyu, what he loves me, what he can't leave me, what he only loves me, what he doesn't change until death, it's all fake, it's all fart, in the end it's not because of me It's not because of that person named Zu Xiaoyu!

Seeing me crying, my roommate was helpless for a while, and could only stand there and look at me. I cried and cried and suddenly remembered that I should call Ruan Yuchen. I want him to tell me that what he said is false. I want him to say he loves me.So, I picked up the phone and the tape, left the dormitory without even putting on my coat, ran to the gazebo in the garden, and called Ruan Yuchen.

The phone rang for a long time, but no one answered, so I kept calling like crazy, and finally connected, before he could speak, I asked, "Ruan Yuchen, is it true that you love me? You are not because I look like Zu Xiaoyu, right? You swear, you say you love me, Wu Qiong, and it has nothing to do with Zu Xiaoyu from the beginning to the end, you swear, you swear!"

"Wu Qiong, what's the matter with you? Have you... listened to the tape? I'm inconvenient now, can I explain to you later? Don't think about it, I'm very busy now, be good, hang up first!" After he finished speaking, there was nothing He hung up the phone when he gave me a chance to speak.

Listening to the busy tone on the phone, I was taken aback for a moment, and my heart suddenly felt cramped. What does he mean by this?Although his tone was tired, my anger took over my mind at the time, so I didn't care about 21 and dialed again.

"Wu Qiong, can we talk about it when I get back?" Before he answered the phone and waited for me to speak, there was a hint of impatience in his tone.

"Ruan Yuchen, you bastard!" I just felt shivering all over, I don't know if it was because of the cold weather or the cold heart.

"What are you doing?" he actually asked me.

"What am I going to do? Ruan Yuchen, is this the answer you gave me? This is your love for me? I really misunderstood you. I will tell you what I am going to do now. I want to break up with you. We will never get along again." See each other, never see each other, Ruan Yuchen, as you said, there will be no future!" I suddenly felt that I had never been so rational.

"Wu Qiong, can you wait for me to go back? Stop making trouble! I really don't have the energy to explain this now!" He said again, still very impatient.

"No, I just want to break up with you!" I yelled into the phone.

"Okay, it's up to him to share, do whatever you want!" He also yelled at me.

After hearing what he said, I immediately felt thunderous, "Okay, never see you again!" I hung up the phone, but did not shed tears. It seems that I have always been self-indulgent. I thought the senior liked me, but he told me that it was because I look like Zu Xiaoyu, I thought Ruan Yuchen loved me, but in the end he also told me that it was because I looked like Zu Xiaoyu!Zu Xiaoyu, this name is like a time bomb, exploding on me at any time, why do the two people I love with my heart end up liking me because I look like the person they once loved?

I stood in the cold wind, and now I feel that the biting cold wind can't match the cold feeling in my heart. My heart is like being frozen and then ruthlessly thrown into a bottomless pit, without any hope of returning to warmth.Looking at couples in the garden, laughing, playing, and being intimate, I numbly pulled the tape in my hand, and the tape that was pulled out was entwined on the grass and green trees by the wind. It also took away my short-lived love and my dying heart.

Back in the dormitory, my roommate asked me what was wrong, I didn't answer, I just lay down under the quilt with my head covered, but I didn't sleep all night, my mind was full of Ruan Yuchen's words, share it!Alright, share it. From now on, I, Wu Qiong, and you, Ruan Yuchen, will never meet each other. You take your Yangguan Road, and I cross my single-plank bridge. We don’t interfere with the river. Let the past pass by. Anyway, everything that once belonged to me is gone. It's fake, so I have nothing to miss, why don't we just stop here and be safe with each other!