Disciplinary Guidelines

Perhaps because he knew that Ji Yao and Jiang Heng had something to say, Xiao Tong thoughtfully did not come up to urge them to go down for dinner.

Ji Yao hugged Jiang Heng tightly, as if he was hugging a piece of driftwood in his life.

It took him a long time to recover from the maddening instinctive resistance, and his hands and feet hung on Jiang Heng's body limply.

Jiang Heng leaned against the balcony railing, hugged his waist to support him, and continuously shared each other's body temperature with him.

It took an unknown amount of time before Ji Yao leaned his head on Jiang Heng's shoulder docilely, and slowly tightened his arms around him.

"You know my parents, right?" Ji Yao said softly.

Jiang Heng hummed.

During the first three years of their relationship, the great names of the Ji family's parents came and went in and out of Jiang Heng's ears-a family with high education and knowledge, a scholarly family, whether they are well-matched or not, they are still in free love.They were supposed to be a match made in heaven, but the atmosphere in the family was terrible, as if they would never be happy, so Ji Yao suffered together.

"Actually, they had a very good relationship." Ji Yao said, "My mother was not so strict from the beginning."

When he was a child, Ji Yao used to read the old photo albums of his father and mother, and he also heard the stories between them from his elders and relatives during the Chinese New Year.

I heard that the two of them were originally introduced by friends, but they fell in love at first sight after meeting, and they quickly established a relationship.

Ji's father admired Ji's mother's straightforwardness, and Ji's mother fell in love with Ji's prudent responsibility, so they soon fell in love.

A good level of learning allowed them to discuss a wide range of topics. Father Ji is a knowledgeable person. No matter what topic is discussed, Father Ji can put forward unique insights in his own field.When Ji's mother mentioned these days to Ji Yao rarely, she once used the word "soul mate" to describe Ji Kangyuan.

"At that time, their academic qualifications were well matched and their jobs were stable, so they got married soon." Ji Yao said.

Ji's mother originally thought that marriage would be the beginning of a new and happy life, but unexpectedly, shortly after marriage, she gradually discovered that Ji Kangyuan was not exactly the same as the man she knew.

Marriage is a process of running in two people. When in love, two people have enough time and conditions to show their best selves to each other.But after getting married, this mutual private space disappears and is replaced by 100% family time. Those "buffers" disappear, and it is difficult for each other to adjust all their hearts to consider each other.

Ji Kangyuan is a typical feudal man who doesn't pay enough attention to his family and wife, and lives very selfishly.After the enthusiasm faded, he would rather remember to remember the types and specifications of all goldfish feeds than to bring a bag of salt with him when he went home.

Chai, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar and tea, the contrast between love and marriage made Ji's mother unacceptable. She tried to make her husband pay more attention to herself and the family, but failed every time.

Ji Kangyuan can never remember the things that Ji's mother asked him to bring, the lights that he turned off, and the garbage that he had to take downstairs.

He always said good, good, and then turned his head away and continued to do his own thing.

These are all very, very small things that add up over the years and become straws on the camel's back.

Ji's mother is a strong person, and her feelings and responsibilities to the family have become unbalanced in this long-term wear and tear. She gradually can't accept Ji Kangyuan's ignorance and carelessness, so in order to ensure her existence in this family She began to set all kinds of strict "family rules" and then used them as evidence of her own sense of existence.

"After she set up the rules, once my dad fouled, my mom would be furious." Ji Yao said, "But it's useless, my dad will never remember. He won't even quarrel with my mom in a rage, he'll just say 'You're looking more and more like a psycho,' and walk away, waiting to make the same mistake again."

When he said this, Jiang Heng seemed to understand vaguely.

No one is born with such "nerves". Perhaps it is in situations where even anger is ignored time and time again that Ji's mother will become such an extreme character in the end.

"Aren't you going to get a divorce?" Jiang Heng asked.

Perhaps influenced by Xiao Tong, Jiang Heng's first reaction was to stop the loss in time.

Ji Yao shook his head and said with a wry smile: "What kind of marriage is divorced? Who can support it? My dad smokes and doesn't drink alcohol. He has no style problems in his life. He comes home after work. He doesn't gamble or whore. No matter how much the family quarrels, he doesn't talk about divorce. Everyone praises Lao Ji as a good man. Just like this, how can my mother get a divorce—not only can't divorce, but she has to be a loving and model couple in front of others."

In Ji Yao's vague memory, not long after he started elementary school, Ji's mother mustered up the courage to file for a divorce.

But in the end it didn't work out.

Because her reasons are "insignificant", that is, "living a good life is enough for poor work".So she didn't get anyone's support for her idea of ​​divorce, and even got scolded by Ji Yao's grandfather.

So from then on, Mother Ji never said anything about it.

After the final struggle, their family atmosphere completely slipped into the abyss of mutual torture.Mother Ji couldn't convince herself to be a purely virtuous wife and mother, she didn't care about all her husband's neglect, but she was powerless to change all this, so she became the last appearance.

Taking the "family" as the unit, she tried in vain to establish her own sense of existence time and time again, but it seemed to have no effect except that Ji Yao was being tightened under this net.

"Actually, I want to resist many times, but I can't help it." Ji Yao said, "My dad has already hurt her. Is it possible that I will hurt her like my dad did."

It's really easy to resist Ji's mother's "tyranny", just ignore her like Ji Kangyuan.Anyway, Ji Kangyuan only cared about Ji Yao's study and future development, and would not reprimand him too much for such a trivial matter.

But Ji Yao really couldn't do it.

If Mother Ji is a pure control freak, then Ji Yao can resist her, quarrel with her, and reject all her unreasonable demands without any scruples, regardless of whether she hurts her.

The problem is, she's not.

When Ji Yao was very young, Ji's mother was also a very kind mother, who would hug him and tell stories, and come out to smooth things over when Ji Kangyuan scolded him for no reason.

It was precisely because Ji Yao knew how Mother Ji became like this little by little, so he couldn't resist at all, and couldn't reprimand her.

Victims cannot point the finger at another victim, so are left to bear all the damage to the family.

"Do you know what my mother's name is?" Ji Yao gave the answer without waiting for Jiang Heng to answer: "Her name is Meng Yan."

"Maybe my grandfather hoped that she could fly high, but in the end she didn't become a wild goose, but almost turned her marriage into a nightmare." Ji Yao said.

Jiang Heng sighed long, and hugged Ji Yao tightly in his arms.

Ji Yao didn't say these things, so he once thought that Ji Yao was so resistant to intimacy because he couldn't stand the harsh family environment.But it now appears that this is the real reason.

The contradictory temperament in him was finally explained - because he was really rebellious, but he was smashed by himself, so he was rebellious and cowardly, even if there was a storm in his heart, he would still be in his heart. Keep silent in such an atmosphere.

Ji Yao couldn't change Ji Kangyuan, so he could only use his own way to protect Meng Yan in vain.

"Is it because of this that you are afraid of starting a family?" Jiang Heng asked.

Ji Yao hummed.

"Shouldn't I be afraid?" Ji Yao asked softly.

"If they had a bad relationship in the first place, forget it, just treat them as victims of the marriage system." Ji Yao said, "But they told me later that they had such a happy time together in love."

If everything was originally broken, a piece of chicken feathers would be fine, but this thing was once beautiful, but it was smashed by reality for no reason, it seems that it sounds a little more tragic.

Ji Yao is very afraid of going down Meng Yan's old path, and also afraid that all the wonderful feelings will eventually fade away in reality, and even more afraid that if he completely surrenders himself, he will become completely different.

Jiang Heng pressed Ji Yao's cold side face with his palm.

It was getting late, and the temperature quietly dropped a few degrees, but Jiang Heng leaned against the railing, blocking most of the cold wind for Ji Yao.

He wanted to comfort Ji Yao a few words, or comment on this matter, but Jiang Heng opened his mouth, but didn't say anything - family is such a private thing, it is engraved in everyone's soul, and others understate it A few words can't heal the hurt, nor can it make people feel relieved.

"I love you." So Jiang Heng just said: "Don't be afraid, I can love you forever."

"I know." Ji Yao said, "Only if you say this, I will believe it."

After breaking up with Jiang Heng, Ji Yao thought about starting over, but he failed.

It seems that there will be no second person like Jiang Heng in this world who can unreservedly spread love, a consumable, outward, stretching on and on, as if there is no end to it.

Ji Yao doesn't believe in unfounded promises. Under the stimulation of dopamine, people will easily make promises that they can't keep. The essence is for courtship and has no credibility.

But Jiang Heng is an exception.

It is precisely because Ji Yao has experienced those never-ending loves in those days of falling in love, so he knows that if Jiang Heng can say it, he can really do it.