lonely patient

Inside the envelope was a red invitation.

Wen Luming and Xia Yi's names were written on it.

For a few minutes, my mind went blank, as if I didn't know the word Wen Luming. It wasn't until my nails broke through the hard paper shell, and the invitation in my hand was creased like waste paper, that Yan Song stopped it. Me: "Yan Qiao."

I raised my head, and a big tear rolled out of my eyes, "You lied to me, right..."

"How could Wen Luming get married..."

"You lied to me...I don't believe..."

……

I muttered to myself morbidly, Yan Song frowned, and said coldly, "Yan Qiao!"

"I don't believe it!" I jumped up and grabbed his collar, "You lied to me!"

"You fucking calm down!" Yan Song pushed me away, I hit the wall with a bang, and my head buzzed.

"You can get married and others can get married. The earth doesn't revolve around you. Have you had enough trouble after so long!"

I was stunned by his scolding. After a long while, my eyelashes trembled and I asked: "Am I not calm enough... You asked me to get married and I ended up getting married. The doctor told me to take medicine and I also took it. He annoys me and doesn't want to see me. Get out too... How can I calm down... I have nothing now bro, how can I calm down..."

My tears were streaming down, Yan Song looked at me, the anger in his eyes finally dissipated, and after a long time, he whispered, "The earliest flight will be in one hour."

I didn't understand what it meant, and looked at him blankly.

He took a deep breath: "It's not the Yan family's style to just run away when things happen. How could I have such a weak brother like you?"

This time I understood, he asked me to go back and find Wen Luming by myself.And my first reaction was to cringe, "He won't want to see me..."

"Then you're going to die here." Yan Song's compassion was fleeting, and he turned back to a stern look, "Will he still think of you as a waste when he gets married and has children and grandchildren?"

After speaking, I left without giving me any chance to struggle.I watched his back disappear at the corner of the stairs, and suddenly there was a more turbulent emotion instead of fear, so strong that it was about to overflow from my heart and burst my chest and body.

——That kind of emotion is called unwillingness, longing, and immortality.

I got up and ran downstairs, took off my coat and bow tie and threw them into the passing trash can, picked up a mask and put it on, and ran out of the castle from the blind corner of the lights through the hall.

There were all kinds of sports cars parked on the parking lot. I couldn't find my own. I looked through them one by one, and finally saw that the key of one of them was not removed.

I stepped into the driver's seat, started the car, turned around on the spot, and flew out of the courtyard with a whoosh.

On the way, I called Luna, told her the model of the car I was driving, and asked her to help me book a recent air ticket.

"You want to go back to your country?" Luna was a little surprised, "Why are you in such a hurry?"

"I..." Thinking of the red invitation card in my pocket, my heart twisted, and the car almost skidded and floated out, "...I have something very important."

Luna probably guessed the reason, and said in silence for a moment: "Then I will arrange someone to pick you up. Don't worry about the matter here, I will take care of it."

"Well, please excuse me."

After a long-distance flight overnight, spanning seven full time zones, it was already noon the next day when we landed.My restlessness and anxiety were not at all relieved during the flight, but were exacerbated by forgetting to bring my medicine.

Regardless of my physical fatigue, I asked the driver to drive to Wen Lu Ming's house as soon as I got off the plane.

On the way, I saw myself in the mirror, my hair was disheveled, my complexion was pale, the black and blue under my eyes were frighteningly heavy, depression and emaciation were almost written on my face.

Looking down, the silk shirt she was wearing was also crumpled, a cuff button was accidentally lost, and the whole person was in a mess.

I don't want Wen Luming to see himself like this, but on second thought, he has seen the uglier ones too, so what else should I care about.

It took 42 minutes from the airport to Wen Luming's house.

When I left, the spring was cold, and when I came back here again, the heat wave of midsummer had spread to every corner of the city.

I forgot to think about the day of the week today, and whether he was going to work or not. The word wedding was entrenched in my mind, blocking all my other thoughts. My body was not controlled by consciousness, and I ran upstairs by instinct. Press the doorbell of Wen Luming's house.

The door didn't open the first time, nor did it the second time. I continued to press it persistently. By the fourth time, a young voice came from inside: "Who is it?"

While speaking, the door was opened, and I saw the young student who once planted a thorn in my heart again. —another name on the invitation.

He was wearing a knee-length bathrobe, revealing two slender, white legs, and his hair was dripping wet, as if he had just taken a shower.

He was slightly taken aback when he saw me, and said, "Mr. Yan? Are you here to see Teacher Wen?"

Similar scenes, similar dialogues.

The difference is that last time he was a reserved guest, but now, he has the attitude of a host.

I seemed to be crucified in place, and something pierced my heart, and my internal organs were violently stirred together.I didn't answer his question, and stared straight at the smooth and tender skin under the collar of his pajamas, trying to find any unbearable marks.

Maybe my rudeness displeased him, so he asked again: "Mr. Yan?"

I raised my head to meet his gaze, and my vocal cords, which have not been used for a long time, let out a hoarse and ugly voice: "Why are you here?"

I know that the current self must be ridiculous, like a defeated dog, with scarlet eyes, struggling and refusing to admit defeat.

"Why are you here?" I repeated.

The person opposite me was younger, cleaner, and more decent than me, and even the curve of the corners of his lips was prettier than mine.

"Otherwise, where should I be?" He calmly asked softly, "I will always be here until the wedding."

Wedding... A huge nausea surged up from my stomach, but he continued to say: "I heard that you are also married, congratulations."

I couldn't control myself, and asked in a trembling voice, "Wen Luming is your teacher, how could you..."

"I forgot to tell you that I graduated." He interrupted me with a smile, "Lu Ming is not at home today, if there is something urgent, I will call him for you."

Lu Ming...

The title that I have never called before was called out of his mouth so naturally and intimately.

I remembered that a long time ago, Wen Luming and I kissed secretly in the corner of the school stairwell, and he stared at me and said, "You have graduated, it is not a violation of the rules."

So now, is it the same now?

I couldn't continue to think, my heart was so painful that I was about to lose consciousness, and every minute and every second facing Xia Yi was like the torment of dying.

"No...it's okay." I forced a smile and said, "Sorry to bother you."

After I finished speaking, I turned around and ran away, not caring whether my back was embarrassed or not, nor whether Xia Yi behind me was watching my failure and abjection.I couldn't hold on anymore when I ran out of the corridor, so I held on to the tree trunk next to me and retched desperately.

My stomach was empty for a long time, and I wanted to vomit but couldn’t vomit. In the end, only bitter bile mixed with stomach acid gushed out of my throat. Tears came out of my eyes, and my stomach hurt so badly that I almost couldn’t stand still.

Thinking of Wen Luming and Xia Yi's names written together on the invitation, and thinking of the young and clean face just now, I knew for the first time that there is more despair in the world than the eternal separation between heaven and man.

Desperate enough that something suddenly went out in my body, and the whole world turned numb and gray.

——Wen Luming fell in love with someone else.

I just left for a few months, and Wen Luming fell in love with someone else.

They will hold hands, hug, kiss, and linger after nightfall just like us.The difference is that I am no longer qualified to participate in his future life.

The likes and loves he said took care of me for a short time, and then I found someone who was truly worthy.

And I am the book he has turned over, the snow that has been drenched, the old pocket watch, and the wind that has been embraced.

Only no longer his lover.