lonely patient

I don't care as much as I thought.

After returning, I handed over the work to Luna, bought a plane ticket, and flew quietly to a small country in Europe without telling anyone.

I always seem to be good at escaping and blocking myself, like a timid pangolin, if I feel uneasy, I will roll myself into a ball and hide in a dark cave.

I even thought that when the wedding matter was settled and the work at hand was finished, I would move to a place where I didn't know anyone, and I wouldn't care about these messy things anymore.

Wen Luming called me twice, but I didn't answer.

There is a psychologist friend whom I have known since I was a child. A few years ago, he and his fiancee moved to the next city to live in seclusion.I visited him the second day after I came here. He gave me a long period of psychological counseling, and then prescribed me some medicines to help sleep and emotional stability, and told me to give him regular feedback.

"Am I sick?" I asked, "I'm just a little sleepless."

"You are not sick." The doctor replied me gently, "you will get better after a period of rest."

So I listened to his words and had a good rest. After taking the medicine, I fell asleep for a long time every day. I spent less time thinking about Wen Luming, and naturally my sadness also decreased.

Summer in the northern hemisphere is coming quietly.The ivy climbed to the window overnight, and the sycamores in the courtyard were lush, casting flickering spots of light in the afternoon.

The wedding date was getting closer, and because of the active cooperation during this time, my parents allowed me to choose the venue and ceremony by myself.So I bought a medieval castle and made the wedding theme a retro masquerade.

Anyway, everyone knows that I love to play, and getting married is just a big game for me.

The media hyped up my marriage and gave that castle the meaning of love. It was repeated several times, and even I almost believed their fabrications, as if I had really found a good match and was about to embark on a journey of happiness.

But that's all fake.

On the day of the wedding, I changed into my dress in advance and leaned against the door of the lounge to watch the stylist do Cheng Yu's hair.

Cheng Yu was still very beautiful, especially when she put on a luxurious and heavy dress, like a noble princess.After the stylists finished their work, they sensibly exited the lounge, leaving the space for me and Cheng Yu.

I put the feather mask in my hand on the bridge of my nose, and asked her with a smile, "Do you like it?"

"You are more handsome." Cheng Yu also returned a smile to me, "Yan Qiao, thank you."

"You're welcome." I put down my mask and said, "I'm just for myself."

There are white doves flying by outside the window, the sky is getting late, and the dusk is as gentle as the rose in the painting I hung beside the bed.

"After today..." Cheng Yu asked softly, "Will you go back and look for him?"

I looked out the window, shook my head and said, "I don't know."

——I have declared the end of the sentence without authorization, so why go back to him?

"But are you willing to do this?" Cheng Yu asked again.

"So what if you are not reconciled?" I looked back and smiled lightly, "Life is full of regrets."

The bell rang, and an elegant classical concerto played out in the castle.

"Let's go, Miss Cheng." I bent down slightly and held out my hand to Cheng Yu, "Today is your wedding, be happy."

The moment the lights dimmed, no one noticed that the person holding Cheng Yu's hand in the middle of the hall was no longer me.

I stood by the railing on the third floor, overlooking the entire hall. The gorgeous skirts of the female guests bloomed on the heavy carpet with complicated patterns, like extravagant flowers.They wore masks and twirled and danced to the soothing music. The red carpet rolled out, and the two protagonists of the wedding appeared under the gathered lights. The tall alpha knelt down on one knee and put a ring of love on his omega.

I seem to see the end of my life in the eyes of others.

——After today, Yan Qiao will give up all the property and shares belonging to the Yan family, and move abroad with his wife. After the bondage of the interests of the two families is lifted, the two will divorce peacefully on a certain day that no one cares about, and then they will gradually be separated from the people. forgotten in the field of vision.

That is the life that "Yan Qiao" in the center of the stage will complete for me.

The bright light of the crystal lamp hurt my eyes, I turned around and walked into the shadows, after thinking about it, I took out my mobile phone and dialed Wen Luming's number.

It is four o'clock in the morning in China, but there is no sleepiness in Wen Luming's voice, "Hello, Yan Qiao?"

We have been separated for a long time, but the moment I heard his voice, I felt that everything was just yesterday.

"Teacher Wen." I said softly.

He was silent for a moment and said, "You shouldn't..."

"I'm not married." I looked up at the night outside the window, imagining Wen Luming's appearance in my mind, "I promised you. Although you may not care anymore."

Wen Luming didn't speak.

"It wasn't me who read the oath, and it wasn't me who put on the ring. They just needed this ceremony. I didn't get a marriage certificate." Perhaps because of the drug, my senses became dull, and I said slowly, "I'm sorry , I can only think of this way. I am not strong enough to get rid of the control of my family, and I will be free after completing this matter."

After a long silence, Wen Luming asked, "Why are you telling me this?"

I shook my head: "I don't know. I just thought I should tell you. Sorry... to disturb your rest."

"Yan Qiao... Is something wrong with you?"

I was slightly stunned, not knowing where Wen Luming heard it. "No." I tried to smile, "Maybe I'm too tired from planning the wedding recently."

I held my mobile phone, looked at the fireworks rising outside the window, and said softly: "I have thought a lot during the time of separation, I seem to be really not suitable for you, I am self-willed, immature, selfish, with a bad personality, and always hurt you. You, made you sad. Xu Yang's death is clearly none of your business, but I still said that to you, I'm sorry."

……

"Whether you sympathize with me or like me, when we were together, you didn't do anything to hurt me, but gave me the most gentle tolerance and consideration. That time was the happiest time in my life, really Thank you so much, I will always remember every day with you."

……

"I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness. I have done too many wrong things, and each of them deserves to be hated by you forever. I always tend to lose control in front of you and become a bastard who hurts others, so in the future... I will try not to Appearing in front of you, can you stop hating me so much..."

……

"Teacher Wen, I know I was wrong, I'm sorry."

It's been a long time since I said such a long word, I don't know what to say, and I don't know if Wen Luming understood.Yu Yu Xi Xi.

There are too many cracks, and I don't know how to mend this relationship anymore. Listening to Wen Luming's silence, I hate that useless self who can only apologize forever.

Have my years brought joy and fulfillment to anyone?

Does anyone like this world because of my existence?

Maybe not.

I never lived up to the expectations of my parents and brothers, nor did I protect the people I like.Finally someone is willing to love me again, but I hurt him again and again, let him step on the thorns and hug me, and get scars all over his body.

Why should I beg his forgiveness?

"Sorry……"

I hung up the phone and sat on the ground slowly against the wall.

At some point, the light in front of me was blocked by a shadow, I raised my head and saw Yan Song standing in front of me with the backlight.

"Brother." I said tiredly.

The corner of Yan Song's lips curled up into a sneer, "I asked someone else to marry me, so should I praise you for being amazing?"

I also smiled: "Is it important who will tie the knot?"

"Since it's not important, why can't you go through the motions yourself?" he asked.

"It's not the same." I shook my head, "I promised someone else."

And since it can't satisfy everyone, this can at least give Cheng Yu a complete satisfaction.

A complexion appeared on Yan Song's face, he looked at me for a while and said, "I thought you would run away from marriage."

"I thought about it. But I escaped once, what about the second time? Since I was a child, I haven't done anything for my family, so this marriage is my reward." I said softly.

Yan Song was unmoved, "Are you afraid that I will trouble that teacher named Wen?"

I did not speak.

He snorted coldly, "I'm not as vicious as you think."

Is it... I don't know.

I'm really worried that Yan Song will make trouble for Wen Luming, that's something he can do.For this reason, I have spent a lot of thought during this period of time, and I have a lot of improper bargaining chips in my hands.

"...Are your parents angry?" I asked, changing the subject.

"So what's the point of being angry? Everyone is watching, and it's Yan's face that's going to be exposed now. You're so brave that you dare to play this trick." Yan Song said.

I'm not fat, I'm just sure that they care more about their own face than whether my marriage is real or not.

"I'll apologize," I said.

After a while, Yan Song suddenly asked: "You called Wen Luming, did he say anything to you?"

I noticed that there was something in his words, and there was a moment of blankness on his face, "No..."

Ever since I was a child, Yan Song has always been strict to me, almost cold. Even when Xu Yang left, he rarely showed sympathy for me.

But now, for the first time, I saw such obvious pity in his eyes.

He took out an envelope from his coat pocket, handed it to me condescendingly, and said, "I brought it for you when it was mailed home."