lonely patient

The Taoist life is easy and leisurely. For a few days, I got up early to meditate with Daoist Zhang. In the morning, I went to the back mountain with Master Xiaohan to dig wild vegetables and pick mushrooms. District to purchase daily necessities and food.

During the period, I had a stomachache a few times, and there was vomiting and bleeding once, but fortunately, it was not particularly difficult.

Daoist Zhang didn’t know whether he saw or figured out my illness, so he asked the kitchen to cook porridge for my stomach every day. I joked that I was here to practice, how could it be like a vacation.

"Our Taoists practice this life but not the afterlife. You are not bound by the world, and it is not time to give up your life." Daoist Zhang said.

"Last time you said that I was going to be seriously injured, and now you said that I am not in the world. According to you, my hard life will never end." After getting acquainted with each other, I became more and more open-minded.

Zhang Daochang stroked his beard, "It's not a bad thing to lose your vitality, if you are extremely lucky, your luck is still to come."

I just thought he was comforting me, and chuckled lightly, "What luck do I have?"

One day at noon, Qin Bei went up the mountain to give me clothes for changing seasons. When we met, he frowned and asked, "Have you lost weight again?"

"Have you?" I touched my face, "Maybe I haven't had a good appetite recently."

Qin Bei sighed hesitantly, and said, "The temperature will drop these days, and there will be heavy rain, so I brought you some thick clothes."

After speaking, he took out an envelope from his pocket, "I also brought you the letter from Miss Cheng."

I took it and said, "Thanks."

Cheng Yu sent me a photo taken with her boyfriend in a small town in England, and said in the letter that they had started their new life, and thanked me for giving them a push when they were about to give up.

"If it weren't for you, I might never know that his restraint and concealment from me were all because of love. It turns out that people will force themselves to give up when love is so painful." She said in the letter.

It seems that everyone has found their own happiness.

As a prisoner bird who was once trapped, I am really happy that Cheng Yu can get freedom and true love.

"Are you willing to Yan Qiao?" Qin Bei asked suddenly.

"Huh?" I came back to my senses, smiled and said, "What's wrong with me?"

It's not trying to be brave or self-deprecating, but I really feel that everything has been settled and there is no need to struggle anymore.

I accepted the fact that Wen Luming was married to someone else, and I also understood that the love spoken out may not be echoed.

This world is full of people who can't get what they want. Some people spend their whole lives fetching water from a bamboo basket, but I have been fortunate enough to be loved, and I have surpassed them by far.

It's just that my only regret is that the perception of love came too late. I thought that when I first fell in love with Wen Luming, I had already loved him deeply for a long time.

After Qin Bei left, I sat in a daze under the pagoda tree in the backyard, and suddenly wanted to ask for a lottery.

"Aren't you the most disbelieving of these things?" Zhang Daochang asked with a smile, "Seeing pilgrims asking for a lottery, I always laugh at people asking for others rather than asking for themselves."

I choked, and said helplessly, "Is it okay to be curious?"

"Of course." Zhang Daochang led me to the incense hall, first let me put three sticks of incense on it, then gave me the stick and said, "Please."

I closed my eyes to get rid of distracting thoughts, thinking about myself and Wen Luming, and shook out a lottery.Daoist Zhang picked it up and clicked his tongue lightly, "The ancients send medicine with peach blossoms."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"The signature says, a good flower, the wind and rain have not yet come, just wait for the sunny, bright, fragrant and delicious, and transition against the water." Zhang Daochang stroked his beard and shook his head, "Even the gods tell you to see a doctor when you are sick. If you are sick, delay the doctor It can be cured."

I wondered if the old Taoist was fooling me because I didn't understand, and asked half-believingly, "What else did the gods say?"

He looked at the lottery in his hand and frowned, and said: "As for the marriage, the opportunity has not come yet, we still have to wait. When the misfortune is over, everything will come naturally."

"Tell me to see a doctor." I snorted, "Are you the entrusted person from the hospital?"

Daoist Xiao Han who was waiting beside him burst out laughing.

Daoist Zhang pretended to be angry and said, "You don't believe me when I say it, so don't ask me again in the future."

I hurriedly apologized kindly: "I know I was wrong."

Just as I was talking about other pilgrims coming, I made room to stand with Master Xiao Han and watched the pilgrims offering incense and asking for a lottery with great interest.These days I live in the backyard, and rarely come to the front hall, and I find it novel to look at it once in a while.

"Yan Qiao?"

Just as I was concentrating on watching Daoist Zhang unwrap the lottery, suddenly a familiar voice came into my ears.Before he had time to think, his body had already reacted, and he turned his head to look over.

——Wen Luming and Xia Yi walked side by side, stopped outside the old incense hall, the swaying tree shadows fell on them, like a quiet painting in a summer afternoon.

The two were wearing white shirts and beige windbreakers of similar styles. When I first saw them walking down the blue brick road, the word "fit for each other" came to my mind.

It's a good match.

There was a faint ripple in my heart, and I smiled calmly and said, "Professor Wen."

Wen Luming's eyes fell on me, and he frowned imperceptibly.

I dressed casually on the mountain, with a white long-sleeved T-shirt and gray cotton trousers. My hair hadn’t been cut for a long time and was tied behind my head. In Qin Bei’s words, I was as thin as a piece of lifeless paper. She is prettier than the young and lively Xia Yi next to Wen Luming.

"Are you here for a sign?" I asked.

Wen Luming hummed lightly, "Xia Yi said the lottery here is very accurate."

I looked at the quiet and docile Omega next to him again, nodded and smiled, "Mr. Xia."

Xia Yi quietly leaned against his alpha, gently took his arms, and said, "Mr. Yan, long time no see."

I smiled and said nothing, and was about to look away when Wen Luming asked, "Why are you here?"

"It's too hot in the city, come out to escape the heat." I said.

After I finished speaking, I stepped aside, "Please go ahead."

Seeing their zither and singing in harmony, I don't seem to be particularly sad anymore.There are some pains like a knife that has rusted over the years. It doesn’t cut the skin open immediately when it is scratched on the body. Only when the blood seeps out drop by drop, people will realize later, oh, I seem to be injured.

Before feeling the pain, I said softly "Excuse me first" and left Xiangtang.

Taoist Xiao Han ran out with me, and asked loudly heartlessly, "Where are you going, Layman? Wait for me!"

I stopped, turned around and said helplessly, "It's convenient for me to go, are you coming too?"

The little Taoist was stunned for a moment, scratched his head and muttered: "I thought you were feeling unwell again...then you go, don't forget to take medicine later."

"Understood." I sighed, "I don't care a lot about age."

I didn't go to the convenience, went back to the room and took two cheese sticks to the backyard to find Sanhua.The cheese sticks were brought by Qin Bei today. Apart from this, there are many other snacks that I have never eaten to coax children. Qin Bei said that a sick person is no different from a child.

I don't know about this, I only know that Sanhua is very happy.

It lay under the locust tree to enjoy the shade, I moved a small horse to sit next to it, and woke it up with a cheese stick.

Seeing Sanhua eating with gusto, I rarely had the desire to eat. I took another cheese stick and took a bite. The sweet taste melted on the tip of my tongue. No wonder children like it.

Sanhua quickly finished eating her own, put her front paws on my knees and meowed, her eyes were fixed on the other half in my hand.

I thought it was funny, so I purposely waved the cheese stick in front of its eyes, put it into my mouth, and said with a smile, "This is mine, don't even think about it."

Sanhua was annoyed and meowed loudly, as if accusing me of being cunning.

I was about to continue teasing it, when someone came at the end of my sight and stopped a few steps away from me.

I don't need to look up to know it's Wen Luming.

A gust of wind blew, and the Sophora japonica flowers on the top of the head fell down. Amid the rich fragrance, I heard Wen Luming whisper: "Yan Qiao."

He seemed to be far away from me, calling my name through an insurmountable distance, my eyes suddenly turned red, I tried my best to maintain my smile, raised my head and asked: "Professor Wen, why did you come here by yourself, where is Xia Yi?"

"He's in the front hall." Wen Luming replied.

"Isn't it good to meet your ex-lover alone behind your wife's back?" I asked pretending to be relaxed.

Wen Luming frowned slightly, looked at me and said nothing.

After staring at each other silently for a long time, he slowly lowered his eyes, and said endlessly, "I thought you were married, and you can live well without me in the future."

"Do you still care about my life?" I smiled softly.

Looking at his hesitant eyes, I thought for a while, and decided to speak up, "I didn't deliberately hide the marriage from you, it's just that I was not well during that time, maybe I was sick, when I think of you There will be a lot of chaotic impulses, wanting to open the window and jump, wanting to cut a blood vessel with a knife, wanting to take medicine... I dare not see you, and I dare not listen to your voice, for fear that you will hate me like this."

It wasn't a long time apart, but when I think of myself at that time, I feel like I'm looking at a complete stranger.

"But it's okay. I saw a doctor and took medicine. I'm much better now. You see, I'm still alive in front of you. Don't worry."

Wen Luming frowned even tighter.

It's rare to be able to speak face to face calmly, and I don't know if there will be such an opportunity in the future.

I shook my head lightly and said: "It took me a lot of time to convince myself that Xu Yang's death is none of your business, I can love you... Do you know how difficult this is for me?"

Thinking of that time, my heart is sore and astringent.

I know that I shouldn't show weakness to Wenlu who is already married, but facing him who once gave me infinite tolerance and love, I still couldn't help complaining about my grievances.

"I gave up the bottom line, I gave up my past self to love you. The day I came back to find you, I exhausted all the remaining courage."

But what have I found?

My eyes fell on Wen Luming's hand, and I saw that dazzling ring again.

"Do I have to give up even my self-esteem and shame now, so that I can continue to love you?"

Sensing my gaze, Wen Luming clenched his fists, and the cuffs of the windbreaker fell down, covering the ring.

I smiled slightly, raised my head to see his thin lips, and said softly: "If you are only worried about whether I am doing well, I am fine, I have money, family, and friends, and it is easy to lose anyone." Have a good time, don't worry about me."

"You've lost a lot of weight." Wen Luming's eyes were deep, and he didn't stretch his brows because of my words, "It's just that we haven't seen each other for a few days, Yan Qiao, it's not like this on a hunger strike."

I opened my fingers and looked at my hand. The skin was pale, the bones were bony, and the veins were protruding. It looked a little too thin.

"The food on the mountain is terrible." I silently apologized to Daoist Zhang in my heart, and said jokingly, "Okay, if you care about me so much, I'm going to misunderstand."

As soon as the words fell, Xia Yi's voice came from the gate of the small courtyard: "Teacher Wen."

Wen Luming and I looked over together, saw Xia Yi waved his hand, said with a smile: "We should go."

When he was talking, he glanced at me as if there was nothing in it. I lowered my eyes and smiled helplessly, hugged Sanhua and said, "Go back, I'm going to rest too."

"Yan Qiao..."

Wen Luming called me, but I didn't look back.