lonely patient

I didn't delve into it.

Maybe it's because I forgot to wear it, maybe it's because Wen Luming has to wait until the wedding day to put it on for him, it doesn't matter to me anymore.

I went back to the ward by myself, and was accused by the doctor of running around because the wound was not healed.

"Excuse me, how long have I been lying down?" I asked.

"Today is the third day." The nurse on the side replied.

For three days, Wen Luming hadn't woken up yet.I was still worried, so I asked a lot: "The gentleman who came with me, did he smash his head? Why is he still in a coma?"

I have no intention of cursing Wen Luming, but I really can't think of any other reason.

"I can't say that." The doctor shook his head, "His brain is not seriously damaged, and he woke up once during the period, and there is nothing abnormal."

"Woke up once?" I don't know.

"Very short, just a few minutes, during your operation," the doctor said.

"Then what did he say?"

"I don't know, Mr. Xia was the only one in the ward at that time, and he was unconscious again when the doctor passed by."

Thinking of Xia Yi's words, if Wen Luming did this because of me, then now that I'm awake, he should wake up too... But I don't really believe that there is such a feeling between us.

The confrontation with Xia Yi exhausted my strength, and the fatigue and weakness after the operation came slowly. I cooperated with the doctor to finish the examination, lay back on the bed and closed my eyes.

Hurry up, wake up, Wen Luming... Don't you still want to get married? If this continues, the wedding will be missed.

Anyway, I won't die for a while, maybe when you get married, I can still take a look at you from a distance.

Just one look, I promise.

……

Thinking about these indiscriminately, I gradually fell into a deep sleep.The pain made it impossible for me to sleep peacefully. I had a lot of broken dreams. From the first meeting to the present, the details that I thought I had forgotten had already been deeply embedded in my mind.

I took the initiative to leave his contact information, and ignored him biting me during his susceptible period, and later lived together, and I began to adjust myself according to his living habits, consciously or unconsciously staying away from the chaotic life in the past.

I let Wen Luming occupy most of my time, no matter what happens, he will always be the first thing that comes to mind.

I will blush because of his kisses and my heart will beat. I will think of the distant future when I wake up and see him every morning. I will rely on him and be attached to him.

It turns out that everything is the clue of love, but I haven't seen it clearly.

It seems that there is always a little bit of luck between us. The Buddhists say that there is a mistake, that there is no destiny, and it is probably just me and Wen Luming.

But the old Taoist also said that there is no afterlife for people, everything in this life is over, and Wen Luming and I are destined to be entangled in this life.

I don't know who to trust...

In the second half of the night, I started burning in a daze, and I forgot who said that stomach cancer will cause fever at a certain stage, but I have undergone surgery, how can it still be like this...

In the chaos, I felt that there were many people around me in a hurry, and they pushed me into an operating room with a dazzling red light at the door. Just lost consciousness.

This time the darkness was extraordinarily long.

I felt that I had arrived at an absolutely safe and comfortable place, like being soaked in thick warm water, where I couldn’t hear or see anything from the outside world, and there was no pain, no sadness, and no unresolved bad debts.

I don't want to wake up.

Occasionally, a crack appeared in my claustrophobic consciousness. I heard Yan Song's voice first, gnashing my teeth and asking the doctor why I couldn't wake up even though I was out of danger.

Then I heard him tell Luna that he would transfer me to another hospital and go abroad to receive better treatment.

Then another person came out and said, "Wen Luming is here, he won't want to leave."

It seemed to be Qin Bei... His voice was extremely tired, and he said in a low voice, "Yan Song, he is your younger brother, not a kitten or dog at your mercy. When will you think about him? Don't go your own way anymore. "

"Am I going my own way? Am I doing him good by letting him ruin himself?!"

……

I didn't hear what they were arguing about afterwards, but I only heard the word Wen Luming.

Wen Luming... Such a familiar name, I felt a dull pain somewhere in my heart, which made me frown in pain even in a coma.

Two voices appeared in my mind, one said: "Forget about him, he caused you such pain, forget about him."

The other said, "No, I will never forget it even as I die."

I will never forget.

I opened my eyes, and it was pitch black in the ward.The instrument next to the bed made a slight beeping sound. I was wearing an oxygen mask, and my body was filled with unknown tubes. It seemed that only my eyeballs could move.

Three times in and three out before the ghost gate closes, the King of Hades probably thinks I'm annoying too.

The door of the ward was gently pushed open. I looked over from the corner of my eye and saw a tall and familiar figure.Wen Luming... is he awake?

He was thinner, with gauze wrapped around his head, and he looked haggard just by his outline.As if he didn't dare to come in, he hesitated at the door for a long time before taking a step forward.

Not knowing what to think, I closed my eyes again.

Wen Luming walked to the bed and looked at me quietly for a long time.

I don't know why he came to see me, if it was just to confirm whether I was alive or not, it seemed that he shouldn't have been watching for so long.

"Yan Qiao." Finally, he called my name softly, "Are you angry with me? Why don't you want to wake up?"

Angry... I was confused for a moment, and then smiled wryly in my heart.

What identity should I use to get angry with him...

Saying those transgressive words at the critical moment of life and death means that I am ready to leave forever.Now that I survived by luck, I only feel shameful and ridiculous at that time.

"Yan Qiao..."

He touched my eyebrows, touched my eyes, and then lightly pressed his palms on my cheeks, without moving for a while.

"I lied to you," he said, "how can I like someone else?"

"At first I just wanted to push you and hear you say you love me. I'm sorry, I can't control my own possessiveness... I want you to let go of the past and be with me, but I forgot that it's not fair to you , it's not fair to Xu Yang."

Wen Luming's voice was low and his speech was very slow, like a handful of coarse salt sprinkled on my beating heart, it was astringent and painful.

"You know, I used to like your proud, unrestrained and unrestrained appearance the most, but because of me, you have become cautious and worry about gains and losses. This is not what I want to see."

"I always think, is it really a good choice for you to be with me?"

"You never said you loved me, so I doubted myself more and more. In the end, I didn't know what I wanted. I tried my best to push you away, hoping you would give up, and secretly hoped that you could persist in."

"If I had been more straightforward, wouldn't you have suffered these injuries?"

His thumb slowly rubbed the corners of my eyes, with a hint of regret and pity.

"Later, you finally decided to go abroad to get married. I thought I would breathe a sigh of relief, but it seems that I... have become an empty shell since that day."

There was another silence at this point.Premonitioning that he was about to talk about his marriage, I instinctively wanted to cover my ears, but I couldn't move my arms, so I could only listen.

"Xia Yi is a very talented student and works very hard. In the first year of graduate school, he told me that he would continue to study for a Ph. D. and devote himself to scientific research. As his teacher, I feel very gratified."

Wen Luming's tone was very calm, but when he said Xia Yi's name, I was still in so much pain that I couldn't breathe, my internal organs were twisted together.

"After you left, he stayed with me late in the laboratory every day. Maybe he saw that I was in a bad mood and always tried to attract my attention with other things. It cannot be denied that he spent a lot of time with me. Hard times."

"Then he told me one day that he might not be able to continue studying."

"He was born in a very isolated place, where it is a sin for an omega to not get married and have children at this age." Wen Luming sighed softly, "Parents have long disapproved of him continuing to study. He wanted to study for a Ph. D., and he was forced to die in a fit of anger, so that he gave up his studies and returned to his hometown to get married."

My consciousness is not clear, and I just feel puzzled when I hear this.

Xia Yi can't continue studying, what's the matter with me, what's the matter with Wen Luming?

Then Wen Luming helped me answer my doubts: "Teacher and student, he begged me to help him find a solution for the first time. At that time, I was in pain every day because of your departure. My parents were old and urged me several times My marriage. Xia Yi cried and asked if I could marry him, he didn't want anything, just a reason to deal with the family, so that he could stay here and study."

"...I agree."

"I think, maybe I also need a chance to force myself to let go."

"But I couldn't convince myself to start a new relationship. Xia Yi and I agreed that we would only get married on the surface, and we would separate after he graduated with a doctorate."

"You came back the day after we submitted the marriage materials."

"You come back and tell me that your marriage is fake, but you actually love me."

Having said that, Wen Luming's voice finally became less calm, and he chuckled, "Yan Qiao, this is the first time I feel that I hate you."

"I hate why you didn't tell me earlier, why you are always one step late."

"I've never wanted to hear an apology and an apology."

"I just want to hear you say you love me."

"Why do you have to wait until it's irreparable before you tell me?"