lonely patient

Wen Luming didn't say anything later, but I knew that he really gave up on me for a moment.

Just that moment is enough for me to suffer for the rest of my life.

He prepared for the wedding as usual, and went to ask for a lottery with Xia Yi.If it weren't for this accident, there are some things he might never have told me.

Even now, he thought I was in a coma, so he told me the truth.

And what about me... I will forever die in regret.

How could he bear it?

I want to open my eyes and ask him, Wen Luming, how can you bear it?

But as soon as I opened my mouth, I started to cough violently, and the pent-up air in my chest scrambled outwards. I coughed until my brain buzzed, and my lungs seemed to be ignited by fire.Wen Luming hurriedly rang the bed bell, and the doctors and nurses quickly came in and surrounded me inside and out, Wen Luming had to step aside.

I once again underwent a complex and tedious physical examination, like a fish on a chopping board being tossed and fiddled with by them over and over again. In the end, my temper towards Wen Luming was exhausted, leaving only fatigue and pain in my body.

Finally the doctor took off my oxygen mask and said I was temporarily out of danger.I was lying on the hospital bed, sweating profusely from the pain, and physiological tears slowly slipped down the corners of my eyes and into my hair.

Looking up and seeing the restrained distress in Wen Luming's eyes, I pulled the corner of my mouth and smiled, trying to make him not worry.

After the doctor left, Wen Luming sat by my bed, as if he didn't dare to touch me, he raised his hand and hesitated for a long time in mid-air, and finally clenched his fist and put it back to his side.

"Teacher Wen..." I leaned half against the head of the bed and spoke weakly.

He looked at me and asked, "Does it hurt?"

I have never liked to be brave in front of him, so I nodded and said, "It hurts."

Stomach pain, headache, surgery wound pain, body injury pain.

"Why didn't you tell me you were sick?" Wen Luming asked softly.

His voice has not been so gentle for a long time, my nose is sore, and tears flow down my face, "I don't want you to pity me."

When I was young, I once picked up a dirty puppy on a rainy evening.It was lying on the side of the road, its white curly hair was covered with mud, and its hind leg was lame. It looked dirty and pathetic.I took it home to give it a bath, but after it became clean, it still didn’t want to get close to me, even if it was dragging a lame leg and walking hard, it didn’t want me to hug it.

I built a nest for it, bought milk and pet cans, but it always has a poor appetite and looks sick.When I was a child, I didn't understand. When Yan Song came back from a business trip, he saw that it might be sick, and took me and the dog to the hospital.

Later, the puppy was found to have canine parvovirus and left after only a few months.

I haven't had any pets since.

Now I am probably very much like that puppy, knowing that my time is numbered, so I don't want anyone's pity.

"I ask you a question, can you not lie to me."

I looked into Wen Luming's eyes and asked slowly word by word: "Are you and Xia Yi really married?"

There was a moment of silence in the air, Wen Luming lowered his eyes slightly, and said: "I have submitted the materials, but I haven't registered to receive the certificate yet."

——I don’t know if I should be lucky, but alpha and omega need to go through various procedures and complicated medical examinations to get married. From submitting materials to receiving the certificate, it takes at least half a month.

"I submitted the materials..." My stomach hurt again, causing me to frown, and my voice became weak, "You thought about marrying him, didn't you?"

"Yan Qiao..." Wen Luming opened his mouth.

I shook my head, "You are living together. You let him live in your house. When I went to find you that day, he opened the door."

As I spoke, my voice choked up unconsciously, "I know I'm not qualified to blame you, but Wen Luming, you said you loved me, how could you do this..."

That scene that day is engraved in my mind, no matter how many times I think about it, it is the same pain.Tears welled up in my eyes, the pain and grievances of these days finally found an outlet, "How can you let him sleep in the bed that I slept in?"

Wen Luming's eyes were deep, and he finally raised his hand to wipe away my tears, and said, "I didn't, Yan Qiao. I have been living in the laboratory, and he didn't have time to find a house after graduation, so I asked him to stay at home. He lived in the study and didn't sleep in your bed. Don't cry..."

His comforting voice was still the same as before, "I didn't sympathize with you either. Even if you weren't sick or injured, I was reconsidering marriage. I'm sorry, I was impulsive, and I shouldn't have agreed to Xia Yi's marriage casually."

Is that so, can I still trust him...

I gradually calmed down, shook my head, and finally broke away from him, "If you said that because you were worried that I would give up the treatment, then don't...I admit that I don't want you to get married, and I don't like Xia Yi either. But I can't do anything to ruin other people's marriages."

"Knowing that you are fine, I am relieved. Don't worry, I will cooperate with chemotherapy and treat the disease well. The rest of the things...life and death are fate, I have already taken care of it."

Wen Luming looked at me for a long time, and asked, "Have you really seen it?"

I didn't understand what he meant, and turned my head to meet his dark eyes.

He asked in a low voice, "Why did you go back to China to look for me after seeing it, why didn't you treat the illness and hide alone, why did you risk your life to save me?"

I was forced to retreat by Wen Luming's questioning, and I couldn't help avoiding my eyes.

But he still refused to let me go, pressed my shoulder and said: "Yan Qiao, I heard you say you love me at the moment of life and death."

His eyes were deep, as if he was going to engulf me in the next second.

"...So what if I hear it?" I was so anxious that I threw him away, tears welling up, "Can't you leave me with some dignity?"

I clenched my fists and my voice choked uncontrollably, "Yes, I still love you, but you have given up on me."

"You have given up on me, Wen Luming."

The love I said didn't get an echo, and I didn't get forgiven for apologizing again and again. The instinct of seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages made me dare not approach him again. I was afraid that in the end, I would be the only one trapped in the same place.

Wen Luming has not shown such an expression to me for a long time. It reminds me of a long time ago, when I cried because of his biting pain, he hugged me and said in a low voice: "Does it hurt? Pain is right."

——Just to make you hurt, just to make you remember.

"I didn't give up on you." After a long time, he suddenly said, "But if you want to find Xu Yang, I will never forgive you."

I was stunned for a moment when I heard Xu Yang's name, and then I couldn't control my emotions even more. I grabbed the pillow at hand and threw it at Wen Luming: "Why! You don't want me anymore, why don't I go to find Xu Yang? Why! I love you and I don't owe you anything, so why do you care about me!"

The sudden movement pulled the wound on my body, and I felt a sharp tearing pain, and my facial features wrinkled together in pain.In a trance, I felt that Wen Luming held down my wrist and hugged me tightly in his arms.

"You owe it to me. You don't want to go anywhere until I forgive you." He spoke forcefully, but there seemed to be a slight tremor in his voice.

Why is this person so strange... I thought about it in a daze, saying that he hated me, didn't forgive me, and wanted to give me the illusion of love again and again, and in the end he didn't allow me to go to other places.

He has exhausted all the words, and me, what should I do?

It took me a long time to recover from the pain. I stared blankly at a certain place on the blank wall. After a while, I lowered my eyes in discouragement, "...I'm not going anywhere."

From beginning to end, all I wanted was to be with him.

After Xu Yang left, I thought I would never fall in love with anyone again. I sealed myself in a transparent cocoon until Wen Luming knocked on the hard glass and came to me, letting me know that this world is still worth looking forward to And being loved, I can still feel the passionate heartbeat and seething throbbing.

He asked me why I didn't say I loved him, but he didn't know that it took me a long time to be sure that it was love.

Once I was like a swimmer in the dark, drifting aimlessly and alone on the icy sea. I don’t know how long it took, and when I was about to exhaust my strength and was about to sink, I grabbed a piece of driftwood that floated by.

Instinctively, I didn't want to let go, relying on the driftwood to continue drifting towards the unknown future. Finally, when the sun came up, I realized that it wasn't driftwood, but a hard and heavy stone slab, and the one holding the slate was Wen Lu Mingchang love and waiting.

I don't know how to cherish and lose him.

Later, in the lonely sun rising and moon setting every day, I finally understand that love is born in every night of embracing each other.

Throbbing is love, dependence is love, not wanting to let go is love, those missed details are love.

It turns out that only loss makes people understand what is the last thing to lose.

Up to now, if love is trapped for life, I am willing to spend it with him to the end.

I touched his hand carefully, held it gently and said, "Can you take me home...I'm not going anywhere."