Two small without dismantling

Pran Perspective

The loud sound of closing the door resounded throughout the building, echoing in the air, as if the door frame was about to be shattered, and the ceiling was trembling and crumbling. After the sound ended, everything returned to calm.Because of anger, I was gasping for breath, and my heart was beating violently and rapidly. Recalling the conversation that was not a conversation just now, the tears I had endured for a long time finally came out of my eyes.

Snapped!

My face was turned around by the slap, the palm of the person who slapped me was still trembling, and even his whole body trembled because of anger.His eyes were tearing apart, bloodshot, and filled with sadness and disappointment, which made me dare not turn to look at him again.I also know in my heart that what they saw just now broke the relationship between me and Pat with their own eyes. As a parent, it is very difficult to accept, and it is difficult to forgive me, whether it happened at this moment... or in this life...

"I cultivated you like this, what went wrong? Let you do this kind of thing!"

"..."

"Are you brainless? Why are you hanging out with that useless guy? What the hell are you thinking? Pran!"

The more I remained silent, the louder my father's voice became. I felt that my father's anger was beyond what I could bear. I tightly closed my eyes, ready for the next slap.The atmosphere at home was more tense than ever. My father scolded me loudly, while my mother sat on the sofa beside me and burst into tears.As a child, maybe I am the only one who can make my mother cry like this.

"Pat is not an ineffective kid, Dad."

"How dare you say that to me? You really..."

"Dad!"

When my father's slap was on my face again, my mother quickly got up and took my father's arm. Tears were still streaming down my face, like two long rivers. I turned my head to the other side, and couldn't bear to watch it any longer.

"Pran..." Mom pulled my arm beside me, and said in a trembling voice, "Mom, please, don't associate with him anymore, and go back to the original you... okay... go back to mom son……"

"...I'm still me, Mom, whether it's Pran who likes Pat or Pran who doesn't like Pat, the person in front of you is still Mom's son, it hasn't changed."

"What you mean is that you don't want to be separated from Pat, don't you?" Dad interrupted suddenly, and asked me loudly, and my mother cried again and was about to pass out.

"..."

"I think you have a good plan. Do you think that because you secretly dated that crazy child, our two families will become in-laws?"

"dad……"

"Then you have to take a good look at whether I will do what you want! Pran!" Dad's words seemed to be squeezed out from between his teeth, staring into my eyes, it seemed that it would not be Letting go of this matter so easily, I kept silent and did not refute him.In the end, it was Dad who spoke first: "You have also graduated now, and I will arrange the next road for you. You can go to England to find Pong."

"father!"

"I will arrange it as soon as possible, and I don't need to collect my bachelor's degree certificate. I want to see if I can separate you!"

"He has nothing to do with this matter, Dad, don't confuse it.

"I don't care! It's come to this point, what else can I do! Even if you kneel down in front of me now, I will still do it!"

Dad screamed hoarsely, and it was the first time I saw him run away in anger.This time I was so angry that it seemed that there was no way to end it hastily.This may also be the first time in my life that I have made such a big mistake, so that just judging from the expressions of my parents, I know that I will not be forgiven, or that they will not be willing to accept all this...

Since then I have shut myself in the room and the door has been locked from the inside.I ignored the knock on the door and the inquiries outside the door, just sat on the bed without thinking about anything, let go of my thoughts, and couldn't explain the feelings in my heart.In the morning, Pat's smiling face filled with smiles came to my mind. He obviously has a ruthless character, but the palm on my cheek was warm and careful.

We haven't heard from each other for more than a day, maybe Pat is under "house arrest" again, I lie on the bed, let the tears in my eyes flow down to my chin, and then they drip down the pillow on the pillow The time disappeared, and just when I felt a little bit of comfort in my heart, the phone in my trousers bag started to vibrate. I bounced up like an electric shock and took out the phone to check. The name of Phu was on the screen, and I quickly picked it up .

"Phu, what's the matter?"

[It's me, my dad confiscated my phone, how are you, Pran? ]

"Are you seriously injured?"

[Not heavy... 8000 meters away from the heart. ] Even though the other end of the phone tried his best to look like nothing had happened, and was still joking as before, his disordered breathing compared to usual still made my nose sore and tears flowed, and it just stopped Live tears broke the bank again, [Pran, don't cry. ]

"I didn't cry." I really wanted to grab a piece of cloth to cover my mouth, and my voice and the words I said were no longer on the same line.

[Did your dad say something? ]

"same as before."

[Sorry. ]

"Well, you should say sorry."

[I'm really sorry. ]

I was silent and said nothing.I heard his apology in my ears, but closed my eyes. From the beginning, I was not angry with him, nor did I feel uncomfortable.Everything that happens, everything we do, is because we love each other and we need each other.What we have learned from each other is not shame, and I have never regretted everything I have done.To this day, I still want to break the barrier between me and Pat, and I don't want to take anyone's feelings into account - except this kid next to me, next to my house.

Even if the two of us have loved each other so far, why in our lives, even seeing each other seems to be a heinous crime and unforgivable...

[I love you, Pran. ]

These words sounded in my ears, obviously the voice was so soft, but it fell in my ears like summer thunder, there is no doubt about it.We whispered in whispers, and I smiled and responded to everything he said, but tears were already streaming down my face.

"Why do you keep talking?"

[I have to say it every day, if I don’t say it one day, I will drown myself in love. ]

For Pat's character who dares to express everything, no matter what time it is, I envy him very much.

He didn't seem to know what shyness was.If I could be one-third of his, can be outspoken and express freely like him, many things will be more than that, but even if I know the root of the problem in my heart, my picture seems to be born The mouth that only knows how to eat, still doesn't match his heart and speaks insincerely as always.

"Pat, aren't you going back to your bedroom? The lights haven't been on since last night."

[Forced to change rooms, that room is locked. ]

I laughed at myself, even though I knew in my heart what kind of answer I would get, why did I have to ask again?Just bring shame on yourself.Looking at the opposite side through the curtains in my room, the curtains in Pat's room were lowered and covered tightly, and there was no way to see the scene inside the house from the outside.Without paying attention, he said what he was thinking in his heart, "Someday please ask Phu to come over and open your curtains."

[But I don't live anywhere anymore. ]

Pat's answer undoubtedly poured a basin of cold water on my head, waking me from my self-deceiving daydream, because even if I can see Pat's room through the window, how long can it last?so what?Everything is still the current situation, and there is no slight improvement, little change.

The next topic is that my boyfriend is going to marry his fiancée. From Pat's tone, I can feel how hard he is, how serious he is, and how hard he is looking for a solution and a way out.Whether it's him, the groom whose head is tied down, or me, the boyfriend who can only send lovesickness through the window, they are both sad people, and no one is better than the other.

Despite Pat's best efforts to suppress his emotions, I still couldn't pull the corners of my mouth into a smile, not at all.Because in addition to considering Pat's difficulties, there is a very, very clear fact before my eyes: up to now, everything we have put in so much effort has not changed the ending in the slightest, and it is still unshakable. .Pat and I are like two fish out of water, struggling hard, trying to survive... even if there is a moment to breathe, thank God.

It has been twenty hours.During these twenty hours, I didn't want to step out of the door, and I didn't want anyone else to step into my room.In the evening, I heard the sound of a key unlocking the door. I frowned and stood up abruptly. Within a few seconds, the door was opened, and my father stood outside the door with a sullen face.

"It's useless no matter how hard you struggle."

Dad said calmly, without a trace of concern in his tone, he just gave me an "order" coldly. Mom came in with a tray with prepared meals on it, and didn't say a word to me. Filled with pain, he left the meal and walked out.During the whole process, my father stood there quietly, without changing his posture. After casting a glance at me, he slammed the door shut, and then slammed the brown envelope that he had been holding on the table viciously.

"Here is the information about the school I selected for you. I already contacted you, Pong, yesterday. I will send you there in two weeks. Someone will handle the visa for you."

"..."

Such a long paragraph is not an inquiry, not a discussion, not even a notification, it is just a notification of what is going to happen.As a son, all I can do is lower my head and listen quietly, without even the right to speak.The room was so quiet that even the sound of a needle falling on the ground could be heard, and none of us said anything.Without giving me too much time to digest the news, my father opened the door and left. I looked at the file bag on the table and felt as if a needle had been stuck in my throat.

Once again, he collapsed powerlessly on the bed.I looked up at the white ceiling of the roof, and I didn't have the heart to get up to enjoy the food on the table, even though I was already so hungry that my chest was pressed against my back.But even if he was completely unwilling in his heart, his body was very honest, and in the end he couldn't bear his physical needs to eat.My face is grim, this room is full of images of me and Pat being together, he pushed open the window and jumped down with a smile on his face, pestering me to do that... Whenever I think of us hugging and sleeping I can't help but laugh out of the picture, whenever I think of him, I will smile heartily.However, when the picture was shattered and reality returned, I couldn't help but ask myself again:

Since when have we been so far apart?

I really want to think, I really want to go back to the past...

The mobile phone on the bedside table vibrated violently again in the middle of the night. After being woken up, I was a little unhappy and my face was smelly.Sleepy-eyed, I moved my body to the side of the bedside table, stretched out my hand to retrieve the mobile phone, and wanted to see who was disturbing the dream in the middle of the night. When I saw a strange number that I had never seen before, I couldn't help feeling Somewhat surprised.

I thought about it quietly for a few seconds, and finally made up my mind and pressed the answer button until the phone was about to hang up.

"Hello……"

[Pran. ]

There was no need to ask who was coming from this familiar voice, and at the same time, I heard the sound of racing cars not far away on the phone, I sat up suddenly, and turned on the light above my head with a snap, "Pat? Whose phone is this?"

[I'm at the entrance of the alley. ]

"Where are you going and what are you doing?" I asked in a serious tone, and at the same time looked at the time, "It's almost three o'clock in the morning, are you looking for a fight!"

[I can not stand it any more. ] His tone sounded more serious than usual, which made me raise my head subconsciously, [My mother is not willing to back down in the matter of marriage, this time it is really serious, and I also really don’t want to bear it anymore . ]

"Pat..."

[You first pack up the necessary things a little bit, and then come out. ]

"Pat, wait a minute..."

[Pran, let's elope, let's go live our lives, the two of us go start a new life, go anywhere, go to a place that can accept the two of us. ]

"Pat, listen to me first..."

[We left far away to rent a small house, and the two of us worked hard together, so we wouldn't have to worry about not being able to survive. ]

"Pat, listen to me first!" I interrupted him loudly, feeling a fire in my chest that made me feel hot and painful.Everything he said blew me away, tearing me apart with fear and heart, and it's undeniable how heartbroken I was when I heard what he had planned.I know very well that I need him very much, and there is no way to accept other people except him. Although I never reveal it, this is an undeniable fact.

In my life, this is not a simple and random thing. Pat is probably still the same as before. He doesn't know what to do. He always does it first, and then thinks about the consequences that will follow.I also once made an embarrassment in front of the 7-11 store because I loved him and drank... This scene came to my mind inappropriately. I smiled silently and shook my head quickly. Now is not the time to think about these things.

Just thinking about Pat, no matter what time of day, makes me happy.And how can I be willing to break such a beautiful existence of Pat with my own hands?

"Pat..."

[Pran. ] He called out my name, which showed that he knew all my worries.Also, we understand each other so well, the so-called "success also understands, and failure also understands."

"According to what you said, I really want to agree immediately, and I don't have to worry about anything."

[Then you don’t have to think about anything. ]

"But the reality is not as good as you think."

[What is the reality that you are worried about?I love you and I just want to be with you. ]

"But it's not enough just to love each other and live together, don't you understand? Do you really think it's really easy for us to abandon everything and elope and live together? Do you think we'll find someone A house, a job, two people who can sleep face to face every night, that’s a good life, isn’t it?”

[That's better than being locked in a cage and being forced to marry an outsider, the person I want to marry is not you! ]

"Pat, you don't understand, as a child, I'm doing a terrible job right now. For so many days, my mother sits and tears every day, and everything is going in a very bad direction. Don't you see Don't you see?"

[I don't care, I just want to be with you, don't you understand me? ]

"Pat!"

[I don't want to bear it any longer, you know?I don't want to do this anymore! ]

"Pat, calm down first, listen to me, listen to me!"

In the end, my tears still flowed down. We were both tortured under the same moonlight, and our endurance was close to the critical point. No one could tell who would break down first.Pat and I are now like two boiling kettles, gurgling and spitting out steam, and can't care about anything.

"Be more rational. You also know that it is unrealistic for the two of us to escape. Can you really abandon your parents and your sister with all your heart?"

[You care about your dad, you care about your mother, you care about everyone, but you never care about me!]

"Pat, don't talk about it."

[You wouldn't care if we couldn't be together, would you?Even if we break up, even if I want to be with someone else, even if that person is not you. ]

I paused, Pat's words pierced my heart like a sharp arrow.I never told him whether I could bear it, I never said I could accept breaking up, I never admitted that I didn't love him.Just seeing him standing with other people, I can't bear it, just hearing that his wedding is going on as scheduled under the arrangement of his parents, my heart is like being stabbed by a needle, I feel so uncomfortable that I can't breathe. It's all like this...

I also want to drop everything and elope with him, like he said.

I also want to become an irrational person who no longer remembers what should be done and what should not be done.

I also want to stop caring about other people's feelings and be true to myself once.

Because I'm pretty sure that for the rest of my life, I just want to spend time with him.

but……

"You don't care about your father, your mother, or your sister?"

[......]

When he heard me say this, he immediately fell silent. Pat is a full-fledged sister-in-law. He loves his sister more than himself. No matter what the big thing is, the sister will always be the number one. It can be said that Pat's weakness is Phu.

[What do you mean by that? ] I felt a pair of invisible big hands grabbed my heart out. After I heard Pat's trembling voice, I knew that Pat must be crying at this time, [You will not walk with me anyway, Yes or no? ]

I don't want him to cry, I don't want him to be sad.But this question is like a sword stabbed into the love between us, and it is unarmed and powerless to fight back.Because of love, so I don't want to retreat, so I can only grit my teeth and face down with tears, so I would rather let this extremely sharp sword penetrate deeply into the skin than let it go.If things go on like this, the wound is difficult to scab, and there is no cure for the medicine stone.The only solution is to have someone let go first.

"Pat..." I chanted his name, and shouted in my heart that I love him a thousand times and ten thousand times, but I still didn't say the words, "I'm going abroad."

[what? ]

"My dad wants me to continue my studies abroad."

[I don't agree with you to go]

"You also know that I can't resist my father."

[So I said let's run away together, I forbid you to go abroad! ]

"You can't be so childish all the time! Pat!"

[If the price of my growth is to lose you, then I would rather be a child forever, did you hear that!I forbid you to go! ]

We all yelled at each other, and Pat and I were breathing heavily on the phone. Obviously we were so in love, but now we need to rely on our voices to narrow the distance between our hearts.

"I can't make sense to you. Pat, it's late and dangerous. You should go home first."

[I'm not going back. ]

"Pat, can you not be self-willed?"

[Are you going to break up with me? ]

Even though I knew in my heart that I would ask this sentence sooner or later, but when he really said it recklessly, I felt like my throat was pinched, I couldn't breathe, and tears burst out of the embankment.

[You know, I have to marry her. ]

"..."

[Do you want me to do this? ]

"..."

[Can you just watch me marry someone else? ]

I opened my mouth silently, feeling that I wanted to say a thousand words in my heart, but a stone was blocked in my throat, making it impossible for me to utter a single word or even a single syllable.

[Let me ask you one last time, Pran...] In a short sentence, I clenched my teeth to keep myself from crying, [Have you decided to go abroad?You won't come out to find me, will you? ]

I took a deep breath and poured it into my lungs, suppressing the sound of my breathing, and refused to let out the slightest sound.When it's time to leave, let yourself leave with dignity.

"Um……"

As soon as the voice fell, there was no sound on the other end of the phone, only the sound of my own heartbeat could be heard.I heard him groaning in pain, he was out of breath, and tears ran down his cheeks again... My whole heart was numb with pain, and I felt that somewhere in my heart, something had collapsed.I didn't even have the energy to bury the wreckage of love. It was broken into ashes and fell on the floor. I didn't even have the courage to squat down and hug it, let alone pick it up again and put it in memory to piece together.

[If you have already decided, then I will go back and get married according to the arrangement of my parents. ]

A hoarse voice sounded, containing pain, turning into an invisible hand tearing at my heart.This time the phone was hung up very quickly and ruthlessly, there was no sweet talk, no vows, only a "beep" sound on the phone, and I was still working as usual.I still maintained the posture of listening to the phone, and then I ruthlessly hung up the dutiful "dudu".

The knees of both legs slid weakly and sat on the floor. At this moment, the only thought in my mind was to wish him happiness, and hope that he could return to the original Pat, the Pat without me by my side.I held the phone tightly with both hands, put my face in the palm of my hand and cried heartily, the tears fell on the floor like a thread.This time, I no longer have to be afraid of that person hearing it.I said to myself the words that could not reach the man no matter how loudly:

"I love you……"

Although, I can't make everything come true as I wish, but if you can see beautiful scenery everywhere and have a good time every year, I will be able to achieve what I wish, and I am very happy.