winter suicide plan

=================

After taking the medicine, I didn't want to eat at all, so I went downstairs to blow some air to relieve my nausea.Although I haven't eaten since morning, I don't feel full, but I don't feel hungry.I glanced at the dining hall where people were coming and going, red LED lights, and the food was sitting on the table with my arms around my shoulders.I stood there for a while, wanting to leave and go to the library for a while.

As soon as I took a step, someone called me suddenly, and he called me in a noisy voice: "Chen Shuning!" His voice was full of vigor and excitement, and I turned to look at him.

Tang Fengxing was wearing the most simple and clean clothes under the sunset that day, a black jacket without any pattern, army green overalls and Martin boots, his hair was soft in the cold wind, and black earrings hung on his ears.He showed me his white teeth confidently, reminding me that the spokesperson in the toothpaste advertisement should go to him.

I responded to his beckoning and asked, "Student, are you okay?"

Tang Fengxing was stunned for a moment, disappointed for a moment, but he approached me happily again in an instant, and said, "You don't know me?"

I am most afraid of this kind of problem. Others can call my name, but I can’t call these names. I started to frantically search for names that match this face in my head with only 2G storage.

I failed, and I shook my head and said sorry, but he didn't look unhappy, and said with a smile: "It's okay, let's get to know each other now, I'm Tang Fengxing, who is in your class."

I still didn't look for his face among my classmates who were in the same class as me. Maybe it was because I had a bad memory in winter. It was really too difficult to remember the faces of the people who left the class, and I couldn't be responsible.

"Student Tang Fengxing, do you have anything to do?"

When Tang Fengxing heard me call his name, his body froze visibly, and he put his arm on my shoulder unnaturally and said, "Let's have a meal together. No one will accompany me to eat, so lonely."

It turned out that he was looking for a fan friend. I am now in a much calmer mood, except for the exposed wound on my arm rubbing against my clothes.But now I haven't found my manual, and I feel uneasy.Looking at his hopeful eyes, Zi Laishu shook my body, I can't stand being so close to touch.

I pretended to escape the confinement of his arm naturally. I felt that it was nothing to eat with him. It was really uncomfortable to eat alone. I sighed in my heart and took it as an apology for not remembering other people's names .

I nodded, and his eyes suddenly opened wide and brightened. I didn't lie or exaggerate. I really saw what it looks like when a person's eyes light up, which is a bit novel.

Is he very short of friends and insists on having dinner with me?

He patted me on the back and said, "I treat you to eat, let's go."

I quickly wanted to say no, I didn't want to have anything to do with people I didn't know well, and it was really embarrassing to have one more relationship to deal with.

He was determined to invite me to dinner, and said he was thanking me for eating with him. I smiled and joked, "Could it be that you invite me to dinner every time, thank you."

He touched the back of his head and said in a low voice: "No..." I didn't hear the second half, and I realized later that what he said was "No, I just invited you."

He asked me what I wanted to eat, and I said whatever I wanted, I didn't spend money, how could I have the thick skin to ask for this or that, and I just met.

He ordered a plate for me, and he brought a plate in his hand. Both dishes were the same.Tomato scrambled eggs, black pepper pork chop, salt and pepper chicken clavicle, plus winter melon soup.

I really want to tell him that I have no appetite at all and can't finish these things, but I put it mildly, it's too much.He said that if he couldn't finish it, he would finish it, not to waste food, and let me eat as much as I could.

I sat down and thought, it’s really rude and impolite to ask others to clean the dishes when they invite you to dinner. I can still accept scrambled eggs with tomatoes. After all, I like to eat. Expensive.

I ate scrambled eggs with tomatoes and smiled: "I like what you ordered, and I will finish it."

After talking, I just want to slap me a few times, eat a fart, why promise these things, now I see the meat in front of me, I just want to vomit, but I still need to behave deliciously in front of him, behave My good personality is polite.

The first time I consulted a doctor and took medicine, I invested all my part-time wages for a year. Recently, I can save money by skipping meals.

I took a few quick mouthfuls of food, and my stomach was full, and the nausea stuck in my throat, preventing me from swallowing again.Swallow another mouthful of rice, and you will really spit it out.I struggled to pick up a piece of egg, but he stopped his chopsticks and said, "Are you full?" Before I could nod, he grabbed my plate and put it in his own rice bowl.

I put the chopsticks and explained: "No, the stomach is not very good in winter."

He returned the plate, and there was still some scrambled eggs with tomatoes. With the meat stuffed in his mouth, he muttered, "See, you still eat a lot of scrambled eggs with tomatoes. Eat some more. You will be hungry and unable to sleep at night." .”

I nodded, thinking I could fall asleep, took the pill, and fell asleep within minutes, but I just couldn't get up in the morning, feeling dizzy and nauseous.

Seeing that I really didn't have the desire to move my chopsticks, he didn't say anything, and didn't chat with me. He quietly cleaned up the last tomato scrambled eggs, and he ate up the rice on both plates. Hiccupping, he covered his mouth in embarrassment and said, "Ah...sorry, I ate all the food I was supposed to invite you to."

I shook my head slightly and said, "It's okay, I'm afraid I'm wasting money, so let's go." The nausea was getting worse and worse, and I wanted to slip away and go to the bathroom.

He nodded, wiped his mouth with a paper towel, and gave the plate to the uncle who was washing the dishes.

He followed me all the way, and I asked him, "Is there anything else?"

"Are you going to the library?"

"Ah."

I lied, I just wanted to get away and go to the toilet.But he frowned and said, "Your complexion is not very good, are you feeling unwell?"

I continued to shake my head and said, "It's okay, I'll go to the library and stay for a while before I go back."

"Then I have nothing to do, I will go with you."

I said no, the two men have to accompany me to the library, what kind of words.He backed down and gave up. Under the streetlights on campus, he hesitated to speak, and hesitantly said: "Then I'll go first, thank you for having dinner with me today."

What a big deal, it's just a meal, it's not a full banquet, and it's so grand to say thank you.

I nodded, he smiled, and we walked in opposite directions.I walked faster and faster, and ran to the hidden toilet in the hallway corridor on the first floor of the teaching building. As soon as I entered, I held the door with one hand, and spit it all out. Maybe it didn't wriggle in the intestines at all, and I wasted the food.I took it one after another to spit out all the stomach acid. Fortunately, the medicine may have been digested and I didn't spit it out, otherwise I would have taken it for nothing today.

A lot of physical tears welled up from the corners of my eyes, gasping for breath, with the nausea of ​​food residue in my stomach and throat, I spit out and flushed the toilet.

After vomiting for too long, my head was dizzy. When I stepped down, I forgot that there was still a hurdle. I stepped on it and fell to my knees. My hands were full of water from the toilet floor.Two strong hands took my arms directly and lifted me up, actually dragged me up.

Tang Fengxing asked anxiously, "Are you okay?"

I immediately stood up, went to the sink and washed my hands with hand sanitizer: "It's okay."

After vomiting, his voice became hoarse, like the sound of a broken and leaky accordion.I don't want to talk anymore, it's sad and angry that I was actually seen like this.

He took out a tissue from his pocket and wiped my hands, but I didn't take it. He said that if you don't dry your hands in winter, your hands will crack.

In order to make him talk less, I had no choice but to take the tissue, wipe my hands and say to him, "Thank you. What are you doing here?" After I finished speaking, I wanted to slap myself. I can do anything other than go to the toilet Well, did I throw up my brain today?

He didn't think this question was strange, he said that he drank a cup of milk tea and soup before, and was urgent to urinate, and wanted to go to the toilet.I nodded and walked out.

He asked me if I wanted to go to the infirmary, and I said no, the cold wind blowing at night made the remaining tears in the corners of my eyes, it was very cold, but I was energetic.

He asked incessantly, "Did you spoil today's dinner?"

"Why don't you go to the medical office?"

As I was talking, I started to apologize again, saying I was sorry, it made me vomit, and there was a "buzzing" sound in my ears, no different from a mosquito. Throwing up, I'm in a bad mood, such a good target to vent my curse, I don't need to do anything, I just scolded: "Are you annoying, can you get out! You are really noisy, mind your own business!"

After I finished speaking, my chest rose and fell, and I was panting, and I regretted it after I finished speaking.He froze for a moment, exhaled white air from his mouth, looked down at me and said, "Ah, that... I'm sorry to bother you."

I was thinking of apologizing, but he was not really sincere when he was a punching bag, and he really couldn't control it.I waited and didn't say it, but he just rubbed oil on the soles of his feet and walked away in a hurry, without even giving me a chance to insert punctuation.I didn't bother with him, bought a bottle of mineral water from the vending machine, and rinsed my mouth.

The two extremes of mania and depression wandered, which made me physically and mentally exhausted, and my mood fell off a cliff. Now I feel very bad.

I searched the library several times, but couldn't find my suicide plan manual. I was really discouraged. Depression and anxiety spread like vines in my heart, grabbing my internal organs and dragging them down.The weather was so cold that I couldn't even move my legs, my hands were already numb and stiff, I leaned against the door to rest for a while, there were not many street lights, but I could still see the road clearly, and there were quite a lot of people coming.The cold wind was blowing against my face, but I felt quite comfortable. Although my face hurt from shaving, my heart was happy and my mind was clear.

I walked back to the dormitory half an hour longer than usual, because I really didn’t want to move, I couldn’t move my limbs, and I just wanted to lie down on the floor and sleep, thinking that the suicide plan of freezing to death on the school road would be fine, but I thought about it carefully There was a road, people came and went, and I was immediately found to have a problem when I lay down, and I didn’t follow the plan in my suicide manual, which violated my principles, so I gave up and went back to the dormitory.

Zhao Jun uttered obscenities, insulted his teammates to hang up the phone, and yelled for an informant. He turned his chair, without looking up, and said, "Chen Shuning, that Tang Fengxing brought you something."

I responded and saw a box of Huoxiang Zhengqi on my desk.