winter suicide plan

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*On November 2016.11.25, 2, the temperature was [-]°, the weather was sunny, and it was a little cold at night. *

The 1181rd day of my crush on Chen Shuning.

I lost my manual book, and I will write it in another book first, and order it another day.

I met Chen Shuning today. I met him when I was riding a bicycle for the first time. I was in a panic. I only cared about how he was riding, and wanted to pass by him.Unexpectedly, my bicycle ran into his bicycle path and collided with him.I pulled him up and saw that his hands were all scratched, I asked him if he was okay, he pushed me away and told me to roll.

The first time I talked to him, there was only one round, and he actually asked me to "roll out". It was the first time that he had such a bad impression of me at such a close distance.Tang Fengxing, if he can be promising, he can't be natural.Never make him angry next time.

By the way, I think Chen Shuning took my notebook, and I picked up his manual, I opened it, because I didn't know it wasn't mine at the beginning, but I was really afraid that Chen Shuning would open that manual.

He'll find out I have a crush on him and he'll probably be disgusted, but I didn't write his name on it, I wrote initials.

I swear I didn't do bad things to peep into Chen Shuning's privacy.

It's just that I didn't expect Chen Shuning...to commit suicide.

I was amazed by what was written inside, and it made me flustered to watch.It was all serious suicide planning, planned all winter long.From time, place, weather, way, and location photos.Showing his meticulous planning in every detail, I read his homepage.

He had only one sentence, and it was "a perfect suicide disguised as an accidental death."

I was shaking all over, I hurriedly closed the manual, climbed onto my bed, turned on the flashlight of my mobile phone, and secretly read it carefully.

Since mid-November, he started to implement the plan. The first plan A of the hunger strike failed. He wrote "failure". Looking at the line, he was very irritable and erased it.

On the first page, he wrote down his suicide principles, as well as some attention items, such as the reflection after writing the experiment report, and the reason for this failure was written in messy words——Plan A was too abnormal and suspicious, which led to the failure.

It says that if the process of pretending to be an accidental death does not go well, after being discovered and rescued, in order to reduce the possibility of being suspected of committing suicide, we will generally wait two weeks and then execute Plan B again, diluting other people’s fears after seeing the abnormality. Vigilance is reduced.

Plan B is - drowning.

When I saw this, I was already sweating all over in the winter, what is Chen Shuning doing!Why did he commit suicide!

I found a small diagnostic report tucked inside the book cover, which seemed to be cut out by Chen Shuning himself.

Bipolar Disorder - I've looked up the equivalent of "bipolar disorder".

Chen Shuning... has bipolar disorder.

Mood disorder?

I can't see it, I didn't see it?

It's been almost four years, and I haven't noticed anything wrong with him.

I have a crush on a yarn.

My first thought was how can I give up my life casually, but judging by his posture, he is not casual at all.Rigorous and rational analysis of the feasibility of each place, as well as the diagnosis of accidental death and the possibility of suicide, he also wrote all clearly.

This is not easy at all, what to do...

I don't want him to die, what should I do?

What can I do, tell him that I found his notebook?Would it hurt him to say so directly? Would he be more sad when his secret was discovered?Will he impulsively commit suicide?

There are too many questions now, I have to analyze them.The last time was on 11.15, and it will be on 11.29 fourteen days later. This photo looks familiar, but there is only an image of a gap in the bridgehead, which is still a bit blurry, as if it was cropped.

There are still four days until the 29th.

I have to do something, what should I do?

He really wants to die.

Can I stop it?

Don't be sad now, Chen Shuning needs help, and the only person who knows is me.

So I had to do something, right, do something.

Get close to him and observe him first, and then see if there are any breakthroughs, and ask him to tell me about his situation.

But I can't even count as classmates with him, he scolded me, my God, how can I be so stupid.

No, no matter how much he scolds me, I have to let him survive 11.29 first. According to his logic, if he fails this time, it will be the middle of the next month.

I have to write some plans too.

I hope Chen Shuning doesn't hate me, I didn't mean to spy on your privacy, I just wanted to save you.

Whether you are my favorite or not, I want to save you.

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11.26 The temperature is 1° and the weather is cloudy, but there is a sunset glow at night.

The 1182rd day of my crush on Chen Shuning.

I saw Chen Shuning. He was at the entrance of the dining hall, looking a little dazed, as if he hadn't woken up.His face was pale, his lips were dry, his hair and bangs covered his eyes, and the down jacket on his body was too big, making him look so thin. It felt like he didn't come to the dining hall very much recently, and I didn't see him at noon in the morning.

I'm not a pervert, I didn't follow him.

He didn't seem to have the desire to eat, and there was no expression on his face. He turned to leave. I subconsciously wanted to grab something. I called his name, and I was stunned after calling.I asked him to do something, I quickly tried to get closer to him, I put my arms around his neck, and forced him to eat with me.

He obviously didn't remember me, and he didn't remember that I bumped into him. I thought about it, and he probably left in a hurry, didn't wear glasses, and probably didn't see me.

I'm a little thankful that he didn't remember that I bumped into him, the impression shouldn't be that bad.

Looking at him like that, he must not eat again tonight. If he is so thin, the northwest wind will blow him away in December.

But I kindly did the wrong thing again.

He ate with me, and he vomited, it was very uncomfortable, I felt uncomfortable listening to it, when I helped him up, his face was as white as white wall paint, I lied and said that I was urgent to urinate, passed by, he didn’t suspicious.

But I really feel uncomfortable, why should I force him to eat?

But skipping meals is also bad for your health.

As a result, the more I talked, the tighter his eyebrows frowned, and he scolded me for meddling in my own business.

I am sincerely sorry. His physical and mental state is extremely poor. He obviously looks very tired, and he still has to deal with me. I made a wrong first step.

I apologized cowardly and ran away, afraid that he would hate me more, although I may have lost points now.

After I ran away, I realized that I shouldn’t have left just now, I should have brought him back, in case he was impulsive... No, I can’t always look at him with the eyes of a patient, he looks very serious, he knows that I am like this The purpose should not be happy, but what else can I do now.

I went to the medical office by accident and bought a box of Huoxiangzhengqi water. I heard from the school doctor that drinking this can relieve vomiting. I don’t think he really has a bad stomach. Maybe he took medicine for treatment, so this can be taken together. ?

I found out that Huoxiang Zhengqi Water is a traditional Chinese medicine, and it does not conflict with Western medicine. I also asked the school doctor, and the school doctor said there is no problem.

I went to Chen Shuning's dormitory, although I have passed by it thousands of times, just like the red velvet silk cake in the window, I have passed by it countless times, but I have never owned it.

I only know Chen Shuning and Zhao Jun in this dormitory, I asked Zhao Jun to tell Chen Shuning, and I gave him something.This guy doesn't even lift his head when playing games.

I hope my compensation can be useful, and I hope he will not be angry and torment himself.

I really hope that he can tell me directly that he is not feeling well, so I don’t have to force myself, but...it seems impossible now, what relationship do I have with him.

I did a lot of research on bipolar disorder and wanted to help him, but I still needed to get the full picture of him from his primary physician.

How about I make a phone call to inquire, but will Chen Shuning hate me even more because of my presumptuous claims, and stop him first.

Even if he hates me in the future, I hope he can survive.

I'm going to take it step by step, hoping not to scare him away.

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Tang Fengxing's Diary Perspective