winter suicide plan

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I was standing in front of a clothing store on the street. Tang Fengxing bought mochi in a white plastic box from the hawker, and the small white dumplings were rolled into the sesame powder after being shaken by the hawker.With the smell of sesame seeds, I would occasionally stand on the eaves of the street with my toes out and my heels in. When I leaned my body, I would fall and jump back again.The two of us were wearing the same dark blue windbreaker a year ago. Tang Fengxing held the box in one hand and handed it to me. I was reluctant to take my hand out of the warm pocket. I lowered my head and opened my mouth: "Hey me."

Tang Fengxing glanced at me, nodded with a smile, picked up toothpicks and put several on a skewer, and put them in my mouth. The soft mochi dipped in sweet sesame powder rolled onto my bright red tongue, burning my mouth , I exhaled exaggeratedly: "It's hot!"

I got a little tired after eating a few, so I picked up a toothpick, tied it up and stuffed a few into his mouth: "Ah——" Tang Fengxing opened his mouth unexpectedly, and I put it in. He watched me chew, and I pinched his mouth face, a kiss, I don't care who looks at me or judges me on the street.It doesn't matter if you say gays are damned, I want to tell the whole world - I love Tang Fengxing, I like to kiss him, and I can't help kissing him on the street.Feeling his upper and lower jaws separate, I ran away triumphantly.Tang Fengxing froze in place, touched his face, caught up with me and said, "Chen Shuning, kiss me without wiping your mouth."

We went to the supermarket to buy vegetables, the two of them passed the seasoning section together, and we both stepped back to the back shelf, I looked ahead, and he looked ahead, I said: "How about chicken breast curry rice tonight?"

"Coincidentally, I also want to eat curry rice."

We took the blue basket and squatted down to pick. I picked it up first and asked, "How spicy is it?"

"Level 4, I have eaten this brand, it is not very spicy."

"Level 2, 4 is too spicy."

"Take a step back, level 3." He had already thrown the curry box for two into the basket.

I pushed forward and said, "Then I want to buy a large bottle of Coke for 6 yuan."

"Of course I bought it." He pulled me up and went to buy chicken breasts.

Tang Fengxing was always the one carrying the plastic bag. The plastic bag in his right hand made a rustling sound and touched my left hand from time to time. I rubbed my fingers.In the winter, my heart seems to be connected to a telephone line with my fingertips and palms, and some violent agitation sounds are continuously transmitted to each other to inform information.The two exhaled hot air and didn't speak to each other. I shrank my neck. He noticed and turned his head and asked me: "Is it cold, remember to wear a scarf next time."

I shook my head, I deliberately looked at the shop on the right side of the street, slowly moved my palm, moved it, grabbed his wrist, looked away and said in a low voice: "Tang Fengxing...change another Grabbing the shopping bag." His hand stiffened slightly, and he quickly switched the hand holding the plastic bag. I immediately mustered great determination, slipped from the palm of my hand to his palm, took his thumb, and then intertwined with his ten fingers. Intertwined.The temperature of Tang Fengxing's palm also came through, and I connected the telephone line in his palm, and the agitation was more violent than mine, sticky and hot, sticking together.My hair covered my hot ears, and my throat felt like I had swallowed a mug of hot cocoa.

I went to see him secretly, and he happened to turn his head to look at me quietly.I grabbed his hand and said, "Let me take you somewhere."

We held hands and passed by the barbecue restaurant, the Northeast BBQ restaurant with red paint on it, Tang Fengxing seemed to realize something, his expression changed and he said: "Where are we going?"

"Just follow me."

I took him to the back of the store, walked through the quiet path, and passed the stone bridge where my shared bicycle fell into the river. It has been repaired now without any gaps.Tang Fengxing let go of my hand and stood there looking at the garbage bags floating in the dark river.

"What did you bring me here, Chen Shuning?"

Tang Fengxing's expression was displeased, his brows were wrinkled, and the shopping bags rattled in the silence.

I smiled and said: "I just want to take you here to have a look, do you remember? The first time I ate here with you, and then..." Halfway through my words, the gravel under Tang Fengxing's feet made a sound , he lowered his head and said in a trembling voice: "Then...you committed suicide, you deliberately rode the shared bicycle casually and fell into the river, did you want to revisit the old place, do you do it again, Want to be in front of me?" He took a breath, and he was shaking with rage.

I could hear and see that he was extremely disgusted with this place. I was about to explain something, but I grabbed his wrist and missed it. I looked up and saw his wet eyes, and he took a step back: "Don't stand in front of me. , I beg you, don’t be today, okay? I watched it a few times last year, four or five times, I don’t even want to calculate this kind of thing, Chen Shuning.”

My heart hurts. I always have a simple daily routine with him the day before, and commit suicide for no reason the next day. He can't even prevent it. It was true in the first few months, but this For nearly half a year, I no longer have this idea. I think the guarantee is working, but is the degree of guarantee for Tang Fengxing not enough?Now it seems that it is not enough.

When Tang Fengxing was organizing my speech, seeing that I was hesitant to speak, he ran away.I hurriedly shouted: "Run what?"

I can answer this question, he is afraid, who is not afraid of someone watching someone want to end their life in front of their own eyes, but I am not!

"Tang Fengxing, don't run! I didn't! I'm not!" From the street, you chased me desperately. I haven't exercised well for several years, and I haven't run better than Tang Fengxing. I chased after panting. I know Tang Fengxing is not real To escape, he wanted to vent.The cold night is chilly, the cold wind blows directly on the cheekbones and skin, and the face is about to dry and crack.

As night fell, the snow fell on the ground and was crushed by shoes, leaving behind footprints.I chased him to the underside of the viaduct tunnel. The rumbling truck rolled over the metal speed bump of the viaduct, making a crisp "click!" sound, and the dim lights stole the sunset color in a corner of the tunnel.

"You fucking stop, Tang Fengxing! Believe it or not...I can't run anymore, stop!"

"Run away, I'll find another man! I'll kiss him, I'll sleep with him, I'll have sex with him!"

I saw that there was no one in the tunnel, and I squeezed out my breath to stop him.He was finally willing to stop at that corner, but he stood still. I watched him squat down beside the street lamp, neither noisy nor loud, just hugging his knees, burying his head in his arms, lonely under the street lamp Pitiful.

I was afraid that Tang Fengxing would not speak, so I walked over and squatted in front of him: "Look up."

Keep silent, very good, grasp my vitals, don't like to talk when I'm sulking, insist on cold war that hexagram.

"It's okay if you don't look up, listen to me, I don't want to revisit the old place, and I don't want to end the hexagram. I just want to take you back. We met for the first time and had a good meal. Place...Maybe it didn't end well that day. But I really won't have that kind of thought anymore, I just want to tell you there, the past Chen Shuning died in the stinky river , the real Chen Shuning was saved by Tang Fengxing. The real Chen Shuning will always... love Tang Fengxing forever."

"Today is 11.28, the day you saved me. My birthday will be this day in the future, and the other day will be just the birthday of my ID card."

Tang Fengxing finally raised his head at this moment, his face and cheekbones under the street lamp had obvious blood red streaks, stained with clear tears, I deliberately sniffed my nose and pretended to be careless, I wiped away the tears with the palm of my hand , He didn't hide: "Why, are you moved by me, student Xiaofeng?"

"No, you are the best at deceiving people, and I am the most likely to be deceived by you."

When I finally heard him speak, it meant that he was soft-hearted. Tang Fengxing is the one who loves me the most and is the most soft-hearted to me in the world.

I pulled his head over, like kissing, biting for a while, grabbing his hot tongue, and brushing his soft palate, he trembled irritatingly, I continued to attack violently, grabbing his escape tongue.The hot air in my nose formed a stark contrast in the cold winter air. I parted at the end and licked away the silver saliva that I accidentally pulled out with my tongue. He hid half of his face.

I hugged his head and shook it from side to side: "Darling, cute, favorite, don't be angry. It's because my kissing skills are too bad, I can't keep your person, and I can't keep your heart? Really Would you like to get along with other men, right?"

"If you talk to someone else, it will make you feel better."

I grabbed his shoulder and bit his lip: "The truth?"

He broke free from my embrace, his eyes were still a little red, and he was dry from the wind. I shielded him with my palms, and after a few minutes, I finally choked out a sentence: "It's not the truth, but you say, you want to be with another man." ...kissing, having sex...making love."

Okay, I regretted it, and forgot Tang Fengxing's seriousness, I rubbed his cold ears: "Hey, I want to make you stop, are you running, aren't you cold? I'm talking bastard, don't do it next time." Say, don't cry."

I imitated him crying, exaggerating and distorting fake crying, he patted my head and pretended to hit my face: "You can only laugh at me again."

"No, I feel bad because I didn't give you a sense of security."

I touched his face, approached him, and kissed away the tears that fell from the corners of his eyes. Thousands of butterflies were hiding in my chest, vibrating their wings and trying to fly out of my throat.

His eyes were still dazzling under the streetlights, we kissed quietly for a long, long time under the gaze of the streetlights, our legs were numb, we hugged each other and fell into the dirty snow, we laughed together again.

"Go home and cook!"

"Who cooks?"

"I can't make curry rice."

"It's so simple, those who don't know how to cook curry rice are idiots."

"Ha! You scolded me."

"Please don't take your seats."

"Curry rice! I'll do it."

"to make."

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Chen Shuning's perspective