winter suicide plan

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"Chen Shuning, you fucking come out to eat for me!" Tang Fengxing yelled at me outside, this was the first time he asked me to eat.I locked myself in the bedroom, flipped through the books, and looked at the case over and over again. The white A4 paper was all over the table, and I wrote with a brush, without any intention of responding to him.

When I heard the silence outside, I couldn't help but feel a little guilty: "Eat first, don't wait for me, I haven't finished my review yet."

"When you come out to eat, don't you check the time. You have been huddled inside since seven o'clock in the morning. Are you a god?" Tang Fengxing accepted the calm tone before, and he also sweared in the previous sentence, and he seemed really angry. up.

Because I locked myself in in the morning and didn't eat the breakfast he made, and he didn't think that I haven't come out yet,

"Do you have to quarrel with me? Do you want to take care of it?" I was annoyed by his nagging, so I dropped my pen and couldn't help but snap back angrily.

It was silent outside for a long time without responding to me. I stopped writing and looked at it. It was already 02:30 in the afternoon, and he should go to work.

Thinking about him coming back to see me at noon at work almost every day, telling me to eat, thinking about it carefully, I couldn't stop writing, and I opened the door quickly.He was standing outside the door with his hands still knocking on the door. When he saw me, his face sank, and he didn't show me any good looks.

"Yes, I care too much. Whether you like to eat or not, I will coax you to eat like an old woman. I am also sick, right?"

What a pity, this voice is definitely angry, I'm talking too much, I have to coax, otherwise there will be a cold war.I quickly grabbed his shoulder, he immediately turned around, shook off my hand, and walked out of the room without looking back.

When I heard the door slam "Boom!", I knew that he was really angry this time, probably because of what he said quickly.I rubbed my hair irritably, Chen Shuning, look at what good deed you have done again.I looked at the hot food on the table several times and thought I was kind of an asshole for saying something like that.

I thought about him coming back at night, and apologized to him, but he didn't come back on time at night, so he sent me a message that he was going on a business trip, and he had to go to the client's hometown.

For the first time, there was no hug from Tang Fengxing, no voice from him, and I was the only one on the bed.

I started reminiscing a bit, I don't have to go to the flower shop recently.The flower shop has not been open for a month. It seems that Wen Duliang lost a carload of flowers in the handover with the retailer. The car was finally found in a nearby lake. The car was fished out of the lake, and the driver ran away.

So far I haven't found out why the driver did this, but Wen Duliang closed the shop and asked me to come back in a month.I said I could ask Tang Fengxing to help, but he said he didn't want to pursue it.

The point of his flowering is that he felt that his previous life was too tiring and troublesome, so he agreed to come to the flower shop.He's going to rest for a while, and I can't force him, I'm afraid I was stimulated by this incident.I can't continue to delve into personal issues. I have been with Tang Fengxing for a long time, and I also like to worry about others.

In the past few days, my spirit has improved a lot, a little too much, I often can't sleep, my mind is racing, and countless things flashed through the incomplete films.Sinuosi had to take more than one and a half pills, and my hands and feet would twitch in the middle of the night. Tang Fengxing was by my side, so I could have a sleepless night.

Moreover, after taking this medicine, I will feel dizzy all day long, and I will basically not wake up until the afternoon.When I wake up, I have a headache again, and I am more and more reluctant to sleep. He is away on a business trip, and I dare not sleep when he is away.For fear of waking up in a dream, all this is false, and all is just my fantasy.Without Tang Fengxing, there was no one to save me, it was just a fictional person in my mind.

I was afraid that my dream would be broken, and I was even more afraid that I would not be able to bear it. Fear was like a hanging rope tightly tied to my neck.I secretly didn't take medicine for several nights in a row, so I wouldn't feel sleepy at night. I got up and read the original book, thinking about eating some knowledge.

I hadn't slept or slept for several days, and I didn't like to eat. Without Tang Fengxing, I didn't have the desire to eat at all.

We haven't talked much these past few days, we haven't called, and we haven't chatted too much. Every time I type out a lot of words, I delete them all, and use words on paper to paralyze myself. Let's talk about it next time. Let's talk about it when he comes back.

At night, I would miss him crazily, with an unbearable grief.

My heart was beating wildly, I was dizzy, and I was reluctant to close my eyes. After closing my eyes for a few minutes, I woke up with convulsions and chest tightness.When I woke up, I was haunted by Nightmare, looking for him all over the room, and finally wanted to call him, and typed out the number I knew so well on my mobile phone, only to realize later that he was on a business trip.

I thought in my heart: I can't disturb him, just wait until he comes back.

I wiped the sweat off my forehead, and suddenly realized that I had relied too much on Tang Fengxing, he was better than my Sinuosi, he could make me sleep comfortably and not be afraid.

The winter is getting colder and colder, the snow has already fallen on the ground, and the windows are covered with white gas.The sound of wind blowing outside the window, and the lights of the car passing by, I woke up suddenly, breathing quickly, took a coat casually, and ran out the door.The cold wind from outside penetrated into the single clothes, but I didn't feel it, and ran like desperately.Snow fell on me, melting and drenching my hair.I ran down the street and I was scared.I dreamed that a person was wearing a familiar suit, and a large piece of his black suit was wet on his abdomen. In my hand was the knife, stained with sticky blood. He was hugged tightly by me, but he had long been I was out of breath and couldn't see my face clearly, but I knew it was Tang Fengxing, and the place was right in front of his office.

No, no... Even if it's a dream, I have to make sure.

Unknowingly, I ran to the door of his office, where the lights were turned off and it was dim.How could there be someone at this point?No one, thankfully no one.

If I call him and say I dreamed you died, it's not auspicious at all.I held on to the glass door and slid down without any strength. It was a dream, and dreams are the other way around.

I was trembling all over, and knelt down unsteadily, hot tears slid down my cold cheeks, falling more and more.

Why did Tang Fengxing go there and didn't give me a single call? Does he really want to ignore me?

Why is this person so stingy and cold war with me for so long?

I propped up helplessly on the ground, the dim lights on the street, the cold and dirty snow on the ground.As if my mind was about to be frozen, I stood up and walked back unsteadily.

My clothes were all wet, and I leaned against the door, looking at the incandescent lamp in front of me, with a blurred vision, and fell asleep for no reason.At dawn, I woke up from the cold, my whole body was sore, and my headache was even worse. I slept by the door for a long time, the sun outside was dazzling, and my eyes were sore.I heard the phone ringing in the room, I moved over step by step, squatted down to pick up the phone, and looked at the phone number.

It's been a few days, it's been almost a week, and I'm finally willing to call me.

There are many words in my heart that I want to shout out, are you tired of me, I am so troublesome.

Did you choose to go on a business trip on purpose that day, because you just didn't want to see me.

Are you thinking that you will not come back after going out this time?

I can't help but think, I am such a willful and inconsiderate lover, but I am still a big man who is not soft and can't feel other people's emotions. My messy life, why should I be chosen, why should I be saved? What.

I answered the phone, but neither side made a sound, he was the first to say: "Ah Ning, did you get up so early today?"

All the words I wanted to blame in an instant, tears flowed down in streams, and I couldn't open my mouth to speak. I missed him, and I missed him especially.

I kept opening my mouth to simulate speaking, my throat was tight, and I said stiffly, "Tang Fengxing, are you coming back?"

I miss you, I miss you so much, come back quickly, or I will go crazy if I don't come back.

He was silent for a while, and heard something wrong with me: "If I don't go back, where can I go? Why is your voice so hoarse?"

"It's okay, I'm fine, come back soon."

"Lie, Chen Shuning, what on earth are you..."

I stood up suddenly: "I said I didn't..."

All of a sudden, it was as if someone had pinched my heart, nails dug into my heart, my heart beat faster and violently, my stomach juice flowed back into my mouth, and there was a white light in front of my eyes, brighter than the sunlight outside, I couldn’t see anything clearly with my eyes open. Things are spinning around.I vaguely heard the sound of the phone hitting the floor, and I heard him calling my name.I pinched the position of my heart and said clearly in a blur: "I... have low blood sugar, I'm going to buy some breakfast, don't worry, I'm fine."

I finished speaking quickly, then hung up in the next second, struggled to stand up, my whole body was covered in cold sweat and my clothes were wet again, my mouth was burning badly, and my heart was beating so hard that I couldn't hold on to my phone, so I knelt and shivered and dialed 120. Before the connection was made, the pain was so painful that he was unconscious, as if he was thrown on a spinning globe, his eyes went dark, and he lost consciousness.

The second I opened my eyes, I had a severe headache, which was not so painful after being beaten. There was still a tube inserted in the back of my hand, and I was injected with medicine. My heart seemed to be a little normal, and my chest throbbed with pain.

"Are you awake?" Li Jingyuan was sitting next to me, and Wu Huawen happened to come in from the door. I haven't seen them for a long time. It seems that after I announced that I was out of the closet with Tang Fengxing in Moments, I hardly had any contact with them.

I didn't dare to nod, and moved my dry lips: "Thank you."

"Thank you, don't say such polite words to me. You don't contact us after the official announcement. You really treat us like little brothers. Chen Shuning, when the landlord and I want to lock the door, I will be scared to death by you. Look at your face. What's the difference between the dead who follow the coffin." After Wu Huawen finished speaking, Li Jingyuan beat him hard on the head.

"It's really not nice to speak." I replied with a sullen smile.

Not dead, this is the first time I feel so happy.

"What nonsense, bah bah bah, Chinese New Year is coming, this is bad luck."

"All right, all right, I can't speak. Just look at his virtue, he can make me mad. Hypoglycemia and myocarditis, you are almost like those young people who died suddenly in the news. You will be fine after one round of rescue."

"When will Tang Fengxing arrive? He called me anxiously and told me his address three times before he explained it. Now the family members are awake and no one else has been seen."

"Tomorrow, today is not so good, the client has not yet found out, the girl died from jumping off the building, it was obvious that she committed suicide, but her mother insisted on saying no, and went to school to make trouble. Her daughter used to live in her hometown for a while, After coming back, she became mentally abnormal, and finally went to the third brain hospital in the city to be hospitalized for a period of time. She went back to school for a while, and finally jumped from the teaching building. The autopsy report found that she had taken too many psychotropic drugs, and she could not survive. It must have been because of taking the medicine that she was mentally disturbed and had hallucinations, so she jumped."

I sat up instantly, this dream, school, girl, jumping off a building.I grabbed Li Jingyuan's hand, some blood returned from the infusion tube, and he pressed me: "Slow down, what's the rush? What's the matter, this matter was suppressed by the school, have you heard about it?"

"What's the girl's name?"

"Name... This news seems to have been on a hot search, and it was quickly withdrawn, but there are still some news articles left."

I watched him swipe the phone screen, thinking no, I shouldn't ask.He put the mobile phone in front of me - this smiling girl with short boy hair cut, a pseudonym for the news article.But I know her name is He Rongnan, that girl with a bad name, she committed suicide this winter.

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Chen Shuning's perspective