winter suicide plan

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When they left the ward, I was lying on the hospital bed and no one wanted to talk to me.The remaining residual dreams in my mind are constantly swirling, and the expired tapes are rustling, just like my current brain.Tears kept sliding out of the eye sockets and slipping into the hair on the sideburns, wet and cold.I curled up in bed, my heart was in severe pain, my throat was tight, and it was difficult to swallow and breathe.

Her clear voice drifted out, seeming to be right next to my ears: "You here are the same as everyone else, there is no difference, if you are sick, you will be sick, there is nothing wrong with admitting it, you can lose fast meat ah?"

She was so frank and admitted her illness.At those moments, I felt that I was already a senior, but I didn't think as thoroughly as a high school girl.But I thought that she is also a patient, and since she can come, she is also the same as me.

The brain is not sick.There is a disease in my heart.

But why, why did you jump down? Didn't I say that you need to find me?

Didn't you say they were friends?

Obviously, I was still chatting with me on WeChat before, and my eyes were covered with tears.I was anxious to open the previous chat records. The last chat record was half a month ago, and she said that she didn't want to take the winter vacation.I asked the students, don't they all look forward to the holiday?

Her voice was still pleasant, and she said that she likes the school now, and although she has no friends, she is comfortable living alone.If she is on vacation, she will go back to her hometown. She doesn't like her hometown.

Now hearing this voice, I can't help my nose sore, and I shed more tears.I used to be like this too, people don’t need to be accompanied, one can do it alone.It is impossible not to need companionship. Creatures like human beings need to establish interpersonal relationships in society, which is a line extending countless lines, and the lines are intertwined and keep each other in this world.

The moment she jumped, did she think that the strings tied to her body had been cut, so she felt that no one could hold her back.

My slender, negligible thread didn't hold her back.

Why don't I ask her more about why she has no friends and doesn't like her hometown.Keep your mouth shut, the emotions deeply buried in your heart will never be dispelled, just like the garbage bags that can be made by will, they will be kept for hundreds of years, slowly decomposing toxic substances.

I was crying out of breath in the bed, the dream came true, I didn't hold a person, short hair, beautiful smile, greeted when we met in the hospital, and the terrible food we ate together meals...

I am the only one who remembers, so painful, why are you so cunning, leave the memories to me alone.

This dream has come true, will the next dream come true...

I made a call anxiously, but the phone over there kept making "beep...beep...beep..." sound, but it was still not connected.

Please answer the phone, Tang Fengxing.

"Sorry, the number you dialed is currently unanswered, please try again later..."

After listening to the reminder tone completely, I was not willing to hang up, 58s automatically hung up.I got out of the bed and tore off the needle tube that was in the way. There was a pain of loss of strength, and a little blood came out of the needle hole.I bit my knuckles, dug my teeth into the skin, and pulled at my hair, letting the pain suppress my mania.I kept calling repeatedly, tears fell on the screen of the phone, I kept rubbing them off with my sleeve, hung up automatically again and again, and 58s passed one by one.

Why don't you answer my phone, answer the phone!

The phone finally ran out of battery and shut down instantly.

My heart suddenly ached sharply, as if pierced by sharp glass, and I was dizzy for a while. I rolled out of bed, regardless of the pain in my body, I got up and opened the door outside.Li Jingyuan and the others hadn't left yet. They were sitting on the chairs in the corridor outside. They saw the blood on the back of their hands. Wu Huawen held me down and pushed me in: "Damn it, what are you doing? Why are you running without the infusion? ...crying like this?"

"The phone is dead, it's dead."

"If there is no electricity, there will be no electricity. I still think it is something."

"Something's up! Tang Fengxing won't answer my call, just in case, in case something happens to him..."

It's not what he should do, but what I should do. From the very beginning, I was afraid of losing and parting, whether it was Zhu Meiying, He Rongnan, or Tang Fengxing.I want to commit suicide and self-destruct because I can't bear that moment, that period of pain, I can't accept any time, and the hurdles I can't cross are like the body that was originally intact is falling apart. How can the glass of the hand hold someone else's hand?

I couldn't bear it anymore and squatted down, tears streaming down like tears, wanting to scratch my face, excruciating pain, as if leaving here, wishing not to exist, would it be so painful because of these things.Give up, end?

Because I can't keep anything, and I can't keep anyone.

I started to go down negatively on my own, deceiving myself.The two of them knelt down and grabbed my shoulders.They took my usual medicine from my pocket and I looked at them in amazement.

"We... took it from the place Tang Fengxing said, take the medicine well." Li Jingyuan looked at me through his thick glass lenses, as if he wanted to catch me.

"you......"

"Tang Fengxing, the time you returned to the dormitory a few days after you came out, we tortured him to extract a confession. Don't blame him. We already knew about these medicines, but we didn't know what to do. , so I haven't contacted you for a long time. But I still want to say, don't do stupid things when we are not around, Chen Shuning. We will be very sad, do you understand, just like you are sad for that girl on the news, because We are friends and we have feelings." Wu Huawen pulled me up and pushed me onto the hospital bed and said in a rambling manner.

It was rare for Wu Huawen to speak so well.

"There should be a bad signal over there, the phone can't be connected, you can call later, he will be fine, you trust us." Li Jingyuan poured me a glass of water.

It turns out that there are still threads tied to my body, countless threads extending from Tang Fengxing's thread. I promised him that he would not leave at will and end at will.

Wu Huawen went to call the nurse to come over and give me another injection, but he was reprimanded by the nurse for pulling out the needle at will.

"Are all young people like this now? Is it because they have watched too many movies? Or if the hypoglycemia is so bad that the needle can be pulled out at will? If there is a next time, I will not be responsible."

The back of the hand was bruised, but the nurse's acupuncture technique was very good, and it didn't hurt much.I switched to the thinking direction Tang Fengxing gave me. The nurse might not really be scolding me, but because I don't cherish my body, she can't stand it and remind me.

Suddenly the malice that existed in my life began to disappear a little bit. Maybe it was not impossible to escape that dark swamp, but I chose to sink, but there were people pulling ropes on the shore, and there were more than one.I looked at them and said with a quivering corner of my mouth, "Thank you...you guys."

friend?

Sure enough, people cannot lack companionship.

The effect of the medicine calmed me down, and I fell asleep for a period of time exhausted. When I woke up, I didn't know what time it was in the morning, and it was dark without the curtains.There is an extra chair beside me, warm and familiar palms cover my hands, my heart seems to be playing a brisk piano sound, like gurgling water, my heart beats so fast.I turned my head to look at Tang Fengxing who was sleeping against the wall, and there was still a suit jacket on.

He's back, back to me.

I know he's tired, but I don't want him sleeping outside in the cold.I took his hand and he opened his eyes quickly.There was mist in his eyes, and he said softly, "Wake up, are you still uncomfortable?"

"water."

He got up and got me a glass of water, helped me up, and quickly drank a few mouthfuls of hot water.I looked straight at him: "Come up and sleep together."

"No, this bed is too small to fit us."

"Asleep cold, headache."

He sighed, took off his clothes, and left the shirt inside. When he came in under the quilt, he put his hand on my head, touched the back of my neck, and rubbed it gently for me: "Where does the head hurt? Don't call the nurse?"

In the dark, Tang Fengxing looked tired and frowned, and I stretched out my hand and stroked his forehead: "It doesn't hurt anymore, it doesn't hurt anymore when I see you. Really, it's been a week, and I have a headache when I think about you. I I regret it, I would have never said that if I knew it earlier.”

Tang Fengxing stopped and pulled me into his arms even harder: "I... miss you very much too. But you told me not to care about you, and I also wondered if I cared too much and let you Not feeling well."

"Hey! You think about it, it's obviously my fault, it's me who said such hurtful things."

"Yes, that's your fault."

Hey!This man didn't play his cards according to the routine.

I hurried down the stairs, obediently: "Yeah, I was wrong, wife, don't be angry and have a cold war with me, okay, I guarantee that every meal will be delicious, and I won't open the door for you, you don't care Me, I wish you could take care of me every day."

Tang Fengxing pinched my face and said, "I don't care about you, I'm obviously too used to you."

"Yes, yes, my wife just spoils me." I met Tang Fengxing's eyes.

"Are you helping that girl for me?" I touched his eyes, touched his contours, and stroked them in circles.

"There is such a part, but it was mostly her mother who found it at the time. You should have given her this business card. If you need to call this number. That business card is still my internship business card. I think it is more , you trusted my ability and gave her the business card. Her mother also put her hope in my hands, hoping that I could let her daughter leave clearly. "

"Why didn't you tell me in the first place?" I rubbed his neck.

"Can you control your emotions well, I'm afraid you will be sad."

"It's sad to know this way now." Tears welled up in his eyes when he thought of the news.

"Hey, I'm here. I'll take care of this matter. She didn't just commit suicide, but you can't know more about it. These things need to be kept secret."

"I see. Tang Fengxing..." I looked into his eyes, and they were indeed the brightest eyes I've ever seen.

"What's the matter, just say what you want to say."

The two of us communicated with each other, our ears and cheeks were itchy, and I brushed his lips lightly: "I want to say a lot."

"Then tell them one by one, and I will listen."

"I miss you."

"I know, I miss it too, but you never take the initiative to call me and say that you miss me very much. I'm afraid that if I call, you'll annoy me like you did before and drag me into the blacklist."

I used to find him annoying before, dragging him into the blacklist too much, I continued to kiss him to please: "I will block anyone, but I will never block you, I was really wrong, you turn Old account, cunning."

"I'm your boyfriend, and I'll be angry if I get blocked, right? I have the qualifications, right?"

It started, as long as Tang Fengxing started to look a little humble, I felt that I was a scumbag, and I was very sorry for him.I stroked his hair: "You are the most qualified to complain about my face, my wife, stop making fun of me."

"Change your name."

I deliberately pretended not to hear, and continued to kiss him: "Honey, I miss you so much, I miss you so much, I miss you so much, I'm so sad that you didn't answer my call today, I dreamed of you...not here Yes, you left before me, just like my mother, without any hint, I almost lost control."

"There are mountains over there, the signal is very poor, sorry to make you worry."

He stroked my back, I was a little sleepy, and continued: "Now I feel that I can overcome anything, as long as, as long as you can continue to be by my side, I only have you enough, I am not greedy at all, yes wrong?"

"Yes, Aning, I will protect myself, and you have to promise me to take care of your own body. Can you now understand how I feel every time I see you commit suicide?"

It was like my heart was gently pinched, and I felt guilty and distressed. It turned out to be so painful and disturbing.

"Well, I won't, I really won't, I will try my best to live a good life with you, don't leave me, I only have you left."

"The last thing, I love you, I love you so much, I love you more than you imagined, and I can't live without you. I completely belong to you, Tang Fengxing."

"I love you too, Chen Shuning, thank you for choosing me."

With our eyes facing each other, we closed our eyes tacitly, our lips were pressed together, our tongues were close and intertwined, our cheeks were squeezed together, and we breathed and breathed gradually, and the hot and tearing kisses vented our endless miss for seven days apart .

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Chen Shuning's perspective