Heartbeat misses Nick Charlie

I was woken up by the sun the next morning - forgot to draw the curtains last night.That's not the only thing I forgot last night, like being a decent person to Nick.

I fumbled for my phone for a while before realizing it was still in my back pocket, and I slept with my clothes on.It's 10:15am, no new texts, no Facebook messages, nothing.I don't want to get up and change, I don't want to do anything.

last night......

What the hell am I thinking?What happened to Ellie and Tao terrified me.After going through so many things together, they suddenly acted... very casually and broke up.

They dated for two full years, didn't they?Don't they love each other?That must be the case, they are tired of each other.

I couldn't help but start thinking, "What if Nick gets tired of me too?" We rarely do exciting things, just hang out at each other's houses.

I am a very boring person.

I probably wanted to test him and see if he wanted to break up, but I didn't dare to say it out, I couldn't tell him properly.

So stupid.

I'm so stupid.

I'm a total idiot.

I'd rather not know anything, I'd rather be a carefree fool than this situation.I don't know what he's thinking now, is he just mad at me, or does he really want to break up with me?Just the thought of texting him makes me sick.

We've had fights before, but never this serious, no overnight feud between us.I haven't woken up so bad in a long time: hangover, nausea, crying, and the emptiness I thought I'd shaken off.These feelings make me just want to lie in bed and never get up again.

When I was in Year 11, shortly after I got out of the hospital, Nick said something inadvertent at dinner - saying I wasn't trying to heal or something - and I contradicted him and we ended up having a big fight , he left angrily.But even then, he returned a few hours later and everything was back together.And to be honest, that was supposed to be the first time we slept in the same bed.

I rolled over to hide from the sun and pulled the quilt over my head, but the birds were too loud outside and the room was too bright, so I ended up just lying on the bed.I wish I could go back in time, I wish I could go back to Thursday and put the clock back in the morning before that day was over so I could be with Nick forever.

Can't believe I'm starting to fantasize about things like this, how pathetic I am.

"Morning," said my sister, Victoria, as I tumbled down next to her on the sofa in the living room.She's in her pajamas, watching "Bridesmaids" while eating potato chips.

"Morning. Why are you watching a movie at 11 in the morning?"

"What's wrong with this?"

"Why are you still eating potato chips?"

"Reward yourself on your first day of academic leave."

"It's already the second day."

"That is to reward myself on the second day of academic leave." I smiled and watched a movie with her.I don't feel much for this movie, but Victoria has a strange obsession.Probably because the protagonists in it like to sarcasm others as much as she does.

"Are you okay?" she said to me. "Have you eaten breakfast?"

"I'm not feeling well, and it's almost lunch time anyway."

"Yeah." She declined to comment, and Victoria is usually the first to force me to eat properly. "What happened to Nick last night? It's a good thing that Becky drove out, otherwise no one would take us home. And why did you drink like that and hide in the sun room and cry?" I grunted and sank into the in the sofa. "Do we have to talk about this?" She shrugged and turned back to watch the movie. "Of course not, I just thought you'd want to talk about it." We were quiet for a while.

Then I decided to talk to her.

I told her all the ins and outs, although it wasn't that complicated.Nick was always talking about college and I was getting more and more anxious, freaked out by the news that Ellie and Tao had broken up, said things I shouldn't have said, and then pissed off Nick - all my fault, every time so.

"Holy shit," she said, looking at me, I could see her eyeliner was a little swollen, and she paused the movie. "Are you arguing so fiercely?"

"Hey, isn't it?"

"But you don't think he wants to break up with you, do you?"

"I don't know, maybe. He didn't say I didn't want to break up with you, you know. He just... lost his temper." Suddenly, I realized that my eyes were wet.I covered my face with my hands, and when I spoke again, my voice was high-pitched and trembling. "I am so sad."

"Oh, Charlie." Victoria put the chips down and gave me a hug, patting my back with one hand. "It's going to be fine." I shook my head, trying to keep tears from dripping onto her pajamas. "Not at all." She waited a few minutes for me to cry on her shoulder before she said, "I think you need to talk to him."

"I don't know what to say," I said softly.

"Anything will do."

"He hates me."

"He doesn't hate you."

"he is very angry."

"That's only temporary."

"I don't know what to say."

"It doesn't matter what you say," she said. "The important thing is that you talk to him."