A Saturday with nothing to do.I woke up around 10, took Henry out for a walk, had lunch, took a nap, played with Henry in the living room, played games for 5 hours, had dinner, took a nap, watched YouTube videos for 4 hours, and couldn’t find Lost the disposable camera, spent 1 hour looking for it, then cried myself to sleep.

As I lay in bed on Sunday morning, I came to realize that the reason I was numb was because I was in a state of extreme shock that Charlie would break up with me.I also realized that the shock had turned into panic, and I was panicking, afraid that the long-distance relationship would really not work, that it would be too painful.If Charlie is this unhappy now, he'll only be worse when I'm gone.But I can't never leave here just because he is unhappy, what should I do?There was nothing I could do, powerless, and that was the way it was.Charlie wants to break up with me before this gets too painful, maybe we'll eventually have to separate, maybe we're already off track.

No, I don't know, I don't even know what I'm thinking.

I wanted to message Charlie but I couldn't because I didn't know what to say.If I can't figure out what I really think, how can I tell him?I started crying again.

On Sunday afternoon my mother asked me what was wrong and I told her I had a fight with Charlie.

"You always make up, don't you?" she said, leaving the kitchen before I could speak.Not necessarily, maybe not, maybe this is the end.

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